Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Ok, I must say that yesterday's intro on toilet paper brought in a few more
comments than usual. The men tended to agree with me and the women
wanted to blame it on the cats. That is the same ploy that the daughter
uses when I complain about her hair clogging the bath tub. I have yet
to see the cat that has purple or orange hair a foot long. Speaking of
toilet paper and my thrifty ancestors, the Scottish I found the following
this
morning.
Did you know that the Scots were credited with saving the lives of WWII
aviators returning from bombing raids to English air bases?
After dropping their bombs, the pilots would fly low back over the channel.
But the dense fog made it difficult to know if they were over friendly
territory, in case they had to bail out.
As they flew very low, they would look down at the houses, and when they saw
the toilet paper, hanging out to dry...they knew they were back in "home"
territory.
Closing in on Friday so enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow was about to enter a bar when a dog tugged at his trouser
leg and said to him, "Hey, pal! Wanna make some quick money?"
The man couldn't believe his ears. He said to the dog, "Can you talk?"
"Yeah," the dog answered, "and that's how we can pick up some easy
money. You take me into the bar with you, pretend I'm your dog, and
bet everybody I can talk."
The fellow thought that was a great idea, so he took the dog into the
bar, set it on the bar, and announced to everyone that the dog could
talk. The other patrons didn't believe him, and it wasn't long before
several thousand dollars had been bet. Finally, after all the bets
had been placed, the guy said to the dog, " All right, go ahead and
say something."
Nothing.
He told the dog again, "Hey! All the bets are placed! Say something,
for God's sake!"
The dog just looked at him and whined.
He, asked again and again, but the dog wouldn't say a word. Finally,
the fellow had to pay all the bets, scooped up the dog in disgust and
walked out. Once outside, he screamed at the dog, "You just cost me
way over a thousand dollars! You got anything to say before I
seriously boot your mangy arse?"
"Take it easy, pal! You ain't thinkin'," the dog answered. "Tomorrow
night, we'll be able to get odds of fives or better."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three guys die and go to Hell.
When they arrive the Devil informs them that he is going to remove their
penises.
"Oh, how are you going to do it", asks one of the guys.
"Whatever your fathers jobs were, that's how I'll remove them" says the
devil.
So he calls over the first guy "Your father was a lumberjack. So I'll
cut it off with a saw"
To the second guy he says "Your father was a blacksmith. So I'm going to
burn it off"
As he calls the third guy over he notices he's smiling.
"Why are you smiling, you just watched me remove your friends penises"
says the Devil.
"I know" replies the man "but my father was a Popsicle maker"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nostalgic Chips
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Peter met Sharon in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very
much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Peter to her place,
where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic
session in bed together.
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled
up close to each other.
After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood.
Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be ready
for more already?"
Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I
miss the days when I had mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
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Three Swedish men visited Copenhagen and decided to go to a bordello.
They knocked on the door and the Madame opened. Madame: What do you
want? Swedes: We want to come in. We are Swedish. Madame: How much
money are you willing to spend here? Swedes: We have altogether 250
crones. Madame: 250 crones! For that price you can fuck each other!
After saying this the Madame slammed the door shut. After about 15
minutes the same 3 Swedish guys knocked on the door again. Madame:
Well, what do you want now? Swedes: Where can we pay?
A blonde from Arkansas is going on her first overseas trip. She
drives all the way into Little Rock to apply for a passport. In the
passport office, the government official sees that she is visibly
puzzled filling her passport application. The passport official looks
over her shoulder and sees the blonde trying to write 'twice a week'
into the small space labeled 'SEX.' The official explains: "No, no,
no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male'
or 'Female.'" "Doesn't matter," the blonde answers.
Nick
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Funeral Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man dies "in the act" after taking Viagra and rigor mortis has set
into his private parts.
The funeral director can't get the coffin lid nailed on and has to
discuss the alternatives with the man's beautiful young widow. "I'm
afraid that the only way to get the lid on is either to pay another
$3,000 for an extra large coffin or to amputate his member."
"Well I have no more money," states the widow, "and it is against my
religion for me to bury my husband in more than one piece."
The funeral director thinks about this and then comes up with a
brain-wave: He'll amputate the member and then stick it up the
deceased's backside, in which case a more expensive coffin is
unnecessary and the husband will still be, in a manner of speaking, in
the one piece. The widow reluctantly
agrees.
On the day of the funeral, the deceased is displayed in an open casket.
As the mourners file by, one mourner places flowers on the coffin and a
drop of water from the flowers falls onto the deceased's face, looking
for all the world like a teardrop. The next mourner to file by is the
widow. She looks down at her lifeless husband, notices the "teardrop"
and says to him
quietly, "See, I told you it hurts!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Word Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Told to me by a friend with kids in elementary school. The
administration of this particular elementary school decided to start
a more inclusive policy on which words were "bad" words. Among those
initiated to the category was "suck" (when not referring to the
principle of suction).
One day a child came up to the teacher to inform her that one of the
other students had said a bad word.
"What was the bad word he said?" asked the teacher.
"I can't say it."
"It's ok to tell me, you won't get in trouble for it."
"No, it's too bad, I don't want to say it"
"Well I have to know what he said in order to punish him. Can you
tell me what it is without saying it?"
"Well... it rhymes with 'fuck'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Limerick Chips
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There Was A Young Lass Of Decatur
Who Went Off To Sea On A Freighter.
She Was Screwed By The Master,
An Utter Disaster,
But The Crew All Made Up For It Later.
____________
There Was A Young Lass Of Decatur
Who'd Become A Wild Masturbater.
''Men Are So Hit-Or-Miss
When Tickling My Clitoris,
That I've Purchased A Big New Vibrator.
____________
A Newly-Wed Man Of Peru,
Found Himself In A Terrible Stew.
His Wife Was In Bed,
Much Deader Than Dead,
And So He Had No One To Screw.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
She wasn't really exceptionally pretty
-
But attractive enough not to require pity
-
But none in town would hardly have guessed
-
The names of those call in for a paternity test
-
That involved half the men in Punta Gorda city
A young girl fell, muddying her lovely derriere
-
A local lad clean her up an tried to console her
-
Sitting on his lap, she suddenly felt his cock
-
An was delighted to find it as hard as a rock -
-
An decided to made love to him right there
Irish Warlock
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Toon Chips
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes
on their various disorders. "I want a baby more than anything in the
world," said the first, "but I guess it is impossible." "I used to
feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything
changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three
months." "You must tell me what you did." "I went to a faith healer."
"But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year
and it didn't help a bit." The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try
going alone, next time, dearie."
A guy had just gotten out of jail after 10 years. He went to a bar
and had his first beer in a decade. After satisfying that thirst he
realized that there was something else he had not had in 10 years
either. He sidled up to a gal at the bar, put his hand on her breast
and said, "Hey, baby, lets do it." She had him arrested for gross
sexual imposition and he ended up back in the slammer. What is the
moral of this tale? You can't end a sentence with a proposition.
Nick
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and
sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an
internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave, don't worry about
it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their
patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go..."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality,
whispering:
Dave . .
Dave . .
Dave . .
You're a Veterinarian . . .
Mary Jane
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education
with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Raymond's propensity
for sexual innuendo. But little Raymond remains attentive throughout the
entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for
examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I
saw a
bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," said the teacher.
"My
mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the
teacher.
Finally, little Raymond raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the
teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone
Ranger.
He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked
at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher
was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education,
Raymond?" "It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
GBH
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 946
Shape Up
BJ: Okay everyone out in the front yard..
Sandi: What's going on Daddy?
BJ: Look at you guys. During the winter you have put on
a lot of weight. It is time to exercise.
Rudy huffing an puffing: I am fine.
BJ: You are not. I bet you can't even bend over and pick up
that bone.
Rudy: Can to. Watch this.
RIP!!!
BJ: Well, you can but your shorts just ripped.
Rudy: They must have shrunk in the dyer.
BJ: Katie you are the only one who hasn't put on a lot of weight.
You have gained weight but you now are up to normal.
Katie: Hrumpt! A lady must watch her weight. I need to exercise.
Sandi: I guess I have put on a bit of weight.
Ginger: Do I need to lose weight?
BJ: I dont think so, you are a pup. But do not get fat.
Rudy: What do we do first?
BJ: Run a mile.
Rudy: Run?
BJ: Yep, run.
Rudy: Thud!
To be continued
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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