the secret of getting ahead is getting started
Mark Twain
welcome to
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says,
"I'm going to become a lion tamer."
The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know
nothing about no lion taming."
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those
lions comes at you all roaring and
biting, what you gonna do?"
"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry,
and I stick it in his face until
he backs down.""Well, what if the lion takes that big paw,
and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair
out of the cage? What do you do then?"
"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry,
and I whip him and whip him until
he backs down.""Well, what if that lion bites that whip
with his big teeth, and bites
it in two? What you gonna do then?"
"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"
"Well, then I pick up some of the crap that's on the
bottom of the cage, and I
throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."
"Well, what if there ain't no crap in the bottom of the cage?
What you gonna do then?""Well, that's dumb. Cause if that
lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out
of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun
don't work, there's going to
be some crap on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."
________________
MEMES N TOONS
I hate violence
why did you leave
I woke up this morning
would you like a drink
going in to labor
is it good
under pressure
books on turtles
our neighbor is dead
have you met Beth
very sorry sir
when I touch my shoulder
it hurts when I do that
I didn't lie
take it to the bedroom
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his
deplorable infidelity. Suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices the man's
penis off. Angrily, she tosses it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9-year-old daughter. The little girl
was just chatting away at her father when, all of a sudden, the penis smacks
the pickup on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.
Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"
Not wanting to expose his nine year-old daughter to anything sexual at such a
young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."
The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says,
"Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"
_________________
JOKES
3 cats were walking down the alley
2 old maid nurses were training
he was conducting a survey about sex
bullshitting about how tough their fathers were
limericks
what do you know about sailing
Johnny attended a horse auction with father
Sam Gold made an appointment with a urologist
the bigger they are the dummer they are
A Sunday afternoon quickie
what is a butter face
George Bush was invited for a tour of the Whitehouse
head and shoulders
discussing what would happen
a blind man and his dog
______________________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Funniest Confused Pets Compilation 2018
Here's What Happens When You Try Mess With A Royal Guard
Biggest Ships in the World!
Deadliest Birds on the Planet
Head Up
A loyal dog helps his master turn sheep's wool into clouds. | After the Rain
BARNEY MILLER UNIFORM DAYS
Red Green Automated Fence Painter
Did George Carlin See 9/11 Coming?
Meet Beatrice, the adorable orphan baby beaver rescued in Kentucky
King Of The Hill: Funniest Moments
Duncanville Police Officer Saves Baby Locked In Hot Car
Ferry Boat Rescues a Young Girl on Inflatable Unicorn
Laugh your way to a better marriage
Irish Dancing Flashmob in Essex
___________________
A LITTLE BIT OF HUMOR
don't have time
goofing off with your buddy
avoid what makes me fat
the problem w misquitos
being short is ok
errands and going out
time
the umbilical
if trees gave off wifi
your secrets are safe w/ me
a happiness magnet
losing weight
a bad attitude
before you marry a person
I am stupid
__________________________
__._,_.___
Posted by: "Martin a.k.a. the postman" <martin7957@yahoo.com>
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