THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
I've Learned...
That it is best to give advice in only two
circumstances; when it is requested and
when it is a life threatening situation.
GOODMORNING POSTMAN FANS!
So, are you busy shopping for bargains on
this "black Friday?" Christmas shopping has
never been a big activity here at the postman's
house. So, I will be one of the last who is
going to get up at 5am to go shopping. I don't
even like shopping on a day when it is not busy,
let alone when there are crowds waiting in line
to barge thru the doors. I have to admit, I did
face temptation this year. Best Buy was tempting
shoppers with a HP laptop for only 200 bux. My
own laptops are class 2 pentiums and should have
been retired years ago. Mostly they amount to
fancy paperweights. And I have always wanted to
get a decent laptop. Unfortunately, in order to
make good use of one, you need to have places to
go. And unfortunately, I never go any where, so
the purchase of one probably would do me no good.
Besides, I replaced my old desktop earlier this
year, and the replacement performs nicely.
So, while alarm clocks all across America rang
at 4 and 5 am this morning, I simply rolled over
and snoozed to my hearts content. I hope all of
you find great bargains today. But, don't forget
to save time to read The Postman!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
___________
THE COMICS
ears nose and throat
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b040.html
leaving your boyfriend
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b041.html
can you spot Nancy Pelosi?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b042.htm
do that in the woods
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b043.html
no lies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b044.html
crisis hotline
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b045.html
saving
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b046.html
bah humbug
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b047.html
what they say
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b048.html
___________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
enjoy winning
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8448.html
he's a lucky man
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8449.html
drive me crazy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8450.html
close air support
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8451.html
runaway bus
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8452.html
Russia's got talent
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8453.html
Mohammed entered his classroom.
"What is your name?" asked the teacher.
"Mohammed".... answered the kid.
"We are in Canada and, there is no Mohammed. From
now on your name will be Bruce," replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was
your day, Mohammed?" asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed, I am in Canada and now
my name is Bruce.""Ah, are you ashamed of your name,
are you trying to disown your parents, your heritage,
your religion? Shame on you," and she beat him.
Then she called the father and he too beat him
savagely. The next day Mohammed returned to school.
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked:
"What happened to you little Bruce?""Well, Miss,
2 hours after becoming Canadian I was attacked by
two fuckin' Arabs!..."
______________
Joe sat as his dying wife's bedside.
Her voice was little more than a whisper.
"Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession
to make before I go. I'm the one who took the
$10,000 from your safe.I spent it on a fling with
your best friend, Charles. And it was I who forced
your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one
who reported your income-tax evasion to the I.R.S."
"That's all right, dearest, don't give it a second
thought," whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you."
___________
And they ask---Why I Like Retirement?
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes..
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
_____________
The Newfie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in
Toronto when this huge,burly American guy walks in.
As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the neck
knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says,
"That's a karate chop from Korea." Well, the
little Newfie gets back on his barstool and
resumes drinking his beer. The burly American then
gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by
the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the
neck and knocks him to the floor. That's a judo
chop from Japan", he says.The little Newfie decides he's
had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes back
and sees the burly American sitting at the bar.
He walks up behind him and whacks him on the head,
knocking him out.The Newfie says to the bartender,
"When he wakes up, tell him that was a
fuckin' hockey stick from Canadian Tire."
______________
Mary goes to her first show at an art gallery and
is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas
that has black with yellow blobs of paint
splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky
gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked
across it. Mary walks over to the artist and says,
"I don't understand your paintings."
"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.
"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
__________
BUFFALO BILL
Blind Man Levis
http://www.buffaloschips.com/8292.htm
How to get jail time for a speeding ticket
http://www.buffaloschips.com/65r7.htm
Hrbtno
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ujyg687.htm
_____________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Don't Go Out
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000473.html
Don't Litter
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000474.html
Don't Smoke Here
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000475.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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