[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 11-17

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Since 2001, a friend, Ernie Stewart, has been operating a program
called Let's Bring Em Home that has one purpose, to provide tickets
to servicemen and women to go home during Christmas. Last year
they raised over 70,000 dollars and purchased 135 tickets for people
stationed all over the world. They are a 501c organization
consisting of a few volunteers and every cent that gets to them goes
toward tickets. I was fortunate during my time in the Navy to be
able to borrow money for tickets from the Navy Federal Credit Union
or to be able to
fly military stand-by on my paycheck. The tight economy and lack of
available flights are going to prevent many from going home for the
holidays and I can say from experience that the military is a lonely

place when you are young and most of your unit is gone during max
leave periods.

LBEH has just started accepting requests for tickets from overseas
on Veteran's Day and they are already in need of 13,000 dollars or
your unwanted air miles to fill those requests. If you have the
money or miles to donate or you just want to see what is going on
visit. http://www.lbeh.org/?help

Note. Air miles must be sufficient, nrmally 25,000 or so to cover
the cost of a ticket unlike in the past when they were able to
combine miles together to pay
for a ticket.

Anyone can do this because you are showing your support for our
troops, not a war, not an ideal, a religion, or support of any
candidate.

Enjoy the chips..... buffalo

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Work Chips
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My girlfriend always seemed to enjoy seeing how much she could get
away with doing some form of bondage stuff in public.

She does this partly because she finds it fun, mostly because she
knows it drives me out of my tree.

Usually, I'm able to fast-talk my way out of potentially
embarrassing situations with Mundanes, but yesterday she very nearly
got me fired.

Yesterday afternoon we had lunch together.

Afterward, she accompanied me back to work.

I thought this slightly unusual, since she had never before
expressed in interest in my work (electronic engineering), but it
didn't occur to me that she had something planned.

We arrived at my workbench, where I currently trying to figure why
the $&#%@^$ board on which I am working is not performing the way it
is designed.

"Is this where you work?" she asked.

"At the moment," I replied.

I reached over to turn on the scope, thereby completely failing to
notice the huge black studded collar she had produced from her
purse.

Before I could blink (it's amazing the speed at which she can do
this), she had locked the collar snugly around my neck, and locked
the end of the 6 foot jack chain to the center of the bench where
there just happened to be a mounting hole, dammit.

I turned to her in utter disbelief, mouth agape.

"I'll be back for you at five," she said.

"HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY WACKO?" I yelled in a hushed voice. "How
the hell am I going to explain this?"

"You'll think of something", she said, dropping the keys into her
cleavage, "you always do".

"But suppose I have to go to the bathroom", I countered.

"Don't give me that", she hissed, "I've seen you go a whole day
without visiting the bathroom"

"But..." I tried to say.

"SHHH! The subject is closed. I'll be back at five. Bye"

She turned around and left, against my hushed protests.

I sat in panic and tried to think out my situation.

I tried to think of who might visit. Most of my co-workers were
friends who knew that my girlfriend and I were a bit odd, so this
shouldn't surprise them.

But I had no idea what I was going to do if one of my bosses came
in.

I checked my watch to see how long I would have to endure this
ignominy.

13:30 (I'm a military time weenie).

"Three and a half hours," I thought. I heaved a heavy sigh, and got
to work, such as I could.

As it happened, three of my co-workers visited for what-not.

All of them immediately noticed the collar (it would be hard not to)
and asked if it was my girlfriend's idea.

I said "Yes."

They asked what I would do if my supervisor saw it.

I told them I hadn't the faintest idea.

One of the aforementioned colleagues took the bench next to me, and
after a few remarks (and a question as to where he could get such a
collar), settled down to work in silence.

After some time, I checked my watch.

16:40.

"Gee, I just might make it through this after all," I thought.

I was even beginning to get a handle on the problem with the $#%&&$#
board on which I was working.

Murphy must have been standing right behind me, reading my thoughts,
for not two minutes later one of my bosses entered the room.

And not just any boss.

Noooooooo.

This was Mr. Narrowminded himself.

This was the guy who took Lifespring and became a born-again
fundamentalist.

How he came to have the power of hire-and-fire over us is one of the
Great Mysteries of The Universe.

We avoided this guy at all costs.

His eyes fell upon me immediately.

A few picoseconds later, he saw the collar around my neck in all
it's splendor.

"My life is over," I thought.

I still hadn't thought of a plausible explanation for this.

Mr Solderbrain (the name we called him behind his back; a corruption
of his real name) started to walk slowly and deliberately over to
me, his eyes fixed on the collar.

Fifteen agonizing seconds later, he was standing next to me.

I thought the guy sitting next to me was going to have seizures
stifling all his giggles.

I continued to work, acting as though there were nothing the least
bit unusual about my predicament.

Finally, he spoke.

"What the Hell is that?" he said.

I don't know how I thought of what I said. In fact, I'm pretty sure
I didn't know what I was going to say until I was saying it.

I'm even more amazed that Solderbrain actually bought it and didn't
fire me on the spot.

I turned to face him calmly, with total nonchalance, exuding
complete confidence in what I was about to say, even though I didn't
know what it was yet. I didn't even miss a beat.

"Grounding strap," I said, and returned to work.

The guy next to me fell off his chair and nearly died laughing.

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

keep them
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a020.html

a lot of sadness
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a021.html

I can't stand it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a022.html

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Scooby Chips
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"The Truth About Scooby-Doo & Co"

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from
their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is
what the show was really about. As we've gotten older, it has become
more clear what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were
actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all
sorts in the Mystery Machine.

WHAT WE REMEMBER: Four teenagers and their trusted dog
gallop across the country in their purple and green van
solving mysteries of all sorts -- and in the process
meet all kinds of interesting people.

THE TRUTH: Four high-school dropouts and their sentient
dog ride around the country in their psychedelic love
machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and
they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve
a mystery.

It may be hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence...

Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration
for the current 'grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress
and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a 'burner',
i.e., he smokes marijuana. Why do you think he is
constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie
and swallow it whole.

And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not
generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his 'high' from Scooby-Snacks,
which are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that
matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their mind
and they do whatever they are told, because they are so lit! Scooby
is also hungry all the time.

The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest
that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it
because it helps support their jaunts across the country (and the
world -- they drove to China once). These other characters do have
their own peculiarities however...

Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the
group to go 'solve the case' by themselves. It's no
real mystery what these two are really doing -- they're
getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine.
Daphne, with her pretty pink legs, and Fred are
constantly bumping uglies. Fred is, by the way, pumped
up on steroids. One thing that remains a mystery
though, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around
his neck.

And what about Velma? Everyone's least favorite of the
cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out
in the later episodes, she was also into bestiality.
Where do you think Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who
was a dog yet spoke perfect English, was obviously a
product of Velma and Scooby.

So the kids spent their teenage years driving around
the world, slangin' dope, shooting steroids, eating
hash brownies, and screwing their dog, while all the
while looking for the perfect 'hit'. Oh if we had only
known these things when we watched this cartoon as
children...

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Fruit and Vegetable Emulsifier

The HealthMaster truly is a kitchen appliance breakthrough. It's
more than just a blender - it's designed to be a powerhouse of
health. You can make anything from ice cream to soups in minutes.
With the bonus recipe books and eating plan you will see how simple
it is to eat healthier.

View Web Version

http://buffaloschips.com/health

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Rooster Chips
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A traveling salesman was passing through the country
side and stopped at a farm asking for some cool water.
The old farmers wife invited him to sit in the shade of
the porch with her and got him some cold lemonade.

They sat and talked for a while when suddenly a hen
went running by with a rooster covered in a pair of
coveralls chasing her.

The salesman asked, "What in the devil was that?"

The old farmers wife told him "Well you see, some years
ago we had a tornado come through here and hit the
hen house. It killed all our chickens except for that
rooster, but it plucked every feather off of him. Well
I kind of felt sorry for him, seeing how as he did
survive a tornado and I knitted him a pair of coveralls."

The salesman said, "Well that is just about the funniest
thing I have ever seen."

To which the farmers wife replied, "You think that's
funny, you ought to see that rooster hold a hen down
with one leg and try to get those coveralls off with
the other."

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Painlessly Smooth Away Unwanted Hair

Smooth Away is a pad covered with superfine crystals that buff away
unwanted hair,
leaving your skin so soft and incredibly smooth. Works great on
sensitive areas
and also exfoliates as it removes the unwanted hair, leaving skin
soft and smooth.
Includes the large Smooth Away applicator for legs and arms, the
mini Smooth Away
applicator for lips, chin and sensitive areas as well as 4 large and
4 mini
replacement pads.

Additional Ordering Details:

http://buffalosjokes.com/hair

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Mouse Chips
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There was this little grey mouse that worked in a factory pulling
wires through conduits and every evening after work he would stop in
at the neighborhood bar for a beer or two before going home. He was
unmarried and well liked by the bartender, he always cashed his
paycheck on Friday night and had more than two beers.
This particular Friday night the mouse was setting at the
bar having a beer and this strikingly beautiful long necked lady
giraffe comes in and takes a seat at the end of the bar. The mouse
looks her over and she is checking out the mouse. The mouse told
the bartender to give her a drink and soon they are seated together.
The bar fills up and the bartender loses track of them. The
bartender can't wait to hear how it went with the mouse and giraffe,
but on Monday the mouse don't show, nor on Tuesday or Wednesday, but
on Thursday he comes in, his fur all roughed up, his eyes bloodshot,
and his tail just dragging the floor. He climbs up on a stool,
orders a beer and as the bartender set it down, the bartender asks
how it went, and why are you looking like you were run over by a
Mack truck?
The mouse answers, it was just wonderful. The bartender
says what caused you to look so bad, the mouse said "between the
kissing and the loving, I've run 900 miles."

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TITAN Peeler - The World's Best Peeler!

The Titan Peeler is the world's best peeler. Made of long lasting,
dishwasher safe Stainless steel it has no equal. Long lasting blades
help cut vegetables quickly and easily and slice both hard and soft
cheese perfectly, every time. Each Peeler has dual action motion to
cut the peeling time in-half. Don't waste anymore time! Order yours
today!

What you get
*Handle and cutting/peeling blade.
*Julienne Blade for perfect julienne slices of your favorite
vegetables every time. *Slicing Board that turns the Titan Peeler
into the perfect slicer. *Garnishing Book with tips and tricks on
preparing fruits and vegetables.

http://buffaloschips.com/peeler

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Golf Chips
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Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off and
hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What
did I do wrong?"

The pro says, "Loft."

The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks
the pro "What did I do wrong?"

The pro says, "Loft."

The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the
pro, "What did I do wrong?"

The pro says, "Loft."

As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up.
He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee
shots, and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same
exact answer each time, what is 'loft?' "

The pro says, "Lack Of Fucking Talent."

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The Comfort of Snuggie Blanket for your Dog

The blanket with sleeves now comes in a size just for your dog. Fits
dogs small, large and every dog in-between. Choose from two
fantastic colors - blue and pink. Your dog will love the soft fleece
blanket and you'll love their great look.

Purchase one today and receive a second one at no charge.

View Website

http://buffaloschips.com/dog

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Short Chips
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A man asked his friend, "How's your wife doing?"
The friend said, "Not too well. She hasn't been feeling herself
lately. But it was a damned dirty habit anyway."

~~~~

"What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement Bernice?
said her closest friend.

"Well," Bernice confirmed,
"Although his diamond was of pretty good quality, his mounting left
a lot to be desired."

~~~~~

Two mothers were talking about a third one who had just given birth
to triplets. "You know, that only happens one in twelve-thousand
times?" said the one. "Amazing! How did she ever find time to do
any housework?"

~~~~

Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were
approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each
other, one pad said to the other, "Should we say hi to those 2
tampons?" The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up
cunts."

~~~~~~~

Little Red Riding Hood was talking through the woods on her way to
visit her grandmother, when suddenly a wolf jumped out from behind a
tree.

"Ah-ha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got you. And I'm going to eat
you!"

"Eat! Eat! Eat!" Little Red Riding Hood said angrily. "Damn it!
Doesn't anybody fuck anymore?"

~~~~~

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at
her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse
us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little
while." Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs
and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a
few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him
up to peek into the bedroom. "Before you look in there," he says,
"keep in mind this is the same woman who paddled our butts just for
sucking our thumbs."

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Make S'mores in your Microwave

Now you can have the delicious treat without a fire and in the
comfort of your own home. The Micro S'more cooker lets you enjoy
this fun treat in ten short seconds. Just stack the graham,
chocolate and marshmallow then pop it in the microwave and you'll
have yourself a gooeylicious s'more.

Order one today and get the second one on us.

View Web Version

http://buffaloschips.com/smores

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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/God's Blessings of Friendship
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/GC/Bl.html

Rick w/ I Am A Free Spirit (New Page)
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/ra/FreeSpirit.html

Joan Burchell w/ He Touches Me
http://alongpoetryroad.com/he_touches_me.html

Says It All
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saysitall.html

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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.

Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.

And here's everything they don't want you to know...

http://buffaloschips.com/scoop

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Surfin Surfari

American Widow Project
http://americanwidowproject.org/index.php

Astronomy Calendar
http://www.seasky.org/astronomy/astronomy_calendar_current.html

Amethyst Galleries' Mineral Galleries
http://mineral.galleries.com/default.htm

Rules of Thumb
http://www.rulesofthumb.org/

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Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!

As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away today for the last
time....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.

Press here to get your copy:

http://buffaloschips.com/onbus

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Copy All Of Your Drivers
http://www.drivermagician.com/

Find Current Program keys
http://www.magicjellybean.com

Simply Sally
http://simplysally.com/

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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!

Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.

PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:

http://buffaloschips.com/date

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Animal World

Doggie Zone
http://maniacworld.com/dog-having-a-blast-in-the-snow.html

Kitty Korner
http://www.thecatshouse.com/

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Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?

Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the
Internet.

Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
programs from your PC or laptop with a program called Spyware Nuker.
This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC
or laptop.

Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there
are any "spying" programs on them.

Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):

http://buffalosjokes.com/spyware

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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:

1) All of the programming is uncensored!

2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!

3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!

4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!

5) No additional hardware is needed!

6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!

Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:

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Movie Links

Simmons
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90901.htm

Poor Mailman
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90902.htm

Cute Doctor
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90903.htm

Bumble Butt
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90904.htm

Happy Ending
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90905.htm

Stethoscope
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsgtr.htm

China
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jksd.htm

Super Models
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsfqas.htm

Suzuki
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsfasas.htm

Swallowing
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdsfsd.htm

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Nun Chips
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This German tourist was on a bus tour of Castilla during the summer
that had a stop at this old convent. The tour wasn't that
interesting
and he managed to stay behindand start wandering. Feeling the urge,
he stopped to pee on the outside wall of the chapel.

While he was doing his business, the Mother Superior surprised him.
"OH! I am soo sorry!"

"No," she replied. "Actually, I've never seen a man's... You know.
Could I take a look?"

A nun asking to see his works freaked out the tourist but it was
kinda kinky in a way, so he figured, what the hell. The nun looked
at
it for a bit and as he was about to put it away she said, "You know,
I always wanted to touch it. Would you mind...?"

"This is really weird, but sure." The tourist was getting really
exited. Who could say that a nun had tossed you off?

"Could you take it all out so that I can get a complete experience?"
the nun requested.

The tourist, sure that he was about to get laid, willingly took down
his pants. The nun began fondling his testicles and suddenly
straightened, and said, "Don't (SQUEEZE) piss (SQUEEZE) on the
(SQUEEZE) church (SQUEEZE) walls!!"

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This Holiday Season be a hit and steal the show with the Amazing
Flying Monkey!

Kids will be putting their expensive toys aside just to play with
it, you'll see. The fun is contagious!

You can't put them down. Everyone wants to fly them!

Not available in stores!

Get it now Click Here

See the video for yourself, click here

http://buffaloschips.com/monkeys

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Toon Chips
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Camping
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32110.htm

I'm No Drive In Bank
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32111.htm

Gopher Hole
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32112.htm

Canned Tits
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32113.htm

Clara
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32114.htm

I'll Have the Brown Crap
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32115.htm

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PCWebDoc now offers PC Insurance Plans. One price covers your
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finally.

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Limerick Chips
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There was a young lady named Gloria,
Who was goosed by Sir Oswald Du Maurier...
And then by six men,
Sir Oswald again,
And the band at the Woldorf Astoria!

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo
and a sports car.

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Repair Scratched Wood Instantly Stop covering up embarrassing
scratches...recover it with Fix It Wood. Just spray it on, wipe
clean and the scratch is gone. Fix It Wood works on all types of
wood colors, stains and grains. So whether your wood is dark, light
or in between it repairs it instantly. The wood scratch has met its
match. View Website

http://buffaloschips.com/wood

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Parting Chips
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There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking
about how their lives sucked.

The cucumber says "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and
juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad."

The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When I
get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me,
and stick me in a jar."

The penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough? When
I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a plastic bag over my head,
stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I
throw up all over myself and pass out!"

Randy

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Don't just Mask Odors, Eliminate them for Good

Eliminate smells once and for all. What Odor rids the toughest odors
from smoke to pet to garbage. It's so powerful it even has the
strength to get rid of skunk odor. This will be the last odor
eliminator product you'll ever have to buy and with every order
we'll plant a tree.

Order today and we'll double your offer at no charge.

View Website

http://buffalosjokes.com/odor

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Bonus Chip
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I called the local newspaper's classified section to complain about
an ad I'd placed. It was obvious the person who took my information
had never spent any time on a farm.

"I said 'ewes,'" I argued.

"Pardon?" replied the operator.

"Ewes. It makes a difference to some people."

The ad that was placed read: "Sheep for sale - USED."

Patricia

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Turbo Snake is the fastest and easiest way to unclog any drain in
your bathroom guaranteed.
Simply glide the Turbo Snake down the drain, give it a twirl, and
the specially designed hooks grab onto the hair and gunk to remove
the clog with ease. Works on slow or clogged drains. The Large Turbo
Snake for showers and tubs has a bigger hair grabbing pad and the
Small Turbo Snake has a smaller head for sinks.

Additional Ordering Details:

http://buffaloschips.com/snake

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1472

Discussion About the Future of Movies

BJ: So what did you guys think about the 3D movie?

Rudy: It was too real. The scary parts were too scary.

Katie: I like the birds, but I could not catch them. So that
part was frustrating.

Sandi: The chairs were not comfortable.

Rudy: Maybe if they made a 3D movie about chasing rabbits.

Katie: Or one about running through the woods.

Sandi: I could see a 3D movie about a mattress factory.

Rudy: Maybe a 3D movie about hunting in the woods, that would
be nice.

Katie: Yeah Rudy, you got the right idea, or swimming in the lake.

Sandi: Or eating pizza.

BJ: They do make even a more realistic style of movie, it is a
hologram.
The viewing area is small, but it is very real, the film has depth
whereas
our current movies do not have depth. It would be like having
another
person in this room with us who is not really here.

Rudy: Huh?

BJ: That would be the ultimate movie. A person could actually be a
part
of the movie, play a role.

Katie: I could be Toto in the Wizard of Oz.

Rudy: I could be the Lion.

Sandi: I could be asleep.

The herd in Guthrie

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Remember 9/11/01

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William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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