THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
You're getting old when getting lucky
means you got to the bathroom in time.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Somehow it seems like no matter how old
they are, you are always gonna play "dad".
It was just before midnight last night and my 27 year
old son was going to work when I got "one of
those calls." All dads know about em, specially
if he has daughters, altho sons do make em from
time to time as well. "Hello, Dad? I'm over
here at blah blah blah, and my car is broke down."
Yep I had to go do the dad thing last night.
This time it was kindof interesting. Son broke
his ignition key off in the gas cap. Seems there
was some ice and that was that. War department
and me brought him another key so he could
move the car. Son's car now sits at home while son
will borrow dad's Crown Victoria to get to work
today. Anoby got any ideas on how to get the
sum beechin key out of the lock other than with a needle nose
pliers? inquiring minds want to know.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
the coke machine
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8720.html
how to shoot a bow
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8721.html
When Muhammed came to town
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8722.html
underarm thermometer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8723.html
Jeremiah Peabody's pills
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8724.html
Cadillac V Day in Shanghai
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8725.html
______________
THE COMICS
jealousy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g011.html
the Mayo clinic
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g012.html
I don't ask for much
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g013.html
boxers or briefs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g014.html
honored
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g015.html
at the supermarket
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g016.html
bad idea
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g017.html
what would you like
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g018.html
what I would like
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/g019.html
'Twas the day after Christmas and all
through the house Children sat slack-jawed,
bored on the couch.Wrappings and toys
littered the floor,An incredible mess that I
did abhor.With Mom in her robe and I in my
jeans,We waded in to get the place clean.When
suddenly the doorbell: it started to clatter,
I sprang to the Security-View to check out
the matter.The new-fallen snow, now blackened
with soot,Was trampled and icy and treacherous
to foot.But suddenly in view, did I gasp and
pant:An unhappy bill collector and eight tiny
accountants.The door flew open and in they came,
Stern-looking men with bills in my name.
On Discover, on Visa, on American Express,
On Mastercard too, I sadly confess.Right to my
limits, then beyond my net worth,Over the top
I had charged, in a frenzy of mirth.The
black-suited men, so somber, so strict,
I wondered why me that they had first picked.
They stared at me with a look I couldn't miss,
That said, "Buddy, when are you paying for
this?"I shrugged my shoulders, but then I grew
bolder,Went to the cabinet and pulled out a folder.
"As you can see," I said with a smile,"It's
bankruptcy that I'll have to file!"And with a
swoop of my arm, my middle digit extended
I threw the bills in the fire: the matter had
ended.The scent of burnt ash came to my nose,
As up the chimney my credit-worthiness rose.
Without another word they turned and walked out,
Got into their limos, but one gave a shout:
"You may think that's the answer to all of your
fears,But there's nothing you'll charge for at
least seven years!"
_______________________
This sex researcher phones one of the participants
in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy.
He asks the bloke, "In response to the question
on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly'.
Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several
times a night'." "That's right," replies the bloke,
"And that's how it's going to stay
until our second mortgage is paid off.
_________
Girl: "I know you really look like Napoleon
Bonaparte."
Boy: "Great, isn't it?"
Girl: "Yes, but you differ in one aspect from him."
Boy: "And that is?"
Girl: "You have to put your hand in your own blouse."
___________
Top Ten Santa Pick-Up Lines
"I'll make you shake like a bowl full of jelly."
"I put the 'scroo' in Scrooge."
"I've got something you can hang a wreath on."
"One hour with me, honey, and you'll see flyin' reindeer!"
"Buy you a Zima?"
"That isn't a candy cane in my pocket ...
I'm just glad to see you."
"Uh -- yeah, that's right, I'm Kenny Rogers."
"I got your stocking stuffer right here, Shirley!"
"Giddy-up over here and say 'howdy' to your fat,
bearded cowboy of love!"
____________
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned
that most people die of natural causes.
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time
to look for it ... for example, I am sitting here
thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
"I've got an elf in my pants!"
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.
Q: What's the main problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and everyone
else doesn't understand they're jokes.
What do blowjobs and flowers have in common?
After the first year they
are only given on special occasions.
_____________
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells
the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few
minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
_____________
A police officer s tops a blonde for speeding and
asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
your act together. Just yesterday you take away my
license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
____________
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a
river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the
river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
____________
BUFFALO BILL
The Dildo Song
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6247.htm
The Elk
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6248.htm
Three Condoms Please
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6251.htm
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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