[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For sat





Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Teacher allegedly tosses stapler, hitting student
ASSOCIATED PRESS |

A Philadelphia school teacher is under investigation for allegedly
throwing a stapler that struck a student in the head. The mother of
a 15-year-old boy said she took him to The Children's Hospital of
Philadelphia where he received four stitches in his forehead Friday
afternoon. School district spokesman Fernando Gallard confirms that
the male teacher threw the stapler when his class became unruly.
Gallard said the stapler bounced off a wall and struck the student.
The mother said the incident happened as her son was passing the
classroom and stopped at the door to talk with a friend.

buffalo says Ok , I never got hit with a stapler while I was in
school although
teachers did throw things at me. Their favorite was a felt eraser.
Loaded
with chalk it had a double effect of a cloud of dust and a thud when
it struck
the offender like a fast ball. It didn't create a lot of pain
though, not like
a piece of chalk, which would leave a welt on you or the big double
sponge
erasers that had a piece of wood in the center which would knock out

King Kong. I never saw anyone hit with one of those but it was real
good
for getting everyone's attention like a flash bang grenade. It did
serve well
for handling minimal offenses, like talking, dozing, and chewing gum
but
did not cover the offense of spinning your ruler on your pencil.
That
required walking up and down the aisles spinning your ruler and
saying,
" Whee I'm a helicopter." It was like everything else, no one did it
much
till they made it all illegal and then everyone tried to do it
behind the teacher's back.

This is all just good memories, if I had been born thirty years
later, I would
have been traumatized and required years of analyzing.

Enjoy the chips .... buffalo

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Scottish Chips
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A commercial traveller was driving through the
Scottish Highlands when his car broke down. There was
a cottage near by so he went up to it and knocked on
the door. The door opened to reveal a burly
Highlander.

"My car has conked out," said the traveller, "Where
can I spend the night?"

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and avail yourself of our world famous hospitality."

The traveller duly entered the humble but cosy
residence. "Jeannie," shouted the host in the
direction of the kitchen, and in response to his call
his beautiful daughter appeared. "Jeannie, make a meal
for the gentleman and remember to uphold our great
tradition of Highland hospitality."

The traveller was soon tucking into an appetising
meal, the girl had indeed spared no effort to extend
Highland hospitality to the guest.

"And now," said the Highlander, "I'm afraid I must go
out and milk the cows, but just make yourself at home
and take full advantage of our world famous Highland hospitality."

No sooner had the door closed behind him than the
traveller set about seducing the lovely daughter. In
no time at all he had her on floor and was on the job.

Suddenly the door opened and there stood the
Highlander. He took one look at what was going on and
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buckets of milk with a crash and gave verbal vent to
his wrath.

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take the poor man's balls off the cold floor."

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School Chips
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One day, a teacher in a high school class was administering a test,
and
she noticed that four pupils were missing.

The first one came in.

"Why are you so late?" the teacher said to him.

"Sorry, miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."

She told him to go sit down.

Then the second pupil came in.

"Why are you so late?" she said to him.

"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."

She told him to go sit down.

Then the third one came in.

"Why are you so late?" she said to him.

"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."

She told him to go sit down.

Finally, the fourth pupil, a girl, came in.

"I suppose you've been up Penny Lane, too, then?"

"No, miss," she said to the teacher. "I am Penny Lane"

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Random Chips
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He doesn't worry about talking in his sleep. His wife and mistress
have the same name.

Two small mice were crouched under a table in the chorus girls'
dressing room of a big Broadway show. "Wow," exclaimed the first
mouse, "have you ever seen so many gorgeous legs in your life?"
"Means
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Have you heard the slogan for the Stealth Condom? "They'll never see

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Did you hear about the guy who was found not guilty for masturbating

in public? The lucky guy got off twice.

One day, a mother walks by her young son's room and sees little
Johnny
masturbating. Later, she has a talk with him and tells him that good

little boys save it until they are married. A few weeks later, the
mom
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cheerfully replies, "Great! So far, I've saved nearly a quart!"

This girl in my class who is considered kind of wild doesn't ever
bother to vote in any election. She says she doesn't really care who

gets in.

Stan Kegel

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Hair Chips
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Squirrel Bait meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe,
let's
go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks."

She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll
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Alcohol Chips
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Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My
friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect
post-work
cocktail, a beer with the game, & you're even around in the holidays
hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the
midst of
endless family gatherings. Yet lately I've been wondering about your
intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests
at
heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise
consequences,
briefed below for your review.

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is
important,
I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or
necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those
ex-boyfriends / girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want
to
hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal but why do you suggest
that
I eat a kabob with chili sauce, along with a big Italian hoagie &
some
stale chips (washed down with chocolate Nesquik & topped off with a
Kit
Kat all after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? Eclectic
eater I
am, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to
do
more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue
home
by causing me to fall down, it's completely unnecessary. The black &
blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day is
beyond
me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get
the
front door key into the lock.

4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often
clarify
the last point below, but the following costumes are banned from
ever
being placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros,
bows,
ties, boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic
cones, or bras. Also, what is with you making me take pictures with
people I clearly don't like when I'm sober. Yet they suddenly become
my
best friends when a flash is presented?

5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I
most
likely do not. Please do not request that I go over & see if in
fact,I
do actually know that person. The phrase "Let's Fu*k" is illegal
from
now on. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the
brain-to-mouth-block that would stop this thought from becoming a
statement, especially in public. Please stop me from talking to the
guy/girl with the crooked teeth; acned-up face; bad breath, beer
belly,
etc. Why are they so appealing to me while I'm with you & why are
they
so disgusting to me the next morning after you have worn off??

6. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting
ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's
debauchery may be in order, but the 3 p.m -hangover immobility is
completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the
proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products,
aspirin)
prior to going to bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with
a
bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere
with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day for that matter)
activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would
like
to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of
great
stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion
when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my
pockets. In
order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review
my
grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an
answer
no later than Thursday 3pm(pre-happy hour) on your possible
solutions &
hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you from your biggest fan.

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Falling Chips
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A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor
condominium
when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.

"Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to
die."

As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught
her in
his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he
asked, "Do
you swallow?"

"No!" she shrieked, aghast.

So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man
reached out
and caught her.

"Do you screw?" he asked.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He
dropped
her, too.

The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would
have
it,
she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.

"I swallow! I screw!" she screamed in panic.

"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.

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Love Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Making love to a beautiful woman is like....

SENDING EMAIL
Sending email is like making love to a beautiful woman, you have to
give
the right messages and press the right buttons. Then hey presto,
it's
arrived in her box!

MAKING COFFEE
Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman.
It's
got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to
stir...gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they
squeak. And then you put in the milk.

LAYING A CARPET
Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful
woman.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down,
nail
her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you
might
like to try an underlay.

HANGING WALLPAPER
Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a
beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on
the
table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your
brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

PUTTING UP A TENT
Putting up a tent, is... very much like making love to a beautiful
woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole and slip in to
the
old bag.

WASHING A CAR
Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And
give
every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a
nice
wet sponge.

BEING IN THERAPY
And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful
woman. You... get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies
and
evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your
money.

BEING IN A CRASH
Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a
dual
carriage-way, is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a
rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon
as
possible.

GOING FISHING
Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First
of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod
cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst
not in
use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there
are
no kinks or any wear, particularly at the base, where the grip is
usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the
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Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mulligan's missus was big, fat and mean
A cruel and ugly man-killing machine
She's the type of woman you'd be looking for
If you wanted mercenaries for a guerilla war

And if he came home from the pub after six
She'd beat him senseless with her thrashing stick
But he was too scared to leave the old bag
He was much too soft and used to wave the white flag

Well, me and the blokes, from down at the pub
We'd had about enough of the way he'd been clubbed
So we banded together, a vigilante team
And we kept him at the pub until seven-fifteen

We pinned him in the corner though he screamed and kicked
"She'll bash me bloody senseless with her thrashing stick!"
"Just have another beer, Bill, she'll be all right.
All of us blokes are gunna' take you home tonight"

So we piled into Darcy's Ute and hit the dirt track
Six clambered in the front and fourteen in the back
And Mulligan was cursin', and screaming he'd be killed
"Then she'll have to kill us all then" we reassured Bill

We pulled up at his house down on Jacaranda Drive
Parked the Ute and piled out and headed on inside
We up the pathway to the door, which opened swift and quick
And his missus came out screaming, and swinging that thrashing stick

She looked like a raging mallee bull, ready for the kill
We formed a human barricade in front of poor old Bill
"If you wanna beat your husband up, then you'll have to get on past
us!"
"If that's the way it is," she said, "Take this, you pack of
bastards!"

And into us she swung that stick, like Bradman with a bat
Old Jacko copped a hiding first and screamed like a dying cat
She thrashed and flogged the lot of us, half had up and run
So I staggered back to Darcy's Ute and grabbed his old shotgun

"Just put that bloody stick down now!", I shouted out to her
I'll pull this trigger flamin' quick, if'n you don't concur!"
She dropped the stick, I looked around, and saw I was alone
Everyone, 'cept Mulligan, had fled, through fear, back home

I went to pick that old stick up and break it right in half
But she moved not like a heifer, she moved more like a calf
And kicked me quickly in the guts and grabbed the old shotgun
Then said "Get out, you mongrel dog!" and shot me in the bum

Well, you've never seen a man move such, with buckshot in his bum
I near on broke the speed of light, as up the road I run
And the last thing I saw looking back was Mulligan on the ground
Being caned near dead with that big old stick that she'd been
wielding 'round

Well the story of that night became a legend in our town
How Mulligan's old missus, knocked twenty of us down
And she's got a thriving business now, wouldn't it make you sick!
She opened a shop and sold our wives a bloody thrashing stick!

So the pub is rather quiet now I think we're still in shock
We have an alarm hooked to the bar, that goes off at six-o'clock
And all us blokes and Mulligan, go screaming for the door
For fear of having to face up to that thrashing stick once more!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three guys are driving through Indiana in a storm, when they drive
into
a fallen tree. Everyone was OK but they were stranded. After 3 hours
of
walking they see a farm house. They walk up to the door and ring the
doorbell. An old man answers the door and, after the three guys
explain
their situation, the man encourages them to stay, as long as nobody
messes around with his 19 year old daughter. All three of them agree
and
go up into the guest room. The next morning the old man yells up the
stairs, "you three get down here NOW". They all get there and the
man
says, "I know that at least one of you 3 did something last night
with
my daughter", and ordered them all, with a butcher knife in his
hand, to
drop their pants. Then he says,"My daughter has very stiff pubic
hairs
and anyone that had sex with her would have marks on their penis."
The
first one drops his pants, and sure enough, scratches all over. So
he
chops it off in one swift slice. The same happens with the second
guy,
but the third has no scratches anywhere on his penis. The father
expresses his gratitude as the guy says, with blood dripping from
his
mouth, "Cun I goa hone naw?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A pregnant woman and her husband asked the doctor if it was
okay to have sex during her pregnancy. He told them that during
the first trimester they could do it normal-style, during the second
trimester they should do it dog-style and during the third trimester
they were limited to wolf-style.

"Wolf-style?" queried the husband. "What's that?"

"You lie next to the hole and howl," replied the doctor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1621

(Irish Trip Still interupted)

The Morning Routine Pt 1

The alarm clock goes off. I turn it off. I get out of bed.

BJ: Okay guys, time to go outside and do your thing.

Katie and Sandi head for the door. BJ let's them out.

BJ: Where are you Rudy?

BJ goes back downstairs, Rudy runs upstairs.

BJ goes upstairs, Rudy runs downstairs and hides.

BJ gets the leash...: Oh Rudy...come here boy!

Rudy: Don't wanna, wanna sleep.

BJ: You need to go to the bathroom.

Rudy: Wanna sleep.

BJ hooks up the leash.

Rudy: Okay, like a criminal, I will be led to the slaughter.

BJ: It just going to the bathroom.

BJ unhooks the leash at the door, Rudy flops on his behind.
BJ opens the door and pushes the ninety pound dog outside.

BJ: Whew! Now I have to hurry and get ready for work!

Bark Bark Bark!

BJ: Good grief it is Sandi wanting in.

Sandi: Good morning Daddy.

To be continued

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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