THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you
are a good person is a little like expecting the bull
not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
GET FREE SUNGLASSES HERE
http://tinyurl.com/npk3jj
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
It has been really lousy weather for about
a week now. There was one day, I think maybe last
Tuesday? This week, that was decent weather for getting
on the Iron Horse. Unfortunately, I didn't
feel good enough to be able to ride that day
anyway. Can you spell "withdrawl" symptoms?
Oh well, I'll survive...
Yesterday it was so strange. It was raining
steady ...everything wet on our house, and its
like completely dry on the neighbors house.
Apparently the storm cloud was not very big.
It was like barely into the 60s, too. Felt
more like fall than a hot August day.
Its enough to get all wee wee'd up over.
I'm not sure what president Obama meant by it
when he used that term, but you know what?
I kindof like it. :)
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_______________
THE COMICS
money
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q001.html
if you were my husband
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q002.html
I passed
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q003.html
Martha
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q004.html
opposite
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q005.html
ouch
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q006.html
fourth floor
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q007.html
_______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
one single payer system
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6064.html
dog tasered
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6065.html
the motorcyclist
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6066.html
unbelieveable
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6068.html
caramel dip
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6067.html
plane ride
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies6069.html
________________
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have
no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this
parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
______________
"You admit having broken into the dress shop
four times?" asked the judge.
"Yes," answered the suspect.
"And what did you steal?"
"A dress, your honor," replied the suspect.
"One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in four times!"
"Yes, your honor," sighed the suspect. "But three times my wife
didn't like the color."
________________
A father scolded his son for being so unruly and the
child rebelled against his father. He got some of his
clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly
announced, "I'm running away from home!"
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically.
"What if you go hungry?" he asked.
"Then I'll come home and eat!" bravely declared the child.
"And what if you run out of money?"
"I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?"
"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them."
The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not
running away from home, he's going to college!"
______________
Saint Peter is watching the Gates of Heaven, but he
really has to go the bathroom. He asks Jesus to watch
the gates for a few minutes, and Jesus agrees.
As Jesus is standing there, he sees an old man leading
a donkey up from Earth to Heaven. He notices the old man
has carpenter's tools with him. When the old man gets
to the Gates, Jesus asks him to describe his life and
explain why he feels he should be admitted into Heaven.
The man explains, "In English, my name would be Joseph,
but I didn't live in America or England . I lived a modest
life, making things out of wood. I'm not remembered very
well by most people, but almost everyone has heard of my
son. I call him my son, but I was more of a Dad to him,
he didn't really come into this world in the usual way.
I sent my son out to be among the people of the World.
He was ridiculed by many, and was even known to associate
himself with some pretty unsavory characters, although he
himself tried to be honest and perfect. My single biggest
reason for trying to get into Heaven is to be reunited with my son."
Jesus is awe-struck by the man's story. He looks into the
old man's eyes and asks, "Father?"
The old man's face brightens; he looks at Jesus,
and asks, "Pinocchio?"
______________
One day Little Johnny came up to his father and asked,
"Dad, where did I come from?"
Dad squirmed a bit, but thought it was time his son knew
the facts of life. So, Dad told his son how the expression
of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed
in the womb and finally how a child was born. As Dad told the
story, his son's eyes got wider and wider.
When Dad was finished, his son said, "Wow, that's really neat.
That sure beats what Billy told me. He said that he came from Philadelphia."
_____________
A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks 'Do you do custom work?'
'Why of course!'
'Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of
my right thigh‚ and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of
my left thigh.' 'No problem‚' says the artist. 'Strip from the
waist down and get up on the table.'
After two hours of hard work‚ the artist finishes. The woman
sits up and examines the tattoos.
'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly.
'Oh yes it does‚' the artist says indignantly‚ 'and I can prove it.'
With that‚ he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off
the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.
'Well‚ what do you think?' the woman asks‚ spreading her legs.
'Do you know who these men are?'
The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says.
'I'm not sure who the guys on either side are‚ but the fellow in
the middle is definitely Barack Obama
____________
BUFFALO BILL
Never Smash WD-40 can
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajhkj.htm
New product Nut
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abhjk.htm
New Shoes
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ahjlkj.htm
New Car Alarm
http://www.buffaloschips.com/avfdf.htm
______________
SYDSJOKES LIST
Bedroom Fun
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000134.html
Beer Bitch
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000135.html
Beer Bottle Dominos
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000136.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka tne postman
__._,_.___
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