Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Hey Bill.
I once worked in the La oil fields and in oil spill cleanup. The
largest was an oil reserve in a salt dome near Sulphur La that
exploded while doing maintenance to the well head. The company had
decided to cut corners and replace the head without draining the
pressure from the well, which would have taken several weeks to do.
The idea was the safety valve below the head was adequate enough to
hold back the oil. When the head was removed the safety valve blew
out and the whole thing exploded , killing everybody around and
created what was at the time the worlds largest land oil spill and
fire.
We used the sponge material on a giant mop head 5000 feet long
with a steel cable through the center which we placed in the oil and
revolved around four pulleys anchored to the ground. A diesel
powered
motor did the pulling and a giant wringer removed the oil which was
pumped to tankers. We built a levy around the entire area and pumped
in water to give the oil something to float on.
If BP had used this method from the beginning and had placed boom
material around the rig say for ten miles around, they could have
contained the largest part of the oil. Also the oil could have been
recovered and refined instead of being dispersed to lay around on
the
bottom of the Gulf and cause problems for years to come. If our old
crew was still around and the Coast Guard was absolutely in
charge, rather than an extension of BP as they seem to be now, a lot
of people would not be out of work .
Michael in SC
buffalo says I am really curious as to how they would go about
putting
golf balls in the line a mile down to help block the blowout
preventer.
Is there an injection point upstream of it? Siphoning it is good
but
that is not a fix, its like putting a bucket under a leaky ceiling.
I also
think they believed that the ocean would just absorb their mistake.
Ask the Japanese that died from mercury poisoning about that one.
Even the Pacific Ocean didn't dilute that enough. As far as our
President
and Homeland Security response to this emergency I compare it
with the time we spilled 8,000 gallons of diesel in Singapore
Harbor.
The Prime Minister was onboard a few hours later wanting to know
what happened and who was going to hang for it and then he asked
us to leave and they had already recovered most of the oil with the
Navy footing the bill.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Name Chips
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Three guys are walking down the beach ...when they see this
beautiful woman laying naked on the beach.
Well, the first guy goes over to her and starts making love to her,
when she says "What will we name the child?"
The guy freaks and runs away.
So the second guy goes over to her and starts 'doing his thing' when
she says "What will we name the child?" He freaks out also and runs
away.
The third guy has been watching all this. So he puts on a condom
and goes to do his thing. When she says "What will we name the
child?"
He ignores her and keeps on going. She keeps asking but he keeps
going.
Finally he finishes and pulls off the condom, ties a knot in the end
of the rubber and throws it in the ocean.
He turns to the girl and says, "If he gets out of that, we'll call
him Houdini."
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Shakespeare Chips
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While Shakespeare was a very wise man. You'd never know it because
he used such fancy-schmancy words. Now our crack team of cunning
linguists has translated a number of Shakespeare's quotes into
modern day English.
It's about time we were all able to enjoy the wit and wisdom of this
oddly groomed scribe.
Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.
Translation: We should masturbate more.
The weakest kind of fruit drops earliest to the ground.
Translation: Only fight sissies.
Great floods have flown from simple sources.
Translation: Never have sex with your girlfriend during her period.
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Translation: Let's kill all the lawyers. Really.
Be to yourself as you would to your friend.
Translation: It's OK to sleep with your sister because your friend
sure would.
'Tis better to be brief than tedious.
Translation: Nooners rock.
Is the jay more precious than the lark because his feathers are more
beautiful?
Translation: Good-looking strippers get bigger tips.
Have patience, and endure.
Translation: Use one of those numbing creams if you have to. Or try
wearing five condoms at once.
I can express no kinder sign of love than this kind kiss.
Translation: First base is better than striking out altogether.
Men at some time are masters of their fate.
Translation: Get married and you're screwed.
They that thrive well take counsel of their friends.
Translation: If your drinking buddies say she's really a man, listen
to them.
That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man, if with his tongue he
cannot win a woman.
Translation: If you're desperate to impress her, you can always
resort to oral sex.
O, flatter me, for love delights in praises.
Translation: Honesty isn't necessarily the best policy when it comes
to penis size.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
Translation: When dumping someone, always wear a protective cup.
I'll note you in my book of memory.
Translation: Don't expect me to call the day after.
Alas, poor world, what treasure hast thou lost.
Translation: Lap dances have actually been outlawed in some parts of
the country.
Love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain.
Translation: With a little help from our friends at Massengill, that
is.
Praising what is lost, makes the remembrance dear.
Translation: When you're telling your buddies about your conquests,
exaggerate. A lot.
My endeavors have ever come too short of my desires.
Translation: You've never had twins and you never will. Get over
it.
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Viagra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was on holiday in the Caribbean and, liking the
warm tropical weather, settled down for a day's
sunbathing. He fell asleep, and after a whole day his
legs became sunburned beyond belief.
He could hardly stand the pain.
He decided to go to the local doctor for treatment.
The doctor looked at his lobster colored legs and shook
his head. "You must realize that this is only a small
village medical facility," he explained.
"I've really got nothing at all to help you. However,
try taking this just before bedtime..." The doctor gave
him one tablet of Viagra.
Puzzled, the man asked, "I've got acute sunburn ...
what's a Viagra tablet going to do?"
"Not a thing for the sunburn," the doctor replied, "but
it will keep the sheets off your legs."
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Shipwreck Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was shipwrecked on a remote island. Although he had plenty
of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play
with himself. After many years, even that became so monotonous
that he couldn't even get an erection. Now, completely without
any happiness, his sanity began to slip away.
One morning, as he is lying on the beach, he thinks he sees a
ship in the distance. He quickly starts a fire, then throws wet
seaweed on top until smoke is billowing high in the air. The
ship starts to come his way!
He gets all excited and thinks, "Finally! I'm going to be saved!
The first thing I want is to take a long, hot shower. Then
they're going to give me some clothes and I'm going to go
upstairs and have a nice dinner. I will find a nice lady to
dance with, then I will take to her cabin and we can kiss and
I can fondle her body. She'll start to take off her clothes and
she'll be wearing red silk panties!"
At this, he gets an erection. He slips his hand into his
shorts, grabs his pecker, and yells, "Ha Ha Ha!! I fooled you!
I lied about the ship!"
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Parking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Should Sex and Parking Spaces have in common:
You should never have to wait to find one.
You should be able to slide right into one.
Spaces in the front are always the best.
When there are no spaces in front, spaces in the rear are just fine.
It makes you jealous when you see someone else is double-parked.
Your space should still be open and waiting when you get back.
People are willing to wait in line for the good spaces.
Spaces with short time limits are annoying and never satisfying.
We're all looking for the free space with the "unlimited" time
limit.
A house isn't a home without a parking space.
Some people are uncomfortable with a space in the rear, just do it.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Good Morning World
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John w/ Those Fabulous 50s
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Letter
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Movie Links
Strip Poker
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Sumsing Turbo 3000
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Sure Lock
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Swan Song
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Talent
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Helicopter
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Hombres
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Hot Dog
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How To Blow Away A Deer
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bond Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
M sends James Bond on a secret mission to heaven. When M doesn't
hear from
Bond for over a day, he gets worried and calls up heaven.
The Virgin Mary picks up the phone and says "Virgin Mary speaking."
M asks her if Bond has reached there yet. She replies that he
hasn't.
M waits another few hours and calls heaven back again.
"Virgin Mary speaking," comes the response.
"Is James there yet?" asks M. Again the answer is no.
M is really worried by this time but he waits for a few more hours
and then
calls heaven back again.
"Hello, Mary speaking|"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PMS Meaning
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Vampire Community
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One Way To Look At Things
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Dead Wood
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Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A stewardess did her usual act of showing passengers the safety
drill. Near the end she said, "'And in the event of an emergency,
bend forward and put your head between your legs.'
Jill turned to her husband and said, "I can't bend that far these
days!"
Her husband replied with a smile, "Well, you'll have to put your
head
between my legs."
Jill looked wide-eyed at her husband. "And where could you put your
head?" she asked.
"Honey," said her husband, "if you've got your head between my legs
I
won't give a damn where my head is!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female
teachers went on a field trip to the local racecourse to learn about
thoroughbred racehorses. In the course of the tour some of the
children wanted to go to the toilet, so it was decided that the
girls would go with one teacher while the boys went with another.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet,
one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the
urinal. Reluctantly the teacher went inside and began hoisting the
little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one up by
the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually
well-endowed for an elementary schoolchild. "I guess you must be in
the fifth?" she said.
"No ma'am," he replied. "I'm in the seventh, riding Lucky Charm.
Thanks for the lift anyway."
Harveythefrogprince
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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