THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Alcohol does not make you FAT - it makes you
LEAN .... Against tables, chairs, floors, walls
and ugly people.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Winter hit with a vengeance here in our fair
city in West Michigan, yesterday. Usually we
get a inch or two in November as sort of an opening
volley, but its horrible when old man winter has
to open up with a full fledged snow storm. I am not
sure, but I would say we got at least 6 in. The kids
all had a day off as schools were closed everywhere.
Unlike my friend Bill, I do not have four wheel drive
in the Crown Victoria, so needless to say, I did not
venture out into the cold. Hybernating is a good pass
time on a day like that. I happen to be pretty good
at it, too! The weatherman predicts a little better
day today. An inch of white stuff and temps in the low
20s to high teens. Not exactly what I would order, but
it could be a lot worse. I'm thinkin its a good day for
more hybernation. The one good thing about it, there is
no limit on nonsense, hybernation or humor. And so far
we have had far and again enough of the former, so,
how bout we have some of the latter! ??
Enjoy the jokes!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_________
THE COMICS
can't tell
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c050.html
another Tiger and his wife
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c051.html
great
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c052.html
one day in the garden
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c053.html
he's perfect
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c054.html
in trouble
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c055.html
software
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c056.html
one of those days
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c057.html
right to remain silent!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c058.html
____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Wanda Sykes on Tiger Woods
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8496.html
Cactus Cuties
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8497.html
Chris Angel sets him self on fire
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8498.html
scuba diving first lesson
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8500.html
whats in the box
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8591.html
oh my god
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8592.html
sensitive teeth
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8593.html
One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing
through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidence
of the most amazing marksmanship. On trees, on walls,
and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with
the bullet hole in dead center.The FBI man asked
one of the townsmen if he could meet the person
responsible for this incredible accuracy. They were
introduced and the FBI man quickly realized that
man was the village idiot. "This is the best
marksmanship I have ever seen," said the FBI man.
"How in the world do you do it?" "Nothing to it,"
said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the
circles afterward."
_______________
This big dude walks into a bar with a little spider
on his shoulder, as soon as one of the dudes in there
spots it, he tells his friends and they all laugh.
the man says:"Laugh while you can, 'cos this spider
is stronger than any of you!!!"The man making fun
replies "I'd like to see that!!""Fine, my spider will
pick up this bar stool" he sets the spider on the
floor and the spider easily picks it up.
"That's nothing!!" "But there's more, now the spider
sill pick up a table" and the spider easily picks
up the table. The men, not letting the spider impress
them, only boo it "Now, gentlemen, this tiny spider
will pick up the bar!!" and the spider spits on his
hands, rubs them together and makes a great effort,
but it picks up the bar!!! The men, a little impressed
ask "what else can it do??" so the man says "Now, it
will pick up the bar with everyone of us on it!!"
thinking it couldn't be done, the men start to get
on the bar until there's like 40 guys on it. The spider
looks worried but starts walking towards the bar with an
air of determination. suddenly, a man walks into the bar
sees the spider on the floor walking towards the bar,
and steps on it "You bunch of wussies,
scared of a little spider!!!!"
______________
The teacher asked the class if anyone could give the
class an example of love. Little Susie stood up and
said, "I saw two robins making a nest together,
I think that is love". Very good said the teacher,
anyone else? Little Johnny stood up and said i think
love is "fucking". The teacher was shocked and told
little Johnny to go home and not to come back without
a note from his father. The next morning Little Johnny
was back in class, the teacher asked, "Do you have a
note from your father?" Little Johnny said, "No, my
father said love is fucking and anyone that says it is
not is a cock sucker and he doesn't correspond with
cock suckers."
______________
The Fourth Grade concert is fast approaching and
Johnny has still not decided what he will do. Little
Sarah is going to do a piano solo, Mikey will recite a
poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally,
his frustrated teacher is relieved when he tells her he
has worked out his act. Come the night of the concert,
all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Sarah,
in her prettiest dress, tickles the ivories to
rapturous applause. Then Mikey steps out in his best suit
and recites his poems to the delight of the audience.
Finally, out comes Johnny, in checked shirt and denim
overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says:
"Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every
holiday my family visits him there. His wife, my aunt
Martha, always cooks a real down-home country meal for us
all, and we feast and stuff ourselves silly, for days on
end. Tonight, I would like to share with you my
impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my uncle's
farm. Here is the first: "Johnny! Why don't you get your ass
off the shitter and give someone else a chance?!""
____________
New Hallmark Cards
So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.
My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the
tire. I noticed your cat. Sorry!
You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine I got real snippy.
Heard your wife left you. How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it. She moved in with me.
__________
BUFFALO BILL
Court House Shooting Idiot
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sfserfs.htm
Cutest Plumber
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hjsdkjs.htm
Deer Jumps Cycle
http://www.buffaloschips.com/safs.htm
____________
Robokill Shooting Game
http://tinyurl.com/ch4p79
Dog Fight 2
http://tinyurl.com/d8h3lc
Madagascar Penguins
http://tinyurl.com/47lhqk
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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