THE POSTMANS CORNER! If you don't have the best of everything, make the best of everything you have ___________ GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! Now I lay me down to sleep, one less terrorist this world does keep. With all my heart I give my thanks, to those in uniform regardless of ranks. You serve our country and serve it well, with humble hearts your stories tell. So as I rest my weary eyes, while freedom rings, our flag still flies. You give your all, do what you must. with God we live and God we trust. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman ____________  THE COMICS more convincing http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j008.html if thats your husband http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/j009.html  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES a very brutal shark attack...warning, may contain graphic material http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1037.html POWER POINT DISPLAY the explanation http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd684.html A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer can not take that all that away. But,.. I must know, did he have a different father?" The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did." The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?" Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says "You." ____________ One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem, if you sir, would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said, "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina." The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it." ________________ So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper". So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, Oh doctor, doctor! She shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blasted. The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!" _____________________ Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won $1,000,000 in the lottery. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her. "I think we'd better call in the doctor to tell her the news," suggested the eldest son. The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him. "Now, you don't have to worry about anything," said the doctor. "I am fully trained in such delicate matters and I feel sure I can break this news to her gently. I assure you, there is absolutely no need for you to fear for her health. Everything will be quite safe if left to me." The doctor went in to see the old lady and gradually brought the conversation around to the lottery."Tell me," said the doctor, "what would you do if you had a large win in the lottery, say one million dollars?" "Why," replied the old lady, "I'd give half of it to you, of course." The doctor fell down dead with shock. ______________ Pulling up to the toll booth Jack hands the collector a $100 bill. Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaims "I can't break this! I need exact change." "Come on buddy." Jack pleads, "Can't you give me a break, just this once?" "Nope. Sorry. Exact change!" Answers the collector. "While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asks the collector, "Do you really like this job?" "Well it's not the best job that I've ever had, but it pays the bills," replies the collector, "what do you do for a living?" he asks. Still counting change and without looking up Jack says, "I'm a rectum stretcher." "A what?" asks the collector. "A rectum stretcher." Jack replies, giving the collector a sideways glance. "What does a rectum stretcher do?" The collector asks. "Well just as the name implies, I stretch rectums." Jack explains setting aside a nickle. "Wow, is there much call for that kind of work?" The collector asks. "Oh you'd be surprised. It's real popular with the upper crust, the high society people, the jet set. It's the new trend." Jack says. Pausing for a moment the collector then asks, "Well if you don't mind me asking, I mean if it's not too personal, how big do you, well you know...?" "... How big do I stretch them?" Jack interrupts. "Most of them, not too big," He continues, "but I have stretched some up to six feet." "SIX FEET!" The collector exclaims eyes wide, and jaw slack. "Six Feet. What is someone going to do with a six foot asshole?" Jack, having counted out the exact change, hands the change to the collector. Looking him in the eye, Jack answers, "Oh, put it on a toll bridge collecting tolls." BUFFALO BILL Speed Bump http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdew.htm Terrorist Attack http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdrr.htm THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM Martin aka the postman |
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