Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Normally these letters would be
in the scuttlebutt gut sice a few seemed interested here they are.
Buffalo says . This all started when I was in Philadelphia in a C School
with mostly petty officers who were already stationed on ships and
myself
and ten buddies that had been at the top of our A school class. The
story
was that one of the flexible couplings had eroded away. They looked like
a 30 inch radiator hose with a big valve on them. The navy divers had
put scuba gear on one of the MM's assigned to that space with no
previous
diving experience show he could show them the location of the remote
closing gear for the valves.
Buff, the story about the Sara is true. It happened during the
Med cruise of 1971 and happened in Pierehus (spelling?) Greece during a
port visit. An intake coupling to an engine room burst and we ended up
with about 40 feet of water there before the valve could be shut. We
cat shot our airwing off while at anchor and had a bunch of local
shipworkers aboard for repairs. This gave an extra week or so in port
then after repairs we got underway and go our airwing back. About a day
and a half later while south of Italy the same thing happened in another
engine room and for a while we were dead in the water. ComSixthFleet
came by and offered a tow but our skipper, Capt. Sanderson, refused and
we made it back to Greece for more repairs at about 5 knots. This was a
bad time in the life of a great ship.
AGC Byford Hall USN Ret
~~
Dave/murphy on flooding aboard an Aircraft Carrier. While it was very
minor, it did cause some excitement.
The "Ship's Entertainment" TV studio was below waterline on USS Midway
in the early 70's. OOPS! An eight inch fire main ruptured just outside
the studio. It doesn't sound very dangerous, but the pressure was
enough to buckle a couple of six inch "I" beams, and blow open a dogged
hatch directly above.
As luck would have it, we were moored to the pier at Alameda. The
"in-port" fire party had the water under control quickly, and the Air
Department duty section removed all the electronics and took them into
the shower for a fresh water washdown. Why Air Department got stuck
with this I don't know.
Innywho, the studio was a total loss, and the skipper authorized a
complete new studio with all modern equipment.
(an aside)....Bill, do you happen to know how much pressure those risers
have?
buffalo says Firemain pressure varied from 125 to 175 wit 150 being
normal
depending on the number of firepumps that were online and what the
firemain
was being used for as it also supplied the flushing water for the heads
and
the eductors for dewatering. I think the electrics were 1000 GPM and
there was
20 some of them in a loop through the ship. The steam ones were 2000
GPM and there was either 2 or 4 of those. If the pressure regulator
failed on
the flushing water system 150 PSI would turn it into a high pressure
Bidet
and you didn't want to be the one sitting on it when it was flushed.
~~~
Buff,
I remember those tales of the Sara.. I was aboard the Franklin D.
Roosevelt from late 71 to March 74, and remember those tales about the
Sara. We called her the Sinking Sixty from Dixie. Seems everytime you
turned around, she was sitting on the bottom, somewhere. One of her
little escapades caused the Rosie to be extended in the Med for an extra
two months, then, whichever ship was supposed to replace us, after that
two months was up, also had an incident, and we got extended another two
months. A cruise that we started in February 72, finally ended in
December of 72.. just before Christmas. We, consequently, took to
calling Sara by the nickname of Sucking Sara. By the way, as you
probably recall, there were three types of carriers in those days, CVAs,
CVSs, and CVNs, and they were only supposed to be relieved by ships of
equal class, ie, CVA by a CVA... we finally wound up being relieved by a
CVS.. of course, we didn't care, we were just happy to get to go home.
Reverend Barry West
buffalo says Dave from the Midway in the story above has the record for
the longest
carrier cruise during Nam. The Midway had to fill the Constellation's
billet
while they replaced every bearing in Number 2 main engine. The Midway
sailors
weren't really happy about it either and there were a few brawls while
the two
ships were in port together.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Short Chips
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A college freshman comes home after being away all semester. Her
father looks her up and down, then says, "Aren't you a lot fatterthan
when you went away?"
"Yes, I am, Dad," the girl admits. "I weigh 140 pounds, stripped for
gym."
The father stares at her for a moment in horrified amazement.
Finally, he shouts, "Well, tell me this: Just who in the devil is
Jim?"
It happened on the corner of Broadway and 47th Street. The girl
leaned against the building, running her fingers through her bleached
hair and smiling more than-casually at the male passers-by. She wore
a plaid skirt and a low-cut V-neck sweater. Finally, one of her
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familiar glint in his eye. "Hi," he said, undressing her mentally.
"Hello, handsome." His eyes focused on her sweater and the curves it
almost covered. "What's the V for?" he asked. "Veronica?" "Uh-uh.
Virgin."
"Oh, come on," he said playfully. "You're a virgin?"
"No," she winked. "It's an old sweater."
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Short Chips
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Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When
they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the
second, "My!
Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?" The second old
lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display
such a thing! Why the penis on it was so large!" Where upon the
first old lady accidentally blurted out, "...and cold, too!"
A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were
beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one
such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her
performance.
The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?"
She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but he only
paid me one hundred dollars!"
Vito and Juliana were having their usual battle of the sexes.
"Italian men are all stupid animales," screamed Juliana.
"Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an
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Short Chips
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Two divorced women, Jill and Nadine, were having a quiet drink at
the bar, when Jill said to Nadine, "I've recently met a man who's
shown me what I've been faking all these years!"
Nadine looked slightly puzzled and enquired, "What's that?"
Jill smiled and said: "An orgasm!"
Q. Did you hear about the guy with a map of Canada tattooed on his
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A. Every time he sits down, Quebec separates!
Q. Did you hear about the diner that promotes safe sex?
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dine your date, and stick her with the bill.
Q. What's the most active muscle in a woman?
A. The penis.
Q. Have you heard about the new gay sitcom?
A. Leave it; it's Beaver.
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Hair Chips
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I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to
you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many
things do, with me having trouble pooping.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a
matter of technique. It seems my butt -
hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly
getting tied up in the matted jungle between my butt-cheeks. It led
to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to
drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt
hair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either
reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf
(which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all
over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was
doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could
remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached
its Can't-Be-
Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time
to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair,
right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my
grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It
is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other
regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by
General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK.
"There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some
idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor
and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from
the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my
butt of hair.
Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair
and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel.
Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the
hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one
last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile
of hair. My butt was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied,
thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this
world G~d created, it has its mighty purpose in existence.
It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much
I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I
learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading
for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to
sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was
accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation
of my two butt-
cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about
going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class.
Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the
microscopic poop - molecules lingering around my brown starfish.
When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a
slimy sticky poop/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my
dorm, it started to itch. G~d-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm
of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep
from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back
to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I
finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth
against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly
dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my butt off by sticking it in
front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds
of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room.
Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst
of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan
and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as
I sat there, fighting vomit, my butt cheeks spread and dripping,
with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy
smell of my own poop blowing right into my face, I had only one
thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my butt at every
opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for butt-hair -
ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get
stuck between my butt cheeks.
Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed
together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and
down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As
anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first
growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your butt having the
texture of a Brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now.
It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look
out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get
it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this
constant agony.
Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR BUTT-HAIR!
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Sign Chips
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One very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and
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"Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room."
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over, staggers to
the door, and knocks.
"Go away!" says the madam. "We don't allow drunks in here!"
"I don't want in," says the drunk. "I just wanted to tell you that
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Limerick Chips
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The Brady Brunch
Here's a little story about the BRADYS
It's gonna put a blush on old Slim SHADY
Mrs. B. explained the SITUATION
"The men have gone to lunch, let's have a celebration"
Alice the maid knew what Carol was implying
Sent Cindy to her room, she ran there CRYING
Then Carol and Alice and Marcia and JAN
Got naked as they laughed and said, "Don't need no MAN!"
Carol hit the bed and said "Who's up for a LICKING"
Jan already had her fingers rubbing and SLICKING
Laid back and let the old lady do her BEST
Alice talked to Marcia while she touched her BREASTS
Carol slurped and smacked on Jan who lied there WIGGLING
Alice played with Marcia and the two were GIGGLING
Then the old maid said, "Let's all get on the TRAIN"
And they fell into place in a pussy CHAIN
Carol ate Jan, while Marcia ate Carol's ASS
Alice opened up a box and got her STASH
Slid a 14 inch dildo up Marcia's BUTT
And Marcia started howling like a wounded MUTT
Pussy filled the air, juices started RUNNING
Jan said "Mom keep going, I think I'm CUMMING"
Alice had her fingers in Marcia's SLOT
Carol said, "All right girls, let's see what you GOT!"
They all started panting, touching, licking, KISSING
The boys never realized what they were MISSING
Sweat poured from them as they got their GROOVE
Then Carol decided to bust a MOVE
She and Jan got down and nailed a sixty-NINER
Alice hooked on Jan and wiggled in beHIND HER
Then the Whoresome Foursome feasted on the PINK
Lapping up each hot drop that they could DRINK
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Felt their hearts go crazy, and their blood start RUSHING
Their bodies got tight and they started to SPASM
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So there's the story of a lady who's got it ALL
Four girls, four guys, she has a BALL
Later that night the horny bitch flashed her LEG
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cinderella is sitting home, crying. A fairy flies by and hears the
crying, so he decides to check it out. He goes in and asks
Cinderella:
"Why are you crying?" "Others are at the ball, but I can't go
there!"
"Why?" "I'm having my period" "Others have periods too, but they are
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2037
Back to the Lab
BJ: Where is Katie?
Rudy: The last I saw her she was wearing her
white lab coat and was heading for the lab.
BJ: This could be trouble. Follow me guys.
Sandi grabs a hardhat and puts it on and follows
behind Rudy and dad.
In the lab, bottles are bubbling and smoke and
steam are pouring out of containers. Katie is
working furiously.
BJ: What are you doing Katie?
Katie: I think I have invented a formula that will
protect clothing from rain/water. Watch this.
Katie pours her formula on a towel then a pitcher
of water. The water falls off the towel without the
towel getting wet.
BJ: This is great.
Sandi: Look Tami from next door is here.
Tami: I heard about your invention Katie. I was
wondering if I could have a few ounces to put over my
dress. It is supposed to rain tonight and it would be
nice to have protection.
Katie: I really have not finished testing it yet Miss Tami.
Tami: That's okay, I will be responsible.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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