[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 11-24

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

A Different Christmas Poem Via Mrs. Spider

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear..
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.."

" So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

PLEASE, would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many
people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is
due to our
U.S service men and women for our being able to celebrate these
festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what
we owe. Make people
stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed
themselves for us.

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq

GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS

Enjoy the Chips .... buffalo

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Job Chips
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A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles, and
sees a card
advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to
learn more;
"Can you give me some more details?" he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the
ladies ready
for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their
underwear, lay
them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply
shaving foam and
gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're
ready for
the gynecologist's examination. There's an annual salary of $65,000,
but you're
going to have to go to Albuquerque New Mexico ... That's about 620
miles from
here."

"Good grief, is that where the job is?"

"No sir --- that's where the end of the line is right now."

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Shaved Chips
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Ron and Jan had started their retirement years and decided
to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their
two-up two-down terrace house.

After a few days an attractive young woman applies for the
room. She explains that she is a model working in a nearby
studio and needs the room for a few weeks.

Jan shows her the house and they agree to start straight
away.

"There's just one problem," explains the model. "Because of
my job I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't
have a bath."

"That's not a problem," repliesJan, "we have a tin bath out in
the yard and we bring it in to the living room, in front of the
fire, and fill it with hot water."

"What about your husband?" asks the model.

"Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he'll be out in the
evenings," replies Jan.

"Good," says the model, "that's settled. I'll go to the studio
and see you tonight."

That evening Ron dutifully goes to his darts match whilst Jan
prepares the bath for the model. After stripping off, the model
steps into the bath and Jan is amazed to see that she has
no pubic hair.

The model notices Jan's staring eyes, smiles and explains
that it is part of her job to shave herself especially when
modeling swim wear or underclothes.

Later when Ron returns, Jan relates this oddity and he does
not believe her.

"It's true, I tell you," says Jan. "Look, if you don't believe
me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and
you can peek in and see for yourself."

The next night Ron leaves as usual and Jan prepares the
bath for the model. As the model steps naked into the bath,
Jan, standing behind her, looks towards the curtains, and
points towards the model's hairless crotch. Then she lifts
up her skirt and wearing no panties, points to her own hairy
thatch.

Later that evening, Ron returns and they retire to bed.

"Well, do you believe me now?" she asks Ron.

"Yes," he replies. "I've never seen anything like it in my life.
But, why did you lift up your skirt and show yours too?

"Just to show you the difference," answers Jan, "but anyway
you've seen me with no knickers on thousands of times."

"Yes," says Ron, "I have ... but the rest of the dart
team hasn't !!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Random Chips
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"If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and
Gomorrah an apology."
---Jay Leno

Q: What do you call a funeral where you smell your own flowers?
A: A wedding!

Q:What do you call two bicycles welded together?
A:Siamese Schwinns.

Q:What are gas station attendant's favorite shoes?
A:Pumps.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got
their tent
all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto
wakes the Lone
Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asks Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically
speaking, it
tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it
appears to be
approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically,
it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber then
buffalo shit. Someone has stolen tent."

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
First, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because
he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was
too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and
forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer
asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even
have an air conditioner."

When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend
to be sane.
---Herman Hesse

Basketball player Chris Washburn, commenting on his ability
to drive to the basket, "Yeah, I can go to my right and my
left. That's because I'm amphibious.
"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Japanese study holds out the promise that stem cells from
liposuction fat could be used to increase women's breast size
without
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in funding for stem cell research.

Two men were overheard talking about the infidelities of an office
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"The
only thing I've ever done behind my wife's back is to zip her up."

Q. How do you know when you're really a loser?

A. When a nymphomaniac says, "Let's just be friends

Mike picked up an attractive woman, named Linda, who flagged down
his
car in a seedy part of town. As they rode, he asked her what she did
for a living.

Linda winked at Mike and said, "I'm a magician."

"No way," Mike scoffed. 'Prove it."

So Linda touched him on the thigh, and "Poof" Mike turned into a
hotel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Short Chips
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Two lesbians walk into a House of Ill
Repute.

They ask for the youngest woman in
the joint.

The Madam says that she will not allow
the youngest girl any time with them.

The lesbians make the demand again,
"We want the youngest girl here!"

The madam says, "No. I don't serve
minors to lickers."

~~~~

Tammy bought a new book recently entitled
"What Twenty Million American Women Want."

Seeing the title, Doug grabbed the book out
of her hand and started thumbing through the pages.

Astonished and not just a little bit irritated, Tammy
stared up at him and said, "What in the world are
you doing?"

Doug replies, "I just want to see if they've got my
name spelled right."

~~~~

What do people mean when they say their computer went
down on them?

~~~~

The bride-to-be and her best friend were discussing her impending
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"If you want an unforgettable wedding night," her friend
said, "get him to eat a dozen oysters after the ceremony."

A week after, the new bride thanked her friend but said plaintively,

"Only eight of the oysters worked."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Clinton Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cooking For Clinton

Some time ago, President Clinton was hosting a state
dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell
ill, and they had to get a replacement on short
notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a
very grubby-looking man named Jon. The President
voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told
that this was the best they could do on such short
notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook
sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to
the Chief of
Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good
chef. The
meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a
little funny.
By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and
nausea. It
was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to
excuse himself
from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the
kitchen, he caught
sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end, which made him feel
even worse.

By now, the President was desperately ill with violent
cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't
remember which door led to the bathroom.
He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when
he finally found a door that opened. As he unzipped
his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror
that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office
with his trousers around his knees.
As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him
and heard the President whisper in a barely audible
voice, "Sack my cook."

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Outdoor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk a long a country
lane. They
walk hand in hand and as they stroll, his lustful desire rises to a
peak. He is
just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I
really do
need to take a piss."

Slightly taken a back by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind
this hedge.
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits, he
can hear the
sound of tight nylon knickers rolling down voluptuous legs and
imagines what is
being exposed.

Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches
through a gap
in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his
hand further up
her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself
gripping a
long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror,
"My God,
Mary, have you changed your sex!"

"No," she replies, "I've changed my mind. I'm taking a shit
instead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snow White was desperate for a fuck
she went to the woods to try her luck.

She'd almost given up looking,
when she saw some chimney smoke,
then she stumbled on the cottage,
and went in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in seconds.
and she'd just removed her pants,
when seven dwarfs came marching in,
with a merry song and dance.

Snow White just stood there speechless,
and thought she was in heaven,
originally after one good shag,
but now she could have seven.

Straight away she took command,
"My fanny needs a lick!"
And when one dwarf moved forward,
she said "Oi-you'd better drop your pick"

So down he went onto all fours,
and said "I ain't licking that",
"Not there, that is my arse-hole,
you DOPEY little brat!"

The next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL,
unless you're a fucking queer"

So reluctantly he whipped it out,
to prove he was no fool,
and Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho",
as she rode upon his tool.

Now one dwarf wasn't smiling,
'cos he hadn't had a sniff,
and due to his impatience,
he couldn't raise a stiff.

"Relax, you GRUMPY bastard",
so he did as he was told,
and as soon as he was hard enough,
he shot his fucking load.

The next dwarf got a blow-job,
and she took him deep quite easy,
but she just avoided brain-damage,
when he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.

With three dwarfs left she turned and said,
"You're next, I want your knob!"
But no sooner than he had entered her,
and he was sleeping on the job.

"Wake up you SLEEPY bastard",
she wanted more from him,
and he woke with such excitement,
that he filled her hairy quim.

The next dwarf rammed his up her,
and shagged her fanny raw,
a dazed Snow White them whimpered.
"That should be against the law."

He made poor Snow White tremble,
he was so big and thick.
"No wonder you're so HAPPY,
with that fucking great big prick"

With one dwarf still remaining,
but feeling rather sore,
she said "You'll have to use your tongue,
my twat can't take no more!"

And so he put his tongue to work,
where others had placed their cocks,
and 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
she named the last dwarf DOC.

Now Snow White couldn't do much,
with all that cum inside her quim,
so she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
and filled it to the brim.

So there's the truth about the dwarfs,
and how they got their names,
by satisfying Miss Snow White,
and joining in her games.

There's one more thing you need to know,
and that's - What happened to that cup,
well think of what you're drinking,
when you next buy 7-Up

Ross

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He says "Well, it's not exactly a mid life crisis, but here's how
things worked
out for me."

Married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey,
25 years ago,
we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and
watched a 10 inch
black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25
year old blond.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV,
but I'm
sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not
holding up
your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a
hot 25 year
old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living
in a cheap
apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fruit and Vegetable Emulsifier

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sweet young thing was telling the Baptist Preacher that she had
been sleeping in another bedroom since she had caught her
husband sleeping with the neighbor.
"It's your duty to forgive him, my child," intoned the preacher,
as he patted her hand. She fell into his arms gently sobbing.
"But," he added, as his grip tightened,
"How'd ya like to get even with the S.O.B. first?"

Patricia

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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into the perfect slicer. *Garnishing Book with tips and tricks on
preparing fruits and vegetables.

http://buffaloschips.com/peeler

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1724

Thanksgiving Day

Diana: You sure invited a lot of guests again.

BJ: I have to invite my friends for dinner. Tonight we have the
family.

Diana: Okay where does everyone sit?

BJ: We have to put Don Snipe on the right side of the table. I
think
Mr. Buff should be in the middle. We will leave an empty setting
on the
left for our missing Colorado friend. We still miss him. Pat from

Lousiana next to Don, D from Calvary,,, let's sit her far away from
Don.
Just sit the others where you want. TCR over next to you.

Diana: But no turkey again this year?

BJ: Horace and Gus's family were horrified at the idea. We will
have
ham instead.

Diana: It is a good thing our Jewish friends from Kansas could not
make
it.

BJ: Yeah, then it would be a veggie meal or pizza for all.
Remember
to put the rules on the wall.

Diana: Yeah, good idea....

The Rules:

1. No talking about politics
2. No talking about religion
3. No personal attacks
4. Just positive comments
5. Be thankful for you meal

The herd in Guthrie


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Remember 9/11/01

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