Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I want to thank everyone who sent a birthday message to me today.
There are close to 400 there now and it is nice to hear that I have
a positive effect on so many. I find this date, 4-20 and the surrounding
days to be full of unpleasant things almost like those born on 9-11.
Not everyone gets to share their birthday with Adolf Hitler for
example. We also have the bombing in Oklahoma City, Columbine High
shootings, David Korresh- Waco incident, and now the Virginia Tech
shootings all happening right around my birthday makes a person wonder
what forces are at work in Mid-April.
The mailman delivered a package from a friend who shares memories
with me and also political differences. The box contained a card, a can
of Bush's Boston Baked Beans and a small wrapped box. I opened the
box and discovered a bottle of Geritol Tonic, which is a perfect gift to
celebrate my entry into the " Old Fart" club. I figure the beans might
apply to that also but the card explained it better. On the card is
President Bush holding up to two cans of beans and the heading," Free
Beans for Everyone." Inside the card is the statement, " It's part of my
plan to reduce America's dependency on foreign countries for our gas."
I want to thank that person for the good chuckle and reminding me that
people can have political differences and still be friends.
Have great weekend and thanks again... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the definition of oral sex?
A: The taste of things to come.
Q: How do you get rid of unwanted pubic hair?
A: Pi'tew... Spit... Pi'tew... Spit...
Q: What do you say to a man who you've just had sex with?
A: Say whatever you want... he's asleep.
Q. What can a goose do , a duck can't and a lawyer should?
A. Stick its bill up its ass !
Q. What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A. Divorced
Q. Why do faggots make great linemen?
A. They like to penetrate the defense.
Q. Did you hear about the faggot cop?
A. He always got his man in the end.
Q. What do you call two men hanging on the wall with no arms or legs?
A. Curt & Rod
Q. Why did the plastic surgeon give up on the Polack woamn?
A. She kept picking her own nose !
Q. Why was the Polack uncomfortable in a fancy restaurant?
A. There was all this fancy silverware but no can opener.
Q. What did they call the guy who drove a sled team all the way across
Canada?
A. A Husky fucker.
Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep with a talking parrot?
A. A great fuck, but it will always want a cracker and It might tell on
you !
Q: Did you hear about the new combination of Viagra and Doan's pills?
A: It's so the back won't peter out and the peter won't back out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Blind
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Golf Skills
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Gift
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Nudist Club Newbie...
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Message To My Boss...
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mob Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex - The Mob Way
Other than the rule about certain sexual acts being unmanly, the #1 rule
about having sex is pretty simple: -- Your partner should be alive and,
at
least 50% of the time, awake.
Do You Have What It Takes To Be A Mob Lover?
1. During sex you usually
a. Scream out your partners name
b. Plead the Fifth Amendment
c. Scream out your own name
2. Sex is best
a. With the lights on
b. With the lights off
c. With the dashboard lights on
3. If your partner pulls a Nelson Rockefeller and dies while in the
saddle,
your immediate reaction is to
a. Scream and roll off
b. Call 911
c. Finish
4. Your lover suggests something innovative, like handcuffs. Your
reaction
is to:
a. Try it, you might like it
b. Announce politely that handcuffs are not your thing
c. Wonder how you can use the TV remote during sex if you are handcuffed
5. Your partners are usually
a. Blonde
b. Brunette
c. Inflatable
6. After sex you
a. Think about how long until you can make love again
b. Hang up on the phone sex operator
c. Thank the priest
____________
Give yourself 3 points for every time you answered "a"
Give yourself 1 point for every time you answered "b"
If you answered "c" more than twice, just kill yourself, because you are
a
sick loser.
Scoring
12-18 points: Last of the red hot mob lovers.
10-11 points: A good mob lover
7-9 points: You're no Johnny Stompanato; if you're planning to stay in
the
mob, you better carry a rolled up sock in your pants.
4-6 points: If you make love like this, you shouldn't be in the mob, you
should be in a cemetery.
0-5 points: Forget the mob, just go to a Star Trek convention
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hillbilly Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A farmer took the camper off his truck before going to town. As he was
going down the road three Hillbillys were standing beside the road
hitchhiking. The farmer picked them up, one Hillbillys got in the front
and the other two Hillbillys got in the back. As they were going over
the
hill the brakes went out on the truck. The farmer couldn't stop the
truck
and they went into the pond at the bottom.
The farmer and the Hillbillys that were up front come up out of the
water
a minute later. They kept waiting for the two in the back to come up.
The
farmer said, "I wonder where they are?"
The Hillbillys said, "Maybe they drowned."
About five minutes later they come up gasping for breath. The farmer
asked, "What the Hell took you so long?"
The two Hillbillys said, "We had a devil of a time getting that fucking
tailgate open!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Irish Golfer
An 80-year old Irish man goes to the doctor for a
check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in
and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical
condition?"
"I'm Irish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and
that's why I'm in such good shape." I'm up well before
daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." "I
have a glass of whisky, and al l is well."
"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but
there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when
he died?
"Who said my Dad's dead?"
The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and
your Dad's still alive. How old is he?"
"He's 100 years old," says the old Irish golfer. "In
fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went
to the topless beach for a walk. That's why he's still
alive ... he's Irish and he's also a golfer."
"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure
there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's
Dad? How old was he when he died?"
"Who said my grandpa's dead?" "He's still a kick'n."
Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years
old and your grandfather'
How old is he?"
"He's 118 years old," says the old Irish golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So,
I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's
getting married today."
At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
"Getting married ?!!
Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"
"Who said he wanted to?"
Christine
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Newlywed Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okie & his new bride
About 5 minutes after an Okie & his new bride checked
into the honeymoon suite of a fishing resort, the new
groom passes thru the lobby with all his fishing gear,
headed for the river.
The desk clerk waves him over. "Hey buddy" he says,
"shouldn't you be upstairs making love to your new
bride?"
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got gonorrhea
the doc says no sex for another month. But it's OK
because I love to fish"
The next morning, the Okie is on his way thru the
lobby with his fishing gear. Trying to be helpful, the
clerk waves him over and says. "Since you can't have
vaginal sex, maybe you could try anal sex."
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got diarrhea the
doc says no anal sex for another month. But it's OK
because I love to fish"
The following morning, again trying to be helpful, the
Clerk waves the Okie over on his way thru the lobby.
"Since you can't have vaginal sex or anal sex, maybe
you could coax her into performing oral sex for you"
he says.
To which the Okie says, "Can't, she's got pyorrhea
her dentist says no oral sex for another month. But
it's OK because I love to fish"
The clerk asks the Okie incredulously, Let me get this
straight, your new bride has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and
pyorrhea why the hell would you marry a girl like that?
"Well" says the Okie, "she's got worms too, and I love
to fish!"
Christine
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snake Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Most Venomous Snake In The World
NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius"
(Trouser Snake)
LOCATION: Throughout the world
DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black.
Fang-less, with a highly venomous spit. Size
varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its
mood and subspecies.
SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly women,
in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an
inconspicuous bump. Then, a severe swelling,
followed by excruciating pain after nine months.
The attack is not usually fatal. However, it has
been known to attack men in the rear lower
abdomen, which may result in an incurable
disease and possible death.
HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has
been known to appear in the most unusual
places.
ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available
for women. However, once the venom is injected
into the body, only drastic measures will ensure
complete recovery. There is no known antidote
for men.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED:
TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet, as
the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.
CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely
unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will
stop after a few weeks anyhow.
SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most
popular with the victim, but so far has not been
reported to have led to any success.
MILKING THE SNAKE:
1. Place 4 fingers of the right hand around the
neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front.
2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards
and downwards motion.
3. This will result in the snake becoming highly
aggressive and start spitting.
4. The time taken for this milking process
depends entirely on the milker and the last
time the snake attacked.
5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless
for about 20 minutes.
CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is
very aggressive and active, is not necessarily
a vermin and treated with the right respect,
makes a wonderful pet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
to LynnLynns-links-
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Movies
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man had just finished high school and wanted to go to
college. He approached his father and said, "Dad, would you send
me to college?"
"Son," the father replied, "You don't even know what's what! When
you know what's what, I'll send you to college."
His father then offered his son a job in the family business, a
furniture store. The boy worked in his father's store for the next
year. After the year was over he approached his father again.
"Dad," he said, "I've worked for you for a year. Now will you send
me to college now?"
His dad replied, "Son, you still don't know what's what! When you
know what's what I'll send you to college."
The boy was dejected and left. He went to a bar to have a drink.
At the bar he met an attractive young lady. They seemed to hit it
off well. So well, in fact, that they both left and went to her
apartment. After an hour of small talk, the young lady said she
was going to go to her bedroom and slip into something more
comfortable!
When she returned she was totally naked...except for a tiny belt
around her waist.
The boy looked at her in astonishment, pointed to the belt and
asked, "What's that?"
The lady answered, "What's what?"
"What's What?" He exclaimed, "If I knew 'What's What', I'd be in
college."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
19th Hole
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God's Lawyer
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God Kills
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bag world
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daddy bought the wrong balloons
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Plastic Surgery
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Good Hump
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Women's Meeting
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young English lass named Tess
Had herself in a terrible mess
She offered a fuck
For a fresh U.S. buck
But found out she was worth even less.
____________
A Scion Of Boston Society
Was Pinched, And For Mere Impropriety.
''I Will Lay In The Gutter,
And Refuse To Utter
One Word In Defense Of Sobriety.''
____________
A Vessel Has Sailed From Chicago
With Barrels Of Pork For A Cargo.
For Boston She's Bound,
Preceded, I've Found,
By Another With Beans From Near Fargo.
____________
There Once Was A Young Man, Most Unsavory,
Who Held The Bishop Of Boston In Slavery.
Amidst Hootings And Howles,
He'd Deflower Young Owls
Which He Kept In An Underground Aviary.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gregory finally found the nerve to tell his
fiancée that he had to break off their engagement
so he could marry another woman.
"Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked between sobs.
"Not on her best day," he replied.
"Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?"
"No, she's broke."
"Well, then, is it sex?"
"Nobody does it like you, babe."
"Then what can she do that I can't?"
"Sue me for child support."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine
when the husband said,
"I'll bet you can't tell me something which will make
me happy and sad at the same time."
The wife thought for a few moments, then said,
"How much you're willing to bet?"
"One hundred dollars!" said the boisterous husband.
"That's all?" inquired the wife.
"OK, two hundred."
"Not too sure of yourself, are you?" teased the wife.
Felling pretty good, the hubby announced,
"Five hundred!"
The wife twinkled her nose and calmly said,
"Your pecker is bigger than your brother's."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
BJ is out with Bronchitis at the moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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