THE POSTMAN
So, at 5 am there is not a whole lot to watch on tv.
And I was not too lucky finding anything of importance to
record on the dvr from the night before. The ladies of the house
have it filled mostly with Hallmark Christmas movies anyways so there
usually is not any space available. The only thing
at this hour seems to be Dr, Phil. Wonderful, right? So, what to
watch? I am sitting here watching the news,& weather... eGods!!!
And the weather? I am never really quite sure what the guy means. What
is the difference between partly sunny, or partly cloudy? But I
think I heard it all today, the guy says, "We are gonna have
some filtered sun." Groan."This is suggestive of a moisture
driven event." So how come the weather guy can't speak plain
English? Gonna snow! I am pretty sure its a conspiracy. He don't want a
clear weather prediction, it could be wrong.
ENJOY THE JOKES
Three friends took their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas and
they all had a great time.A few days after they returned home, the men were
sitting around talking about their trip."I don't think I'm ever going to do that again!"
says the first guy. "Since we've been back, my wife flings her arms and hollers '7 come 11'
all night long. I haven't had a wink of sleep!""I hear ya, buddy," the second guy replies.
"My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there. Since we've been back, she slaps the
bed all night and hollers 'hit me light, hit me hard'. I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
"You guys think you have it bad!" exclaims the third guy. "My wife played the slots the entire
time we were there. Every morning I wake up with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!"
Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter
and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Tracy?"
"Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?"
"Viens a moi."
"Viens a moi? What does that mean?"
At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'."
Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying, "That doesn't smell like
come to me. Does that smell like come to you?"
Vinnie and Hank are drinking, when Vinnie leans over and starts stroking Hank's beard.
Vinnie says, "Your face feels just like my wife's pussy."
Hank strokes it himself and says, "You're right."
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the
one I've never tried before.
- Mae West (1892-1980)
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Why do 'overlook and 'oversee' mean opposite things?
Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be under-whelmed, but can
you just be whelmed?
If loe is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
What's the opposite of opposite?
A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The
Bartender asks "Hey, are you a piece of rope?" The rope
answers yes and the Bartender says "We don't serve rope."
So the rope go's outside and ties himself in a knot and
comes back in. "Gimme a beer," he says
The bartender looks at him and asks "Hey, are you a piece
of rope?"
The rope answers yes and the Bartender says "We don't serve
rope." So the rope go's outside and frays the top of his
head. He walks back into the bar and says "Gimme a beer."
The Bartender takes a long look at him and says' " Hey,
aren't you that piece of rope?" and the rope say's "Nope,
Frayed Knot."
the mushrooms
cured me
I made him choose
the body cam
they look so cute
check this out
I ain't sleepin
bubble gum
get offended easily
a mixup
a virgin birth
don't blame the holidays
when I die
the north pole
that's not it
_._,_._,_
Groups.io Links:
You receive all messages sent to this group.
View/Reply Online (#24) | Reply To Group | Reply To Sender | Mute This Topic | New Topic
Your Subscription | Contact Group Owner | Unsubscribe [potty.plant@gmail.com]
_._,_._,_
No comments:
Post a Comment