Plants gone potty!: March 2013

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
where the world goes for its daily dose of humor!

Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because
it sees more, it is willing to see less.
Rabbi Julius Gordon

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
So, how was your Easter? We celebrated in typical
fashion as do most Americans, I suppose, with sunrise
church service. And of course, they served what they
called a "light breakfast" ya right. The sausage, eggs,
sweet rolls and hash browns and everything else was sooo
good, it was enough to fill me up for the whole day!
But of course, the war department cooked a absolutely huge
Easter dinner. Loaded with carbs. Ajd it was son's bday.
Cake and ice cream. Needless to say, I overdosed on sugar
and spent the rest of the day snoozing in a sugar induced
diabetic hazy fog. Up till yesterday, I've been paying
close attention to my sugar and what I eat, but yesterday
did no favors to my diabetic issues. But hey, sometimes you
got to give in and pig out eh? Well any ways, I hope you all
have a great week!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
___________

THE COMICS

parenting
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a421.html

my job
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a422.html

job interviews
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a423.html

this day was coming
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a424.html

still got pregnant
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a425.html

an only child
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a426.html

things to say
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a427.html

trains
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a428.html

Charlie Brown
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a429.html

Bart Simpson
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a430.html
___________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Arrow head beer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3077.html

Michael
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3078.html

wrestling
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3079.html

Not just a man's best friend!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3080.html

Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies

-It is always possible to park directly outside
any building you are visiting.

-A detective can only solve a case once he has
been suspended from duty.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street,
everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently
to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening
manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head,
they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
_____________

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.
She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until
all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well,
enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music,
even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so
drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter.
Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
________

Dictionary for women

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when
you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes
when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed
the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions,
marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

______

FUN PAGES

Angry Kid Choir Boys
http://tinyurl.com/cmx2zkd

Euro Cash In Paris
http://tinyurl.com/d8h3743

Broken Leg
http://tinyurl.com/cxsbb5k

Sunrise Bounce House Fun
http://tinyurl.com/c6br57j

Dog Cleaning The Toilet
http://tinyurl.com/ayqt9gg

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

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__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner/ Easter edition

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
where the world goes for its daily dose of humor!

"Don't be alarmed," he said.
"You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified.
He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him
Mark 16:5-7

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

HAPPY EASTER YO YOU AND YOURS!
FROM:
THE POSTMAN
Turk the dog aka Carlos the rat,
and the postman clan!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________

THE COMICS

bunny noise
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a411.html

colored eggs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a412.html

global warming
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a413.html

a whore
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a414.html

on Sunday morning...
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a415.html

Easter bunny massacre
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a416.html

bunny psychoanalysis
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a417.html

cracked
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a418.html

a miraculous Easter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a419.html

easter eggs hatch
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a420.html
______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Yogi the Easter Bear
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3073.html

happy tree friends EASTER
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3074.html

AFV Easter Bloopers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3075.html

Cute Easter Video
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3076.html

Q: Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered?
A: Because he is eggocentric.

Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain?
A: An egghead.

Q: Do you know how bunnies stay in shape?
A: Hareobics.

Q: Why was the rabbit rubbing his head?
A: Because he had an eggache!
___________

EASTER TRUISMS
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
_____________________

Why the easter bunny brings easter eggs

0. Big tax write-off.

9. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?

8. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled.

7. He gets a good deal from the local chickens.

6. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose.

5. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.

4. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny.

3. Would you want to hunt for waffles?

2. He thinks guys should get chicks at least once a year.

1. Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job.

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
where the world goes for its daily dose of humor!

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering -
and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
So, what do you think? with all the bru ha ha
on the Korean penninsula, do you think we will go to
war? The news tells us things are "heating up again."
What they are not saying tho, this seems to be a continuance
of a yearly thing. Each year when the US and NATO do their
yearly military excersize, the North throws their little
tantrum .. last year, they tossed a couple grenades at a
So. Korean fishing village. This year, I read a couple days
ago that the US sent a couple of stealth bombers over there.
I am glad to see that, a couple of B-2s are a lot more
diplomatically effective than more worthless sanctions
against the little tyrant of the North. I am glad to see
our President showing a little spunk against this creep.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________

THE COMICS

falling fuel prices
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a401.html

how observant are you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a402.html

a distressing moment
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a403.html

what happened to the hampster
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a404.html

making the computer and internet simple
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a405.html

facebook meets reality
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a406.html

alert
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a407.html

a romantic marriage proposal
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a408.html

some days
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a409.html

well well well...
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a410.html
_____________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

AMAZING TRUCK DRIVERS ( DANGEROUS ROADS )
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3069.html

The Ultimate Golf FAIL Compilation
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3070.html

Funny Construction work - Funny.
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3071.html

Best Epic Girls Fail : Compilation 2013
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3072.html

Having lunch one day, a sex therapist said to her
friend, "According to a survey we just completed,
ninety percent of all people have sex in the shower.
The other ten percent of them sing."
"Really?" asked the friend.
The therapist shook her head and proceeded to ask,
"And do you know what song they sing?"
The friend nodded her head and replied, "No."
The therapist replied, "I didn't think so."
_____________

This is a story of self control and marksmanship by a
brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber gun you trust to protect yourself?
The Beretta Jetfire
Here is her story:
While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband, we
were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere.
She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.
"If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I
would not be here today! Just one shot to my husbands knee cap
was all it took. The bear got him easily, and I was able to
escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
It's one of the best pistols in my collection…"
_____________

A little American Indian boy asked
his father, the big chief of the tribe,
"Father, why is it that we always have long names,
while the white men have
short names like Bill , Tex or Sam?"
His father replied, "My son, our names represent
a symbol, a sign, or a poem in our culture;
not like the white men who live all together and
merely repeat their names from
generation to generation.
ForÂ example, your sister's name is
Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake
because on the night she was born, there was
a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.
Then there's your brother,
White Horse of the Prairies, because he was
born on a day that the big white horse who
gallops over the prairies appeared near our camp
and is a symbol of our capacity to live
and the life force of our people.
It'sreally very simple and easy to understand.
Do you have any other questions for me,
Little Broken Condom Made In China?"
___________

A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row
boat rowing towards California..
The Captain gets on the loud- hailer and shouts,
"Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts,
"We are invading the United States of America! to reclaim
the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's." The
entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter.
When the Captain is finally able to catch his breath, he
gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're
the last four. The rest are already there!"
_____________

FUN PAGES

No Connection Or Connected
http://tinyurl.com/btjomjr

Jump
http://tinyurl.com/b6ovlwu

People Who Are Lost
http://tinyurl.com/bwbwxrm

Sex The Sporting Event
http://tinyurl.com/d54yuzg

Seattle's New QB
http://tinyurl.com/cu7t57y

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
where the world goes for its daily dose of humor

A little government and a little luck are necessary
in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.
P. J. O'Rourke

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
I wanted to thank all of you who wrote in
regarding my request for ideas of hobbies.
Many had some great ideas. I will probably
pursue such activities at a little later time.
Considering the remodling and painting going on
in the house at this time, its probably best to
wait. I do have some specific ideas. I have always
wanted to build an ho scale model railroad, and
I plan to do that. I also have my old leather craft
tools and such. I used to do a lot of leather work
back in the day. I think I'll drag that stuff out.
And I always enjoyed building model plastic cars,
so I'm thinking I'll buy a Peterbuilt semi with
a trailer kit. Always wanted to do one of those.
For now, however, my son showed me how to hook up
with a really neat game site called Bluestacks. So,
lately, I am keeping myself busy. Found a good simily
for pacman, and one of my all time favs, Galaga.
I have also been playing a lot of cribbage and chess.
Its a good way to keep busy for now. And of course,
with all the folks in and out to work on the house,
that always provides some watching entertainment value.
Well, it does not take much to be better than day
time television:) Anyways, if you are into games,
look up Bluestacks. its a good spot to hang out!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
___________

THE COMICS

a message
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a391.html

what a wuss
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a392.html

got my pills mixed up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a393.html

whats a bag of chips worth
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a394.html

dog tricks
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a395.html

doughnut seeds
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a396.html

kids
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a397.html

ok ok ok
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a398.html

Susie Smith lives here
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a399.html

waiting at the train station
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a400.html
______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Green Side of the Grass
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3066.html

Science Prank Kills Pigeons!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3067.html

Carol Burnett Show
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3068.html

Two Cajuns are walking down the street. One
notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down
to pick it up. He opens it, looks in the mirror and
says, "Hmm, dis person look familiar." The second Cajun
says, "Here, let me see!!" So the first Cajun hands him the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
_______________

The jovial doctor had finished giving his female
patient a quick physical."Well," he said cheerfully, "your heart,
your pulse, your lungs and blood pressure are all fine.
Now, let's have a look at that cute little pink thing that
gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
At that, the young woman started to unzip her skirt.
"No! Wait" the doctor said quickly.
"Keep your clothes on, it's your tongue I want to see."
___________

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says
to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money
running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two
pool their money and buy everything they'll need -
a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to
assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps to test the equipment. He bounces
at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the
second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he
falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second
guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back
up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got
a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time
and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what
the heck is a 'pinata'?"
__________

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention
in class. She called on him and said,
'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'
Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN
and the Cartoon Network!'
_____________

FUN PAGES

Spoiled Kids
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=44799&s=n

Yummy Toes
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=45174&s=n

Reality Show Idea Generator
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=44798&s=n

My Natural Human Body
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=45253&s=n

Natural Reflection Balance
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=45277&s=n

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
where the world goes for its daily dose of humor!

Marriage: finding that one special person you
can annoy the rest of your life.

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
You know The bad thing about starting a project
around the house? The war department just does not
know when to stop! You married fellers will know what
I am talking about. Well, I thought that with the
painting done in the kitchen, life would start to
return to normal here on the home front, Wrong!!!
The war department has decreed that there is much
more that needs to be done:( She has decided that
we are now going to paint the downstairs bathroom
and my own office!!! Yah, the one where your pages
of the Corner are published:( Sighs very loudly.
There is no rest for the wicked.

FROM: THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF:
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
some good news for all of you who need blood transfusions,
although this may be of some interest to all of you.
The American Medical Association researchers
have made a remarkable discovery.
It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions
may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

___________

THE COMNICS

I suffer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a381.html

ignore him
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a382.html

women's magazines
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a383.html

older men
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a384.html

is that you dear
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a385.html

that is the question
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a386.html

did you know that Noah died before the ark
set sail?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a387.html

the farmer in the dell
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a388.html

what happens today
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a389.html

mom hears alarming words!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a390.html
____________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

The Embarassing Mrs. Brown -
Mrs. Brown's Boys Episode 3, preview - BBC One
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3063.html

FUNNY VIDEOS ACCIDENTS compilation 2 of 3 Video Serie
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3064.html

Capitol Steps - "Take Ten Pills and You're Fine"
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3065.html

A teenager is

... a person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

... a weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.

... a youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.

... Some one who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

... a whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.

... a student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12 hours studying for her driver's license.

.... a connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music--loud and very loud.

... an enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.
_____________

Q: What's the difference between a man and a condom?
A: Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive

Q: What do you call a man with an opinion?
A: Wrong.

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy.
______________

WHY SLEEP IS BETTER THAN SE

10. You don't feel guilty about doing it alone.

9. No one ever starts rumors about how much you sleep.

8. You don't feel like a total loser if you didn't get any.

7. You don't have to pay for sleep.

6. You don't need to sleep after sleeping.

5. You can sleep for eight hours straight.

4. You can sleep in church.

3. .Your teddy bear never complains.

2. While you're asleep you can have sex with anyone you want.

1. It's legal to sleep in any position in all 50 .states!
_____________

One day a little boy gets on a bus and sits behind
the bus driver. He starts saying things like: 'If my
mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I would be a
little rooster'. The bus driver said "shut up"!
Still the boy went on, 'if my mom was a female elephant
and my dad was a male elephant, I would be a little male elephant'.
The bus driver said "shut up"!
Still the boy went on 'if my mom was a female dog
and my dad was a male dog, I would be a little male dog'.
The bus driver got so mad, and asked: "If your mom
was a prostitute, and your dad was a faggot, what would you be?"
The boy answered: "A bus driver"!
___________

FUN PAGES

Military Dogs
http://tinyurl.com/b6ms5ns

Accept Now To Be Free
http://tinyurl.com/chpsvlh

Dog On My Back
http://tinyurl.com/d5oubzz

My Sleep Rich Comforter
http://tinyurl.com/cy4og5p

Yummy Toes
http://tinyurl.com/cfpd44e

THATS ALL FOLKS!
have a nice day
FROM
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

The Postman's Corner
where the world goes for its daily dose of humor!

The real key to success is a combination of talent
stubborness, determination, and sheer luck
Any combination of 3 out of 4 will probably do.

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
The other day I ordered a new printer for the war
department's puter. Got it all installed and could
not find a usb cable in the junk closet to save my
soul, even tho I'd purchased a half dozen just a few
months ago. So, being out and about, I decided to run into
Best Buy real quick. I spent about 10 unsuccesful
minutes wandering the computer department looking for
one, and it took at least that long for anyone to notice
me, altho the store really was not that busy. I told the
nice young associate what I wanted, "Oh. right this way,"
he said, and then the goof ball handed me a ethernet cable!
"Apparently u don't understand, I'm hooking up a
printer to a puter.I need a USB cable," and I said it
slowly, like he was a dunce. I do that when talking to
stupid people. "Oh, just a minute."
He comes back 5 minutes later with a 12 foot long one that
they wanted 50 lousy bucks for. !!!
"Why would I want a 12 footer for that?"
"Uhhh...well...its the only size we got."
I walked out and went 2 doors down and found a 3 footer
for about 15$. at Office Max. Last time I did business
with Best Buy, I sent the war department up there to get
printer cartridges. Even tho I gave her a note with the
printer number AND the cartridge numbers I wanted, she
still came back with the wrong ones ^%#@#^%^%. Granted,
she may not have communicated clearly, but you would think
if you were a Best Buy associate, you should be able to read
numbers on a piece of paper !!!!!
I'm relaying all this because of the story I read on yahoo
news, talking about the financial woes that Best Buy is
having at the moment. Recently, they were going to or have
closed about 500 plus stores. I find it interesting that
the Best Buy ceo said the main financial problems they are
facing is "show rooming." That is, according to him, people
come in to see the product they want, and then go home & log on to
places like amazon and other online dealers and buy it there.
Cheaper that way. Personally, based on my own
experiences, I would have
to disagree with the man's thoughts and ideas.
I admit that in past years I have done a ton of business with
them and always been happy. But based on recent experience,
I cannot say that I would be sad to see them go.
TRUST ME...s' truth!!!!!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________

THE COMICS

bribery will get you everywhere
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a371.html

tommorow
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a372.html

too much beer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a373.html

at the senior citizen center
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a374.html

last wish
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a375.html

a father son team
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a376.html

teachers pet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a377.html

gays in the military
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a378.html

jolly plumming
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a379.html

not my fault
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a380.html
__________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

On the Road Again TV show
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3058.html

Joan Rivers On David Letterman Late Night Show Part 1
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3059.html

Bangladesh train roof riding
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3060.html

G-String Fish Salesman Gag
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3061.html

15 Tiger Woods - Late Night Jokes in 5 minutes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3062.html

Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.

Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.

Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.

Old students never die, they just get degraded.

Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation.

Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on....

Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor...
______________

Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They never get the house
____________

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered .. . . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery... When she was
completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read . . . ' Keep off the grass. '
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient ' s dressing,
which said ' Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn. '
___________________

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a
two-week vacation to celebrate
their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system,
the Captain announces, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some very bad
news... Our engines have ceased
functioning and we will attempt an emergency
landing. Luckily, I see an
uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live
on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later, Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our VISA
and MasterCard bills yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our
American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the estimated tax check
to the IRS this quarter?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"
"Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
_____________

It's not my fault I'm late; I was detained by the Airport TSA agent.
She steered me into the full-body scanner and yelled out,
"If you've got anything hard in your pants,
take it out and hold it in your hand!"
She could have been more specific!
_____________

FUN PAGES

To Be Non-Judgmental Is
http://tinyurl.com/bkk5nj5

Did You Say Something?
http://tinyurl.com/amwufdh

Happy Wheels Hacked
http://tinyurl.com/c243b2l

Enter The Bright Light
http://tinyurl.com/c64qqa3

Sift Heads 5 Hacked
http://tinyurl.com/at88oza

Reality Show Idea Generator
http://tinyurl.com/cff9gnt

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
where the world goes for its daily dose of humor!

Death is nothing, but to live defeated
and inglorious is to die daily.
Napoleon Bonaparte

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
The home of the postman clan is in total
disarray . The kitchen remodling project
however, progresses: albeit slowly. The paint
crew was over today and got it half painted.
And the carpenter came in and finished adding
a few pieces of trim and molding here and there
to finish up the cupboards nice and neat. It is
beginning to look like a reasonably decent kitchen,
finally. The diet, however, was not exactly wonderful
for today's cuisine. With most of the kitchen stuff
piled up in the living room, cooking was a bit of a
challenge. I survived with a good old whopper and onion
rings from Burger King for lunch, and spent a good deal
of the day reading my detective novel and sipping their coffee.
(maybe not my first choice for a burger,
but the half price coupon made it worth while). I needed to
get away from the paint fumes anyway. Its been a long time
since dining in that fine establishment. While a half price coupon seemed
like a good choice at the time, my desire for their food has been
alleviated for a good long time once again. Supper tonight was
brocolli cheese soup that the war department brought home
for me from the hospital cafeteria where she works. It might
have been pretty good soup, but I have had more than enough
hospital food. Trust me...s' trut

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

_____________

THE COMICS

I got to go
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a361.html

slap this person
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a362.html

girls night out?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a364.html

thongies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a365.html

the election
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a366.html

an epidemic
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a367.html

a pampered cow
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a368.html

super heroes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a369.html

the inside scoop
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a370.html
__________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIE

Superman and Spider-Man are NOT friends - Theme Songs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3054.html

Happy Tree Friends TV ... : Happy Tree Friends - One Foot in the Grave
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3055.html

History of The Flintstones
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3056.html

Betty Boop 1933 Cab Calloway "The Old Man Of the Mountain"
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3057.html

A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots."
Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy
says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this
little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy
drinks it all up. "That's amazing" says the bartender.
"What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey,
Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and
picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else
can he do? Does he talk?"
The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we
were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"
______________

One day a young man was visiting the fair. Over to one side
was a small tent, with a sign that said "For 50 dollars I'll teach you
to be a mind reader! - Apply within."
So the young man thought that he'd give it a go, and went inside.
Behind a small table inside was an old man, who looked up when the young man
entered and says, "Ah, you must be here for the mind reading lessons."
"Er, yes," the young man said.
"Well, follow me, and I'll give you your first lesson."
Then the old man goes out the back of the tent and comes
back with a hose. "Here, hold this hose," he said.
"Why?" said the young man.
"It's part of the lesson," replies the old man, "Now, look in the end
and tell me what you see."
So the young man looks into the end of the hose, and only
sees darkness. "I don't see anything," he tells the old man.
Just then the old man turns on a tap, and the hose shoots
water into the young man's face.
"I just knew you'd do something like that." the young man shouts at
the old man.
"There. You are now a mind reader!" the old man replies, "That'll be
50 dollars."
_____________

I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for
vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. "Airfare to Denver
is $300," said a cheery salesperson.
"And what about Salt Lake City?"
"We have a really great rate to Salt Lake--$99.00, but there is a
stopover.""Where?" "In Denver."
_____________

FUN PAGES

My Favorite Toy
http://tinyurl.com/cjdog3x

Wal-Mart Sign Fail
http://tinyurl.com/cjfve9j

Ladies' Night
http://tinyurl.com/czq9oge

Ride My Bicycle Fast
http://tinyurl.com/d3h63dw

Reasons I Update Software
http://tinyurl.com/cww89j7

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

The Postman's Corner
where the world goes for its daily dose of humor!

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Well, I'm done with my old desk top. I finally
decided it is time to take it down and make room.
I can reasonably get along with my laptop now.
The war department says I need to get started on
some hobbies. She did NOT think that my suggestion
of going down to the mall every afternoon to watch
the girls shopping and etc to be a good choice. Darn
wimmin anyways:( Nor did she think the idea of me taking
up online gambling to be a valid one, either. So,
there are a couple craft activities and such that might
hold my interest, but I need the space, and thus I
converted my puter table to a craft table. Not sure exactly
what I will do yet. I Used to make stuff with leather years ago.
What do you think might be a good idea? I also thot of
drinking a few marguiritas, stripping naked, and then go
jogging. But that probably is not a good choice either since
I do not jog to well. seriously, back in the day, I used to make
basketweave belts and holsters and stuff for my cop buddies.
That was always fun. Anyhow, drop me a note if u got a good
idea of a hobby for me.

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

THE COMICS

forgive your enemies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a351.html

Joe's pool hall
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a352.html

its a boy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a353.html

bread crumbs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a354.html

country music
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a356.html

give a man a gun
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a357.html

doctor fixes a website
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a358.html

a relationship
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a359.html

I'm sorry
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a360.html
_____________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

optical illusion dance
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3050.html

Life In The Year 2000
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3051.html

God Made a Dog
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3052.html

Things You Can't Un-See
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a3053.html

Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided
to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents.
When she rang the bell, Little Johnny opened the door.
The teacher said, "Hello, Johnny. I would like to talk to your mother or your father."
Little Johnny said, "Sorry, but they ain't here."
The teacher said, "Johnny, what is it with your grammar?"
"Beats me," said Little Johnny, "but Dad sure was mad that they had t'go bail her out again."
______________________

Two deliverymen were taking a large refrigerator to a local priest's home.
With difficulty they had managed to get the fridge onto the porch,
but struggled for over 20 minutes to make the 90-degree turn through the narrow door.
The priest, seeing their difficulty, asked what they usually did when confronted with such a situation.
Rubbing some badly skinned knuckles, one deliveryman replied,
"Well, Father, at this point we usually start cursing."
"Well, gentlemen," the priest replied,
"Allow me time to move out of earshot so you can continue your work."
_______________

Obama walks into the Bank of America
Obama:
President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he
approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash
this check for me?"

Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Obama:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any
need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of
AMERICA!"

Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring
of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the
Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Obama:
"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you.
Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow
them."

Obama:
"I am urging you, please, to cash this check."

Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger
Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled
out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With
that sho we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.

"Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis
racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup.
With that shot we cashed his check.

"So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you,
as the President of the United States?"

Obama:
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my
mind is a total blank... there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't
think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don't
have a clue".

Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
___________

FUN PAGES

Playing In The Woods
http://tinyurl.com/d2yolxq

That Wasn't An Airplane
http://tinyurl.com/bsvbrbw

People Who Are Lost
http://tinyurl.com/bwbwxrm

Animator vs. Animation 2 Hacked
http://tinyurl.com/azp9soy

Dear Boyfriend
http://tinyurl.com/c3owkee

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman