Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Nancy hasn't been alone since she went into hospice and at
times there has been a dozen or more people in there at a
time in basically what is a studio apartment. They have brought
computer games and board games in for something to do
while Nancy is sleeping and they go through coffee like a bunch
of sailors.
Perhaps the biggest source of amusement though is Nancy's
wheel chair. Nancy has never been in it but Hospice always
provides a walker, a shower chair, and a wheelchair to each
patient. There is always some one in it though because besides
being the most comfortable seat in the house and the three
miniature dogs loving wheelchair rides, the boys enjoy seeing
what stunts they could do init. First they all learned to do
wheelies
and then balancing on the back wheels seeing how far they could
lean back without tipping over. All of them have banged their
heads and elbows several times but Brother Ron managed to
do it twice in two minutes. After that my sister Mary was following
along behind him with a couple of large pillows so he would have
something to land on. Buffalo prefers not to damage any of his
remaining brain cells so he is staying out of the wheelchair heh
heh.
Enjoy the chips and no matter how bad the world is try to find at
least one thing to smile about each day....... buffalo
A newsletter you may enjoy
BREAKING NEWS !!
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Driving Chips
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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely
large enough to see over the dashboard.
As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight
was red, but they just went right on through. The woman in the
passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could
have
sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the
light was red, and again they went right through.
This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been
red,
but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was
getting nervous, and decided to pay very close attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red,
and they went right through it.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Madge! Did you know we just
ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"
Madge turned to her and said, "Oh my goodness! Am I driving?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Rejection Chips
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Rejection Letter Form
The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form
Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition
was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such
as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep
your name on file should an opening become available. So that you
may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please
allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from
the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at
McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms bythetruckload"
indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than
my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants,
then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the
9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check.
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an
inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention
mine.
___ Three words: Size does matter.
Sincerely,
[Your name here]
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Pick-up Chips
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1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to
plant you right here!
2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go
screw.
3. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
4. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to
be.
5. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
7. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one
talking to you.
8. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and
going....
9. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd
be coming too.
10. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you
treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.
11. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone
beat me to it.
12. I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to
"tinker" around with.
13. You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb -
diggity.
14. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be
McGorgeous.
15. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
16. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed
Thrasher, have you seen one?
17. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride
you all day long for a quarter.
18. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all
night long.
19. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep
until the afternoon.
20. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
21. If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
22. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost
mine.
23. I look good on you.
24. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Menopause Chips
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The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause arrived at my door without warning:
Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and All-Dried-Up.
One by one they crept into my own private cottage in the woods and
started to take over my life. The first to arrive was Itchy. I
developed this itch on my right calf that was so irritating, I
wanted to scratch the skin right off my body.
Then Bitchy came to my door.
No longer was my PMS contained to one or two days a month--
it felt like constant PMS.
Then I would swing from Bitchy to Weepy for God's sake,
what was wrong with me?
Ding-dong......It's the middle of the night
and Sweaty has crawled into bed with me.
Oh, yes, Sweaty brought embarrassing hot flashes
and introduced me to night sweats
where it seemed as if a faucet had been attached between my breasts.
Of course Sweaty brought about Sleepy,
because I was tired all the time.
I would wake up so many times in the night
and not be able to get back to sleep.
Bloated crept in slowly,
my once-svelte figure got thick through the middle section, even
though I was following my weight-loss program that had worked so
well for so many years!
I can't quite remember
when Forgetful arrived,
but one day my brain stopped working.
I considered myself a pretty focused woman
until Forgetful came,
and I could not keep a coherent thought in my brain.
Am I getting Alzheimer's? I wondered.
Last,
All-Dried-Up slowly encroached upon my happy marriage.
This was probably the most unpleasant of the dwarf family.
Sex was no longer on the top of my list...or on my list at all. My
husband would give me that knowing look, and I would think,
"Frankly, I'd rather have a smoothie."
The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause! - What a family...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
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Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other
and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think
the best way to end an argument is to make love."
"Well," said the other woman," that will certainly revolutionize the
game of hockey!"
Q: Did you hear about the 13 year old boy that
got hold of his fathers Viagra?
A: They rushed him to the hospital with 3rd degree
burns on his hands.
Young boy & a young girl are playing in a sunny field alone. After a
while they both are very hot so after much discussion they take off
their shirts ... that helps alot and they continue playing. At some
time later the boy asks the girl "What are those things?" (pointing
to her
breasts) she says"they are my headlights ... look you have them too
but they are kinda smaller" so they continue playing. Later, the boy
has a bee fly up his pant leg so he hurriedly removes his pants. The
young girl asks (pointing at his penis)" What is that?" He replies
"Why that's my plug, don't you have a plug ?" (It's beginning to get
dark by now)
She says "No - I have this." (She removes her pants) Boy says "I
can't see too well but it looks like you have a socket. Hey, I have
a idea .... If I stick my plug into your socket it will make our
headlights light up !!!! "
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Grandparents
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/A/Gr.html
Call Of Creation Via Prairie Lady
http://www.andiesisle.com/creation/magnificent.html
John w/ The Broken Harp
http://heavens-gates.com/brokenharp/
Truth About Work
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/work.html
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Surfin Surfari
RAIDERS HALL OF FAME QB GEORGE BLANDA
http://deathbeeper.com/f/george_blanda
33 Deadly Substances On Earth
http://tinyurl.com/lnv3oy
U.S. National Debt Clock : Real Time Via Wesley
http://www.usdebtclock.org/
Wall Mural Art 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart3.htm
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
5 ways to speed up your PC from Microsoft
http://www.microsoft.com/atwork/maintenance/speed.aspx
Countdown Clock Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.com/y997bj
Create Your Own News
http://www.writeonit.org/
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.knrarabians.com/jack_russells.htm
Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Beer By the Pool
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91106.htm
How To Put On a Bra
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91107.htm
Knife Guy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91108.htm
Ladder
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91109.htm
Never Trust a Woman
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91110.htm
Bud Light Cat
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1211.htm
Bud Light Frisbee
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1212.htm
Bud Ads
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1213.htm
Buddy Greene Harmonica
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1215.htm
Bud Light Clown
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1216.htm
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Short Chips
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The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and
bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to
establish a relationship instead of just a one night stand. But he
couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one. "I can't
help feeling that we've met before". he said. "Yeah, I know".
sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think they
call this 'deja screw'.
~~~~~~
A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation
center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate
some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that's
interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me
$25." The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some
more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the
same man and woman meet again in the same line.
Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."
~~~~~
A woman walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the
fact they are about to be audited during the coming month. Says the
first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!" "I'm screwed, too!" says the
other guy, slapping his forehead. "Guys, I am about to be fucked
beyond all recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third guy in
anguish. Just then, one of the guys notices the woman who has been
standing there listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her
face. "Are you OK?" asks the guy. "Yes," replies the woman, "but I
was wondering... How do I go about getting audited?"
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Toon Chips
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American Beauty
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42519.htm
First Time
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42520.htm
See you in Hell
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42521.htm
Cant Tell
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42522.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
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A young wife without memorandum,
Made appointments completely at random
Since if two dates got mixed
It was easily fixed
By letting them screw her in tandem
________________________
All over the bed we did roam.
I swear from my mouth I did foam
I was just fit to pop,
When we both had to stop..
As a voice said "Hey, honey, I'm home!!"
________________________
An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves
She will use her bare fist
If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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Marina and Amy were sitting drinking coffee.
Amy looked quite down and so Marina asked her what the problem was.
Amy's brow furrowed and she said, "Marina, that Viagra is the work
of the devil.
Now we girls can look forward to having sex with really old guys,
for years and years to come.
I can see it now.
He's screaming ...
'Who's your granddaddy, who's your granddaddy?
Oh dear, I can't remember! What were we doing? Was I enjoying it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1879
Celtic Festival
Diana: Everyone in the van.
Rudy: Where are we going?
BJ: To a Celtic festival.
Val: What is a Celtic? Is it food?
Diana: It is a race of people from Scotland/
Ireland/Welsh background and such.
Rudy: You mean like the grape juice?
BJ: No not welch grape juice, this is different.
Katie: Hey, I am Celtic.
Diana: Yes, you are and so is Sandi.
Sandi: I don't feel Celtic.
BJ: Remember when you danced at the Lord of the Dance
a few years ago?
Sandi: Yes, it felt good.
Diana: It may have been in your blood Sandi.
To be continued
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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