[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sun





Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

We have all heard what I have to say about my father, how about what
some famous people have to say on the subject.

"A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when
she is a woman he turns her back again." -- Enid Bagnold

"It no longer bothers me that I may be constantly searching for
father figures; by this time, I have found several and dearly
enjoyed knowing them all." -- Alice Walker

"None of you can ever be proud enough of being the child of SUCH a
Father who has not his equal in this world-so great, so good, so
faultless. Try, all of you, to follow in his footsteps and don't be
discouraged, for to be really in everything like him none of you, I
am sure, will ever be. Try, therefore, to be like him in some
points, and you will have acquired a great deal." -- Victoria, Queen
of England

"That is the thankless position of the father in the family-the
provider for all, and the enemy of all." -- J. August Strindberg

"It is a wise father that knows his own child." -- William
Shakespeare

"It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he
was." -- Anne Sexton

"One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters." -- English
Proverb

"To be a successful father . . . there's one absolute rule: when you
have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years." -- Ernest
Hemingway

"A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like
his father." -- Gabriel García Márquez

"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a
father's protection." -- Sigmund Freud

"I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work
fifteen and sixteen hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from
the bottoms of his feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone,
unable to speak the language, who taught me all I needed to know
about faith and hard work by the simple eloquence of his example."
-- Mario Cuomo

"Be kind to thy father, for when thou wert young,
Who loved thee so fondly as he?
He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue,
And joined in thy innocent glee."
-- Margaret Courtney

"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let
him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any
fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right." --
Bill Cosby

"Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him
father!" -- Lydia M. Child

A Happy Father's Day to Fathers, Dads, and those stepping up to fill
the job. I am proud of you all.

Enjoy the Chips.... buffalo

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50 Ways Chips
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The Top 20 Other Ways to Leave Your Lover

20> Sell her for crack, Jack.

19> Leave up the lid, Sid.

18> Throw his clothes on the lawn, Dawn.

17> Keep wetting the bed, Fred.

16> Stab her and a waiter after nightfall, Orenthal.

15> Tell her you're gay, Ray.

14> Ask if she's gained weight, Nate.

13> Call her a ho, Moe.

12> Send her to Capitol Hill, Bill.

11> Gorge yourself on baked beans, Dean.

10> Make too many bad rhymes, Tom.

9> Catch and release, Denise.

8> Put on her teddy, Eddy.

7> Throw a toaster in the tub, Bub.

6> Find another Cruz, Cruise.

5> Tell her Ashcroft won't let you leave, Steve.

4> Bag 'em and tag 'em, Adam.

3> Stop taking your Paxil, Axl.

2> Shoot her in the head and hope you get an OJ Simpson-like
break, Mr. Blake.

1> Call her "Mom" during sex, Rex.

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Italian Chips
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An Italian family is at the dinner table when
the father says to his oldest son, "Tony!
Why you-a such a fat-a fuck?"

Tony says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's spaghetti!
I can't-a stop-a eating it."

Poppa says, "You should-a take-a smaller bites!"

Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Michael!
Why you-a such a fat-a fuck?"

Michael says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's lasagna.
I can't-a stop-a eating it, it's-a so good."

Poppa says, "You should-a also take-a smaller
bites."

Then Poppa says to his youngest son, "Fredo!
How you-a stay so slim-a and-a trim-a."

Fredo says, "It's-a so easy, Poppa. I eat-a
lots and lots of-a pussy."

Poppa says, "Pussy? Pussy, that's-a taste
like shit!"

Fredo says, "Poppa, You should-a take-a
smaller bites!"

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Card Chips
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OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me.

OUTSIDE: If I get only one thing for Christmas...
INSIDE: I hope it's your sister.

OUTSIDE: I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone

to love.
INSIDE: After having met you, I've changed my mind.

OUTSIDE: I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
INSIDE: I never believed in hell 'til I met you.

OUTSIDE: Looking back over the years that
we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
INSIDE: What the heck was I thinking!

OUTSIDE: I always wanted to be rich, powerful and well-
respected.
INSIDE: And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damned ugly.

OUTSIDE: Sex with you is like using drugs:
INSIDE: Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid enough to admit
it.

OUTSIDE: When we were together, you always said you'd die for

me.
INSIDE: Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your
promise.

OUTSIDE: I'm so miserable without you...
INSIDE: It's almost like you're here.

OUTSIDE: If you ever need a friend...
INSIDE: Buy a dog.

OUTSIDE: Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
INSIDE: Did you ever find out who the father was?

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Divorce Chips
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She spent the first day packing her belongings into

boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and

collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at

their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put

on some soft background music, and feasted on a

pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of

Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every

room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells,

dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend,

all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the

house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning

and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were

checked for dead rodents, and carpets were

steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters,

during which they had to move out for a few days, and

in the end they even paid to replace the expensive

wool carpeting.

Nothing work ed. People stopped coming over to visit...

Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and

decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price

in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky

house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local

realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a large sum of money

from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things

were going. He t old her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old

home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her

divorce settlement in exchange for getting the

house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell

was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of

what the house had been worth...But only if she were

to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and

within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood

smirking as they watched the moving company pack

everything to take to their new home...

...including the curtain rods.

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Little Johnny Chips
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Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby.

Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they
arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's
family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents
were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the
baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny
before going to the neighbors. He said,

"Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to
be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm
really going to spank your butt when we get back home." "I promise
not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny. At the
neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the
baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh, what a
beautiful little baby!" The mother,who had braced herself for
Johnny's comment, was pleasantly

surprised and said,"Thank you very much, Little Johnny."

He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little
feet.

Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can

see good?" The mother, a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why,
yes...

his doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"

little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he'd be fu***ed
up if he needed to wear glasses!"

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Judge Chips
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A judge of some thirty years passed away unexpectedly. Upon his
passing he as greeted by an angel who explained he was there to
guide the judge to heaven. The angel introduced himself and added,
"and I must say it is truely an honor to meet you." As they slowly
headed closer to the pearly gates the judge suddenly stopped dead in
his tracks and in no uncertain terms said, "Listen, I don't care how
rare it is for someone of my stature to make it up here, but if
there are any attorneys in there, I'm not going in. I'm tired of
them all. I'd rather suffer an eternity in hell than argue with
another minute with an attorney."

Arriving at the pearly gates, and with much eyebrow
raising by the heavenly host, the judge was determined to be worthy
to enter heaven. "One moment, St. Peter," said the judge as the
gates to heaven swung open for him, "just one thing, I'm tired of
being around attorneys. I've been around them all of my life. Are
there any inside? Because if there are, the deal's off and you can
just send me to hell right now!" "Certainly not!" cried St. Peter,
"You're quite safe. There are no attorneys in here." Feeling
reassured, the judge pressed on and through the pearly gates into
heaven. The judge found heaven very enjoyable until one day when all
of a sudden a very elderly gentleman with a long white beard,
wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase in one hand and a handful of
papers in the other pushed past him mumbling something about be late
for court. Enraged, the judge stormed back to St. Peter. "Hey! St.
Peter!" cried the judge, "You said there were no attorneys here."
"There aren't," stammered St. Peter. "I bed to differ," the angered
judge promptly retorted, then pointing to the elderly man, "What
does that elderly guy over there look like to you?" demanded the
judge. "Oh my," St. Peter said laughingly, "That's not an attorney!
-- That's God. He just thinks he's an attorney!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Subscribers and Friends

Melva w/ Dad's Day
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Surfin Surfari

Summer Solstice June 21, 2009
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Movie Clips

Football
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Football Season
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little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The new school year started and the grade school teacher wanted some
students to tell a brief story about summer vacation. Several
students eagerly raised their hands including Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Alice to tell a story. "We took a trip to the
Grand Canyon during vacation" Alice said. "We rode donkeys down a
steep trail to the bottom of the canyon, it was fun."

The teacher asked for another volunteer and several students eagerly
raised their hands including Little Johnny. She was afraid to call
on Little Johnny because he swore a lot last year.

The teacher chose Fred to tell a story. "My Dad and I went on a
fishing trip way out in the country. We stopped at a small pond; I
cast my lure into the pond and caught the biggest trout we'd ever
seen! We started a campfire and cooked the trout, it was great!"
Fred reported.

"That nice Fred, now how about another volunteer". Several students
were waving their hands. The teacher felt sorry for Little Johnny
and decided to give him another chance.

"My Dad and I went on a deer hunting trip. We saw a huge 18 point
buck in the field, my Dad aimed and shot it right in the asshole"
Little Johnny said.

The teacher was angry, "Johnny you mean rectum." she said.

"Wrecked'im? You bet it wrecked'im, shot his balls clean off."
answered Little Johnny.

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Toon Chips
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Body Surfing
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Poetry Chips
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"Fathers Are Wonderful People"

Fathers are wonderful people
Too little understood,
And we do not sing their praises
As often as we should...

For, somehow, Father seems to be
The man who pays the bills,
While Mother binds up little hurts
And nurses all our ills...

And Father struggles daily
To live up to "his image"
As protector and provider
And "hero of the scrimmage"...

And perhaps that is the reason
We sometimes get the notion,
That Fathers are not subject
To the thing we call emotion,

But if you look inside Dad's heart,
Where no one else can see
You'll find he's sentimental
And as "soft" as he can be...

But he's so busy every day
In the grueling race of life,
He leaves the sentimental stuff
To his partner and his wife...

But Fathers are just wonderful
In a million different ways,
And they merit loving compliments
And accolades of praise,

For the only reason Dad aspires
To fortune and success
Is to make the family proud of him
And to bring them happiness...

And like Our Heavenly Father,
He's a guardian and a guide,
Someone that we can count on
To be always on our side.

Helen Steiner Rice

Patricia

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Parting Chips
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A fellow is going on tour of a factory that produces various latex
products. At the first stop, he's shown the machine that
manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop!
noise."The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,"
explains the guide. The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in
the end of the nipple."

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are
manufactured. The machine makes a noise: Hiss, Hiss, Hiss, Hiss-Pop!

"Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what
the hiss, hiss is ... but what's that pop every so often?"

"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says
the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condom!" the man states.

"Yeah, you're right, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple
business!"

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took a drive to Walmart the other night to pick up some stuff for
our trip this weekend. Since I was already going my sister asked if
I could pick up a bottle of bug spray for her while I was there.

After going through and getting everything on my shopping list I was
walking around looking for the bug spray.

When an employee saw me wandering around aimlessly he came up to me
and asked if I needed any help.

"I'm looking to get OFF. I have money."

Needless to say I'm not allowed in that store anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1627

The Luck of the Loch

Tami: Full speed towards the shape Rudy!

Rudy: Are you certain Miss Tami?

Tami: Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead.

Katie: Torpedoes, what torpedoes? I think she is bonkers.

Rudy: I thought her name was Tami not bonkers.

Sandi: I am heading to the galley to fix something to eat.

Tami: I can almost make the shape out, we are closing in.

Rudy: Good deal Miss Tami.

Tami: Ack! Pull back Rudy, it is a submarine!

Rudy: What is a submarine?

Rob: Hard to helm Rudy.

Rudy: What is a helm?

Katie: Turn left.

Rudy: Okay.

Tami: Put it in reverse to.

A few taxing minutes pass as the two vessels come very close to each
other.

The sub commander is on deck.

Commander: Who told you to approach us?

All paws and fingers point to Tami who starts to shrivel up.

Commander: Why did you approach us ma'am?

Tami: I thought you might be the Loch Ness monster...

Commander roaring with laughter: You, you actually believe that
malarkey. Say do you believe in the tooth fairy?

Tami: I don't feel well, I think I need to lie down.

Commander: You need to get your vessel back to shore.

Rudy: Yes sir.

Tami: Mama.

Back at the shore the group reenter their car and as they do they
witness what they think is a very long neck of something sticking
out of the water.

Tami: Naah, couldn't be.

Rudy: Nope, didn't see a thing.

Rob: I didn't see it either.

Sandi: I never saw that long neck either.

Katie: It was a pretty long neck that I never saw.

The Herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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