[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 3-15-11

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

I am busy with spring cleaning at the moment which
may seem a little premature with temperatures at night
still in the single digits but with the daughter moving in and
a lot of furniture and small stuff being stashed in nooks
and crannies it seemed a better idea to clean stuff now
and plan for the long run. If I can make it to the end of the
month without blowing out my back or having to quell an
employee revolt, I will be alright. We do have the full moon
approaching, supposedly the closest pass of the year and
my crew gets a little strange around full moon time. Ok
I know the scientific community says people aren't weirder
during a full moon but then they don't live in my neighborhood.

Yesterday I borrowed a commercial carpet cleaner and did the
living room. This thing makes a rug doctor look like a toy and had
a 50 foot hose and wand with three spray nozzles to get into
small spots with. The water hoses had snap connectors on
them and I couldn't get them to lock until I took a small screwdriver
and let the pressure out. Of course I ended up getting sprayed
a half dozen times and I was soaked when I got finished. Next
task is to paint the kitchen so that the carpet people can install
indoor outdoor carpet to replace the sixties style 9x9 grey tile.
I would prefer vinyl but there is a lot of cracked and missing tiles
that would have to be repaired first.

Enjoy the chips and if you want to come over and swing a paint
brush, you would be welcomed...... buffalo

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Poker Chips
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Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally
dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table
to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any
underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit
back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife
followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under
there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he
did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.'
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs
of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested. Sue told him
that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't,
Jim should be at her house around
2 p. m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, Jim showed
up at Bob's house at 2 p.. m. sharp and after paying Sue the
agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their
transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly dressed and left. As usual,
Bob came home from work at 6 p. m. And upon arriving, asked his
wife, 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?' With a lump in her
throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this
afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly
asked, 'And did he give you $500?' Sue, using her best poker face,
replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.' Bob, with a
satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came
by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised
he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me
back.'

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

you're right
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sabotage
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one night...
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Sandwich Chips
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A guy nearing the end of his senior year in high school
unfortunately still has to share a room with his brother who is only
9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is
already on the lower bunk. So he and his girlfriend climbed into the
top bunk.

As you expected, things began to heat up. The guy remembers that his
brother is sleeping below, so he tells his girlfriend to whisper,
"Lettuce" if she wants it harder, and "Tomato" if she wants a new
position.

She screams, "Lettuce! Tomato! Lettuce! Tomato! Lettuce! Whoa!!!
Pull It Out Now! I Can't Get Pregnant!"

Then the little brother shouts, "Hey, would you two guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!"

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Plug Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Young Tim has just finished high school and, not being too bright,
he
wants to get a job at a local mechanic's workshop in Christchurch.
Tim spies this advert for a job in a Motor Spares Shop and hurries
over. Unfortunately, when he steps in there are already 2 guys there
before him. Tim with tears in his eyes explains to the manager that
he really needs the job. Manager looks at him and says, "You know
what Tim - I'd really like to give you this job but see these two
guys are here before you .. you're going to have be really something
special to get this job you know!" Tim thinks now, mmmm, and then he
says, "well boss, there is one thing - if you take a spark plug and
stick it into my arse - I can tell you what type of spark plug it
is." The manager goes "Wow .. that's something - lets test you out!"
So Tim turns around and drops his pants. The boss takes a Bosch
spark plug and shoves it into Tim's arse. Tim
goes "eeeeeeeeeeee ..... Bosch!!". The boss, goes .. "Wow, that's
really something - but lets test you out again!" He takes a NGK
spark
plug and shoves it into Tim's arse. Tim goes "eeeeeeeeeeee .....
NGK !!". The boss, goes .. "Wow, you're really good .. but, one
more time - I need to be sure. " Boss thinks now, lets catch this
guy out! He unzips his pants, takes out his penis and sticks it into
Tim's arse. Tim goes "eeeeeeeeeeeee .... Champion!!!"

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Short Chips
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Have you heard about the pharmaceutical company that developed a new
drug which, when administered to women, compels them to go join a
convent?

The FDA refused to license it. Seems it was habit forming.

A guy cuddled up to his wife and softly whispered into her ear:
"Could we make love, please dear?"

She rolled over away from him. "Not tonight, darling, I've got a
splitting headache," she replied rather tersely.

Too horny to read the obvious signals the husband pleaded. "Please,
honey. I'll only stick it in for a minute"

"What do you think I am," his wife retorted, "a fucking microwave?"

Doug and Bill were discussing the new secretary at
their office.

Doug to Bill: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we
had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my
wife!"

Two days later.

Bill to Doug: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as
well, but she sure isn't a lot better than your wife."

~~~~~

Mary: Don't you just hate when you want ONE cookie, but you have to
buy whole bag to get one?

Jill: Right! Or maybe you want ONE doughnut, but you have to buy the
whole box of a dozen!

Mary: And the hotel charges for the whole night when you're going to
use it for only a couple of hours!

~~~~~

Doug went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doc, I'm really worried about
my wife. Yesterday she posed for a nude picture."

The psychiatrist said, "Well I wouldn't worry about that. It's
probably just an expression of her interest in art. What was the
nude picture for?"

Doug said, "Her driver's license."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh Mom!" sobbed Little Mary, "I'm pregnant!" "What!? How could
you?" screamed the Mother,"and just who is the father?" The daughter
lifted up her tearful face and wailed,"How should I know? You're the
one who would never let me go steady!"

There was a virgin who was going to get married. She asked her
mother if it hurt when you had sex. Her mother said not really, but
to help you can use Vaseline. So the virgin goes and buys a jar and
puts it in her suitcase. At the hotel room on her wedding night,
she is lying in bed while her husband is in the bathroom getting
ready. She decides to rub a little Vaseline on. He comes out of the
bathroom and she says, "Oh MY!", and then rubs a little more
Vaseline on. He gets half way across the room and she says, "Oh MY
GOD!!" and rubs a little more on. He gets right beside the bed and
she says, "HOLY SHIT!!!" and puts the rest of it on. Her husband
stands there for a moment and takes a look. He then walks over to
her suitcase, takes her rosary beads out and starts to wrap them
around his penis. She says, "What the heck are you doing?" He
replies, "It looks a little slick. I thought I'd put some chains
on."

Emerging from the chiropractor's treatment room, a young man said
aloud to his friend waiting for him in the crowded waiting room, "I
feel like a new man!" "I do, too," a middle-aged woman responded,
"but I'll probably go home to the same old one."

Wife: "Why don't you ever call out my name when we're making love?"
Husband: "Because I don't want to wake you."

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole
as their older sister is making out with her new boyfriend. They
hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"
The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be screwing her in
the ass!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/Remembering
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp/RememberWhen.html

Rick w/ Happy St. Patricks Day
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/rm/StPatricks.html

John w/ Iwo Jima Today
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Surfin Surfari

Know Your Engine Via Larry
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PHP Calendar
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Twisted Brush Open Studio
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Windows Sound Recorder
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Movie Links

Strip Poker
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Sumsing Turbo 3000
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Sure Lock
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Swan Song
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Talent
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Helicopter
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Hilarious Prank
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Hombres
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Hot Dog
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How To Blow Away A Deer
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fight Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass
during
the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask
his wife what was for supper.

Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the
air-conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she
scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right
now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out
yourself."

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with
potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and
asked him, "You fixed something to eat?

So where is mine?"

"Huh? I thought you were out of town."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chess
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31805.htm

PMS Meaning
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31806.htm

Vampire Community
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31807.htm

One Way To Look At Things
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Dead Wood
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a poor man named Crocket
Whose balls got caught in a socket.
His wife was a bitch,
So she cranked on the switch,
And Crocket took off like a rocket!
________________________________

There once was a woman from New Zealand
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back
And tickled her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling
________________________________

There was a young man from Purdue
Who was only just learning to screw,
But he hadn't the knack,
And he got too far back --
In the right church, but in the wrong pew.
<Snagged by>
Ross

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the back woods of West Virginia, the redneck's
wife went into labor in the middle of the night,
and the doctor was called assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed
the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold
this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush
to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another
one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby
girl.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down
that lantern...It seems there's yet another one in there!"
cried the doctor.

The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment,
and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light
that's attractin' 'em?"

Randy

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1995

In Heaven

Father comes home and let's Katie out so she can do her
business.

Katie comes in and father gives her his left over hamburger...
Ahhh Heaven.

Then Father opens up a can of Alpo....Katie starts to cry.

Katie: Waah!

BJ: There you go Katherine.

Katie: Thank you father.

BJ: Enjoy Katherine, it is just you and I girl.

Katie: Can we watch K-9 tonight?

BJ: Sure thing ole girl.

Katie: Can I get on your lap?

BJ: Sure.

Katie climbs on father's lap and soon is asleep and is in
Katie Heaven.

The herd

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult

*********************************************

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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