Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
As you may know, tomorrow is the Marine Corps' birthday. It is
best to leave the greetings to someone that knows them better than
I so here is your boss.
A Birthday Message From The Commandant Of The Marine Corps
United States Marines represent the best young men and women our
Nation has to offer. To be a Marine is to be a member of America's
warrior class - to be one of the few who steps forward with the
courage and conviction to face whatever dangers await. Our Nation
expects her Marines to be ready when the Nation calls; to leave
family and the comforts of home behind; to march into battle and
thrive under austerity; and to come home under a victory pennant.
From Al Anbar in the west of Iraq, to Helmand Province in the south
of Afghanistan, our Corps of Marines can always expect to be found
where the fight is toughest. Such is our history. Today, as we write
the final chapter on our victory in Iraq, we will increasingly take
the fight to the enemy in Afghanistan and add new pages to our
legacy in places called Delaram, Now Zad, and Garmsir. One day, we
will return to our naval heritage and patrol the high seas with our
Navy brothers. Such is our future.
As we celebrate our Corps' 234th Birthday, we first pause to reflect
and pay tribute to those Marines who have given the last full
measure in defense of freedom. We extend our deepest gratitude to
our Marine Corps families - the unsung heroes who endure hardship
and sacrifice so that we are able to go forward and accomplish any
mission. We extend our appreciation to our countrymen who have
answered our every need. And we celebrate the magnificent men and
women who willingly and selflessly continue to go into harm's way to
protect this great Nation.
To all who have gone before, to those who wear the uniform today,
and to the families that give us the strength to forge ahead - I
wish you all a heartfelt Happy 234th Birthday!
Semper Fidelis,
James T. Conway
General, U.S. Marine Corps
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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American Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are You American?
1. You decide that the relationship with your
partner is over. How do you break the news you
are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and
slip quietly away
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your
partner for your decision
(c) Attack them with a chair in front of a
rabble of cheering pumped-up inbreds on national
television.
2. You and your mates decide to have a game
of football in the park. Whatdo you need to take?
(a) A ball
(b) A ball and 2 coats
(c) Ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body
armour, 20 cheerleaders a marching sousaphone
band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team
of orthapaedic surgeons specialising in spinal
injuries.
3. You are driving along a country road when
you accidentally run over a rabbit. What do you
do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is,
taking it to a vet if it is still alive
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still
alive, or if not, that it died quickly
(c) Strap it across the bonnet of your car
and drive home hollering, whooping and throwing
empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4.You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck
after sleeping in an awkward position. What do
you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as
the day progresses.
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with
things.
(c) Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV
evangelist faith healer in an ill-fitting wig,
who will lay his hands on your head, whilst
screaming about the devil in front of an
audience of gibbering inbreeds.
5. What do you have for breakfast
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and
a mug of tea
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup
of coffee
(c) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce
steak with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen
pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five
corn dogs and a diet root beer.
6. You and your partner decide to take the
plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do
you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a
registry office
(b) A church service followed by a traditional
reception at a hotel
(c) A minute long mockery at a 24 hour
drive-through chapel in Las Vegas, presided over
by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a
difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and
reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved
in team sports or join a youth club.
(c) Take him to an armory and buy him an arsenal
of semi-automatic weapons and enough ammunition to
slaughter a small town.
8. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your
toe on your wife's dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it
doesn't happen again
(c) Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an
uptown reputation, and sue your wife's ass.
9. There is a war in another part of the world,
do you:
(a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being
infringed and step in when necessary
(b) Monitor to see if Human rights are being
infringed and bring the culprits to justice
(c) Invade the country flattening all buildings,
fire at all allied and enemy airplanes killing
people no matter which side they're on after all,
a kill is a kill.
10. Your city has been the victim of a terrorist
attack you should:
(a) Treat victims, clean up and find those
responsible
(b) Treat victims, clean up and find those
responsible and bring them to justice
(c) Treat victims, clean up and find those
responsible, but continue to support and fund
terrorist activities abroad.
11. You're on holiday abroad, do you:
(a) Enjoy the local culture and food
(b) Enjoy the local culture and food but look
forward to getting home
(c) Complain and whine that the country that
you are visiting is nothing like home.
12. There is a popular Black leader in your
country. What do you do?
(a) Welcome him with open arms
(b) Listen to what he has to say
(c) Assassinate him.
Answers...
If you answered mostly (a)'s & (b)'s then you
are a normal well balanced individual..
If you answered mostly c's then sorry, you are
an American.
buffalo says before you say anything this joke is 10 years old
and they are referring to MLK
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
shake spear
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a new suit
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honesty counts for nothing
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Ear Nose And Throat Doctor
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Early Mobile Phone
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Eat Another Donut
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alumni Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a somewhat enforced term of government employment at a very
unacceptable. but non negotiable, salary, I decided to pursue a
college degree to improve any future financial rewards available for
the use my personal services. After discharge from my Uncle Sam's
care, It was apparent that he obviously felt some guilt over
screwing me over for the past few years and reluctantly agreed to
help fund my matriculation at a local college. I graduated from the
school, with luck and a definite degree of sacrifice Trying to
balance study, partying, many part time jobs, partying, standing in
line trying to justify my right to claim unemployment dollars as I
could not find anyone looking to hire a 50 caliber machine gun
operator. partying, plus my social service volunteer work, helping
available nubile female students pass their human sexuality classes,
and imbibing at parties, it was amazing that I survived. I really
never felt any allegiance to the school itself. Once I was outta
that particular pile of bricks, I harbored no particular desire to
ever contribute to their latest fund drive, join any alumni
associations or attend any athletic events. But sure enough, a few
years later, someone in the Alumni Affairs staff called my parents,
and tracked down my current phone number and called. "So, what have
you been doing with yourself?" the perky alumnus inquired. I
responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just hot wiring and stealing cars,
running a little moonshine on the side, when I'm not running a few
hookers ." Needless to say, I haven't heard from them again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Kodak Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Men Should Be Built By Kodak
They would automatically shut off when they weren't
being used.
You wouldn't have to wait for them to recharge after
each shot.
They last longer and come with a warranty.
You can try them out first for a two-week trial period
and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle.
They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it.
They come in fashion colors.
You can keep them in maximum zoom.
They come with replaceable or adjustable parts.
The parts that count are portable.
They don't mind over-exposure.
They respond to the slightest touch.
The one you want is available at a KMART near you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl is sitting in a barber shop with
her mother, eating a Twinkie, and anxiously
awaiting her first haircut.
When her turn comes, she brings her Twinkie
with her to the chair, and the barber covers
her. Soon, she pulls the Twinkie out for a bite.
"You're getting hair on your Twinkie," the
barber playfully warns.
"Yes, I know," she replies. "And I'm getting
boobs, too."
~~~~~
Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
Drugs are for people who can't handle reality.
~~~~
Make a noise like a frog
A little girl says, "Grandpa, can I sit on
your lap?
"Why sure you can," her grandfather replied.
As she is sitting on grand dad's lap she
says, "Grandpa, can you make a sound like
a frog?"
"A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa
can make a sound like a frog."
The girl says, "Grandpa, will you please
please MAKE a sound like a frog?"
Perplexed, her grand dad says, "Sweet heart,
why do you want me to make a sound like a
frog?"
The little girl says, "'Cause Grandma said
that when you croak, we're going to Florida!"
~~~
Consciousness: that annoying time
between naps.
~~~~
Who ate the cookies ?
"Peter!" his mother scolded "There were two
cookies in the pantry this morning but now
there's only one! Do you have an explanation?
Peter replied "It must have been too dark and
I didn't see the other one."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa's Letters
Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
--------
Dear Sarah,You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,I've written you for three years now asking for a fire
truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year! Love,
Joey
--------
Dear Joey, Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm
gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll
know
what to do with. Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd
like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what
you
can do. Love, Teddy
--------
Dear Teddy, What-and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having
with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a
hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left
carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, Susan
--------
Dear Susan, Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart
in
my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal
and some Toblerone. Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
--------
Dear Thomas, All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and
losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
--------
Dear Jessica, Are you that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do,
I'm skipping your house... Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year.
Please please please please PLEASE
could I have one? Love, Timmy
--------
Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap don't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tooth Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was this guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled.
First off the dentist said, "I'll give you a shot to numb
your jaw."
But the guy said, "No, please don't do that, I'm afraid of needles."
The dentist said, "OK, I'll get out the gas to put you to sleep."
However the guy said, "Nope, I'm allergic to the gas."
So the dentist said, "Just a minute, I'll go look for
something else." After awhile he came back with a couple of pills.
The guy asked, "What kind of pills are those?"
The dentist said, "Viagra."
The guy said, "WHAT! Why these?"
The dentist said, "They won't help the pain, but they'll
give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/We'll Meet Again
http://silverandgol
carolyn w/Angel ~Elvis
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Carol w/Daily Sunshine
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Vietnam Terminology
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Cat~Z's Christmas Music
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Spiders Gifs
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Free Printables Via Wesley
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Doggie Zone
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It's A Dog's World
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Movie Links
Nandos Chips NAND
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Naughty Song From The Bible Belt
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Never Trust A Women
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New Zealand Anti Drinking Ad
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Oh Shit
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An Intellectual Blonde
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Asking For Directions
http://www.buffalos
Baby & Dog
http://www.buffalos
Baxter Black So Lucky To Be An American
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Beer Pong
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young Jewish man had just finished high school and wanted to go to
college. He approached his father and said, "Dad, would you send me
to college?" "Son," he replied, "You don't even know what's what!
When you know what's what, I'll send you to college." His father
then offered his son a job in the family business--a furniture
store. The boy--let's call him Sam--worked in his father's store for
the next year. After the year was over he approached his father
again. "Dad," he said, "I've worked for you for a year. Now will you
send me to college?" His dad replied, "Son, you still don't know
what's what! When you know what's what I'll send you to college!"
Sam was dejected. He left and went to a bar to have a drink. At the
bar he met an attractive young lady. They seemed to hit it off well.
They both left and went to her apartment. After an hour of a little
of this and a little of that on the sofa, the young lady said she
was going to go to her bedroom and slip into something more
comfortable. When she returned she was totally naked, except for a
tiny belt around her waist. Sam looked at her in astonishment. Sam
pointed to the belt and asked, "What's that?" The lady answered,
"What's what?" Sam replied, "If I knew what's what I'd be in
college!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
clear coat
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holy dress
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bug
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christmas sex
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bugs and lola
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary had a little lamb,
She kept it in a bucket.
And every time the lamb got out,
The dog would try to .....
Put it back into the bucket!
There was a old man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Great tuffs of grass
Shot out of his ass
And his cock was covered in weeds.
____________
There was a poor parson from Goring,
Who made a small hole in his flooring,
Fur-lined it all round,
Then laid on the ground,
And declared it was cheaper than whoring.
____________
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man dies and goes to Heaven. The angel Gabriel meets him at the
Pearly Gates and takes him on a guided tour.
The man sees various groups of people all standing around and
talking to each other. "These are the Buddhists," says Gabriel. "And
over there are the Jews, and the Hindus. Over here are the Muslims,
and over yonder are the Jehova's Witnesses." In fact, the man sees
every religious group, every nationality, and every culture in
Heaven.
Eventually, the pair comes to a large wall. "Hey, what's this wall
doing in Heaven?" asked the man.
"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
wall are the Mormons. They like to think that they're the only ones
here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Turbo Snake is the fastest and easiest way to unclog any drain in
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained
consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a
pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again
and everything, but..... Something happened. I'm trying to break
this
gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck,
and
we were unable to find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes
on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and
we
have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as
well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it
doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you
want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I
mean,
if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine
incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one
before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time,
she
might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in
helping you make the decision." The man agrees to talk with his
wife.
The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you
spoken with your wife?" "I have," says the man. "And has she helped
you in making the decision?" "She has," says the man. "And what is
it?" asks the doctor. "We're getting a new kitchen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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View Website
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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