Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I made a small mistake yesterday in proclaiming it the end of
Chanukah when it was actually the beginning. Sometimes
I really don't have a clue about what I am talking about.
It is a balmy 32 degrees outside today, the last such day expected
till we get our January thaw.
Congratulation Navy on their 8th straight win against Army
yesterday. This annual football game is referred to as the
CinC cup game but the President was absent for the game
and Secretary of Defense Gates was there for the traditional
coin toss. The President probably had other obligations
and perhaps if it had been a basketball match-up instead
of football he could have been there.
Hope you are enjoying your weekend..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Yooper Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twas da night before Christmas in dis Yooper house,
and nuttin' was stirrin', not even our mouse.
The rest of da family was all fast asleep
wit' visions of pasties delivered by jeep.
Da swampers was hung by da chiminey wit care
in hopes dat Saint Nicolas soon would be dere.
And in da far corner it was lovely to see
the Bosch cans and cabbage dat hung from da tree.
Ma home from the mine and me out on parole,
she was snuggled in bed; I was perched on da bowl.
Then alluva sudden da house starts to shudder,
some nut's on da roof and he broke da rain gutter.
He jumps down the chimney and swears cause it's tight
As I hide behind beer cases, way outta sight.
He lands in da fireplace scorching his hair
on a busted up orange crate still burning in nere.
He climbs outta da fireplace and I take a long look,
he's just like they show him in my coloring book.
With vodka-glazed eyes and a stomach like a bubble,
a five-day-old beard and dere's soot on his stubble.
His teeth when he smiles look like Grampa's weed-saw,
and he wore tennis shoes big as grizzly bear's paw.
This old Yooper elf gives me nothing to fear
as he heads for da kitchen for cookies and beer.
He kills off a six pack then belches and smirks,
and reaches into the playdoh sack, ready to work.
Now under da tree he's starting to set
the most beautiful presents us Yoopers can get.
Dere's a new pastymatic and snowblower for mother,
a steel chainsaw and some swampers for brother.
Some mud flaps, CB, and new-used weedwacker,
a helmet and nightshirt dat say "Green Bay Packers".
He close up da sack and he jumps in da coals
and hollering "OUCH!", up the chiminey he rose.
He grunted and groaned as he tossed out his bag
and cracked such a beer fart (ugh) I'm starting to gag.
I must watch him leave so I rushes outside,
I looks up at da roof while in bushes I hide.
And what does I see when I looks through da twigs?
A rusted old car body, pulled by eight pigs!
Santy jumped in and he gave 'em all hell,
"Let's go all yous pigs, don't just sit there and smell!
On Mushy and Mushy and Lempy and Joe
and all a you's others what names I don't know.
Fly over Negaunee and turn to da right,
we make Houghton-Hancock before I get tight."
Then I hear him exclaim with a cynical sneer
"Pull in at dat Bosch sign, I run outta beer!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
again
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down side
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you won't be satisfied
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Enjoy The Ride
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Enlarging Cubicle
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Eric Oshea - TV Commercials
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Repair Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
MAKING YOUR SERVICEMAN FEEL WELCOME
1. Do not call for service until everyone that uses the machine has
had a chance to correct the problem. Whenever possible, all controls
and adjusting screws should be turned.
2. After several days, when the machine malfunction has become a
major emergency, place an urgent call for service. Fridays are best
but anytime after 4 pm is fine.
3. The minute the serviceman arrives, ask what caused the delay.
Make it clear how desperately you need the machine and ask when it
will be back in service.
4. The machine should be practically inaccessible due to boxes of
recycled computer paper and cards. Make certain that the lights are
off in the room where the machine is located and no one is oin the
area that knows how to turn them on. Always have one or two
half-cups of coffee lying about.
5. Hide the service history log. Keep making refrence to the man who
was here for the same problem last week.
6. Alert all personnel that the serviceman has arrived so that each
one can drop by and give their version of what is wrong, and provide
suggestions on how to fix it.
7. Have at least eight graduate engineers drop by to ask highly
technical questions which are in no way related to the immediate
problem.
8. Assign someone to supervise the repair. A person who has never
seen the machine before is preferred. And one who can keep up a
steady stream of chatter is a plus.
9. Wait until there are parts and pieces spread out all over the
floor, then ask when the machine will be ready.
10. Wait until the service man is looking at a schematic diagram and
then ask him "what that thingamabob is for." After you have his
attention, ask again when it will be fixed and mention that "time is
money, you know."
11. When the repair is completed, tell him what a swell job he did.
Tell him the job should be swell-- it took long enough.
12. Ask the serviceman what the rates are, and then ask for a
discount because you are such a good customer.
13. After he is gone, call his supervisor and say the machine is
worse now than before. Follow up with a letter and copies to the
home office.
14. Follow these rules faithfully and remember the serviceman's
motto: "DO
UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY CAN DO IT TO YOU."
15. Computer hardware is like an erect penis: It stays up if you
don't fuck with it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jupiter Jack - Safely talk & drive at the same time.
Just plug the Jupiter Jack in then preset your radio to 99.3 FM. Now
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A local fisherman is returning from a fishing trip with 6 large size
salmon in his creel. Nosy Parker comes along and asks if the man
been
fishing. "Yes!" replied the stalwart. Asked what bait he had been
using our hero replied that he had used chewing tobacco. Parker
asked
how one used chewing tobacco as bait, and the fisherman replied, "I
put the tobacco on the hook in the normal way, cast in the normal
way
and when the fish strikes I haul back on the line to hook it. When
the fish comes up to spit, I hit it on the head with the butt of my
rod!
What should you do when your girlfriend tells you she fakes orgasms?
Pretend you don't hear her.
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but
couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she
quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and
blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.
He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't
even make eye contact."
"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."
Rosey and Nina were sitting together sharing their morning coffee.
Rosey said to Nina, "Living with my husband is like playing
checkers."
"How so?" asks Nina.
Rosey replies, "Every time I make a move, he jumps me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get Strong, Sculpted Arms and Shoulders
The Shake Weight is the revolutionary new way to shape and tone your
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leroy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leroy's New Bike
Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making
dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good
time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mum, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Leroy was a bit of a
troublemaker. He had got into trouble at school and at home.
Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for
his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, thought he did. Leroy's
mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his
behaviour over the last year and write a letter to God and tell him
why he deserved a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy stomped up
the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Leroy
Leroy knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
year, so he tore up the letter and started over again.
LETTER 2:
Dear God,
This is your friend Leroy. I have been a pretty good boy this year,
and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Leroy
Leroy knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and
started again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike
for my birthday.
Leroy
Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either. Leroy was
very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go
to church. Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked because Leroy
looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," his Mother said. Leroy walked
down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around
to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin
Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down
the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to
his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Leroy began
to write his letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I'VE GOT YOUR MUM. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed YOU KNOW WHO
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local
Catholic church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and
forth for a few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave
the convent for the weekend. "However", he said, "as soon as you get
back Monday morning I want you to confess to me what you did over
the weekend." The four nuns agree, and run off.
Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the
priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest
asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an R-rated
movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then
replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The first
nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her
breath.
The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me,
Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what happened?"
She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the street in front
of his house, and I hit a neighbors dog and killed it." The priest
looks up to heaven for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven.
Go and drink the holy water." The second nun goes out. By this time,
the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.
Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me,
Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "Out with it. What did
you do?" She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main
Street." The priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes
before responding, "God forgives you. Go and drink the holy water."
She leaves.
The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down
her cheeks. The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so
darn funny?" The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun Slides Carpet Skates
Wherever there's carpet, blast off with Fun Slides. They let you
have fun while getting exercise indoors. Because they're one size
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Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.
View Web Version
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Postsal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was
to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with
no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was
about. The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all
the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is
Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.
Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family
to turn to, and you are my only hope.
Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few
dollars.
By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put
into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the
workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would
be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from
the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the
letter was opened.
It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of
your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my
friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your
wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those
bastards at the post office.
Sincerely,
Edna
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A Christmas Greeting
http://silverandgol
Il Divo singing Amazing Grace at the Colosseum in Rome!
http://www.reflecti
m
MARLENE / AWAY IN A MANGER
http://summerhoosie
From Kathryn/ A Dream And A Smile
http://adreamandasm
John w/ The Christmas Song (Alvin & The Chipmunks)
http://heavens-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
Christmas Story
http://edierose.
nd_.htm
D-I-Y Scientific Calculator Watch
http://tinyurl.
Christmas Tips
http://www.make-
How did Christmas start?
http://www.soon.
RIP Gene Barry
http://deathbeeper.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Sally w/Holiday Twinkies
http://www.simplysa
Christmas with Emma
http://wtv-zone.
Christmas Year 'Round from Charlie the Carmelite
http://carmelnet.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.msnbc.
Kitty Korner
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
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Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
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You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
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Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
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2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
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Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Mum
http://www.buffalos
My New Country Song
http://www.buffalos
Never Smash A WD-40 Can
http://www.buffalos
New At Canadian Tire
http://www.buffalos
New From Glade
http://www.buffalos
Don't Eat While Driving
http://www.buffalos
Energy Star
http://www.buffalos
Exam
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Future Engineers
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Glock Home Protection
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
99 Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the
Urologist as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty
female doctor.
The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but
this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably
used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then
while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, 99.
The guy obeys and says, 99! The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over
on
your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep
breath and say, 99.'
Again, the guy says, '99.'
The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your
back
with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate
with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going t o hold on to
your
penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say,
99.'
The guy begins, 'One .. Two ... Three'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.
Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
View Web Version
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
candle new scent
http://www.buffalos
candy
http://www.buffalos
cane
http://www.buffalos
can man
http://www.buffalos
can opener
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
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reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window.
Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.
Get two for the price of one when you order today.
Order now
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An ingenious botanist named Pace,
Grew cunts in pots at his place.
When they ripened, he'd pluck 'em
And eat them or fuck them--
They were simpler to grow than to chase.
____________
I went out to make chicken soup
I boiled up my pot near the coop
And grabbed up a hen
Then quick tossed her in
Job's done in one mighty fowl swoop
(Gary Hallock)
____________
A worried young man from Stamboul,
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."
<snagged by>
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
you to see objects up to 35 miles away! They're great for
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Shatterproof lenses
Soft rubber eye cups
Comfort neck strap
Center focusing wheel
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LAW...CAN'T FIRE THE MINORITIES
Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to
have to let one of you go."
Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age
discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male
employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: . . . . "I think I
might be gay..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
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Your package includes:
Durable Base with built in catnip
Cute, playful kitty toy
Packet of catnip
Bonus De-shedder
Buy 1 get 1 FREE Now for only $19.95 plus you'll receive the Bonus
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job
to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire
inside of the house, he's sweating like hell but eventually gets it
finished. The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish
hands him a $5.00 bill. The boy looks at the money and says to the
priest, "Thanks very much Father, you're a virgin." The priest is
a bit startled but makes no remark. The next day the boy has to
paint the outside of the house; it's a really hot day and he just
manages to finish the job without collapsing. The priest looks at
the job and this time gives the lad another $5.00 bill. Once again
the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father,
you really are a virgin". At this stage the priest decides to
take action. "Tommy," he says, "that's twice you've called me a
virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?" "Yes," says
the kid, "a tight cunt. "
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1738
Kristmas Kookies
Diana: BJ, I made some Christmas cookies for you, they are the kind
you like.
BJ: Which kind, I like several kind?
Diana: Actually, I made both kind. The gingerbread men and the
sugar
cookies cut into trees and different shapes with sprinkles on them.
They are cooling on the kitchen counter, we can eat them in about
five
minutes.
BJ: Sounds like a plan.
Five minutes later....
BJ goes into the kitchen...
BJ: So where are the cookies?
Diana: They are on the stove.
BJ: I don't see anything on the stove.
Diana: Impossible let me take a look. Hey what happened?
Diana: Rudy! Sandi! Katie!
No answer...
Diana goes downstairs and the three doggies are asleep in dad's bed.
Diana: Hey did you guys eat the cookies in the kitchen?
Rudy: Us, heck no.
Katie: No way Jose.
Diana: Then where did those cookie crumbs come from?
Rudy: Err ah, they must be fairy dust.
Katie: Mice?
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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