[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 3-7

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

buffalo was up really late last night as I got to play chauffeur
for
Buffy and her cousin Crystal when they went out bar hopping.
I think they had a good time unfortunately the last of it is still
fuzzy to Buffy. She appeared coherent but when I go her out by
Nancy's she had her head hanging out the back window. I thought
she just needed some air. I am afraid to look at the side of the
Jimmy. Anyhow after napping on the bathroom floor for an hour
she was finally able to get up and get to bed. When she got up
this morning she texted a few friends and called North Carolina
and is starting to piece everything together.

Here is a little side story from the archives

I was asked recently what it is like living in a border town because
Canada is a foreign country. It is about the same as living on the
border with Wisconsin would be. The average Ontario resident is
English speaking and of the same ethnic and religious background as
those who live on this side. Over they years many have attended
school here, worked here, shopped here, married here, and owned a
home and raised a family here. This works both ways and with the
fluctuations in our currency at times things are cheaper on one side
or the other so people hop on the bridge, pay their 2.50 and drive
across to work or play. It is not a long bridge, actually shorter
than the one between San Diego and Coronado or even the Golden Gate
Bridge, the only difference being the wait to go through customs
which can be minutes or an hour depending on the time of the day or
if you happen to be in a carload of Arabs.

We share a love of Holidays and Americans participate in the Winter
Carnival and gather down by the river to watch the fireworks on
Canada Day which is the first of July and then the Canadians come
across to watch the I-500, enjoy and participate in the 4th of July
Parade and attend the concerts at the Kewadin Casino. We both enjoy
benefits of having each other as neighbors in being able to attract
more stores.

So anyhow the chances of looking in a crowd and finding a Canadian
is pretty small. They aren't all speaking French, wearing a Toque
or saying eh. In an emergency their fire department is there to
help us, in a disaster they are there to contribute, and when 9-11
happened they were there to fight alongside of us in Afghanistan.

All in all it is pretty nice having the Canadians for neighbors and
friends. At least they don't wear chunks of cheese on their head
and root for the Packers on Sunday.

Enjoy the chips ... buffalo

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Q and A Chips
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Q. Did you hear about the new deodorant called Umpire?
A. It's for foul balls.

Q. Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks library?
A. Both the books got burned, and one hadn't even been coloured in
yet.

Q. Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A. So no one confuses them with feminists.

Q. Did you see Roman Polanski's new movie?
A. Close Encounters With The Third Grade.

Q. What's the definition of a woman?
A. Life support for a vagina.

Q. What do you get when you cross LSD with birth control?
A. A trip without the kids

Q. Did you hear about the new Vietnamese cookbook?
A. 100 ways to wok your dog.

Q. Why did god create alcohol?
A. So ugly people could get laid too.

Q. What is the difference between a gay and a freezer.
A. The freezer don't fart when you take the meat out!

Q. What's the definition of "Tender Love?"
A. Two gays with hemorrhoids.

Q. Why do they bury Australians 100 feet underground?
A. Because deep, deep down they're nice people.

Q. Why did the Taliban trade his wife for an outhouse?
A. Because the hole was smaller and the smell was better.

Q. What's the most important question to ask when you want to have
safe sex? A.
What time will your husband get home?

Q. Why does everyone wants to work at the impotency clinic?
A. It's a soft job.

Q. What's the difference between wives and secretaries?
A. Secretaries get a little behind at work, wives get a big behind
at home.

Q. Did you hear about the Irishman who went to the toilet?
A. He wiped the chain and pulled himself.

Q. What did God say after creating man?
A. "I can do so much better."

Q. What did he say after he created woman?
A. "Guess I was wrong!"

Q. What's worse than your best friend telling you that he's a gay?
A. When he
tells you that he fucked you that night you passed out drunk on his
couch!

Q. What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others
shoulders? A. A
scrotum pole!

Q. Why won't Israel's Prime Minister give the Palestinian's their
land back? A.
Because it's in his wife's name.

Q. Why don't women have brains?
A. They don't have a cock to keep them in!

Q. How do we know God is a man?
A. Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.

Q. Why do they play on artificial turf in Poland?
A. To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

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Hell Chips
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One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in
despair, he
had his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun
down here.
You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink.
Whiskey,
tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till
we throw up
and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over
the world
and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're
already dead,
remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette,
poker,
slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You
into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big
bowl of crack,
or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the
drugs you
want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow, the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I
never
realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."

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Clap Chips
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The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy
territory. To entertain them the Major called for this HOT number
from the nearby town. She came, danced and when the first dance was
done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes.

For her second number she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G
strings. This time the applause went for 10 minutes.

The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went
on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quite
down for the grand finale.

For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked.
The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the
roof down. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the
dancer comes backstage.

The Major asks her, "What happened? How come there was no clapping
this time?"

She replied, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with
one hand?!!?"

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Prison Chips
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These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years.
One day
Larry said to Joe, "You know man its been a long time since we had
some sex so
you oughta let me screw you."

Joe replied.

"Are you crazy?!!"

Larry went on to say, "I promise you that it won't hurt and we'll
flip a coin
and see who screws, who first.

So, Joe thought about it for a minute and finally agreed.
They flipped a coin and Larry won.
Still having strong reservation Joe asked,

"How will you tell if it hurts or not?"

Larry told Joe,

"If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I'll stop.

But if it feels good start singing."

Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed,

Moooooooo.... Moooooo... Mooooon River

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Short Chips
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Linda (a blonde) and Jill were chatting over coffee. Said Linda,
"I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from
coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or
sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye."

Linda took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" she cried.
"There it goes again!"

Said Jill, "Linda... take the spoon out of the cup."

As he was standing in line at the grocery store checkout counter, a
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"You in trouble with Jill?" the friend asked John.

"Nope!" was John's reply. "Preventive maintenance."

When it comes to wine I'm very particular about what I buy. There
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First, the word "Wine" must appear somewhere on the label. This is
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Second, I look for a sign nearby that says "On Sale."

Follow these two rules and you won't go far wrong.

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AOL Chips
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For those of you not on or familiar with American on Line (AOL),
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If you sign off now, we'll bring back your Buddy List OK ?

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Aren't you tired/thirsty/hungry ?

You have been online for 373 minutes:
Your spouse has left you and your dog is starving
Do you wish to remain online ?

You have been online 424 minutes:
We're dispatching someone to your house to yank the phone cord I
mean,
we've been more than patient with ya

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Do you KNOW how many hours that is ???
Log off now, avoid unnecessary violence and bloodshed

You have been online for 481 minutes:
Do you know how many complaints we get about busy phone lines ? Do
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When AOL went unlimited we didn't think you'd take it literally Now
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Sign off now while you can still read this message

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See job application enclosed (If ya can't beat em, hire em) But
don't
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/Hope
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The Journey
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Midi Music
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some
good news and some bad news."

The patient said, "Give me the good news."

"They're going to name a disease after you."

Mary: So while I was visiting my friend in the hospital, some
deranged man came stumbling out of his room, picked up a red-headed
nurse, and threw her over his shoulder, saying he was gonna
sacrifice a virgin!

Jill: Oh, no! What did the hospital staff do?

Mary: One intern yelled, "She's no virgin!" Then one maintenance
man, three orderlies, and two MD's shouted, "I can vouch for that!"

A camel and an elephant meet. The elephant asked the camel: "Why do
you have your breasts on your back?"

The camel, clearly irritated, replies: "What a silly question from
someone who has his dick on his face."

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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cinema
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Limerick Chips
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When a horse playing golfer named Trey
Goosed a girl in the rough one fine day
He found her, though willing,
Just barely fulfilling...
"I would rate her," said Trey, "a par lay."
Stan Kegel
_______________________________________

A cock of a fellow named Randall,
Shot sparks like a big Roman candle,
He was much in demand,
For the colors were grand,
But most girls found him too hot to handle.
_______________________________________

Hannibal's plan made good sense
Cross alps astride creatures, immense
Though it may seem odd
Your enemy's awed
When elephants sit on defense
(Gary Hallock)

Ross

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Parting Chips
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Achmad came to the United States from Afghanistan, and he was only
here
a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after
doctor,
but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor. The doctor said, "Take dees
bocket,
go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den
put
your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten
minutes."

Achmad took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the
bucket,
peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten
minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel terrific!
"What
was wrong with me?"

The doctor said, "You were homesick."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one
morning and She asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven .
. Which part of Your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do
you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands Together
in front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it 's your
legs."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.

"Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's Bedroom
the other night.

Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she
Was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!"


If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

Gilbert

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1538

The Error of His Ways

Katie and Rudy are having an argument...

It is getting heated...

Sandi comes over and intervenes: Okay what is this about?

Katie: It is all about Rudy. He made a terrible error.

Rudy: No, I did not. I did nothing wrong, it is Katie who is in
error.

Sandi: Let's start at the beginning. What happened first?

Rudy: I was taking a nap under the apple tree when I got hit on the
head by an
apple. It had an arrow in it. Katie was standing over there with a
bow and
arrow. So I yelled at her to quit.

Katie: Just because I had a bow and arrow doesn't mean the arrow in
that apple
came from my bow and arrow Rudy.

Rudy: Who else around here has a bow and arrow Katie, Cupid?

Sandi: Ah, I see the problem. We must use deductive reasoning here.
We have a
victim a Mr. Rutherford and potential suspect a Miss Katherine. Are
there any
eye witness to the alleged crime?

Rudy: Err-ah no, I was asleep.

Katie: So then it might have been possible this could have been a
dream?

Rudy: No, here is the apple with the arrow through it.

Katie: Gulp!

Sandi: So we do have evidence and a victim. We need to find the
suspect.

Sandi: Katherine, where were you at the time of this incident?

Katie: Err, I was doing missionary work.

Rudy: With a bow and arrow?

Katie: I can spread the word must faster that way.

Sandi: Sounds reasonable. Rudy, was there anyone else around when
you were
awaken?

Rudy: I saw Toots in the back gathering clothes off the clothesline.

Katie: It was her! She probably hid the bow and arrow in the
laundry.

Sandi: We shall continue this investigation in the house.

To be continued

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Remember 9/11/01

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