Plants gone potty!: May 2011

Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

I have been relaxing this weekend watching old war movies on
the Turner Movie Channel and AMC. I am very fortunate to come
from a family that sent it's sons and daughters to war but had all
of them return in pretty much the same condition that they left in.
Even during the Vietnam War, I never had to attend the funeral
of a friend or classmate like many of you had to do and in my
9 years in the Navy although I lost a few friends from accidents
and had my own share of close calls, I never lost a shipmate
from an act of war and I guess the movies put me in the proper
frame of mind to celebrate the holiday. This list that was sent to
me also helps to put things in perspective. If you ae not a student
of history, you may be surprised by these figures. We have
never been a spectator in any fight for freedom and so many have
paid the ultimate price

Revolutionary War (1775-1783) Served: No data ?Deaths: 4,435 ?Wounded
6,188

War of 1812 (1812-1815) Served: 286,730 ?Battle Deaths: 2,260 ?Wounded:
4,505

Mexican War (1846-1848) Served: 78,718 ?Battle Deaths: 1,733 ?Other
Deaths: 11,550 ?Wounded: 4,152

Civil War (1861-1865) Served: 2,213,363 ?Battle Deaths: 140,414 ?Other
Deaths: 224,097 ?Wounded: 281,881

Spanish-American War (1895-1902) Served: 306,760 ?Battle Deaths: 385
?Other Deaths: 2,061 ?Wounded: 1,662

World War I (1917-1918) Served: 4,734,991 ?Battle Deaths: 53,402 ?Other
Deaths: 63,114 ?Wounded: 204,002

World War II (1941-1946) Served: 16,112,566 ?Battle Deaths: 291,557
?Other Deaths: 113,842 ?Wounded: 671,846

Korean War (1950-1953) Served: 5,720,000 ?Battle Deaths: 33,651 ?Other
Deaths: 3,262 ?Wounded: 103,284

Vietnam War (1964-1973) Served: 8,744,000 ?Battle Deaths: 47,378 ?Other
Deaths: 10,799 ?Wounded: 153,303

Gulf War (1991) Served: 24,100 ?Deaths: 162

Afghanistan War (2002-present) Deaths: 2,449 (as of May 20, 2011)

Iraq War (2003-present) Deaths: 4,771 (as of May 20, 2011) ?Wounded in
action: 29,978

Have a great holiday and if you drink. please stay off the roads....
buffalo

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Water Chips
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Southeast Treatment Plant, this is Dave...

"Is this the water department?"

Yes Ma'am, for most of this area...

"Good. I have some very technical questions to ask you about the
water"

I'll try and help...

"Why are my nipples getting so hard?"

You're not really serious...

"I AM SO!! My nipples... they're hard and they have this white
coating on them!"

Uhhhh, huh... hard, uhhh, nipples with white, uhh... stuff...

"Not only that, they're getting warped!"

I see...

"They used to be soft, pink and round!"

I'm sure they were...

"Now they really look disgusting!"

I'm sure they do...

"So I want to know what you're going to do about this!"

I really don't think I can help you. Have you discussed this with
your personal physician?

"Yes I have! He said I should call you because he thought it was
from the water!"

I see... uhhhh, just why and how does he think the water is causing
this?

"He said cleaning them in boiling water sometimes does that"

Sounds painful... can't you just sponge them off?

"Painful?! THE BABY BOTTLE NIPPLES ARE THE ONES I'M TALKING ABOUT!"

Now I understand...

"Are you going to buy me new ones?"

Why would we do that?

"Because your water ruined these. My baby won't suck them anymore.
He's been sick and I think it's from the white stuff... he used to
really suck..."

May I ask how old your baby is?

"He's six, going on seven"

Six... and he refuses the bottle? Maybe he's getting a little old
for the bottle...

"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD!"

I wasn't. How long have you been using these nipples?

"Since he was born"

Hmmmmm. My guess is the white film is from the calcium carbonate in
the water... kind of like bathtub ring of the nipple... and they
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~~

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~~

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After eight murders one weekend summer night, as he passed an
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Romantic Chips
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Signs That You're Not Romantic

You ask the waiter for a seat near the kitchen so it minimizes
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She doesn't like the "I'm The Property of Jason" t-shirt you
got her for your anniversary.

You take your date out for dinner that consists of a coupon
for free nachos and half price on drinks.

Her candlelight dinners really irritate you 'cause it's so hard
to read the sports-page while eating.

You apologize with a dozen dandelions.

After a romantic dinner, you offer to do the dishes by letting
the dog lick the plates.

You consider pig Latin the "language of love".

Some say it with flowers, you say it with spark-plugs.

When your boyfriend got down on one knee and proposed, you
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"I thought cubic zirconium looked prettier than real diamonds."

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There once was a husky young Viking
Whose sexual prowess was striking.
Every time he got hot
He would scour the twat
Of some girl that might be to his liking.

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There once was a fellow named Ben,
Who was roused by the sheep in the pen,
Though he knew it's forbidden,
He was parasite-ridden,
For trying it every now and then.
______________________________

There once was a chick named Nicole
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It was always well-known
She'd stuff steel, wood or bone
Or maybe a tuba in that hole.
<Snagged by>
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Parting Chips
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1. Mated With A Clown; 1884

2. Our Lady of the Potatoes; 1995

3. The Joy of the Upright Man; 1619

4. My Invisible Friend Explains the Bible; 1971

5. Follow Your Broken Nose; 1950

6. The Great Pantyhose Crafts Book; 1982

7. Pernicious Pork; or, Astounding Revelations of the Evil
Effects of Eating Swine Flesh; 1903

8. Thirty-six Reasons for Believing in Everlasting Punishment;
1887

9. 1587. A Year of No Importance; n.p.

10. Life and Laughter 'midst the Cannibals; 1926

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2043

Kalvinball

BJ: Can I watch?

Sandi: Val is the next batter. You might want to wear
this.

Sandi hands over a football helmet, shoulder pads, and
knee pads.

BJ: But I am just watching.

Sandi: There are no guarentees here Daddy.

Katie tosses the soccer ball to Val who swings and hits it
at Rudy who fields it and and tosses it to Sandi, Val has
made it to sixth base and is standing there.

BJ: Good hit Val!

Katie: It is reverse play!

BJ: What does that mean?

Sandi: It means only a base that has a hidden marker is safe
and sixth base is not safe.

Val dashes off for seventh base as everyone chases her...

BJ: Oh this is one crazy game.

To be continued

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Adult Adult

*********************************************

Remember 9/11/01

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