THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
A slave is a free man if he is content with his lot;
a free man is a slave if he seeks more than that.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Well the fourth is over along with the loud noises
that kept Turk the dog aka Carlos the rat up for the
last couple nights. Altho he normally sleeps in his cage,
he cowered last night under a blanket with me till the wee
hours of the morning till things got quiet. Michigan changed their
fireworks laws to be much less restrictive and now you can shoot off just
about anything. And since things that fly are legal now in our
state, fireworks are the likely suspect locally in a major apartment building
blaze, a nursing home, and large church, all of which are
considered a total loss. I certainly do not like to see the government
interfering with someone's fun, but I cannot help but wonder if our
legislators lost their minds on this one. I am sure that there are many
vendors on the Indiana border who dislike it. Previously we Michiganders
used to have to make the trek out of state to purchase our fireworks in states
with more liberal laws. But now that is not necessary
if you want the really big stuff. There used to be a whole slew of fireworks
businesses just across the Michigan border into Indiana and I am sure
they are probably hurting this year.
With the 100 degree heat, my own
celebration was relegated to watching the macy's display on tv...besides
they had Kenny Chesney singing and he is one of my favs. Otherwise, I
have not ventured out of this house now for several days. My breathing
is a lot more labored because of the temp spike and I have cranked up
my oxygen maker an extra notch or two to compensate. The weatherman
says there will be no break in heat at least until Saturday, so I will probably
remain a recluse for a few more days.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_______________
THE COMICS
Mr. Jenkins
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o021.html
behave
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o022.html
every time
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o023.html
a boob job
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o024.html
copy and paste
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o025.html
life's cruel joke
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o026.html
facebook
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o027.html
get well
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o028.html
end of the world
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o029.html
installing drivers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o030.html
_____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
golf swing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1788.html
a fairy tale
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1789.html
Anti Al queda
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1790.html
You Might Be a Farmer If...
* Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
* You convince your wife that an overnight,
out-of-state trip for equipment parts is a vacation.
* You have ever had to wash off in the backyard
with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
* You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
* You have used baling wire to attach a license plate.
* You have used a chain saw to remodel your house.
__________________
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my four-year – old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day, I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
"The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
____________
There was a farmer who had a horse and a pig.
One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said:
Well, your horse has a virus.
He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day
and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.
Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The pig approached the horse and said:
Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!
On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The pig came back and said:
Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die!
Come on, I'll help you get up.
Let's go! One, two, three ...
On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:
Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow.
Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.
After they left, the pig approached the horse and said:
Listen pal, it's now or never!
Get up, come on! Have courage!
Come on! Get up! Get up!
That's it, slowly! Great!
Come on, one, two, three ... Good, good.
Now faster, come on ... Fantastic! Run, run more!
Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!
All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting:
It's a miracle! My horse is cured! We must have a grand party. Let's kill the pig !
___________
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy
in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he
felt he could not help them.
The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough
physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then
concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you.
"On your way home from my office, stop at the grocery store and
buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your
clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you
make a bull's-eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and
knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape
using only your tongue.
"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across
the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer
around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him
and consume the doughnut."
The couple went home and their sex life became more and more
wonderful.
They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Potter that they should see
the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Potters and said he would
not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he
conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
Then he told the Potters the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I
will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as
it will ever be. I cannot help.
"The Potters pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends
the Browns, now please, please help us."
"Well, all right," the doctor said. "On your way home from the
office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box
of cheerios..."
_____________
The phone rings, and the wife answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?"
Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching TV - who shall I say is calling?"
_____________
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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