Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I thought this was a really interesting read. W e all know the story just many have forgotten it over the years.
The Secretary of the Department of Veterans Affairs Sends a Holiday Greeting
"On Christmas Eve, 1776, General George Washington met with his war council in Buckingham, Pennsylvania, to finalize what he hoped would be a "brilliant stroke," a turning point in America's War for Independence—
The challenges were overwhelming. Many of General Washington's troops were ill, low on food, poorly clothed, and suffering through one of the bitterest winters on record. Outnumbered and pressed to the limits of human endurance, the American Army was not fit to take on the professional British Army and its Hessian allies, warmly encamped across the Delaware. So remote and unthinkable was such audacity that complacency and lowered guards gave rise to opportunity.
As General Nathaniel Greene described him, Washington ". . . never appeared to so much advantage as in the hour of distress." That would have aptly described the entire Continental Army that Christmas Eve. Within 24 hours, at midnight on the 25th of December, 1776, Washington executed the crossing of the Delaware, and the rest is history: Washington's "brilliant stroke" tipped the scales in the War for Independence.
From that Christmas of 1776, American men and women in uniform have spent many Christmases on battlefields in Europe, Africa, throughout the Pacific; on the Korean Peninsula and in Vietnam; and from Kuwait to Iraq and Afghanistan.
This season, we gather with our families and friends in a Nation free to celebrate in the custom of our choosing, by whatever name or tradition it is known, thanks to the long and unbroken line of patriots whose courage and sacrifice continue to secure the blessings of freedom and liberty upon our grateful Nation.
To our 23 million Veterans, to our 298,000 VA employees, and to our men and women of the Armed Forces so far from home, we send best wishes for a joyous Holiday Season and heartfelt thanks for the selflessness of your service.
Eric K. Shinseki
Enjoy the Chips.... buffalo
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Christmas Chips
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This guy is on a rooftop about to jump off. His wife has left him, he has lost his job and he owes thousands of dollars to the bank. Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump, Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder.
Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas.
The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump.
"Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "I will grant you three wishes on the understanding that you will do me a favor".
"Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!! Thank you, thank you!"
Father Christmas promises him that:
1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return, she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.
2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody will have any recollection of your sacking.
3. You shall go to your bank and you will be in credit, you will have no outstanding bills.
"Oh thank you, thank you !" says the man. "What is it that I can do for you?"
Father Christmas tells the man to drop his pants and bend over.
After a quite brutal humping, Father Christmas asks the man how old he is.
"36" replies the man.
You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas!" laughs the jolly fat gay bastard.
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Hell Chips
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Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Peter decided to let him in. "Follow me." he said, opening the gate and walking in.
After some walk, Saint Peter's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.
Saint Peter was furious. "If you do that again, you'll go straight to hell! Follow me, we're almost there."
After some more Peter dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Peter was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Peter drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Peter is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Peter goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass off.
"Why is it so god damn cold down here?" Peter asks.
"Well, you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.
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Santa Chips
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Dear Christeen,
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all the gifts from the "Twelve Days of Christmas," but we have had a little problem up here. The Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the Ten Ladies Dancing. The Eleven Lords a Leaping have knocked up the Eight Maids of Milking, and the Nine Pipers Playing have been arrested for doing weird things. Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves, and the Partridge in a Pear Tree have me up to my ass in bird shit.
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, eight of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the Gay Liberation and some dumb-ass has scheduled Christmas in Poland for the 5th of February.
Sincerely,
Santa
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Reindeer Chips
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The Top 15 Reindeer Games
15. Strip poker with Santa's granddaughter
14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass
13. Spin the Salt Lick
12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers
11. Moose or Dare
10. Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do a slow burn and Santa dampen his Depends
9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo
8. The Annual Turn-Frosty-
7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot
6. Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets"
5. Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass
4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen
3. Elf Tossing
2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey
and the Number 1 Reindeer Game...
1. The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking Game
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12 Chips
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Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman had delivered a Partridge in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delighted gift! I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and affection, Aberdine
Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine- two Turtle Doves! I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. You big silly, what next?
All my love, Aberdine
Dearest John,
Aren't you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity - 3 French Hens! They are just darling, but I must insist, you have been too kind.
Love, Aberdine
Dear John,
Today the postman delivered 4 Calling Birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Aberdine
Dear John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered 5 Golden Rings; 1 for every finger! You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All My love, Aberdine
Dear John,
When I opened the door there were actually 6 Geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, eh? Those geese are huge! Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are starting to complain, and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially, Aberdine
John,
What's with you and those F---ing birds? 7 Swans a-swimming? What kind of goddamn joke is this? There's bird crap all over the house and they never shut up. I can't get to sleep at night, and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny! Stop with those F---ing birds already.
Sincerely, Aberdine
Okay buster,
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I to do with 8 maids-a-Milking? It's not enough, but they had to bring their goddamn cows! There's manure all over the lawn, and I can't move in my own house. What are you doing to me? Just lay off, smart-ass!
Aberdine
Hey asshole:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's 9 pipers piping, and Christ do they play. They haven't stopped chasing those 8 maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I to do? The neighbors have started a petition to have me evicted. You'll get yours...
Aberdine
You rotten prick!
Now there are 10 ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sl*ts ladies. They've been at it all night, along with those frigging pipers! Now the cows can't sleep, and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of t*rds. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I am going to ask to ask the police to intervene. One who means it.
Venomously, Aberdine
Listen F---head:
What's with the 11 lords a-leaping all over those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again! Those pipers have run through the maids and are committing bestiality with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead! They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied you rotten, vicious, swine.
Your sworn enemy, Aberdine
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Aberdine. The destruction of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Aberdine at the Happy Valley Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Sincerely, Badger, Bender, Cajole - Attorneys at Law
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Short Chips
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A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl, "She comes with GI Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
It was Christmas Eve and a woman came home to her husband
after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she
was getting undressed for bed he noticed a mark on the
inside of her leg.
He asked her what it was she told him that she had visited
the tatoo parlor that day and on the inside of one leg she
had "Merry Christmas" tatooed, and on the inside of the
other one she had "Happy New Year."
Her husband asked her what all that meant and her reply was, "Well, now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Year!"
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Another Christmas Memory http://silverandgol
Christmas Wishes
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Sands Of Christmas http://www.wtv-
Walk With Jesus
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Who Is He?
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've seen in over 50 years.
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow, especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning, and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take advantage of this:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Christmas Backs
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Free "Load and Help" 2009 | SoftMaker Software Via Wesley http://loadandhelp.
Web Site story Via Wesley
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
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Movie Links
Streaker Goal
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Sunrise Gold
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Super Gra
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Surprise During Meal
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Senior Chips
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Lovemaking tips for Seniors
1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
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Toon Chips
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The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat, and heat, while never falling off or blowing away. The Tushee forms a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.
Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose, adjustable, soft secure pocket that fits over any seat. Now you can add a soft, 100% cotton Terry Lounge Cover, to any seat for extra lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.
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Limerick Chips
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That wily old pervert St. Nick
Made good use of the curve to his dick.
He glazed the whole shaft
Painted stripes, then he laughed
As he offered young ladies a lick.
The night started with hot sexual talk,
As they screwed they lost track of the clock.
Throughout the next day,
They continued to play,
Until neither were able to walk!
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Fun Slides Carpet Skates
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Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.
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Parting Chips
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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons, when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of Indians.
They start to spur their horse forward, when they realized that there are hundreds of Indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of Indians rising from the hill. They begin to back away in the direction from which they had come and they realize they were surrounded. The Indians had spread out and they were trapped.
The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and
says, "Tonto, my
friend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together, but now I think we are doomed."
"We?" replied Tonto. "What's all this 'we' crap, Paleface?"
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Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife. Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact, this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.
Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
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Bonus Chip
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Older brother, Joe, was giving advice to his younger brother, Kevin, on how to have sex with a girl. Joe didn't know how to explain it him with out being too graphic. So he told him in terms of money because Joe knew money. So in terms of directions Joe told Kevin you want to look at a girl's crotch like money. The top is a quarter, the left is a nickel, the right is a dollar, and the bottom is a dime. So Kevin goes and thinks about this. Kevin and his girlfriend finally decide to have sex, so he uses the advice his brother gave him. He starts out real slow going "quarter....
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The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow you to see objects up to 35 miles away! They're great for vacationing, sporting events, bird watching, and more. These super lightweight binoculars include features such as:
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~
For those readers seiously concerned or even embarrassed by forgetting that important name, date or to-do item again, here's some welcome news!
A world-renowned brain university has announced the successfull testing of a memory pill that can reclaim as much as 10, even 15 years of mental decline and lost brainpower.
It's a fast-acting formula developed by US clinical research scientist and best-selling author Joshua Reynolds that took years to perfect.
For close to 40 years, Reynolds studied more than 1.5 million human brains, analyzing countless brain scans of older people and researching thousands of natural ingredients.
Procera AVH contains the three premier brain energy nutrients in precise, clinically tested doses. Reynolds calls acetyl -l-carnitine, huperzine and vinpocetine, "the 3 Miracle Memory Molecules!" Are Aging Brains Starved for Oxygen?
Reynolds explains his formula's success. "It's a simple concept; an aging brain can't catch its breath. Once you reach 50, you may have already lost half your brain power. At that age, your brain is litterally gasping for oxygen."
"With each passing birthday, less and less oxygen gets to your starving brain cells as a result of toxic build-up and impaired neurotransmitter capacity." he adds.
"Severely depleted neurotransmitters dull your cognitive powers, constricting your ability to concentrate, to remember things, and to make even the simplest decisions."
"Procera AVH fixes all of that," he says. Users rport that mental focus returns and memory powers snap back to where they were 10, even 15 years ago.
"I was forgetting my employees' names and it was really embarrassing,
Procera AVH increases the blood circulation in the brain, flooding oxygen-starved cells with fresh supplies of energizing oxygen and vital brain nutrients. It gets the neurons fired up again!
The result? Users say the effects are felt quickly, like putting on a pair of prescription eye glasses for the very first time. Everything becomes clear and focused like when we were young.
"It's amazing, I felt sharper, more focused and alive in just minutes!" says Penny S.
Not yet available in stores, Reynolds is now making this clinically tested, non-prescription formula available risk-free. All New Users Receive One Month Free!
Try Procera AVH Risk Free today and receive a Free bonus bottle along with a rfree copy of Reynolds' medically acclaimed book "20/20
Brainpower: 20 Days to A Quicker, Calmer, Sharper Mind!", a $20 value. Procera AVH is clinically shown to quickly improve memory, focus, concentration and energy! And it comes with a 90-day satisfaction guarantee so you can experience the long term results risk-free, too! Free Rapid Detox Formula for First 500 Callers!
Reynolds is also including, with the first 500 orders, a FREE supply of his powerful brain detox formula, Ceraplex, scientifically designed to rapidly flush away environmental toxins from the brain to help enhance memory and focus even further. This is a special introductory offer and supplies are limited, so call now.
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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