Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
As each day gets colder you start to think about winter and
driving in the snow. I have four-wheel drive now but once upon
a time all I had was good tires and a lot of scrap metal in my
trunk.
Getting stuck is never funny when it happens, usually it is at the
beginning or ending of a long work day and just one more hassle that
you have to handle. There are times when you pause later to look
back on the situation and you have to smile. In between my parent's
house in the country and the town eight miles away was a S-curve,
normal speed limit 35 mph. During the summer one could zip around it
above the speed limit but come winter it was one of the worst places
imaginable. There were large hay fields and cattle pasture on three
sides and the wind would blow through unimpeded during storms. The
effect would be that it was either full of snow up to your
windshield that would drag you off the road if you were going to
fast or bog you down till you were stuck if you went through too
slow. Then there was the opposite effect when the snow stopped, the
wind would then polish the ice below to a surface that would do a
Zamboni operator proud.
I was coming home from a rough day at the flywheel factory and as I
entered the first corner at about 20 mph, it was glare ice. The car
started to skid
and I
hit the snow bank just hard enough to stick the nose of the car in
it. I
tried rocking
it without luck so leaving the car in reverse tires slowly spinning
I got
out and
started to push. It came free but before I could get in and stop it,
it
wedged itself
in the opposite snowbank. I got out and same procedure, same result
car back in snowbank where it originally was. After two more tries,
even with the
wheels
turned I was getting nowhere and traffic had started to back up and
a couple
of
people came over and gave me a hand. They said they would have
offered
sooner
but it was really amusing watching me chase the car.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chinese Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's
hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since
he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and
he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the
woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man
can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he
sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone
is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a
beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints
his eyes and says, "What do you want?"
The man says, "I've been lost for the past three weeks
and haven't had a decent meal or sleep in that time. I
would be most grateful if I could have a meal and sleep
in your house for tonight."
The old Chinese man says, "I'll let you come in on one
condition: You cannot mess around with my
granddaughter.
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying,
"I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my
way tomorrow morning"
The old Chinese man counters, "OK, but if I do catch
you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture
tests ever known to man."
"OK, OK," the man says as he enters the old house.
Besides, he thinks to himself, what kind of woman would
live out in the wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man comes down to eat (after
showering), he sees how beautiful the granddaughter is.
She is an absolute pearl, and while he has only been
lost three weeks, it has been many, many months without
companionship. And the girl has only seen the
occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they
both can't keep their eyes off each other throughout
the meal.
That night, the man sneaks into the girl's bedroom and
they have quite a time and keep the noise down to a
minimum. The man creeps back to his room later that
night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests
would be worth it after that experience."
Well, the next morning the man wakes up to a heavy
weight on his chest. He opens his eyes and there is
this huge rock on his chest. On the rock is a sign
saying, "1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb. rock on your
chest."
"What a lame torture test," the man thinks to himself
as he gets up and walks over to the window. He opens
the shutter and throws the rock out. On the backside of
the rock is another sign saying, "2nd worst Chinese
torture test: Rock tied to right testicle."
The man, seeing the rock is too far out the window to
be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock.
Outside the window is a third sign saying, "3rd worst
Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
well trained
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I'm tired
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let him smell
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marg: "My first ex was so incredibly stupid."
Cindy: "How so?"
Marg: "When I told him I was pregnant, he went to the store and
bought me an EPT."
Cindy: "Why would he get you a pregnancy test when you'd already
told him you were pregnant?"
Marg: "He didn't want to get "trapped" into marriage; he thought
EPT meant Early Paternity Test.
------------
The farmer stood in his chicken yard watching
hundreds of baby chicks running here and there. He
kept pointing to them and trying to count them. "One, two, three,
four,
five, six, oh, no..."
Then he would start over, "one, two, three, four, and,... oh,
no."
Then he'd start over again.
Finally he said, "I give up. They say don't count your chickens
before they hatch but it sure is easier to do that than it is to
count
them after they hatch."
------------
An Alabama redneck was sittin' on the sofa, with his half naked
woman,
watching the news from San Francisco. "Jus' look at them
homo-sexshuals. They're ruining the country. with men marryin' men,
and
women marryin' women. It's disgustin. Darlin', we oughta' go out
there
and protest! Don't you think so?"
She replied, "Yes, Daddy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pizza Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Todd was delivering a pizza in New York. He got
out of his car, went to the door, and was greeted
by a attractive young Jill with orange hair.
Instead of wanting to pay, Jill suggested that
they have sex in exchange for the pizza.
Todd politely declined.
That didn't stop old Orange Hair, though. She
started touching Todd, running her hands over him
while she tried to talk him into having sex with
her. Finally, Jill grabbed his crotch.
So, Todd backed away and started back down to the
walk to his car.
She was all over him.
He broke into a run and climbed back into his
delivery car. Started to pull away. Forgot he
had the back window down, though.
Jill was climbing in the car.
She got her hands all over him again, touching,
fondling, grabbing his crotch again.
What saved him was a neighbour, Phil who happened
to be looking out the window. He saw the whole
thing and called the police - - who eventually
arrived and broke it all up.
Oh, and why was Phil looking out the window? He
was waiting for a pizza to be delivered. Todd
had gone to the wrong house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quitting smoking
Jim replies, "Sorry Bill, I have to go to the drug store
To pick up a 'patch' subscription for my wife. She's
Quitting smoking today."
"Oh okay, well, good luck to her!" Bill said.
"Yeah, well it is really lucky me," grinned Jim, "I
Told her to let me know any time she has an urge to put Something in
her mouth to suck on."
============
I'm the greatest hitter in the world
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he
Strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap
And toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in
The world," he announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and
Missed.
"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the
Ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the
World!"
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he
Swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball Carefully.
He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his
cap and said once more, "I'm the Greatest hitter in the world!"
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it.
He missed. "Strike Three!"
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm also the greatest pitcher in
The world!"
============
Octogenarian
Pauly and Maury were in the neighborhood bar... Again...
And Maury remarked that Old Jim had just told him that
He was now an octogenarian.
"What's an octogenarian?
"I dunno," said Maury, "but they must be pretty healthy
People. Every one of 'em I've ever heard of is eighty
Years old or more."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lets play Titanic, when I say iceberg, you go down.
You must be high jumper, because you make my bar rise.
Call me Fred Flintstone, because I'll make your Bedrock.
If we were both squirrels, would you play with my nuts?
Would you wear shoes if you didn't have any feet? Then why are you
wearing a bra?
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk by
again?
You must have a mirror in your pocket because I can easily see
myself in your pants.
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against
me?
How about you sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing
that pops up.
I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
Sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?
Do you sleep on your stomach? "NO." Can I?
Playing doctor is for kids. How about me and you play gynecologist.
If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing
you.
Excuse me, do you give head to strangers? Well then, allow me to
introduce myself.
The word for the day is legs. Lets go back to my place and spread
the word.
Do you have some Irish in you? Would you like a piece of Irish in
you?
The last time I saw you, I was dreaming.
Hi, my name is Kelli. Don't forget it because you'll be screaming it
later on tonight.
I'm new in town, could you give the directions to your apartment.
I love every bone in your body. Especially mine!
That's a nice smile, its just too bad thats not the only thing
you're wearing.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Taliban soldiers"
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they
hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Marine is better
than ten taliban". The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his
best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks out and
continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Marine is better than one hundred
taliban". Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100
troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After
10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The voice calls out again "One Marine is better than one thousand
Taliban". The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand
fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine
gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and
with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men,
its a trap. There's actually two of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/He Remembered Me
http://silverandgol
LEARNING TO DANCE
http://www.wtv-
Grandbabies
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Consequences
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Tomorrow
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Surfin Surfari
Track Flight Status
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Crop Circle Mystery
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Chinese Olympic Couisine
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Stellarium is a free open source planetarium Via Wesley
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Zena's Dreams Web Graphics
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Warning Lable Generator
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Free Administration System for Animal Shelters Via Wesley
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
New Recruiting Ad
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Niggar Family
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Nissan Pathfinder
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Not a morning person
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Not Just A Human Problem
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Both Ways Barack
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Bowl
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Boxing Match
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Brownies
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Camera 21
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was visiting a cousin of his in New York during the
winter. He and his cousin went outside to play in the snow. After
about an hour, his aunt called them back inside and had
them remove their galoshes and gloves. Little Johnny's aunt
was a tall voluptuous, woman who would warm her son's hands by
putting
them between her thighs. So as usual, when her son came in from
playing in the snow, she asked if his hands were cold, to which he
replied "yes". She then put them together and stuck them between her
warm thighs. After a few minutes, she asked "are they warm yet?" and
the little boy said "yes". Little Johnny watched his friend and
waited
his turn. His aunt then asked him if his hands were cold, to
which he replied, "yes". So she took his hands, put them together
and
stuck them between her thighs. After a few minutes she asked if his
hands were "warm yet" and he said "yes". So she took them out.
Little
Johnny continued to stand there with a sly grin on his face. When
his aunt asked "well what is it now, Johnny? What's wrong? Johnny
looked up
at her and replied "my peter is frozen stiff!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
blonde bull
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blonde chocolate
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blonde science
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blonde swing
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blonde upside
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blonde Washing
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady of Spain
Who took down her pants on a train.
There was a young porter
Who saw more than he orter,
And asked her to do it again.
Hickory dickory dock
some girl was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I shot my goo
And dumped the bitch on the next block.
A plumber whose name was Ten Brink
Plumbed the cook as she bent o'er the sink.
Her resistance was stout,
And Ten Brink petered out
With his pipe-wrench all limber and pink.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old man had a dog he just loved but the dog had the bad habit of
attacking anything that moved including people. His friends told him
that if he had the dog fixed he would lose his aggressions and quit
this behavior.
So the old man had his dog fixed and a few days later was in his
front room when the mailman came up the steps. The dog jumped up and
went right through the screen door and attacked the mailman. The old
man ran out and pulled his dog off and began apologizing to the
mailman.
He said, "I am so sorry, I don't know what to do or say. My friends
told me he would quit attacking people if I had him fixed. I just
don't know what to do."
The mailman picked himself up and said, "You should have had his
teeth pulled, I knew when he came out the door he wasn't going to
screw me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs
and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked
prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and
begins performing oral sex on the prostitute. She wakes up and
decides
that since it feels so good she'll let him finish. The koala
finishes,
wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and heads for the door. The
prostitute jumps up and yells at him "Hey, you have to pay for
that".
The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door. The prostitute
yells at him again, "Hey you have to pay for that. I'm a
prostitute".
She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala
the
definition. PROSTITUTE (n) a person receiving payment for sexual
services. The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages
to the definition of koala bear. KOALA (n.) a small bear that eats
bushes and leaves
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1715
The End (continued)
Diana: How do we defeat them when they have taken over most of
the world?
BJ: Don't you see, they have not done anything that He has not
allowed? This is not unlike the flood. This is a purging. Mr
Jackson
was weak. Tell me have you been afraid since we have been here?
Diana: No.
BJ: Me either. I felt like this place made sense to go to until we
knew
more about what is going on. Fear is the opposite of faith. It is
okay
to be scared. But to have unreasonable fear... not so much.
These are not aliens but creatures of the dark. Their craft are
merely
transports from another dimension. They all fear the light and what
we
represent.
Diana: What is the plan?
BJ: We boldly go down the mountain and tell them what to do.
Diana: Gulp!
BJ: Trust me, have faith. They must obey, they have no choice.
Later the dogs along with BJ and Diana walk down the mountain
and towards the 'alien' camp.
BJ: However, we must be discreet. Their weapons can kill from a
distance. My plan will only work up close. We must Injun up.
After much time sneaking and crawling and making certain all stealth
is used they managed to get into the camp.
BJ: Okay, if I am correct, we live, else we die.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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