My name is buffalo and I have the watch.
Thursday night I let my computer do updates and turned the
monitor off and went to sleep. When I woke up I turned the
monitor on and got a BIOS alarm for a CPU fan error. One
of the fans had been making a little noise for the past couple
of weeks and I figured it had went bad.. I had Buffy disconnect
all of the cables and slid it over into my bed. This is a full
size Vista era and they are so nice to work on, none of that
reaching under cables and PCI cards to get at something. All
three fans were spinning free so i reconnected just the power
and monitor cord and hit the start button. All three fans
spinning and alarm gone. I figured it was just a hairball that
eventually blew out. I had buffy reconnecting cables as I slid it
into it's place on my night stand while Buffy hooked up the
keyboard, mouse, and internet. After downloading 12 hours of
mail.I tried replying and got a surprise, no keyboard. I checked
the back and it was plugged into the mouse PS-2 port. Since
PS-2 ports are fused and easy to blow, I shut the power off and
turned the power back on and still no keyboard. I turned the
computer off and asked Buffy to bring in her USB keyboard .
she plugged it in and I rebooted, keyboard worked now but
the laser was out on the mouse. I was starting to think I had
power supply problems until I checked cables again. Buffy
had unplugged the mouse to plug the keyboard in.
Hope you are having a great weekend and enjoy the chips... buff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was 0500 in the morning at the U.S. Marine
boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers
were asleep in their barracks.
The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is
an inspection! I wanna see you all formed up
outside butt naked NOW!"
So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed, naked
and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their
three ranks.
The serge walked out and yells, "Close up the ranks,
conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly...
The captain comes along with his swagger stick.
He goes to the first soldier and whacks him right
across the chest with it. "DID THAT HURT?" he yells.
"No, Sir!" came the reply.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man.
He takes the stick and whacks the soldier right across
the rear. "Did THAT hurt?"
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third
guy, and sees he has an enormous erection. Naturally,
he gave his target a huge WHACK with the swagger stick.
"Did THAT hurt?"
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?
"Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bizarre 'Sex Accidents' Suffered by Blokes...
A man turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat, and with blood
dripping down his leg. When he removed the coat, the doctor saw he had a
geranium inserted in his penis. The man had got the flower in without
any difficulty, but when he tried to remove it, the hairs on the stem of
the flower had dug into the urethra and ripped it to shreds.
A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a night shift to his
wife preparing breakfast. For some unknown reason, he wrapped a slice of
bread around his penis, at which point the dog leapt up and took a bite
out of it. The man needed cosmetic surgery to restore the damage.
A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to
heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his
girlfriend on not one but two occasions, he noticed that his erection
was still at its full glory. Having struggled to sleep through the night
he woke up to find his boner still standing proud, but due to him
worrying about the police finding out about his possession, and indeed
the use of an illegal substance, he decided against visiting his doctor.
However, after three days of enduring headaches and nausea, caused by
the constant trouser swelling, he went to the hospital in search of
help. He was admitted immediately and referred to a specialist who
diagnosed lack of oxygen to vital bloodstream's in his body, as the
cause of his sickness. He was given numerous drugs and antibiotics to
combat the swelling, but shortly afterwards developed blood clots in
various parts of his body with gangrene setting in. As a result he lost
both legs, nine fingers and his penis.
You may want to grit your teeth before you read this. This is really
gruesome... When a mate was studying in Ireland, he played rugby. As his
first season wore on, the lads and him were eventually scheduled to
play a team which had a reputation for violent play. Considering that
they weren't the most talented outfit to have ever taken the field, they
decided to accept the challenge with a "do or die" attitude, hoping
things would eventually swing their way. They didn't, and to make
matters worse their star player dislocated his hip after a particularly
ferocious tackle. He was clearly in a lot of pain, so they all stood
back to allow the medic to, in one swift movement, slot the hip back
into its socket. Then Alan began a long blood curdling scream. To their
horror, they realised that one of his testicles had also been jammed
into the socket and was now firmly held in the place by the hip.
(Incidentally, he also managed to rip a vocal chord with his screaming.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number,
I dialled him -- and got a woman.
"Is Mike there?" I asked confused.
"Umm, he's in the shower," she responded.
"Would you please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and
immediately hung up.
When he didn't return the call, I angrily dialled again. This time a man
answered. "This is Mike," he said.
"Like Hell you are!" I exclaimed. "You're not my boyfriend!"
"Lady, I know that," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell
my wife for the past half-hour."
~~~~~
Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his
pool.
When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other
and
said: "Did you notice the small dicks on the rich kids?"
The other answered: "Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play
with!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lighter Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl who was a heavy smoker invested in a cigarette lighter to
economize in matches. After a short time it began to give trouble. So
she spoke to a gentleman who had one, having just seen him light a
cigarette with it and put it in his pocket.
She: Now be a dear and tell me about that thing you have there in your
trousers.
He: (Misunderstanding her and feeling a bit embarrassed) I'm not used to
discussing such things with ladies.
She: Now there is no need to be shy. Tell me, how does yours work? Do
you jerk it up and down?
He: Oh, sometimes...
She: Then it's different from mine, mine just opens and shuts. Do you
rub yours up and down until something comes?
He: Oh yes, especially in cold weather.
She: Have you ever tried pulling your wick and dipping it?
He: No, most certainly not!
She: Oh. You should, it does it good. You never soaked it before then?
He: Of course I haven't.
She: You should try it then sometime, it takes the stiffness out of it.
He: Er, well... I'm afraid that you are a naughty girl.
She: (Thinking he referred to smoking) Oh, every girl does it nowadays
anyway. What about your wick, is it a long one?
He: Yes, it is rather on the long side.
She: I think I will have to try a bigger one because the one I use does
not seem to go far enough to do any good. Does yours go red on the end
when it's dry?
He: Yes.
She: So does mine. In the past mine has been giving me much trouble.
Would you like to have a look at it?
He: No no, not now. We had better wait until it's dark.
She: Don't be ridiculous, you can see much better in the daylight. It
has been leaking these past few days so I have put a rag around it.
I'll unwind it now (opening her handbag and producing her lighter).
Look, here it is (dashing her lighter). It has run out again, damn...
now I'll have to go back to matches.
The young man collapses.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
enjoy these pages from our friends.
Writing a Love Story
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/R/Fal.html
Gospel Music
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Js/Gp_files/Gp.html
Just Have Faith!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/faith.html
Eagle Rescue
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglerescue.html
Rules For US Civilians
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rules.html
I Wrote A Song
http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Frdshp-6/I_Wrote_A_Song.html
Poems Of The week
http://brotherbobs.webs.com/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he'd
just escaped a tornado.
"What's wrong?" a woman asked.
"I just lost a game to Houlihan," the pro said.
"What? But Houlihan's the worst player I've ever seen. How could he have
beaten you?"
"He tricked me," the pro said. "On the first tee, he asked for a
handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes - any handicap he
wanted. He said, 'Just give me two gotchas.'"
"What's a gotcha?" asked the woman.
"That's what I wanted to know," the pro said. "Houlihan said, 'You'll
see.' Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he
screamed out 'Gotcha!'"
"I can guess what happened," the woman said.
"Sure," the pro said. "The scream threw me off, and I missed the ball
completely."
"Understandable," the woman said. "But still, that's only one swing. How
did he win the game?"
The pro answered, "You try swinging at a golf ball while waiting for
that second 'gotcha!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Aisle, the Altar, the Hymn
Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery:
Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get
married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once
their vows are exchanged?
Finally, the riddle is solved.
A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation.
When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down
the long aisle, she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir
singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process
starts where the brain absorbs these three stimuli:
Aisle, altar, and hymn.
She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these
perceptions:
Aisle, altar, hymn. . . . . .Aisle, altar, hymn. . .Aisle, altar, hymn.
And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process
is complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to
herself...
"I'll alter him!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The coarse, boorish lout from Connecticut
Was hopeless in hygiene and etiquette,
His comportment was crass,
His B.O. could cut glass,
And his breath smelled like something a yeti cut.
There was this fine lady from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies were created by God
But it wasn't the almighty
That lifted her nighty,
It was Roger the lodger, by God!
There once was a girl named McFeast
Whose crack was brimming with yeast
That fungus she would take
And some bread she would bake
40 or 50 loaves at least.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two mountain bred GIs were wandering the streets of calcutta when an old
woman walked by.
"Hey, Billy Joe," one said, "I think that's Mother Teresa."
"Your nuts." "I'm telling you."
They approached the woman and one asked, "Are you Mother Teresa?"
The old lady eyed them scornfully. "Fuck off, you goddamn perverts," she
hissed, striding off.
"Jeez," Billy Joe said, watching her disappear into the crowd, "now
we'll never know."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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