[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Wed



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Do you need a reason to party during the month of May. Take
May 5th for example, that's Nancy, the Nerdy Buffalo's birthday
and also National Hoagie Day, so everybody should grab a case
of beer and a few subs from Subway or your favorite Hoagie
Shop and celebrate along with her. Multiple reasons for a hangover.
Tomorrow is Lumpy Rug Day or as it is known in this house, " Has
anyone seen the daughter's hamster day?" Good time to go out and
have an Irish Wake for the poor little beastie.

Bizarre Holidays in May
May 1 is Mother Goose Day and Save The Rhino Day

May 2 is Fire Day

May 3 is Lumpy Rug Day

May 4 is National Candied Orange Peel Day

May 5 is National Hoagie Day

May 6 is Beverage Day

May 7 is International Tuba Day, Paste Up Day, and National Roast Leg Of
Lamb Day

May 8 is No Socks Day and Have A Coke Day

May 9 is Lost Sock Memorial Day

May 10 is Clean Up Your Room Day

May 11 is Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day

May 12 is Limerick Day

May 13 is Leprechaun Day

May 14 is National Dance Like A Chicken Day

May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day

May 16 is Wear Purple For Peace Day

May 17 is Pack Rat Day

May 18 is International Museum Day and Visit Your Relatives Day

May 19 is Frog Jumping Jubilee Day

May 20 is Eliza Doolittle Day

May 21 is National Memo Day and National Waitresses/Waiters Day

May 22 is Buy-A-Musical Instrument Day

May 23 is Penny Day

May 24 is National Escargot Day

May 25 is National Tap Dance Day

May 26 is Grey Day

May 27 is Body Painting Arts Festival

May 28 is National Hamburger Day

May 29 is End Of The Middle Ages Day

May 30 is My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day

May 31 is National Macaroon Day

Enjoy the chips... buffalo

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Elephant Chips
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A horsefly kept biting an elephant near her tail. She kept swinging her
trunk, but he was far out of reach.

A little sparrow observed this and flew down and snipped the horsefly in
half.

"Oh, thank you!" said the elephant. "Listen, if there's anything I can ever
do for you, don't hesitate to ask."

The sparrow paused. "Well, ma'am -," he said.

"What is it," said the elephant. "You needn't be shy with me."

"Well," said the sparrow, "the truth is that all my life I wondered how it
would feel to fuck an elephant."

"Go right ahead," said the elephant. "Be my guest!"

The sparrow began to fuck away. Up above them, a monkey got very excited and
started to masturbate.

This shook a coconut loose and it hit the elephant smack on the head.

"Ouch!" said the elephant.

The sparrow looked over from behind and said, "Am I hurting you, dear?"

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Employee appreciation Day
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/090901.htm

Amanda
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/09092.htm

Sex
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/09093.htm

...somewhere behind...
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1365.html

Not The Problem
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/064.htm

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Purity Chips
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Dr. Seuss' purity test

Have you done it on a boat?
Have you done it with a goat?
Have you done it in the car?
Have you simply gone too far?
Have you done it on the beach?
Have you done it with the teach?
Have you done it on your back?
Have you done it strapped to a rack?
Have you done it in a box?
Have you done it with a fox?
Have you done it in a tree?
Have you done it with more than three?
Have you done it in the rain?
Have you done it for the pain?
Have you done it packed in rubber?
Have you done it undercover?
Have you done it on a perch?
Have you done it in a church?
Have you done it with a virgin?
Have you done it with a sturgeon?
Have you done it with ropes and chains?
Have you done it while insane?
Have you done it on the stage?
Have you done it underage?
Have you done it with all your friends?
Have you done it in both ends?
Have you done it with your dog?
Have you done it on a log?
Have you done it under clamps?
Have you done it with the lamps?
Have you done it without style?
Have you done it for all to see?
Have you ever had VD?
Have you done it while on tape?
Have you done it out of shape?
Have you done it in the gym?
Have you done it on a whim?
Have you done it on a dare?
Do you really think we care?

Answer these and count your "no"s,
pray this number never grows;
Fifty questions we asked thee,
score times two is your Purity.

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Court Chips
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Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench.

"Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because my distinguished colleague
Bill was badgering the witness. It is obvious he has never heard of the
Bill of Rights."

"Rubbish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart."

Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now? Well, Bill, I have a
hundred dollars that says you can't even tell me the first few words."

Bill smirked and accepted the challenge and began, "I pledge allegiance
to the flag..."

"Damn," Bob interrupted, fishing the money from his pocket, "I didn't
think you'd know it."

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Sorority Chips
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The Canonical List of Sorority Girl Jokes

What does a sorority girl put behind her ears to make her more
attractive? Her ankles.

What is the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball? You
can only put three fingers in a bowling ball. You could eat a bowling
ball if you had to. You can't fit a sorority girl inside a bowling ball.

How are a sorority girl and a bowling ball alike?
You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the
gutter and they always come back for more.

What is the difference between sorority girls and hookers ? Sorority
girls cost less per score.

What is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant? About 40
lbs. How do you equalize the two? Feed the elephant.

What's the first thing a sorority girl does in the morning? Introduce
herself. Walks home.

What's the difference between a sorority girl and the Titanic? Only 1500
went down on the Titanic.

How can you tell if a sorority girl has achieved orgasm?
She drops her nail file.

What's a sorority girl's favorite wine?
"Daaadddy, I want to go to mi-ammmmi."

What do you get when you cross a sorority girl with an ape? Don't know.
There is only so much an ape can be forced to do...

Why is a sorority girl like a door knob?
'Cause everyone gets a turn.

How do you get a sorority girl in your bed?
Grease her hips so she'll fit through the door and throw a twinkie on
the bed.

Did you hear about the new sorority girl doll?
You put a ring on her finger and her hips expand.

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Drinking Chips
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"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work, and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say
to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams
come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra and panties.
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day."
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

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Tax Chips
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One day, Tony died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he
had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He
asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes,
and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a
250 pound, hopelessly stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years
and enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an
eternity in heaven. So off he went with this enormous woman, pretending
to be happy. As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead.
Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. When he
approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied, "I
cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of
money... even more then you did." They both shook their heads in
understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these
women, they might as well hang out together to help pass the time. Now
Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding
their own business when Tony and Carlos could have sworn that they saw
their friend Jon up ahead, only this man was with an absolutely drop
dead gorgeous supermodel/centrefold. Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached
the man and in fact it was their friend Jon. They asked him how is he
with this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these
god-awful women. Jon replied, "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not
complaining. This has been absolutely the best time, and I have five
years of the best sex any man could hope for to look forward to. There
is only one thing that I can't seem to understand. After every time we
have sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, "Fucking income taxes!"

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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends

SwordSisters w/Not Always a Saint:
http://domania.us/SwordSisters/Patriotic/NotAlwaysASaint.html

Mama
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/MAMA.HTML

Poetry: Autumn of Life
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/life.html

Patient Heart
http://www.poetrybyken.com/lpoems31/Patient%20Heart.html

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Surfin Surfari

American Idol Via Glenda
http://www.rickey.org/

Moon Legends, and Tales
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Total Mom
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Burn 4 Free
http://www.burn4free.com/

Chat Acronyms used in E-mail, IM, and Text Messaging
http://www.sharpened.net/glossary/acronyms.php

Dell To Preload Linux Ubuntu
http://cthings.crispynews.com/article/show/66548/Dell_to_preinstall_Ubuntu_Linux_on_computers

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Animal World

Doggie Zone
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Pet Food Recall
http://www.diamondpet.com

Kitty Korner
http://www.cats.org.uk/

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Movies

Oh No!
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011155.htm

Alarm
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011156.htm

Cool Parrot
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011157.htm

Animal Thieves
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011158.htm

Weird Animals
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011159.htm

The Interview Lost balls
http://buffalosjokes.com/030102.htm

The Last Laugh Jack My Ride
http://buffalosjokes.com/030103.htm

The Love Toilet
http://buffalosjokes.com/030104.htm

The New Battle of New Orleans
http://buffalosjokes.com/030105.htm

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Law Chips
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LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your
nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.

Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy
signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you
had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in
will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know
increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't
work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to
the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the
aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss
will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they
will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of
landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness
and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are
talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will
stop making it.

Mystra

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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No Dinner
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/09094.htm

What's On a Mans Mind
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/09095.htm

Art Of Oral Sex
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/09095.htm

Sometimes It's Good To Follow Instructions
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/065.htm
scratch your back
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k022.html

catch him
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k023.html

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Limerick Chips
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There once was this dude named Matt,
Who was short, bald, ugly, and fat,
I'm willing to bet,
The only pussy he'd get,
Is when he goes home to his cat.
_______________________________________
A stallion was going insane
While flirting with fillies in vain.
Said the horse, named Hilyer,
"Your pace looks familiar,
But I cannot remember your mane."
(Kirk Miller)
_______________________________________

There once was a young holy roller,
Had a boy friend attempt to console her.
She'd gone down on his cock,
That was hard as a rock...
Chipped a tooth, plus she knocked out a molar
<snagged by>
Ross

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Parting Chips
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Neutered

A woman had her dog neutered because she was told it would
curb the animal's aggression. But the next day it savaged the
postman. "I'm so sorry," she said, rushing to the man's aid. "I
was told he'd stop attacking people if I had him neutered."
"Lady," said the postman, picking himself off the ground, "you
should have had his teeth pulled.
I knew when he came out the door he wasn't going to make love to me "

Nick

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the
hospital. He was a major asshole to the nurses because he
bossed them around just like he did his employees.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with
him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to
him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take
your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he
finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I
cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round
of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his
rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he
heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay
JUST LIKE THAT until I get back."

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He
curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his
door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes
into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't
you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I
haven't. Not with a carnation anyway."

Christine

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 962

MIdnight Persuasion

Ginger: What are you doing Dad?

Rudy: Getting some flowers to take to Slyvester's grave.

Ginger: It is dark, are you sure you want to go?

Rudy: I have to go.

Ginger: Can I go to?

Rudy: Sure little girl. Let's go.

It is dark and windy, the moon is full and a few clouds add
to the spectral night.

Ginger: What is that knocking noise dad?

Rudy: I think it is your knees.

Ginger: I never been to a cemetery before.

Rudy: Over here is her marker, her grave. We will put the flowers
on it and say a few words and go back home.

Ginger: S s u u r e.

Rudy: No don't be frightened. I am here with you.

Who!

Ginger: Me!

Rudy: It is just an owl!

Ginger: Gulp!

Rudy: Here we are. Boy the dirt is all dug up around her grave.
Looks like someone tried to dig her up or something.

Ginger: Daaad, I am scared.

Rudy: Nothing to be afraid of girl. Nothing at all.

Just then Slyvester jumps from a tree limb and lands on Rudy's
shoulder who looks at Slyvester and ..... Thud!

Ginger: Hand me another glass of water Sly.

Sly: Here is a glass of beer.

Rudy: Gasp! A ghost!

Sly: No, not a ghost. They just put me in the ground too soon.
I am alive and well.

to be continued
The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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