THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
For all the advances in medicine, there is
still no cure for the common birthday."
John Glenn
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
I hope that your week started well for you.
I spent a greater part of yesterday reading and
responding to all the wonderful birthday wishes
that y'all sent me. And yep, there were a ton of em!
Got a lot of nifty stuff from fam. Mostly just practical every
day mundane run of the mill stuff that I needed. So I
will not bore you with the details. Was treated to a
dinner at my fav restaurant and I dined marvelously on
a sumptious meatloaf dinner, which happened to be the
Monday special. Other wise, you know, I often wonder why
we make a celebration of bdays? think about it, it marks
another year,yes. But also, it essentially brings us a little closer
to our ultimate demise. Still, we make it a happy occasion.
Maybe it is our way of trying to hide reality
But it is a good time, even if we do know that we are
another year closer to the end. And with that happy
note, lets have some jokes!!!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
mummified civilization
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p001.html
inappropriate
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p002.html
envy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p003.html
doesn't matter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p004.html
relax
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p005.html
life
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p006.html
per inch
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p007.html
welcome
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p008.html
which am I
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p009.html
traffic jam
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p010.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Semi vs SUV
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1805.html
viagra
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1806.html
pissin off a frog
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1807.html
life is good.
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1808.html
A United States Marine was taking some college courses
between assignments. He had completed 20 missions in Iraq
and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who
was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.
He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then
I want you to knock me off this platform... I'll give you exactly 15 min."
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes
went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got
out of his chair, went up to the professor, and hit him;
knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there
looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to,
noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked,
"What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied,
"GOD was too busy today protecting
soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid
stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me."
___________________
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service,
I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of
Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an
illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate
and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill is accurate, as
an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all
I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes
for only three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one
and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes
every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes
in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be
illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and
my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency
room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying
premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would
receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications,
as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout
the United States for my son.Lastly, I understand that illegal status would
relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those
burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me, given that
I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms,
I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance
Your Loyal Constituent, (hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status
rather than just a bonafide citizen of the USA )
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA
__________________________________
Mr. Briggs accompanied his secretary back to her apartment and
proceeded to give her a good shagging.
He fell asleep and woke up at three in the morning.
"My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill me!"
Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest
pay phone and called his wife.
"Honey!" he began, "Don't pay the ransom. I escaped!"
_________________
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the
menu,the waitress comes over and asks Clinton,"Are you ready to order?"
Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie!" "A quickie?!?" the waitress
replies. "Sir, given the past situation of your personal life I don't think
that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the
menu!" She walks away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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