[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 12-21

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

I thought this was a really interesting read. W e all know the
story just many have forgotten it over the years.

The Secretary of the Department of Veterans Affairs Sends a Holiday
Greeting

"On Christmas Eve, 1776, General George Washington met with his war
council in Buckingham, Pennsylvania, to finalize what he hoped would
be a "brilliant stroke," a turning point in America's War for
Independence—the crossing of the ice-clogged, storm-swept Delaware
River, culminating in a surprise attack on Trenton, New Jersey.
Nothing less than the future of this newly-declared republic rested
on its successful outcome.

The challenges were overwhelming. Many of General Washington's
troops were ill, low on food, poorly clothed, and suffering through
one of the bitterest winters on record. Outnumbered and pressed to
the limits of human endurance, the American Army was not fit to take
on the professional British Army and its Hessian allies, warmly
encamped across the Delaware. So remote and unthinkable was such
audacity that complacency and lowered guards gave rise to
opportunity.

As General Nathaniel Greene described him, Washington ". . . never
appeared to so much advantage as in the hour of distress." That
would have aptly described the entire Continental Army that
Christmas Eve. Within 24 hours, at midnight on the 25th of December,
1776, Washington executed the crossing of the Delaware, and the rest
is history: Washington's "brilliant stroke" tipped the scales in the
War for Independence.

From that Christmas of 1776, American men and women in uniform have
spent many Christmases on battlefields in Europe, Africa, throughout
the Pacific; on the Korean Peninsula and in Vietnam; and from Kuwait
to Iraq and Afghanistan.

This season, we gather with our families and friends in a Nation
free to celebrate in the custom of our choosing, by whatever name or
tradition it is known, thanks to the long and unbroken line of
patriots whose courage and sacrifice continue to secure the
blessings of freedom and liberty upon our grateful Nation.

To our 23 million Veterans, to our 298,000 VA employees, and to our
men and women of the Armed Forces so far from home, we send best
wishes for a joyous Holiday Season and heartfelt thanks for the
selflessness of your service.

Eric K. Shinseki

Enjoy the Chips.... buffalo

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Christmas Chips
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This guy is on a rooftop about to jump off. His wife has left him,
he has lost his job and he owes thousands of dollars to the bank.
Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump,
Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder.

Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas.

The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump.

"Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "I will grant you three wishes on
the understanding that you will do me a favor".

"Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!! Thank you,
thank you!"

Father Christmas promises him that:
1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her
sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your
return, she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.

2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue
with your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody
will have any recollection of your sacking.

3. You shall go to your bank and you will be in credit, you will
have no outstanding bills.

"Oh thank you, thank you !" says the man. "What is it that I can do
for you?"

Father Christmas tells the man to drop his pants and bend over.

After a quite brutal humping, Father Christmas asks the man how old
he is.

"36" replies the man.

You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas!" laughs the jolly
fat gay bastard.

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Eyeglass Commercial
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Hell Chips
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Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate Saint Peter was
waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Peter decided to
let him in. "Follow me." he said, opening the gate and walking in.

After some walk, Saint Peter's keys accidentally fell on the ground.
Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the
gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.

Saint Peter was furious. "If you do that again, you'll go straight
to hell! Follow me, we're almost there."

After some more Peter dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man
jumped on him. Saint Peter was even more furious than before, but
decided to give the gay guy one last chance.

Again they walk and for the third time Peter drops his keys, so he
bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control
jumps on him. Peter is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to
hell.

A few weeks later, Saint Peter goes down to hell for his routine
inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no
fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a
stack of blankets freezing his ass off.

"Why is it so god damn cold down here?" Peter asks.

"Well, you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.

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Santa Chips
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Dear Christeen,

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good
this year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make
some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.

I was going to bring you all the gifts from the "Twelve Days of
Christmas," but we have had a little problem up here. The Twelve
Fiddlers Fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the
Ten Ladies Dancing. The Eleven Lords a Leaping have knocked up the
Eight Maids of Milking, and the Nine Pipers Playing have been
arrested for doing weird things. Four Calling Birds, Three French
Hens, Two Turtle Doves, and the Partridge in a Pear Tree have me up
to my ass in bird shit.

On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, eight of
my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the Gay Liberation
and some dumb-ass has scheduled Christmas in Poland for the 5th of
February.

Sincerely,

Santa

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Reindeer Chips
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The Top 15 Reindeer Games

15. Strip poker with Santa's granddaughter

14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass

13. Spin the Salt Lick

12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers

11. Moose or Dare

10. Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do
a slow
burn and Santa dampen his Depends

9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo

8. The Annual Turn-Frosty-Yellow-from-50-Paces Contest

7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot

6. Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets"

5. Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass

4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen

3. Elf Tossing

2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey

and the Number 1 Reindeer Game...

1. The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking Game

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12 Chips
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Dearest John,

I went to the door today and the postman had delivered a Partridge
in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delighted gift! I couldn't have
been more surprised.

With deepest love and affection, Aberdine

Dearest John,

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine- two
Turtle Doves! I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are
just adorable. You big silly, what next?

All my love, Aberdine

Dearest John,

Aren't you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity - 3 French Hens! They are just darling, but
I must insist, you have been too kind.

Love, Aberdine

Dear John,

Today the postman delivered 4 Calling Birds. Now really, they are
beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too
romantic.

Affectionately, Aberdine

Dear John,

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered 5 Golden Rings; 1 for
every finger! You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all
those
birds
squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All My love, Aberdine

Dear John,

When I opened the door there were actually 6 Geese a-laying on my
front steps. So you're back to the birds again, eh? Those geese are
huge! Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are starting to
complain, and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially, Aberdine

John,

What's with you and those F---ing birds? 7 Swans a-swimming? What
kind of goddamn joke is this? There's bird crap all over the house
and they never shut up. I can't get to sleep at night, and I'm a
nervous wreck. It's not funny! Stop with those F---ing birds
already.

Sincerely, Aberdine

Okay buster,

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I to do with 8
maids-a-Milking? It's not enough, but they had to bring their
goddamn cows! There's manure all over the lawn, and I can't move in
my own house. What are you doing to me? Just lay off, smart-ass!

Aberdine

Hey asshole:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's 9 pipers piping, and
Christ do they play. They haven't stopped chasing those 8 maids
since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset
and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I to
do? The neighbors have started a petition to have me evicted. You'll
get yours...

Aberdine

You rotten prick!

Now there are 10 ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sl*ts
ladies. They've been at it all night, along with those frigging
pipers! Now the cows can't sleep, and they've got diarrhea. My
living room is a river of t*rds. The commissioner of buildings has
subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.
I am going to ask to ask the police to intervene. One who means it.

Venomously, Aberdine

Listen F---head:

What's with the 11 lords a-leaping all over those maids and ladies?
Some of those broads will never walk again! Those pipers have run
through the maids and are committing bestiality with the cows. All
23 of the birds are dead! They've been trampled to death in the
orgy. I hope you're satisfied you rotten, vicious, swine.

Your sworn enemy, Aberdine

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling,
which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Aberdine. The
destruction of course, was total. All correspondence should come to
our attention. If you should attempt to reach Aberdine at the Happy
Valley Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on
sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your
arrest.

Sincerely, Badger, Bender, Cajole - Attorneys at Law

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Mini Sewing Machine

Mini Sew-Wonder is the new cordless sewing machine. It's as powerful
as a full size machine, but lightweight, battery/AC adapter powered
and can be used right out of the box. Forget the hassle of ordinary
sewing machines that can be bulky and heavy.

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Short Chips
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A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she
climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to
bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie
and G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,
"I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl, "She
comes with GI Joe, she fakes it with Ken."

It was Christmas Eve and a woman came home to her husband
after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she
was getting undressed for bed he noticed a mark on the
inside of her leg.

He asked her what it was she told him that she had visited
the tatoo parlor that day and on the inside of one leg she
had "Merry Christmas" tatooed, and on the inside of the
other one she had "Happy New Year."

Her husband asked her what all that meant and her reply was, "Well,
now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between
Christmas and New Year!"

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Dryer Maid Dryer Ball

Get rid of pet hair from clothes, sheets and towels while they
tumble in your dryer. The Dryer Maid is like thousands of tiny lint
brushes in every load of laundry and it automatically releases it
into your lint trap for quick disposal.

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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/Another Christmas Memory
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Anns/CM2.html

Christmas Wishes
http://alongpoetryroad.com/wish4u.html

Sands Of Christmas
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/THESANDSOFCHRISTMAS.HTML

Walk With Jesus
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/walk.html

Who Is He?
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/who.html


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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.

Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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seen in over 50 years.

And here's everything they don't want you to know...

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Surfin Surfari

See Your House
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Clifton Mills
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How To Decorate Cookies
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Tic-Tac-Toe With Rudolph
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Records Fall as Late-Autumn Snow Blankets East Coast via Wesley
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.

Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:

As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.

Press here to get your copy:

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Christmas Backs
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Free "Load and Help" 2009 | SoftMaker Software Via Wesley
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Web Site story Via Wesley
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!

Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.

PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:

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Animal World

Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.

Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
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You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
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Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
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Movie Links

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Oops
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Senior Chips
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Lovemaking tips for Seniors

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the
bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

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Jupiter Jack - Safely talk & drive at the same time.

Just plug the Jupiter Jack in then preset your radio to 99.3 FM. Now
you have a hands free device that projects your voice through your
speakers for less than half of what one would cost you anywhere
else.

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Toon Chips
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censorship
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The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat,
and heat, while never falling off or blowing away. The Tushee forms
a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a
soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the
personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.

Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
adjustable, soft secure pocket that fits over any seat. Now you can
add a soft, 100% cotton Terry Lounge Cover, to any seat for extra
lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.

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Limerick Chips
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That wily old pervert St. Nick
Made good use of the curve to his dick.
He glazed the whole shaft
Painted stripes, then he laughed
As he offered young ladies a lick.

The night started with hot sexual talk,
As they screwed they lost track of the clock.
Throughout the next day,
They continued to play,
Until neither were able to walk!

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Fun Slides Carpet Skates

Wherever there's carpet, blast off with Fun Slides. They let you
have fun while getting exercise indoors. Because they're one size
fits all and loved by kids of all ages, they make a great gift. Fun
Slides come in six fun colors.

Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.

View Web Version

http://buffaloschips.com/slides

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Parting Chips
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many
canyons, when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are
hundreds of Indians.

They start to spur their horse forward, when they realized that
there are hundreds of Indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left
they, once again, see hundreds of Indians rising from the hill.
They begin to back away in the direction from which they had come
and they realize they were surrounded. The Indians had spread out
and they were trapped.

The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and
says, "Tonto, my
friend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together,
but now I think we are doomed."

"We?" replied Tonto. "What's all this 'we' crap, Paleface?"

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Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.

Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.

As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.

View Web Version

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Bonus Chip
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Older brother, Joe, was giving advice to his younger brother, Kevin,
on how to have sex with a girl. Joe didn't know how to explain it
him with out being too graphic. So he told him in terms of money
because Joe knew money. So in terms of directions Joe told Kevin you
want to look at a girl's crotch like money. The top is a quarter,
the left is a nickel, the right is a dollar, and the bottom is a
dime. So Kevin goes and thinks about this. Kevin and his girlfriend
finally decide to have sex, so he uses the advice his brother gave
him. He starts out real slow going "quarter....,
nickel....,dime....,dollar....", in his mind He goes a little faster
saying it in his mind faster "quarter..,nickel..,dime..,dollar.." He
goes even faster saying "quarter,nickel,dime,dollar" in his mind. He
is nearing orgasm and he starting screaming out loud "Buck forty,
Buck forty."

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The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
you to see objects up to 35 miles away! They're great for
vacationing, sporting events, bird watching, and more. These super
lightweight binoculars include features such as:

Wide-angle viewing
Shatterproof lenses
Soft rubber eye cups
Comfort neck strap
Center focusing wheel

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those readers seiously concerned or even embarrassed by
forgetting that important name, date or to-do item again, here's
some welcome news!

A world-renowned brain university has announced the successfull
testing of a memory pill that can reclaim as much as 10, even 15
years of mental decline and lost brainpower.

It's a fast-acting formula developed by US clinical research
scientist and best-selling author Joshua Reynolds that took years to
perfect.

For close to 40 years, Reynolds studied more than 1.5 million human
brains, analyzing countless brain scans of older people and
researching thousands of natural ingredients.

Procera AVH contains the three premier brain energy nutrients in
precise, clinically tested doses. Reynolds calls acetyl
-l-carnitine, huperzine and vinpocetine, "the 3 Miracle Memory
Molecules!"
Are Aging Brains Starved for Oxygen?

Reynolds explains his formula's success. "It's a simple concept; an
aging brain can't catch its breath. Once you reach 50, you may have
already lost half your brain power. At that age, your brain is
litterally gasping for oxygen."

"With each passing birthday, less and less oxygen gets to your
starving brain cells as a result of toxic build-up and impaired
neurotransmitter capacity." he adds.

"Severely depleted neurotransmitters dull your cognitive powers,
constricting your ability to concentrate, to remember things, and to
make even the simplest decisions."

"Procera AVH fixes all of that," he says. Users rport that mental
focus returns and memory powers snap back to where they were 10,
even 15 years ago.

"I was forgetting my employees' names and it was really
embarrassing," says user Jeff P. "After a week on Procera, I started
remembering them again and I was much more focused and
self-confident."

Procera AVH increases the blood circulation in the brain, flooding
oxygen-starved cells with fresh supplies of energizing oxygen and
vital brain nutrients. It gets the neurons fired up again!

The result? Users say the effects are felt quickly, like putting on
a pair of prescription eye glasses for the very first time.
Everything becomes clear and focused like when we were young.

"It's amazing, I felt sharper, more focused and alive in just
minutes!" says Penny S.

Not yet available in stores, Reynolds is now making this clinically
tested, non-prescription formula available risk-free.
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