[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Mon

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Buffalo,

Try telling my daughter the venison forecast is dismal... she lives
in western Ohio, and commutes along a new stretch of US 24 going
into Defiance, OH, that has only been open three weeks now. In that
time, at least 95 deer have been killed by cars and trucks just on
the new stretch. She's very afraid of hitting a deer because she
hit one a few years ago and did $5K worth of damage at about 40 mph
(back road going from Ft. Wayne to her home at that time.

LateNightLarry
Wine Country, CA

Life is a Cabernet

buffalo says I am about 400 miles north of there and with our
climate
and the heavy snowfall deer survive in the late winter by eating the

bark from trees whereas a 100 miles south the snow accumulation is
less and the deer can snack in the farmer's fields. I wonder if
those
ultrasonic whistles that you mount on your bumper would help.

It is amazing how much damage a deer weighing 150-200 lbs. can do.
You would figure a semi would be safe against them but I saw a deer
rip one of the saddle tanks completely off of a truck and another
driver
was killed when a deer came through his windshield, broke the seat
and pushed it and him back into the sleeper.

Deer tend to move around dawn and dusk making them harder to see
and also this time of year during prime drive time. Sometimes just
understanding when they are moving and adjusting your times a little
bit
is enough to avoid them.

Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

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Jail Chips
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Interested in serving HARD time?

Damn, you are sexy in stripes.

Is that a zip-gun carefully carved out of a piece of discarded metal
found on the floor of the prison license-plat manufacturing shop in
your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

Don't you prefer dropping bar soap instead of that liquid crap?

You know, normally I don't give in in the first 30 seconds, but I
guess I'm just a sucker for sheer muscle mass.

Nice teeth. They'd look so much better on the floor of my cell.

Due to a recent execution, I now have an opening for my prison
bitch.

Who wants to marry a multiple murderer?

I've been watching you from across the yard for awhile now, and I
knew if I didn't work up the courage to just walk over here and ask
you to be my bitch, I might regret it for the rest of my life
sentence.

Bread, water or me?

Hold still while I staple this centerfold to the back of your head.

Stop by my cell later for a Lethal Injection.

That orange jumpsuit really brings out the red in your freshly
healed knife wound.

Care to give Prisoner Johnson a weekend furlough?

Cinemax3 is doing another one of those Women In Prison movies
soon...Wanna audition in my cell?

You're new here... let me debrief you and introduce you to the penal
system.

Wanna attend a chain gang bang?

You look even better in person than you did on America's Most
Wanted.

If looks could kill, you'd get 25 to life.

You're getting your GED... wow, that makes me so H.O.T.!!

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

the doctor visit
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a010.html

fifty
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a011.html

solving problems
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a012.html

Employee Of The Year
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Employment Wanted
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Empty Warhead
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000593.html

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Radio Chips
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Where'd You Do It Last?

If you don't laugh at the end of reading this then there's something
wrong with you... Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to
work and hearing this. Many Chicago folks did hear this on the WBAM
FM morning show in Chicago.

The DJ's play a game where they award winners great prizes. The
game is called "Mate Match". The DJ's call someone at work and ask
if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the
contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet
highly personal questions.

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with
phone number) for Verification.

If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they
both win the prize. One particular game, however, several months
ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter
and is possibly the funniest thing I have heard yet. Anyway, here's
how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you heard of Mate Match?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know were giving away a trip to Orlando,
Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please.

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?

Brian: "Yes."

DJ: "Yes? Does that mean that you're married or you're what?"

Brian: (laughing nervously "Yes I am married."

DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."

Brian: "Sarah"

DJ: "Is Sarah at work, Brian?"

Brian: "She's gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here Brian! "

Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have
said that if a trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, a trip would be nice."

DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning?"

Brian: Laughing Hard " I ummm, I, well..."

DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with
us for a couple of weeks..."

DJ: "Uh Huh..."

Brian:"...and the Mother In Law was in the shower at the time."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous
hundred times I have done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold,
get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."

Three Minutes of Commercials Follow

DJ: "OK audience, let's call Sarah, shall we? "

(touch tones...ringing..)

Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar from WBAM, we are live on the air and I
have Been speaking with Brian for a couple hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not
to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooo do you know the
rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sarah: "No"

DJ: "Good"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

Brian: (laughing) "Just answer the questions honestly, okay? Be
completely honest."

DJ: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah.
If your answers match Brian's answers, then both of you are off to
Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World, Sea World, Tickets
to the Magics game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Alright, when did you last have sex, Sara?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian...uh, this morning before Brian went to
work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."

DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"

Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."

DJ: "Hmmmm. That's good enough. I am sure she is trying to protect
his manhood. We've got one last question,
Sarah. You are one last question away from a trip to Florida. Are
you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Where did you have it?"

Sara: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"

Brian: "Just tell him, honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"

Sarah: "Well..."

DJ: "Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?"

Sarah: "In the ass...."

After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station
break."

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*Handle and cutting/peeling blade.
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Transplant Chips
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An Arab needed a heart transplant, but prior to the
surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type in
case the need arises. Because the gentleman had a rare type
of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went
out to a number of countries. Finally, a Jew was located
who had the same blood type and who was willing to donate
his blood to the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent
the Jew a thank-you card for giving his blood along with
an expensive diamond and a new Rolls Royce car as a token
of his appreciation. Unfortunately, the Arab had to go
through a corrective surgery once again. His doctors
called the Jew who was more than happy to donate his blood
again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a
Thank You card and a box of Almond Roca sweets.
The Jew was shocked to see that the Arab this time did
not acknowledge the Jew's kind gesture in the same way as
he had done the first time. So he phoned the Arab and asked
him why he had expressed his appreciation in not a very
generous manner.The Arab replied :
"Ya habibi !!,I have Jewish blood now, remember..!?

Patricia

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The Comfort of Snuggie Blanket for your Dog

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Sex Chips
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I had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided
to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do
with the computer, so I started trying to find the sex drive on
mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on the My Computer
section, the add/uninstall software, install hardware part of the
control panel then I got out all the manuals and went through them.
I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped
with one. So I decided to go to the computer store and see if I
could buy one. I wanted to look intelligent and scholarly, so I wore
my math hat. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather
stern looking woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer
and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled
at me and asked me if I was trying to get smart with her, figuring
she had been impressed with my math hat, I replied that I tried to
be smart with everyone. She said, rather rudely I thought, that she
couldn't help me and walked away. HUH, must not have had any in
stock. In the second store, I gave the salesperson the make and
model of my computer and asked if they had any sex drives in stock.
He kind of snickered and asked if I meant a hard drive. I thought
about it for a minute and told him yeah, maybe that, but I think I
should already have one installed. He started laughing at me said
something about me trying to kill him. "You're killing me!"
Something like that and walked away. Hmmmm, must be out here too.
Must be hard to keep in stock I wasn't trying to kill him I wasn't
even hurting him. The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if
I'd just fallen off the turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been
on a turnip truck, but I'd fallen off the manure wagon a few times.
He mumbled something about that explaining it. "She's fallen off the
wagon, that explains it," like that and walked away laughing. The
guy in the fourth store said something like, "boob" under his breath
and walked away. Wonder why he only noticed one? Anyway I figured
they must not carry them in stores maybe have to order from a
catalog or something. So that's where I am now. If any of you have
some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would
appreciate it then all I'd have to do is figure out what to do with
it.

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****Personalized Resin Christmas Ornaments****

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Short Chips
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The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of
Annapolis, MD, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While
leading a group, one of our guides, Dave, tripped and fell, breaking
his wrist.
He went to the hospital, and as he sat in the emergency room,
a policeman walked by. Doing a double-take at Dave in his
18th-century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?"
--------------------------------------
Two friends and I ordered sandwiches in a local joint. I
wanted hot sauce, Jim wanted medium and Bob, mild. When I asked for
all three, the ornery waitress pointed to the squeeze bottle sitting
in the middle of the table.
"We need three," I insisted. "Which one is this?"
"All of them," she replied. "You want hot, put more on."

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Make S'mores in your Microwave

Now you can have the delicious treat without a fire and in the
comfort of your own home. The Micro S'more cooker lets you enjoy
this fun treat in ten short seconds. Just stack the graham,
chocolate and marshmallow then pop it in the microwave and you'll
have yourself a gooeylicious s'more.

Order one today and get the second one on us.

View Web Version

http://buffaloschips.com/smores

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Oz Chips
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Long after Dorothy, Toto and the rest of the gang left the land of
Oz, Good Witch Glenda of the North was horribly bored. She spent her
days just floating around in her little bubble gazing at the land of
Oz, hoping for someone to help or inspire. One day, while floating
around in her bubble, she passed over a pond and saw a lonely little
yellow toad perched on a lilly pad. He looked extremely depressed.
She floated down to the toad and asked him what could be the matter.
"Oh Good Witch Glenda, you are right. I AM horribly depressed. I am
completely colored yellow, whereas all the other little toads in the
pond are green. Won't you please help me?" Mustering up all of her
kind heartiness and good will, she waved her magic wand over the
toad, and his color changed to green. That is, all except his
'private parts.' They remained bright yellow. "Good Witch Glenda!
Thank you so much, but my lower extremities! They're still yellow,
while the rest of me is green!" "Oh, I'm sorry, dear little toad. My
powers are strong, but apparently not strong enough. The only person
who may be able to help you might be the Wizard, the Wizard of Oz."
So, in hopeful anticipation, he began hopping off toward the castle,
where the Wizard of Oz resided. Glenda the Good Witch continued her
surveillance of the land of Oz, floating around in her bubble. As
she was passing over a pasture, she looked down to spot a pink
elephant who looked horribly depressed. "Oh, Good Witch Glenda, you
are right. I AM horribly depressed. I am completely colored pink,
whereas all the other elephants in the pasture are gray. Won't you
please help me?" Mustering up all of her kind heartiness and good
will, she waved her magic wand over the elephant, and his color
changed to gray... That is, all except his 'private parts.' They
remained cheerfully pink. "Good Witch Glenda! Thank you so much, but
my lower extremities! They're so pink while the rest of me is gray!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, dear elephant. My powers are strong, but apparently
not strong enough. The only person who may be able to help you might
be the Wizard, the powerful Wizard of Oz." "Well, that's fine and
dandy, but where may I find this fabled 'Wizard of Oz?'" And Glenda,
The Good Witch said: "Just follow the yellow-pricked toad!"

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This Holiday Season be a hit and steal the show with the Amazing
Flying Monkey!

Kids will be putting their expensive toys aside just to play with
it, you'll see. The fun is contagious!

You can't put them down. Everyone wants to fly them!

Not available in stores!

Get it now Click Here

See the video for yourself, click here

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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/Makes no Difference
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/A_P/Makes.html

Look Who's Talking 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking3.html

TO JOURNEY WITH JESUS
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/JOURNEYWITHJEUSS.HTML

Winged
http://www.poetrybyken.us/ipoems12/Winged.html

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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.

Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari

Visit Duncan Hines
http://www.duncanhines.com/

The Why Files
http://whyfiles.org/

Tonebee
http://www.tonebee.com/

Rules of Thumb
http://www.rulesofthumb.org/

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Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!

As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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Press here to get your copy:

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

PHP Functions
http://www.tizag.com/phpT/phpfunctions.php

File Encryption
http://www.axantum.com/AxCrypt/

File Eraser
http://www.tolvanen.com/eraser/

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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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date:

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Animal World

Doggie Zone
http://www.canismajor.com/dog/chowchow.html

Kitty Korner
http://custurd.b3ta.com/hecatorshecat/

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Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?

Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the
Internet.

Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
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Movie Links

Wild Crashes
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7821.htm

Wireless Headset
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7822.htm

Women Fights Robber
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7823.htm

Women President
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7824.htm

Women Hitchhikers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7825.htm

Workers Bra
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7826.htm

Worse Than Locking Keys In Car
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72206.htm

Worst Seats
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72207.htm

WoW
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72208.htm

Wrong Ball
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72209.htm

Wrong Gift
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72210.htm

Hama Rat
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72211.htm

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Drunk Chips
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A drunk that regularly annoyed the bartender at the local bar, was
prohibited
from entering the bar because he could never pay for any of his
drinks and
he always had a wise crack for the very annoyed bartender. Well, one
Friday
evening the drunk again tried his luck to enter the bar and score
some free
drinks but he was immediately thrown out by his old enemy the
bartender. Sitting outside and trying to figure out how to get some
free drinks, the drunk
heard two other guys, whom was also in a state as it was pay-day,
argue about
the existence of Jesus Christ.
He saw this as his opportunity to score some free drinks and he
jumped out from his hiding place behind the dumpster and announced
in a loud sluggish voice..
"I'm Jesusshh Chrisshst and here I am....!!!". Obviously the two
guys was startled
(as they were also really drunk by this time) but this was a
solution to their argument
and they proceeded to question the drunk...
"How can you be Jesusssh Chisshhsst when he does not exist..Prove
it..!!!" To which the drunk replied.."If I could produssce one
witnesshh, will you guys buy
me a litre of whissshkey..??"
"Of courssshe, if you can get one more witnessh..
then we'll know for sure that you're Jesusssh Chrisshst..!!!".
So the drunk said.."Follow me..!!"..and they proceeded into the bar
where the
drunk was thrown out of earlier and banned for life. As soon as the
bartender saw him,
he shouted very loudly.."Jesus Christ..!!!! Are you back here
again..!!!"

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Toon Chips
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We are Fucked
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230503.htm

Hung
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230504.htm

Chess
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230509.htm

Can You Hear Me Now?
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230511.htm

Complaints
http://www.buffaloschips.com/Complaints.htm

All 4 One
http://www.buffaloschips.com/02230515.htm

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Repair Scratched Wood Instantly Stop covering up embarrassing
scratches...recover it with Fix It Wood. Just spray it on, wipe
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young fellow named Pell
Who didn't like cunt very well.
He would finger and fuck one,
But never would suck one---
He just couldn't get used to the smell.

I'm not irredeemably vile
So I've given up sex for a while
(Though I have to admit
I've a penchant for tit,
Nipples, pussies and ladies with style.)

That guy from Wisconsin right there
Wrote this ode to his state in despair
"I left you in bliss
But, Boy do I miss
The sweet smell of your dairy air"

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Don't just Mask Odors, Eliminate them for Good

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we'll plant a tree.

Order today and we'll double your offer at no charge.

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Parting Chips
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Mary: My friend Joe called me last night to complain about his home
life.

Jill: Really? What's the problem?

Mary: Oh, it's the usual. His daughter's a teenager. You know how
teens can be!

Jill: Oh, yes, I do!

Mary: He said, "I can't get a break! My daughter's 14 and getting
breasts, and my wife's 48 and getting a moustache!"

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In 2009, Derek Jeter made baseball history and we're honoring him on
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Bonus Chip
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IN THE PLANE

Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane:

"I think everyone's asleep, let's go."

"This one's empty... no-ones looking... you go in first."

"It's a bit cramped - let me sit down!"

"Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on."

Sniff, sniff," Ah perfume - you think of everything!"

"This is great....." (long sigh!)

Static on the loud speaker, then a new voice: "This is the captain
speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what
you're
doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now put

those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector."

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Turbo Snake is the fastest and easiest way to unclog any drain in
your bathroom guaranteed.
Simply glide the Turbo Snake down the drain, give it a twirl, and
the specially designed hooks grab onto the hair and gunk to remove
the clog with ease. Works on slow or clogged drains. The Large Turbo
Snake for showers and tubs has a bigger hair grabbing pad and the
Small Turbo Snake has a smaller head for sinks.

Additional Ordering Details:

http://buffaloschips.com/snake

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vo 1470

The Movies

Diana: Everyone in the van.

Rudy: Where are we going?

Diana: We are going to an indoor movie.

Rudy: Never been to one before.

BJ: It will be like watching a dvd movie at home, but much much
larger and much louder.

Katie: Cool father, will we have popcorn?

BJ: Yes, indeed. We cannot have a movie without popcorn can we?

Later at the movie... It is Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3D

Sandi: We have to wear glasses?

Diana: Yes, so you can see the visual effects of the movie.

Rudy: You look funny with your glasses on Katie.

Katie: And you don't'

Inside the theatre..everyone sits down the lights are off and the
show starts.

Rudy: WOW!!!!

Katie starts to chase the birds in the movie theatre barking as she
does so.

Sandi is asleep.

Rudy is pawing at objects that are coming out of the screen.

To be cont

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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