Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Many people IM or email me late at night and they are surprised to find
me online working on the lists or just sitting here sorting mail. My hours
of sleep were firmly set when I used to work from noon till 8 PM and I
never really had the necessity to change them. I know a few will be
jealous that I can sleep late in the morning when others are hard at
work but I still wish I had a job to go to.
Yesterday I was working on the lists when the Tigers played the Blue
Jays in a hard fought game and just like the days in the Navy when we
got game tapes days or even weeks later overseas, I didn't check the
scores online so that it would just be like watching it first time around.
As I was watching with the TV muted and Coast to Coast in the
background talking about the disappearance of large numbers of honey
bees, I dozed off and when I woke up the score was 4-1 with
Toronto winning. I figured that was the end of it as Toronto has never
been a team you want to let get ahead as they can hold their own against
the Yankees and the Red Sox in their division. I dozed off again and the
score was 5-6 and Detroit suddenly tied the game moving into the 8th
inning. I watched a few more minutes and then Toronto was ahead
again and then they skipped almost an inning and Detroit was ahead 10-7
and won it. They didn't give any reason for the missed play and I felt
like I had been ripped off .
Enjoy the chips.. buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hotel Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I
thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths
when
you're calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in.
It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending
over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places,
beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the
kind. So
I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.
'Hello?' the woman says. God, she sounded sexy. 'Hi, I hear you give a
great
massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I
should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want
is
sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky
the
whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys,
everything
you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me
up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything
you
want baby. Now, how doe s that sound?'
She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press
9.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
How Marriage Treats Your Woman
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Good Doggie
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lawyer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared
everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.
One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry
and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as
co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.
The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing
the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, "I can't take this,
I'm going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me
as soon as the child is born!"
The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached
the car with a very grave look on his face.
"What happened?" asked the waiting car occupant.
The other partner announced, "They were twins, and mine died!"
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Alabama Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
Unlawful bear exploitation; penalties.(a) A person commits the offense
of
unlawful bear exploitation if he or she knowingly does any one of the
following: (1) Promotes, engages in, or is employed at a bear wrestling
match. (2) Receives money for the admission of another person to a place
kept for bear wrestling. (3) Sells, purchases, possesses, or trains a
bear
for bear wrestling. (4) For purposes of exploitation, subjects a bear to
surgical alteration in any form, including, but not limited to,
declawing,
tooth removal, and severing tendons. (b) Unlawful bear exploitation is a
Class B felony and is punishable as provided by law. -Section 13A-12-5
(Passed in 1996)
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a
lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
Masks may not be worn in public.
Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
You may not drive barefooted.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy
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S.O.B Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A scantily dressed girl goes to confession,
and tells the Priest
"Father,I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."
"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch?
the priest asked.
"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without "
"Do you mean like this?" He touches her arm.
"Yes, father."
"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch.
"But father he also touched my breasts.
"You mean like this?" He touches her breasts.
"Yes, father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.
"But father, he took off my clothes."
"Like this?" He takes off her clothes.
"Yes, father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.
"But father he then puts his you-know-what in my you-know-where.
"Like this?"
He puts his you-know-what in her you-know-where.
"Y-Y-Yes father," she says sometime later.
"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch.
"But father, he has Herpes."
"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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ShortChips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman telephoned a veterinarian and asked him to come examine her cat.
"I don't know what's wrong with her," the woman told him.
"She looks as if she's going to have kittens, but that's impossible.
She's never been out of the house except for when I had her on a leash."
The vet examined the cat and said there was no question about her
pregnancy.
"But she can't be," protested the woman. "It's impossible."
At that point a large tom cat emerged from under the sofa.
"How about him?" asked the vet.
"Don't be silly," answered the woman. "That's her brother."
Little Willy attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as
his
father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's
legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Willy asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure
that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Willy, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy
Mom."
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our Modern Government
150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private
investigator - Alan Pinkerton for protection.
That was the beginning of the Secret Service.
Since that time, the federal government has produced a large number of
multi-letter agencies such as: FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc., etc.
Now we have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service". Can't
you see them now, these 'highly trained' men and women in their black
outfits with jackets saying across their backs: F. A. T. A. S. S.
The FATASS's are of course supervised by a special section of the Home Land
Security Section known as: Airport Security Service Home Office Logistics
Enhancement Section or the A.S.S.H.O.L.
I feel safer already.
Julie
"The guy I dated tonight turned out to be a
sadist," reported the girl.
"You mean literally--whips and that sort of
thing?" asked her roommate.
"Worst than that! The creep screwed me with
a four-inch pecker and then French-kissed me
goodbye with an eight-inch tongue!"
Randy
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LynnLynn's Links
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prospector Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old prospector
An old prospector walked his tired old mule into a
western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for
about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked
up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule
to the hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his
face and clothes, a gunslinger walked out of the saloon
with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the
other. The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
saying, "Hey, old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No,
I never did dance. I just never wanted to."
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said,
"Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and
started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector was hopping around and everybody
was laughing.
When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered
his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun,
and pulled both hammers back, making a double clicking
sound.
The gunslinger heard the sound and the crowd got real
quiet.
Everyone watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around,
looking down both barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule square on
the ass?"
Christine
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Meaty Myths
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a vampire called Mabel
Who's menstrual cycle was stable
One weekend in four
She'd sit on the floor
And drink herself under the table.
____________
There once was a preacher's daughter
Who resented the pony he bought her
Till she found that it's dong
Was as hard and as long
As the prayers her father had taught her.
____________
There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea.
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."
<snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development,
of a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off. They won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting
worse.
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her
not
to worry until the tests come back.
A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the
doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy--there'
wondering a bit about your husband or boyfriend. Is he a Bi-Sexual guy?"
The woman stammers, "Why, yes, but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
rubin
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
.A must read for Grandparents. Those who aren't will love it, too.
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball
players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team
is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a
team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you
shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you
understand all that?
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a
chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb ass'
is it?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your
grandmother"
Jim Tenn
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 949
Never Complain
Tami: I am tired of working, tired of the same routine.
I wish sometimes that something would just be different...
So Tami goes to bed that night and goes to sleep......
and dreams peacefully..
Grrr!!!
Katie: Move over your paws are cold!
Tami: What?
Katie: I said move over your paws are cold.
Tami: Katie, what are you doing in my bed?
Katie: Your bed? Hah! You are sleeping with Sandi
and me in my bed.
Sandi: zzzzzzzz!
Tami: That's Sandi all right. What do you mean paws?
Katie: Are you hard of hearing to?
Tami: Ack! My hands are hairy. Gulp! I am a dog.
Katie: Bless you my child. You are one with the world.
Tami: Waaah! I was only kidding. I didn't mean it.
I want to wake up.
Sandi: Hey hold it down, I am trying to sleep here.
Rudy: Hey Tami wanna go outside and kill something?
Tami: Waaaah!!!!
Tami sits up in her bed sweating.... she looks at her hands
Tami: I am human!
Rob: That is debatable.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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