Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
These doctor appointments are causing some drastic reworking
of my schedule. They have been keeping me up during the day
and I have been sleeping at night instead of working on the lists
which is causing such a disparity of posting times. Then the snow
isn't helping matters any either. I got home from all the tests
today
and there four inches of fresh snow to shovel so the mailman would
feel safe walking up here. I gave him a path and went back to bed.
I asked yesterday about the beds because both Buffy and Eva sleep
across the bed at night and I was wondering whether direction was
what was causing it. After I reviewed he problem though the two
beds do not point in the same direction. I guess they just like a
really
wide short bed. I prefer all of my pillows jammed in the corner
keeping me diagonal and elevated.
Enjoy the chips and stay warm.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sailor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sailor's Christmas
`Twas the night before Christmas, a calm night at sea
We nestled in our racks for Holiday Routine
When from the ventilation there came such a clatter
We jumped from our bunks to see what's the matter
When out from the vent fell this big dust covered dude
He was dressed up in red with a bad attitude
Yelling, "Those ducts are all filthy!" as he brushed off his clothes
"Don't goddamn stand there, where's the DCPO?"
He arose from the deck, then he peered all around
Then from his mouth came a bellowing sound
"This berthing's a disgrace!" then he called us by name
"Now Boatswain, Now Corpsman, please f*ckin' explain!"
This was not the Santa I remembered from youth
He smelled of cheap whiskey, he was rough and uncouth
"Now, look here you bastards" he said as he strolled
"You'd best trice this place up, or you'll get nothing but coal!"
"You'll make this space pretty, military, and neat!"
Then he looked down at the boots that lay at his feet
"Well, what do we have here?" He said with a frown
"Who the hell polished these? Recruit 'Buster brown'?!"
He walked around slowly, he missed not a mark
Even spotting dust bunnies, right there in the dark!
"You've got high dust and low dust, that overhead needs cleaning!"
We all stood dumbfounded as his words kept on streaming
"Which man here is senior!?" Then asked St Nick
"You'd better shit me an answer and SHIT ME ONE QUICK!"
The First Class stepped forward, his heart pounding hard
"Now look right here shitbirds, this asshole's in charge!"
"These racks will be tight! This damn deck it will shine!
I don't want to hear bitching! I need not hear you whine!"
So we gathered our foxtails, our buckets, and swabs
We all worked in silence to finish the job.
It took over an hour to finish our space
He just sat drinking coffee and stuffing his face
Then on re-inspection he explained with a huff
"Now this is more like it! NOW your not so f*cked up!"
We all stood there smiling, awaiting our gifts
But Santa just snapped out "What's the matter dumb-shits!?
"Get back to your racks! This will be my last warning!
Just like on shore, the gifts come in the morning!"
It seemed like forever `til reveille sounded
We threw back our curtains as all our hearts pounded
But what were our gifts? For what did we suffer?
But a pallet of rags and a shiny new buffer.
Attached to the buffer, we found a short note
We all gathered 'round to see what he'd wrote
"Next year at Christmas, best have all your shit wired!"
Signed:
Fair Winds,
"Chief" Clause
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
good luck
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a harsh winter
http://www.thepostm
a great dentist
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plagues Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ten Plagues
From: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
To: The Lord of Hosts
Dear Supreme Being:
Thanks again for accepting our bid for the ten plagues contract. As
agreed, the following pestilences will be delivered to you for
inflicting on the land of Egypt by Passover next:
1. Blood
2. Frogs
3. Gnats
4. Flies
5. Livestock
6. Boils
7. Hail
8. Locusts
9. Darkness
10. Death of the firstborn
To maximize efficiency of resource utilization, we will be engaging
a
number of reputable subcontractors to carry out some of the work. We
will ensure that all this falls within the proposed budget, and we
will coordinate with Moses, of course.
Yours sincerely,
Manny Truelove, Seraph i/c Miracles
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two boys were skinny dippin and the one couldn't help noticing the
size of the other's manhood, so he asked "How did ya get it that
big?"
The other boy responded "Well I rub it down every night with lard."
Two weeks later they were back at the swimming hole. Once again
there
was a comparison made with no results. The first boy said "I did
what
ya told me. Every night I have rubbed it down with Crisco." The
other
boy exclaimed "Well, no wonder, that's shortening."
"I've got this thing for tall, lean men," said the new coder at the
software company. "That Mike in sales is certainly a long tall drink
of water." "I hate to bust your bubble honey," replied the office
veteran, "but for a long tall drink of water, he's got an awful
short
straw."
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief
vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an
affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting
few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then
stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her
lap! "Helen,
why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he
cried. "I
would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the
baby
would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out
about
my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it
would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dennis Miller's Advice to Men About What Women Want
1 - Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright.
2 - If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don't try to subtly
steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim.
3 - Quit blowing smoke up women's asses about the sanctity and power
they possess as lifegivers and come up with some decent, affordable
childcare. That way, maybe poor single mothers can go to work and
get
off welfare and we won't have to listen to any more idiots in
Congress blathering about orphanages.
4 - Equal work for equal pay. Look around you at work, guys. Look
at ... say Carl, the brain-dead jack-off in the cubicle next to you.
You could kill Carl, couldn't you, because he's a slacking,
worthless, toady idiot. Now, imagine making 30 percent less than
Carl. Hellooo ...
5 - This is very important: during lovemaking, don't ask, "Who's
your
daddy?" Even as a joke. All right? It's not funny.
6 - When her mouth moves, pay attention, words could be coming out.
Words are kind of important.
7 - Pass a law that makes it compulsory for all over-the-hill rock
stars to have women their own age in their videos.
8 - Don't ask her if she came. You're a big boy now, Clouseau, you
should *know* if she came.
9 - Don't tell her how to merge and she won't tell you to ask for
directions.
10 - When she catches you cheating on her and she cuts off your dick
in your sleep, take it like a man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rodeo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rodeo Pick-up Lines
"Got 8 seconds?"
"Ropes, spurs, leather gloves -- Honey, even if I weren't no cowboy,
we're talking a good time!"
"Honey, I need a belt buckle this large to keep from gettin'
arrested
in Mississippi.
"Ain't no rodeo clown in the world that could keep me off you,
Darlin'."
"Here's my number, call me when you need a few bucks."
"Run if ya want, Missy, but I'll have you hog-tied quicker than you
can say 'stay away from me you Skoal-chewin'
"How'd you like to put a pinch of me between your cheek and gum?"
"Them calves of yours sure look like they could use a bit of
ropin'."
"I'll be in Intensive Care later. Why don't you drop by?"
"You sure make me wish I hadn't crapped my pants when that bull
charged."
"Is that a pelvis broken in three places, or are you just happy to
see me?"
"That's right, I said 'AND the horse you rode in on.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chief Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Command Master Chief Selection A young Navy Officer was in a car
accident, but due to the heroics of another young officer the only
permanent injury was to both ears, which subsequently were
amputated.
Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and
eventually became an Admiral. He remained, however, very sensitive
about is appearance. One day the new Admiral was interviewing three
Master Chiefs for the Command Master Chief position. The first
Master
Chief was a Surface warfare type and it was a great interview. At
the
end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything
different about me?" The Surface Warfare Master Chief answered, "Why
yes. I couldn't help but notice you have no ears."
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tack and threw him out of
his office. The Aviation Master Chief replied, "Well yes. You have
no
ears." The Admiral threw him out also. The third interview was with
a
Submarine Master Chief. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and
seemed to know more than the other two Master Chiefs put together.
The Admiral wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same
question, "Do you notice anything differently about me?" To his
surprise the Submarine Master Chief said, "Yes. You wear contact
lenses." The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an
incredibly observant Master Chief, and he didn't mention my
ears. "And how do you know that?", the Admiral asked. The Submarine
Master Chief replied, "Well it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no
frigging ears."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun Slides Carpet Skates
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Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Sharing A Christmas Memory
http://silverandgol
carolyn w/ Home On Christmas Day ~ Elvis
http://carolynsprec
Can You Imagine
http://www.loratrue
Just Have Faith!
http://www.shangral
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari
Clyde's Drive - In
http://tinyurl.
Black Dog's Christmas
http://www.billybea
Christmas Facts!
http://www.luvscrea
A Message From SANTA!
http://portablenort
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Happy Holiday from Sally
http://script-
Chrismas Time Grads
http://tandemtables
White Christmas
http://simplysally.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.youtube.
Kitty Korner
http://www.ginnyfan
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Movie Links
Honest Stopper
http://www.buffalos
Never Point An RPG at A Marine
http://www.buffalos
Racism On A Plane
http://www.buffalos
Self Smart
http://www.buffalos
NYPD Training Video
http://www.buffalos
Happy New Year
http://www.buffalos
Hard Day
http://www.buffalos
Helicopter
http://www.buffalos
Hilarious Prank
http://www.buffalos
Hombres
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every time the U.S. Cavalry major rode through
the camp of the recently subjected Indian tribe,
he'd deliberately wave to the old chief. And the
latter would reply by giving him the finger, in
the usual vertical manner, and then turning his
hand so that the same digit stuck out
horizontally.
After a few weeks of this, the major's curiosity
got the better of him; so he rode over after one
such exchange and said, "Look, Chief, I know what
it means when you give me the finger straight up,
but what the hell does it mean when you also give
it to me sideways?"
"It means," grunted the chief, "that I don't like your horse,
either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
carpet munch
http://www.buffalos
carrier
http://www.buffalos
carrying donuts
http://www.buffalos
car sex
http://www.buffalos
name misspelled
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
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Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.
Get two for the price of one when you order today.
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nipple Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her
first ever physical exam. After checking all of her
vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said,
"Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could
find no problems. I did notice one anomaly, however."
"Oh, what is that, Doctor?"
"Well, you have no nipples."
"None of the people in my tribe have nipples," she
replied.
"That is amazing," said the doctor.
"I'd like to write this up for The American Journal
of medicine if you don't mind."
She said, "OK."
"First of all," asked the doctor, "How many people
are in your tribe?"
She answered, "Approximately 500."
"And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the
doctor.
Running Doe replied, "We're called ..The Indian-
nippleless Five Hundred!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to
know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does
for a living. The first little girl says, "My name is Mary and my
daddy is a postman."
The next little boy says, "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."
Then one little boy says, "My name is Johnny and my father is a
striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."
The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later
in the school yard, she approaches Johnny privately and asks if it
was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.
Johnny blushed and said, "No, I'm sorry. My dad's the defensive
coordinator for the Green Bay Packers, but I was just too
embarrassed
to say so."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young under-educated man applied for a job in an office as a
custodian. He filled out the application, then went in for an
interview with the woman in charge of Personnel when his name was
called.
After the interview, he left and hooked up with his homies.
One asked, "How'd it go?"
The guy answered, "First part was smooth. But den she wanted
to see my testimonials. So I unzipped my pants and showed 'em --
and she freaked! There went da job!"
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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