[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Wed





Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Even though it seems at times like we have bypassed Spring
and went back to winter, I felt last night was time for a good
old-fashioned Spring Party. I invited the daughter and a nephew
and one other person showed up. They should have known that
when buffalo has a party it means work. Under my supervision,
I got the kitchen painted, the tub caulked, and some screens
replaced. The party only lasted four hours, but they did a real
good job. I managed to get all four burners working on the stove
and even though it isn't completely clean it looks a lot better.
Sandy appreciated the help, she was busy putting the house
back together after a visit from Eva for two days. Eva is just like
her mom was, she isn't ready to play until she has dumped
every toy on the floor.

Enjoy the chips..... buffalo

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Obama Chips
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Why Beer Is Better Than Obama

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
--Benjamin Franklin

Beer is better than Obama because soldiers like beer.

Beer is better than Obama because sailors like beer.

Beer is better than Obama because marines like beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't come from Madrassas.

Beer is better than Obama because you know what's in beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer won't take half your
paycheck.

Beer is better than Obama because beer makes life a little better.

Beer is better than Obama because you're sad if there's no more
beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't lie.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't have entitlement
demands.

Beer is better than Obama because beer and whine don't mix.

Beer is better than Obama because beer has a pretty good head on it.

Beer is better than Obama because beer and bowling go together.

Beer is better than Obama because beer and arugula don't.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't leave a bad taste in
your mouth.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't mind if you cling to
your beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't trash talk you behind
your back.

Beer is better than Obama because cold beer disproves the myth of
man made global warming.

Beer is better than Obama because imported beer doesn't pretend to
be domestic.

Beer is better than Obama because beer likes it when I set my
thermostat COLD.

Beer is better than Obama because beer is GREEN only on St.
Patrick's Day.

Beer is better than Obama because beer didn't smoke pot and snort
coke.

Beer is better than Obama because beer is better than Vichy Water.

Beer is better than Obama because beer is unpretentious.

Beer is better than Obama because people in small towns cling to
God, guns and beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't promise you a free
lunch.

Beer is better than Obama because there ain't no Pabst Bilal*
Ribbon. Not yet anyway.

Beer is better than Obama because beer won't throw you under the
bus.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't cut and run.

Beer is better than Obama because beer isn't phony.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't flip-flop.

Beer is better than Obama because beer's ingredients known for sure.

Beer is better than Obama because beer makes people happy.

Beer is better than Obama because beer is as American as apple pie.

Beer is better than Obama because beer isn't promoted on National
Public Radio.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't mind if you own an
SUV.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't care how much you
make.

Beer is better than Obama because a beer won't blame America for
9/11.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.

Beer is better than Obama because beer isn't a lawyer.

Beer is better than Obama because beer comes with an expiration
date.

Beer is better than Obama because beer and NASCAR go together.

Beer is better than Obama because you're not afraid to turn your
back on a beer.

Beer is better than Obama because beers don't have friends who
bombed the pentagon.

Beer is better than Obama because an empty beer is better than an
empty suit.

Beer is better than Obama because beer minds its own business.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't tell you what you
want to hear.

Beer is better than Obama because beer is worth what you pay for it.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't lecture you about
"global warming."

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't care what color you
are.

Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn't want to take away
your gun.

Beer is better than Obama because beer is popular with working
people.

Beer is better than Obama because beer isn't crazy.

Beer is better than Obama because beers don't start out as empties.

Beer is better than Obama because beers don't rig elections.

Beer is better than Obama because beers don't raise taxes.

Beer is better than Obama because beer and coke don't mix.

Beer wants to make you sociable; Obama wants to make you socialist.

No matter how often you pee, you can't rid yourself of Obama.

A beer hangover means you had a good time; an Obama hangover means
the good times are gone.

Beer will make the ball game more fun; Obama will tax your balls
off.

Too much beer means some of us will occasionally have to say "I'm
sorry." Too much Obama means we're all gonna be very, very sorry for
a long, long time.

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Viagra Chips
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Promise Chips
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There's this couple and they've been dating for quite some time.
He wants her really bad, but she won't sleep with him because
she's saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and
doing their thing, he's very hot and bothered, and he said, "Oh
come on, just a feel."

She said, "No, I'm saving myself for marriage."

They went back and forth. He said, "Just one feel, I promise,
that's all, just one feel."

She finally agreed, "Okay, just one feel, but that's all, just
one, I'm saving myself for marriage."

So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel.
Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks, "Can't we please?"

She of course states, "NO, I'm saving myself for marriage."

He says, "Please, please?" and she says, "No, absolutely not,
I'm saving myself for marriage."

He says, "How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?"

She says, "No way, I'm saving myself for marriage."

He begs and pleads with her, "I promise, just the tip, no
more, and we'll stop after that."

She finally gives in, "Okay, but just the tip, no more, and
that's all."

He says okay and pulls down her panties and puts the tip in...
he so hot and ready that he can't control himself shoves it the
whole way in and starts going to town... she meanwhile is
moaning and groaning and shouts, "OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT THE WHOLE
WAY IN!"

A little stunned, he says, "NO, absolutely not, a deals a deal!"

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Chinese Chips
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A Greek Restaurant owner daily teased his Chinese neighbor whenever
he met him

"How much is the flied lice today?"

The Chinese restaurant owner would fume and walk back into his
restaurant
and decided to avoid the Greek owner. One day the Chinese owner
decides to go for speech lessons and after three months of
intense learning decides to confront the Greek with his new skill.

When the Greek sees the Chinese owner he asks the usual question "
How much is the flied lice?"

The Chinese replies confidently:

" It is not flied lice, It is fried rice, you flucking Gleek
plick!!!!"

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Virgin Chips
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Thorn was trying real hard to get the best-looking cheerleader
in school to go out on a date with him. She finally agreed,
but only on condition that he arrange a date for her best
friend too. That was fine with Thorn, but when Friday night
came around he hadn't been able to line anyone up so he asked
his retarded brother Futhman if he would help him out. "Why
sure," said Futhman, "but you know, I've never been out with a
girl before."

"No problem," said Thorn. "Just do everything I do."

Off the four of them go to the drive-in, and when Thorn started
kissing his date, Futhman followed suit. Soon Thorn had the
cheerleader's bra undone, so Futhman undid his date's. Next,
Thorn
was feeling inside her panties, but when Futhman tried to follow
suit, his date told him to quit.

"Why?" asked Futhman, anxiously noting that his brother was
getting quite a head start in the front seat.

"I have my period," she said.

"You're what?"

"I'm bleeding down there," she explained, blushing.

"This I gotta see," said Futhman. He turned on the headlights,
dragged his date out in front of the car, and pulled down her
pants. White-faced, he said, "Hell, I'd be bleeding too, if my
dick were chopped off!"

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Priest Chips
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A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his
way there two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning sisters"
and they reply in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side
of the bed this morning."

This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he
just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along
the way and he says,"Good morning Brother." The Brother replies in
a sing song voice, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this
morning." The priest looks confused at all this but goes on.

He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he
says, "Good morning Father." the priest replies in a sing song
manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Now
the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dinning hall not
saying a word to anyone. The Bishop sees him and says, "Father ..."
The young priest was not going to take any more even from the
bishop. He looks at the bishop and says, "No I did not get up on
the wrong side of the bed this morning." The bishop looks at him
stunned and says "What?" The priest realized his mistake and said
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Sister Ann's shoes?"

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Disney Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whatever happened to our favorite Disney characters?

MICKEY MOUSE:Died of venereal disease after visiting multiple
prostitutes because Minnie said "No" for 50 years.

DONALD DUCK:Served as a main course at Epcot's China Pavilion.

PLUTO:Caught by dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never
claimed.

GOOFY:Assassinated during first term as President of the United
States.

SCROOGE McDUCK:Died in extreme poverty after being audited by the
IRS.

HUEY, DEWEY & LOUIE:Involved in an underground child pornography
ring.

CHIP & DALE:Extracted from Richard Gere's colon.

SNOW WHITE:Fell for the "apple trick" again.

DOPEY:'nuff said.

SNEEZY:Died of pneumonia with Jim Henson.

GRUMPY:Executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds.

HAPPY:Killed by insane gunman at a local McDonalds.

DOC:Was sued for malpractice, lived the rest of his life living
under
bridges and eating out of used cat food cans.

SLEEPY:Never woke up.BASHFUL:Now a stripper with the Chippendales.

MARY POPPINS:Shot down over Iraqui airspace.

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN:Male prostitute, died of a heroin overdose.

WINNIE THE POOH:Had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of
570.

PIGLET:Gunned down in a mafia hit.

RABBIT:Died of an aneurism while watching over his garden.

EEYORE:Committed suicide.

TIGGER:Accidentally bounced off the edge of a cliff.

PETER PAN:Christopher Robin's lover, committed suicide in despair.

TINKERBELL:Caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid.

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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since Transplanting Has Proved To Be Viable,
And My Dong's Been Less Plied Than Pliable,
Why Not Graft, As A Ringer,
My Trusty Third Finger,
Which, These Days, Is Far More Reliable?

Patricia

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves
She will use her bare fist
If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves
___________________________

A Salvation lassie named Claire
Was having her first love affair.
As she climbed into bed
She reverently said,
"I wish to be opened with prayer."
___________________________

There was old guy named Lee,
Who was stung in the balls by a bee,
He made oodles of money,
By oozing pure honey,
Every time he attempted to pee.
<Snagged By>
Ross

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his
parents room to check it out. He opened the door to see
his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind
her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink
as Johnny closed the door. After business was
finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He
opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over
the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind
her. Dad yelled, "Johnny, what the hell are you
doing?!" Little Johnny replied, "It's not so
funny when its YOUR mom, is it?!"

Randy

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...

Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional. In over
twenty
years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' said Jim, and he proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the
tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it
couldn't
have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the
nurse
started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.. Ten minutes
later, she was
able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my
honor as a
nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me,
what seems to
be the problem?'

'It's swollen,' Jim replied.

She ran out of the room.

Randy

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1618

Confrontation

The day passes and the arrangements are made.

Paddy: Okay Sandi, here is what I have for you, my short lance with
a silver-tip.

Sandi: Thank you Paddy.

Rob: You will be helping these kind folk for many generations to
come.

Rudy: I want to be there with you.

Paddy: You can be Rudy, I have a small silver sword you can carry.
Together you might be able to defeat this evil creature.

Katie: Can I do something?

Paddy: Pray.

Tami: What can I do?

Paddy: Stay out of the way.

Night falls and Tami sneaks out behind Sandi and Rudy. Paddy, Sandi
and Rudy head for the cemetery to await their mission.

The night is deathly dark, no moon...

Time passes and when midnight arrives so does the Wraith. The
Wraith
is cloaked and is looking for any victim.

The Wraith views Sandi...: My next victim.

Sandi: Come to me evil one.

Rudy: Or to me!

The Wraith hesitates and sees the flicker of starlight reflect on
the silver
tip of the lance.... but it is too late.

The lance penetrates deep into the body of the Wraith.

Rudy also attacks the Wraith and uses the knife, driving it deep
into
the body of the evil one.

The screams are unearthly...

Tami watches in horror...as the Wraith turns into .. nothing and
with the
wind is gone forever.

Paddy: Good job Yanks.

Rudy: Can we have a steak?

Sandi: How about a nap?

Tami: I watched it all guys, you did great.

Katie peeks around from a bush: I saw it to, good job.

To be continued

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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