Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Ok a couple of letters on cow tipping to finish that discussion
again
hello
just have to reply to your cow tipping stories!! I own a dairy farm
and you had it right the first time!! the odds of tipping a cow are
slim to none!! the idea of putting a finger in its nose is NOT gonna
work unless you can spin your hand all the way around in a circle!!
[there neck does pivot!!] your idea of using a stick has some merit
but like you say they do kick good and hard and don't worry they are
fast!! there is a way to tip them using a rope around there belly
and cinching it tight but still takes two people with plenty of
strength!!! do enjoy the jokes so keep them coming!!
later
bob bruger
[Bob Bruger] Wisconsin [the true dairy country!!!]
yea, cow tipping....
If someone wants to use that as a form of entertainment, I would say
that
entertainment is the LAST of their concerns....
Anyone who would willingly stick their fingers in a cow's nose to
get their jollies has issues....
Headdoc.
Eva has been here all day and Sandy was worried that she wasn't
eating enough. I have been sitting here watching Eva though and
she has had a banana, juice, applesauce and toast, a slice of
cornbread, and a bowl of fruit cocktail plus she is running around
a Ziploc baggy of marshmallows and jelly beans. Sandy was upset
because she didn't touch her chicken rice soup for lunch. Eva
was full, she didn't need anything more. It is no wonder she can run
around in a circle for 20 minutes straight. Don't small kids ever
get
dizzy? I know after about ten seconds I go spiraling into a wall.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Dead Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's important to check on your neighbors regularly, especially if
they're elderly. Just knock on their doors and ask if they're OK.
You: "Hello! Is anyone there?"
Female neighbor (shouting from behind her door): "Whatever you're
selling, we don't want any. That includes religion."
You: "I'm not selling anything. I'm your neighbor. Just stopping by
to
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Neighbor: "Dead? No, I don't think I'm dead. But I'm not sure about
my
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abnormal?"
You: "Only if he isn't holding the remote."
If you don't want to disturb your neighbors, keep a lookout for
signs
that they may have died years ago. Here are a few telltales:
--- The grass around their home is so tall, the Boy Scouts want to
camp
there.
--- Their blue Volvo has gradually turned white, getting a free
paint
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--- They have a sign on their driveway that reads, "Grover Cleveland
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--- They're still flying the confederate flag.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 63-year-old Neillsville, Wis., man has been charged with sexual
gratification with an animal for allegedly having sex with calves.
Harold G. Hart allegedly told police he routinely stopped at a
Greenwood farm, usually after bar closing or on trips to strip
clubs. Hart told police he had sex with heifers before he went into
the service in 1998 and resumed about a year ago at the farm. He
told police he never had sex with animals while maintaining a
relationship with a girlfriend or his wife. Harold's lawyer is
requesting the charges be dropped on the grounds that Harold's
relationships have all been moo-nogamous.
A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out
of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather
disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and
starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what
caused him to knock so loudly. The passerby asks, "Who's in your
upstairs room?" The elderly man replies, "I can't see how it's any
of your business. But, since you must know, my daughter and intended
son-in-law are upstairs." The passerby hands him the used condom and
says, "Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild
fell out the window!"
The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was approached
by his assistant. "Anything interesting happen over-night?" asked
the mortitian. "Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18
year-old blond came in last night. Dead of course" "What was the
cause of death?" enquired the mortition." I'm not sure," replied the
assistant, "but she''s got a prawn stuck up her cunt!" "Are you
sure?" asked the Mortitian. "Yes, come and have a look for
yourself." said the assistant opening the body bag. The mortitian
closely examined the beautifuly trimmed snatch. "That''s not a prawn
you stupid wanker," he responded, "That's her clitoris." "Are you
sure?" replied the assisitant, "'cuz it certainly tasted like a
prawn."
Stan Kegel
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Viagra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo
bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and
offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for
100 Egyptian pounds.
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
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"Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was talking to his father about Suzy.
"She sure is pretty, I wish I knew how to get her to
pay attention to me," he said. "She never says
anything to me, I don't think she knows I'm alive."
"Well," his father responded, "the best way to get
her attention is to go up to her and pay her a
compliment. Try saying something nice about
her clothing, and she will remember you fondly.
Ask her where she got it, that is a sure bet to
start a conversation with a pretty girl."
The next day Little Johnny saw Suzy on the
playground. "Hey Suzy," he said, "That is
sure a pretty sweater you are wearing.
Where'd you get one with the knobs on it?"
Without blinking an eye she replied, "The
same place you got your pants with the
gear shift."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fifty Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fifty Ways To Love Your Beaver
(sung to the tune of "Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover.")
I was a virgin not much older than 16
I was as horny as a young girl's ever been
My friend said, "Please yourself ... it's safe and not obscene!"
There must be fifty ways to love your beaver.
Fifty ways to love your beaver.
Just finger the pie, Di
Diddle the clam, Pam
Why not masturbate, Kate
And listen to me
Touch yourself THERE, Claire
You'll feel better everywhere!
Go stroke where you pee, Lee
And set yourself FREE!
She said "You know it hurts me so to see you in such need.
But you know now you don't have to deal with men and messy seed." I
said "I appreciate that ... and I'll follow your lead and use the
fifty ways."
She said, "Why don't you just take home this vibrator tonight And I
believe that when you try it you'll begin to see the light." And
when I felt it buzz, I realized she probably was right! There must
be fifty ways to love your beaver. Fifty ways to love your beaver.
Just finger the pie, Di
Diddle the clam, Pam
Why not masturbate, Kate
And listen to me
Touch yourself THERE, Claire
You'll feel better everywhere!
Go stroke where you pee, Lee
And set yourself FREE!
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/My Hiding Place
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Carol w/Today She Cried
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Help for Single Parents
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God's Water Paintings
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vintage tech ads
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Zen Coding ; Write HTML/CSS Code
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Tech Dictionary
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New product Nut
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vicki was still feeling a bit weak and not up to par after her
recent bout with the flu and went to see her doctor. After a quick
examination, he said, "You look weak and exhausted! What have you
been doing? Are you getting out in the fresh air, getting enough
exercise, and having your meals 3 times a day, as I advised on your
last isit?"
Vicki, looked up, a bit surprised and exclaimed, "Oh doc, I've sure
been getting the first two, but on that last one, I woulda swore you
said three males a day!
A father was entertaining a boy his daughter had brought home from
college. "I realize it's only a formality," the young man said,
"but I want to ask for your daughter's hand." "
And where did you get the idea that this is just a formality?" the
father asked.
The boyfriend replied, "From our Lamaze instructor."
As husbands and wives will, from time to time, my wife and I were
having the discussion about what would happen in the eventuality
that one of us would predecease the other like...tomorrow night.
The usual "would you remarry?" questions were asked and answered. I
asked my wife, "If there was a nuclear war tomorrow, and you were
the last woman alive on the face of the Earth, would you help
procreate the species? Assume there were 10 men that were a mixture
of reasonably attractive, and totally repugnant." My wife asked,
"Are you alive or dead?" "Where I was standing at the moment the war
broke out is now a smoking hole," I informed her. A few moments of
consideration. "Yes, reluctantly, if I were the last woman on the
face of the Earth, and the survival of the species depended on it,
I'd have to do what was necessary." I was wandering into the kitchen
to refill my drink when I heard this, muttered under her breath:
"...bet your ass, I'd set myself up as Queen, though.".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Advice Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy complains to his doctor that his sex life
is deteriorating rapidly.
The doctor tells him he needs to reintroduce
excitement, guilt and so on into the process.
He ponders this for a few days and hatches
a plan.
"Well," he says to the doctor a week ago, "I did
everything you suggested. The boss let me leave
work an hour early. I sped home and I skidded
all the way up the driveway. I slammed open the
door, charged into the house and found Sheila in
the living room.
I stripped her naked and we went to it on the
coffee table."
"And did you enjoy it?" asked the doctor
enthusiastically.
"Well," says the guy slowly and thoughtfully,
"Somewhat, but the Bible group thought it was
really neat."
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to a strip club. When he got inside he noticed a seat
Conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the Opportunity,
he took the seat.
As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind Him
yelled, "YEAH BABY! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!"
The man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look.
A few minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched Off
her top, revealing two pasties. The guy behind our friend Goes off
again. "YEAH BABY! SHAKE THOSE THINGS."
Our friend turned around and said, "Hey buddy, calm down!"
After a few moments, the dancer did another move, and snatched Off
her dress, revealing a very thin G-string. Again the man Behind our
friend yelled out, "OH BABY! YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!"
Our friend again turned around and said, "Hey buddy, shut the Hell
up, will ya!"
A few minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and
Snatched off both the pasties and the G-string, and the whole Club
went wild, except for the man behind our friend. Curious, Our friend
turned around and asked, "Say buddy, where's your Enthusiasm now"?
The guy responded, "It's all over your back, dude!!"
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1781
Battle Cry
Diana is at home with the four doggies the time is about 10 am
when...
Ding dong
The dogs bark like crazy and are at the front door jumping at it.
Rudy's
hair is up on end and is snarling. Sandi is barking fierce. Katie
is
barking as is Val (as best as she can).
Diana opens the door just a bit to see four high school age kids.
Diana: May I help you?
We are selling Mazzio cards for school.
Diana: How much?
Ten dollars.
Diana: I will get one, hang on a minute.
The dogs continue to growl and bark.
Diana: Here you go.
Your card. Thanks.
Diana to herself: Odd they should be in school.
Rudy: I didn't like them.
That evening Diana receives a phone call from her neighbor...
Diana: What you were robbed! They took most everything! I think
I
know who did it. Oh my God, I could have been robbed to. Yes, I
can
give a description.
Diana hangs up.
Diana: Come here guys, I need to give you a hug.
Rudy: How about a pork chop?
The herd in Guthrie
(So far we are the only house on our side of the street not to be
hit,
and we are the only house with large aggressive dogs. I have no
doubt
that Rudy and Sandi would defend to the death our home our family.
Sad thing is, after ten years living here, I am having to lock my
doors for
the first time. Sandi is the only dog that will attack when I say
attack.
Rudy will defend.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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