THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
where the world goes for its daily dose of humor
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Lily Tomlin
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
FROM THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
In a special news conference today, Gerber
Food manufacturers announced plans to expand
their operation. They will be teaming up with other
food giants to increase product variety. In the
meantime, Wallstreet was excited. Market shares
in both Mcdonalds and Gerber
jumped by 30 percent in value.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
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THE COMICS
grand dad
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a221.html
not the answer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a222.html
life after death
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a223.html
for senior citizens
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a224.html
I farted
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a225.html
the fear of god
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a226.html
felony
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a227.html
our guest speaker
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a228.html
going paperless
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a229.html
its you!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a230.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
50 of the Most Beautiful Women Ever
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3004.html
DANCING NANA
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3005.html
sleeky shampoo
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3006.html
woman whisperer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3007.html
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem? The woman says:
"Doctor, I don't know what to do.
Every day my husband seems to lose his temper
for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it
seems that your husband is getting angry, just
take a glass of water and start swishing it in your
mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it
until he either leaves the room or goes to
bed and is asleep!"
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the
doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea!
Every time my husband started losing it, I swished
with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed
right down! How does a glass of water do that???"
The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing.
It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...."
____________
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf,
and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning,
roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly
to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll
make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early
Christmas morning."Months later, that special morning arrives,
and there they are on the golf course.The first guy says,
"Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond
ring that she can't take her eyes off it.Number 2 guy say "My wife
is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car,
reading the manual."They all turned to the last guy in the group who
is staring at them like they all had lost their minds.
"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.
I woke up, slapped my wife on the butt and said, Well Babe, Merry Christmas!
It's a great morning for either sex or golf" and she said "Take a sweater".
________________
A Mexican, a Black, a Muslim and a Redneck were walking together on
a beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand.
He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared.
"I can only grant four wishes, "the Genie said.
"Since there are four of you, you may have a wish apiece."
Pointing at the Black, he said, "Since you found the bottle,
you may have the first wish."
The Black studied for a moment then said, "I wish for a fleet of
ships so that I can gather all my people and take them back to our homeland, Africa .."
Poof. It was done. Hundreds of ships appeared on the skyline.
The Mexican said, "I weesh for enough Cheby peekups to take all
my people back to our homeland, May-he-co."
Poof. It was done. Row after row of Chevrolet Pickups appeared on the beach.
The Muslim said, "I wish for ten thousand camels to take all of my people
away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live
in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah."
Poof. It was done. ten thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.
Turning to the Redneck, the Genie asked, "And what is your wish?
The Redneck watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the border,
then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing out into the sunset, then he
looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off.
The Redneck said, "Just give me a Bud Lite. It doesn't get any better than this."
_____________
"You Know It's A Bad Day When..."
You jump out of bed and miss the floor.
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
The blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
Your income tax refund check bounces.
You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.
Suicide Prevention puts you on hold.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
You see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer
office (and DA is waiting on the phone....)
Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any.
You turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
The woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.
You wake up to discover that your water bed broke, and then
you realize that you don't have a water bed.
THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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