Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I am currently wedged between my chair and workstation at
about a 45 degree angle which takes the weight off of my right
side which is where I am having back spasms. I am reasonably
comfortable as long as I don't cough or have to get up and when
you have a cold and take diuretics you don't get comfortable
for too long.
I was trying to stay in bed until Eva refused to stop pouncing on
me and I figured I was safer at the computer. Her comment was,
"Are you broke Grandpa? , Get up and fix yourself." Nice when
they still have faith in you to fix everything.
I want to thank you all for being with us over the past year and
hope you are having a safe meal with your families.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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History Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A History of Thanksgiving
1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you
count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't.
Columbus and
crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe
arrival.
Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody
brings pumpkin
pie.
1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid
helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.
1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner,
as Captain
John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost
in the
maize" joke for the hundredth time.
1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers
unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty."
Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off
of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them.
1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to
meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere
rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately,
many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are
coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War.
1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George
of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War,
challenges United
States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3."
1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old
son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the
Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking
the Civil War.
The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861.
1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing
it in October, so they can say it was their idea first.
1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of
prosperity that will last forever and ever," President
Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into
the Potomac River.
1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of
men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River.
1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine
my health
via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under
arrest as a
Soviet saboteur.
1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands
of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy"
gets passed around.
1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey
is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed.
1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered
in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling
"pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey
farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government
declares a
national fowl emergency.
2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to
stuff a
turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. George W.
signs this law
into Congress, during a patriotic speech he defends this decision
claiming "the
evil doers are just looking for any opportunity to show up at your
dinner
table." This Thanksgiving take a real good look at your
relatives...
any suspicious behavior to the CIA, FBI or your local police...who
cares if it's
grandma...it'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
how it started
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suicide
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deeper
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ET
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Ethernet Killer
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Evolution Of Men And Women
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanksgiving Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things to Do to Liven Up Thanksgiving Dinner
1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen,
toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table.
Announce
that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful
for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to
say anything more.
3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the
VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last
two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn
off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive
conditions known to
exist at turkey farms.
5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they
wouldn't
notice that the Turkey was past expiration date. You were worried
for nothing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffalo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My family always goes to BUFFALO, Ok for our Thanksgiving dinner,
mainly cause
thats where grandma lives. There's about 50 or so of us crowded
around, some
cooking, some watching football,some playing card, the usual stuff.
My cousin
Billy Bob(his real name) married this witch that we all hated. She
was just
naturally rude, crude and probably tatooed. She was always bitchin
about
something. Grandma always made the dressing. As she got older, it
sometimes
didn't look and taste as good as it used to, but we loved her, and
we ate it.
Well, my cousin and his wife came late one Thanksgiving and of
course most of
the dressing was gone, and as usual she started bitchin. About the
dressing, how
it looked, why wasn't there more of it........ After dinner, my
cousins and I,
I'm the oldest and I'm 47 went out to smoke, and of course we all
congregate
around the newest truck. My uncle Jack was holding court telling us
youngsters
the newest sale barn jokes when SHE came out. Still bitchin about
the dressing.
I said you probably wonder why that dressing looked different this
year and why
it was almost all gone when you got here, huh? Thats because its
coyote
dressing. No way she said. Yip, and theres the coyote we made it out
of. Her
eyes bugged out, cause we had planned our little smoking session at
the truck
with the dead coyote in the back. Out in Buffalo, you don't mess
with our
grandma. Tweetlegayle
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There's nothing really wrong with you," the doctor told his
patient.
"You're just sexually frustrated. Go out tonight, find a woman, and
have yourself a good time." The patient promised he would, and, true
to his word, that night found him in the arms of a responsive
trollop.
When the affair was concluded she said: "That will be fifty dollars,
sir." The guy was shocked. "Oh, no," he said, "you don't understand.
This was done on doctor's orders." "That's fine, but I still have to
get paid," the girl insisted. "I know," he explained, "but I've got
Blue Cross."
It has been said that you can tell when a Scotchman is in love by
the
tilt in his kilt. Witness the following conversation between a
Highlander and a Madam: "How much is a blonde?" "Five dollars, sir."
"Ay, and a redhead?" "Three fifty, sir." "And a brunette?" "Two
dollars." After a lengthy pause the Scotchman asked, "Tell me
lassie,
dinna ya have a baldie for aboot fifty cents?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This guy goes out with his buddies for a night on the town and they
cap off the festivities by going to a house of ill repute. A week
later, the guy visits his doctor complaining of a large green lump
on the end of his penis. The doctor does a thorough exam, then pulls
down a weighty medical book and flicks through it till he finds what
he's looking for. He looks up and says, "I'm afraid this is serious.
We'll have to operate!" "Operate?" exclaims the fellow, "Why, Doc?
What's the problem?" "Well, you know how boxers can get a
cauliflower ear? You've developed the same sort of thing. You've got
a brothel sprout."
What is a woman with sperm on her glasses most likely to say? "I saw
that one coming..."
Teacher to his student: "Give me the opposite of this sentence:
Children in the dark make mistakes." Student: "Mistakes in the dark
make children."
One day the parents of an fifteen-year- old boy and his
fourteen-year- old sister leave them alone together in the house.
The two kids begin talking about "it," and pretty soon they decide
to try doing "it" with each other. After they're done, the boy says:
"Wow, you're even better than Mom!" "I know," says the girl, "that's
what Dad says too."
Blonde to postman delivering a package: "Oh good. My dildo finally
came and now so can I."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grand Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Difference Between Grandfathers and Grandmothers
Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and
Grandfathers is? Well here it is:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special
effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he
would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car
for some bonding time -- just him and his granddaughter. One
particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel
like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said
that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see
her Grandfather.
'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'
'Oh yes, Papa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't
see a single ass hole, dumb bastard, dip shit or horse's ass
anywhere we went today!'
Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
Harold
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/My Mom ~ My Thanksgiving Blessing
http://silverandgol
Melva/A Blessed Thanksgiving
http://silverandgol
Marlene/Our Marine/Happy Thanksgiving
http://summerhoosie
My Thanks
http://alongpoetryr
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Surfin Surfari
Turkey Quiz Via Juanita
http://home.
Thanksgiving Blessed Thanksgiving Via Carol
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Thanksgiving Story - Alices Restaurant
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The Emotional and Physical Benefits of Thanks-Living
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Thanksgiving Blessing
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Give Thanks
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Thanksgiving
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Happy Thanksgiving eCard
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Be Thankful For Your Blessings
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Judy w/ Giving Thanks ~ Judy Marquart
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Thanksgiving Puzzle
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Movie Links
Talking Italian
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Tattoo Remover
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Rocking Horse Ride
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063
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Blind Man Levis
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How to get jail time for a speeding ticket
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Important Message
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Larry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three ladies all have separate boyfriends named Larry.
One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar,
one of the ladies suggests, "Let's name our Larrys after
a soda pop, because I'm tired of getting my Larry mixed
up with your Larry, and her Larry mixed up with your Larry."
The other two ladies agree.
The first lady speaks out, "Okay then, I'm gonna name
my Larry 7-Up because he has 7 inches and it's always
up!"
The three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other
high fives.
Then, the second lady says, "I'm gonna name my Larry
Mountain Dew because he can mount and do me any
day of the week."
Again, the three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each
other more high fives.
The third lady then says, "You know, those two Larrys
were good, but I'm gonna name my Larry, Jack Daniels."
The other two ladies shout in unison, "Jack Daniels?
That's not a soda pop... that's a hard liquor!"
The third lady bursts out, "That's my Larry!!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Huge Enemys
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He Likes you
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Did it hurt
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Herbert
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Be Polite
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Hillbilly
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Burning
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Hold your Load
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Sports Finger
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man from Montrose
Who could diddle himself with his toes.
He did it so neat
He fell in love with his feet,
And christened them Myrtle and Rose.
____________
There was a young man from Maine
Whose prick was as strong as a crane;
It was almost as long,
So he strolled with his dong
Extended in sunshine and rain.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hot Pick Up Line: You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know
whether to mount you or eat you!
When two jerks meet, the conversation can lead to anything. "Fine
thing," said one irately. "I ask you for the phone number of a
woman,
and she turns out to be a lady taxi-driver.
the
second echoed. "Whatever gave you that idea?" "Well, all night long
she kept going out on calls."
Two urchins stole a sign from a local department store and placed it
conspicuously in front of a brothel. The sign? It read: TRY OUR LAY-
AWAY PLAN
Two call girls were discussing their financial status: "When I get
paid, I always put my money in my stocking. It's bound to draw
interest there." "Not me. My night's receipts go right into my bra.
There's gold in them thar hills."
Reflection in a side-view mirror: "I just passed a red light and it
cost me fifteen dollars. It would have been cheaper if I had stopped
at one."
"It was awful," lamented one madam to another. "I had a fire at my
place." "Didn't you call the firemen?" asked the other. "That's what
made it so awful," groaned the first. "It took the firemen two hours
to put the fire out, and it took my girls two days to put the
firemen
put!"
What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like?
Depends...
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then there was the prospective client who was extremely chagrined as
he critically appraised his girl for the night. "Girl?" he barked.
"Girl?!? You must have spent your girlhood entertaining the Colonial
Troops." "Please!" the veteran prostitute replied with dignity.
"Remember; mine is the oldest profession." "I know," he moaned, "but
I'll be damned if I'll spend the night with a charter member."
As far as the customers are concerned the House is a place for an
evening's entertainment, but from the standpoint of the girls it's
strictly business. And like any other business, there are certain
risks involved. For instance, consider the time when a trio of thugs
decided to heist the local Establishment. One made for the Madam's
office to get the receipts; the second leveled a gun at the
assembled
menfolk; and the third led all the girls into one of the bedrooms
where he ordered them down onto the floor. Wisely following orders,
the girls hurriedly stretched themselves out on the floor, all
facing
the ceiling. "Turn over," the gunman growled. "We came here to rob
the
joint, not to patronize it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1725
The Doggies Thanksgiving Meal
In Katie's Doghouse, Horace the wild turkey and his family, are
serving
ham while Gus, the Guinea hen, and his family are serving drinks at
the
very long table in Katie's formal dining table. Rudy is bringing in
rolls
and butter. The cats are bringing in potatoes and gravy. Sandi is
sampling a little of each of the food.... just to make certain there
is no
poison of course.
Katie is running around in her chef's outfit making certain
everything
is perfect.
Finally all is well and everyone is gathered at the Table.
Sandi: Let us give Thanks...
Rudy: Thank You for another year of health and happiness.
Katie: I am grateful for not getting my spine illness again.
Sandi: I am grateful for my family, my daddy.
The cats: We are grateful for our mom.
Gus: We are grateful for the dogs protection.
Horace: We are grateful for the protection also.
Rudy: I guess we need to thank our Higher Power for a good year.
Sandi: I guess we need to pray for another year and that we all
sit at this table again next year. We doggies do not live as long
as you
cats.
heads are down....
Katie: But this year.... Glasses held high, let's toast!!!
Click!
Click!
Click!
The herd in Guthrie
Happy Thanksgiving to one and all!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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