Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It is strange how after 33 years your memory starts to get a little
vague on names and places although you can remember events like they
were last week.
Shortly after overhauling the Healey it started burning a bit of oil
on start-up and then it would disappear after the engine warmed
up. After brainstorming a bit we remembered that we had forgot to
re-torque the head bolts after starting the engine and I had to
order a new head gasket. I drove the car out to a friend's house and
we made plans to replace it.
When you are in port for over a year many of your qualified watches
get transferred or discharged and I was part of the core group
chosen to train all the new watches and I was soon working 8 hours a
day on
watch 7 days a week plus another four hours a day keeping up with my
administrative duties. My plans to rebuild the car fell by the
wayside and the buddy who we will call Jim because I can't remember
his name offered to buy the car and I sold it to him along with all
the parts needed to rebuild the engine, spare starter and generator
I had picked up on a trip home and the convertible top and glue.
Jim was in no hurry to rebuild the car as he had another 15 months
to
do it in as he had applied to cross decks or swap ships with a
sailor from the Kitty Hawk that was entering drydock as we were
preparing to go to San Diego. The other sailor had met a girl in the
Philippines and
was in a hurry to get back . I said goodbye to Jim and the day after
my birthday in 1976 we loaded up cars and families on the ship and
did
a slow three day trip to San Diego.
More on this story tomorrow, enjoy the chips.. buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hijack Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when
suddenly the cockpit door burst open to reveal an
armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot,
navigator, and a female passenger. He held a gun to
the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq
or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place."
The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside
and said, "look buddy, if you shoot me this plane
will crash right into the sea and you'll die along
with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun
to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane
to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the
place."
The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun
aside and said, "listen to me. The pilot's got a
bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of
my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane
will still crash right into the sea and you'll
die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then
held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated,
"take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS
brains all over the place."
The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside
and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those
other two guys have no sense of direction. Without
me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag
much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot
me, this plane will still crash right into the sea
and you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this
time held the gun to the female passenger's head and
demanded, "take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill
HER brains all over the place."
No one said a word, but the stewardess leaned over and whispered
something into the hijacker's ear. He turned beet red, dropped his
gun, and ran out of the cockpit in a panic.
The crew tracked down the hijacker, who was found
cowering behind some crates in the hold, and tied
him up. The pilot then asked the stewardess what
she said that terrified the man so.
"I told him," she replied, "that if he killed me,
he'd be the one who'd have to give you guys your
blow jobs."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fred Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted
speed limit.
He asks the man his name. "Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just
give the fellow a break and write him out a warning
instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for
the last name. The man tells him that he used to have
a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he
has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me."
"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last
name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I
stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good grades.
When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a
doctor.
I went through college, medical school, internship,
residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred
Dingaling, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I
decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream!
Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then
I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling
around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I
was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took
away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD.
Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my
DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving
me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so
now I am Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Jam Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Greggy came home from school, and his mother asked, "How was
your day dear?" He replied: " Pretty good. I ate all my jam
sandwiches for lunch, passed my spelling test, came first in the 100
metres sprint, was in the winning netball team, and got a f#@* on
the way home."
His mother was shocked and yelled at him," I won't have you talking
filth like that! Its disgusting. Get to your room, you just wait
till your father gets home". So little Greggy went upstairs to his
room.
When his father got home, Little Greggys mother told him he had
better go up and talk to him. He went up to his room and said, "
What sort of a day did you have at school son?" Little Greggy said,
"Pretty good Dad, I ate all my jam sandwiches for lunch, passed my
spelling test, came first in the 100 metres sprint, was in the
winning netball team, and got a f#@* on the way home."
His father went downstairs into the kitchen and reefed the cast iron
frying pan from where it was hanging on the wall.
His mother was horrified. "What are you going to do with that?
You're not going to hit him!" she cried. The father said, " No. He
can't do all that on jam sandwiches - I'm going to cook him a steak
with Spuds".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed...
Do you want to see something swell?
Hey babe....do you realize that my
mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Is that a double ended dilldo or are
you just glad to see me?
Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should
I apologize?
Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you?
She: Uh...no....
Irish: Well, do you want some?
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was
wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
Wanna fuck like bunnies?
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about
the first thing that pops up?
I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said:"Smile
if you want to sleep with me", then watch the victim try to hold
back her smile...
Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us
You smell wet. Let's Party.
Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have
cum in your hair.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the
money?
Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?
Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
At the office copy machine: Reproducing eh? Can I help?
Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you
prefer Scotch and sofa?
Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and
say:
Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize? Hey, wanna see my R2-D2
impersonation? (Think about it...) Hey baby...infect me!
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? What's the matter, don't
like pizza?
I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty
good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young hooker reports for her first day at the brothel. The madam
says to her, " Do you have any questions?"
The hooker replies, " Yes, I was wondering how long penises should
be sucked?"
The madam says," The same as the short ones".
Roy was extolling the virtues of his new girlfriend. In fact, she
was so perfect in every way that he'd asked her to marry him, and
she accepted.
"I'm really happy for you, Roy," his best friend assured him. "And
what did you say this paragon's name is?"
"Betty Jo," replied Roy, a look of pure happiness coming over his
face at the mere mention of her name. "Betty Jo Bronowski."
"Not Betty Jo Bronowski!" yelled his buddy. "Roy, you can't be
serious about marrying her. She's slept with every man in
Poughkeepsie!
A frown passed over Roy's face as he reflected briefly. "Heck," he
responded, "Poughkeepsie'
Doug went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doc, I'm really worried about
my wife. Yesterday she posed for a nude picture."
The psychiatrist said, "Well I wouldn't worry about that. It's
probably just an expression of her interest in art. What was the
nude picture for?"
Doug said, "Her driver's license."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parrot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A rather large lady had saved her money for a long time to be able
to afford a cruise on a ship to the Bahama's.
When she gets settled in her cabin she goes to the dining room for
her first meal on board, and is invited to sit at the Captain's
table.
As she is seated at the table a mimmicking voice behind her loudly
squawks, "Aawwk, Lady! How's your hole?"
Totally embarrassed, she turns to see a parrot on his perch behind
her. She says to the steward, "Will you "Please" get rid of that
foul mouthed beast?"
The steward replies, "I can't madam, that is the Captains parrot,
which he dearly loves."
As the meal progresses to its end the bird continues to harrass the
lady with his loud squawks, "Aawwk, Lady! How's your hole?"
The embarrassed woman finally retires to her cabin and goes into a
restless sleep.
In the middle of the night the ship sinks rather suddenly and the
lady finds herself floating in the ocean on a chest. As daylight
breaks the next morning the lady hears this loud squawk behind her,
"Aawwk, Lady! How's your Hole?"
The lady turns around to see the parrot floating on some debris and
she replies, "Aah, Shut Up!"
The parrot says, "Aawwk, Mine too! Must be the salt water!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Movie Clips
Funny Hidden Camera Video
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Girl On Bike
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Giving Change
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dilemma Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moral Dilemma
.....after you have made your decision read to the end.... there are
actually two scenarios. Was either one of these your choice?
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,
when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the
bus:
1, An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue
reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part
of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is
going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take
the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be
the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able
to find your perfect mate again.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS........
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car
keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I
would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my
dreams.'
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn
thought limitations.
Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'
HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put
her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood
of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.
God, I just love happy endings!
Harveythefrogprince
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Dog
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Pullet
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man of Natal
Who was fucking a Hottentot gal.
Said she, "You're a sluggard!"
Said he, "You be buggered!
I like to fuck slow, and I shall."
____________
There was a Young Man of Thyme
Who Had three wives at a time
When asked why he did it
He said "One's an idiot
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!"
____________
There was a young man with a fiddle
Who asked of his girl, "Do you diddle?"
She replied, "Yes, I do,
But prefer to with two --
It's twice as much fun in the middle."
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A concerned patient asked the doctor if masturbation is harmful.
"Not
usually," answered the doctor. "Not unless you do it too often."
"How
about three times a day?" the patient asked. "That seems a little
excessive. Why don't you get a girlfriend?" "Oh,... I already have a
girlfriend," the patient replied. "I mean a girl you can live with
and
have sex with?" asked the doctor. The patient said, "I've got one
just
like that!" So the doctor asked, "Then why do you masturbate three
times a day?" "Because... she won't have sex during mealtimes!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the Sheiks' oil fields dried up, he realized he
would have to cut back on expenses quickly. As much as
he hated to, he knew he would have to give-up most of his harem. He
decided to find out which ones performed best in all aspects of sex
and retain just those few.
Nite after nite the "contest" was held. Then one of the
younger girls performed such outstanding oral sex on him, he knew
she was one of the chosen.
"Tell me," he said, "what is the secret of your fabulous technique?"
"What I did, O Sovereign of the Sands, was to suck on
ice cubes prior to our session." replied the girl.
"You see, my Mother told me that in most cases, the
cooler head always prevails."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1659
Old Habits Are Hard to Break
or Damn the Torpedoes, Full Speed Ahead!
This morning Diana was fixing me breakfast. I was trying to get her
to go back to sleep with her daughter as I knew they were probably
talking late into the night. I really did not want her to fix me
breakfast
as I could have picked something up at work, but she had already
fixed
me something so...
BJ: I appreciate breakfast but you need to get some sleep. I know
you
two are going to have a full day.
Diana: Yes, we are going to Stillwater, and just have fun.
Rudy: Mother?
Diana: Yes, Rudy.
Rudy: I am ready for our morning walk.
Diana: I want to go back to bed.
Rudy: Whine! Whimper! The weather is great outside. You need
your
exercise!
Diana: I am sleepy.
Rudy: Whine! A-roo!!!
Diana: Good Grief!
BJ: See what you created. Ever since you started walking, he
expects
to go walking in the morning.
Rudy is going in circles, panting, an jumping up and down. He has
gotten Katie excited and even Sandi is wanting to go.
Diana: It seems I have no choice. I am doomed!
Diana gets her walking gear on and as she does so, Rudy gets, if
possible, even more excited.
Diana: Okay guys let's go for a walk!
Zoom!!!
(exactly how it happened. we no longer control our fate)
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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