THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Pretty women make us buy beer.
Ugly women make us drink beer.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
So how are you adjusting to the time change?
If you are a young mother, you are probably
pulling your hair out. Just because the clock
says it is 9pm, does not necessarily convince
your toddler that it is. Growing up on the farm,
the time change meant very little to us farmers. Sunup was
still sunup to the cattle, and they still gathered
round the feed bunks in the early morning no
matter what the alarm clocks said. And dad never
used them alarm clocks. He Lived for years and never allowed one
in the house. For myself, it makes little difference
when I get up in the am even to this day, altho there
is no bellering in the cattle lot from hungry cattle
waiting for their feed. But old habbits die hard.
5 am is still a rise and shine kinda thing for me.
Unfortunately, the bladder now tells me to get
up at 4am. Sigh. Sometimes it just sucks getting old,
doesn't it?
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
To my darling husband,
Before you return from your business trip, I
just want to let you know about the small
accident I had with the pickup truck when I
turned into the driveway. fortunately, not
too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so
please don't worry too much about me. I was
coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned
into the driveway, I accidentally pushed down
on the accelerator instead of the brake. The
garage door is slightly bent but the pick up
fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into
your car. I am really sorry, but I know
with your kind-hearted personality you will
forgive me. You know how much I love you and care
for you, my sweetheart. I am enclosing a
picture for you. I cannot wait to hold
you in my arms again. Your loving wife.
Lea
BY THE WAY. YOUR GIRLFRIEND CALLED!
_____________
THE COMICS
delayed
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z001.html
couldn't help but notice
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z002.html
blind little bastard
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z003.html
the insurance company
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z004.html
beer on tap
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z005.html
ahead of my time
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z006.html
Obama care
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z007.html
_______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
I'm gonna get down with my baby
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8299.html
the lady and the bull
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8300.html
attention!!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8301.html
omygod
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8302.html
the special glasses
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8303.html
one liners
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8304.html
at the girlfriend's house
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8305.html
Funny
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8305.html
Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his
undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home
town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to
the top of his field. Soon he was invited to deliver
a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally
held in his home town. He walked on stage and
placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off
onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them,
at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently
farted. The microphone amplified his mistake
resoundingly through the room and reverberated it
down the hall!He was quite embarrassed but somehow
regained his composurejust enough to deliver his paper.
He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the
stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.
Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he
returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under
the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.
The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit
to our city, Mr. Levy?" Dr. Epstein replied, "Well,
young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received
my education here, but then I moved away."
Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.
Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an
embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been
too ashamed to return." The clerk consoled him. "Sir,
while I don't have your life experience,
one thing I have learned is that often what seems
embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others.
I bet that's true of your incident too." Dr. Epstein
replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"
________________
There is this French couple, sitting up talking,
when the wife says to the husband that it was time
he had a conversation with their thirteen year old
son about the birds and the bees.
So the father goes to his son's room and says "Son
do you remember that session I arranged for you with
mademoiselle Ginette ?" "Oh yes papa, I remember very well"
says the son."Well son it is time you knew that the birds
and the bees do the same thing"
_____________
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided
to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks
from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks
away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the
cat would always beat him home. At last he decided
to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left,
past the bridge, then right again and another right
until he reached what he thought was a safe distance
from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife:
"Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a
bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
____________
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage,
started his bus, and drove off along the route. No
problems for the first few stops - a few people got
on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.
Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down
to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big
John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the driver was five feet three,
thin, and basically meek? Well, he was.
Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't
happy about it. The next day the same thing happened -
Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay,
and sat down.And the next day, and the next.
This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep
over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for
body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.
By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong;
what's more, he felt really good about himself.
So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the
bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"
The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and
screamed, "And why not? "
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied,
"Big John has a bus pass ."
Management Lesson: "Be sure there is a problem in the first
place before working hard to solve one."
___________
On a visit to my wife's native England for our honeymoon,
we arrived at London's Gatwick Airport.
Tania headed for the British passport control line while
I, an American, waited in the foreigners' line.
When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose
of my visit."Pleasure," I replied. "I'm on my honeymoon."
The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other.
"That's very interesting, sir," he said as he stamped my
passport. "Most men bring their wives with them."
_____________
BUFFALO Bill
Men's Locker room
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010907.htm
Magic Finger Find The G Spot
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010908.htm
My new Philosophy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/010909.htm
____________
SYDESJOKES LIST
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000404.html
Cutting Man In Half
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000405.html
Cutting Top Of Tree
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000406.html
_______________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
Robokill Shooting Game
http://tinyurl.com/ch4p79
Motorcycle Sounds
http://tinyurl.com/53y2wk
20 Foot Backflip
http://tinyurl.com/c6rg8u
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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