Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Eva found a section of You-Tube with people flushing
odd items down toilets. The Mansfield toilet seemed to do
best when handling a dozen or so golf balls or 8 toy cars
and wasn't fazed by 8 pounds of dry dog food. A no name
toilet however seemed to have troubles with a box of
Cheerios,Special K, and Granola. It took two flushes
to get rid of that batch and there still was a couple of
Cheerios floating. Eva was most amused when they flushed
a picture of Justin Beiber down the toilet followed by
Molly Cyrus. Anyhow here is a video of an American Standard
toilet flushing among other things 56 chicken nuggets.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZeSxGYCDTk
One word of warning just because your toilet may handle
things like that, your pipes may not and hiring a backhoe
to repair it may not be cheap and popcorn does not flush well.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
A few newsletters you may enjoy
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Confession Chips
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Young O'Donnell rushed into a church, placed his rifle under a
pew and entered the confessional.
"Father," he said breathlessly, "I've just shot down two
British lieutenants!"
Hearing no response he went on: "I also knocked off a British
captain!"
When there was still no response from the priest, O'Donnell
said, "Father, have ye fainted?"
"Of course I haven't fainted," replied the confessor. "I'm
waitin' for you to stop talkin' politics and commence
confessin' your sins!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Buga Chips
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This joke was handed down through 37 generations of buffalos
Three guys go the Amazon on a vacation. While there they fool around,
get lost, and are captured by a tribe of bad ass natives. They are
taken into the deepest, darkest part of the jungle and tied onto poles
in an opening.
After night had fallen and a huge bonfire was blazing, all the tribe
members assembled and began chanting and making merry in anticipation of
a great evenings fun at the expense of our three vacationers.
Suddenly, a hush falls over the crowd - the Chief had arrived! He
goesover to the first guy tied to a pole and asks, "DEATH, or Uga Buga?"
The guy, not knowing what it is, answers that he'll take the Uga Buga.
the crowd breaks into an uproar! Eight of the biggest, strongest and
most virulent savages step out of the crowd, take the guy loose from his
pole, bend him over a log and sodomize him for 30 minutes. The crowd is
elated!
The Chief walks over to the second guy, and asks "DEATH or Uga Buga?"
The second guy looks at the first guy, still gasping for breath and
writhing on the ground, and swallows hard. He thinks to himself, "I
don't know if I can take that or not, but I'm too young to die." He also
chooses Uga Buga!
Again, the crowd erupts in glee. Eight more savages emerge from the
crowd, take the second gut off his pole, and sodomize him for 45
minutes!
The third guy is in a real sweat! The king approaches him and asks
"DEATH or Uga Buga?"
The third guy looks over at the first two guys. It is not a pretty
sight. He swallows hard and answers "DEATH!"
The Chief is astounded! With a very puzzled look he replies, "OK,
DEATH! DEATH BY UGA BUGA!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Food Chips
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When you think of it, there are only two things people need.
You got to have sex. You got to have food. That's it. You don't need
clothing, shelter, or TV. Okay, maybe TV, but otherwise, it's sex
and food.
But for some reason, some people think sex is dirty. Maybe God was a
Republican.
Somebody said, "All right, you want to propagate, go ahead, but only
late at night, with all the doors closed, man on top, once a week,
that's it." But not only can you eat the charred dead flesh of other
major mammals, you can do it in broad daylight and invite all your
friends to watch: "Hey, Chuck, why don't you come over on Sunday?
We're
going to kill a pig, cut him up, burn him, and eat him. Bring the
kids,
we'll have a hell of a time."
What if they had been switched around? What if, through a simple
twist
of fate, sex was clean but food was dirty? Our entire culture would
change. Food would become a four-letter word.
When people got angry at you, they'd yell out "Oh yeah? Well, food
you.
Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper."
Punks in passing cars would flip you the fork.
Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their chests.
"Oh my god. It's a pepperoni."
Locker room talk would change.
"Hey, man, how'd you do this weekend?"
"Two burgers and a bag of fries. Crinkle cut."
Garlic would be illegal in most Southern states.
Supermarkets would check I.D.'s and charge admission to the poultry
section.
Frederick's of Hollywood would feature peek-a-boo napkins and
day-of-the-week paper plates.
Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection.
Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues.
"All right, put down your meat.
Just back away from the buns, mister."
Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and a lot of
them
would move to the Bay Area.
Hookers would become cooks.
You'd be accosted on street corners by plump ladies in Day-Glo
aprons.
"Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal? Wanna crack some crab?"
Fundamentalist Christians would make meat and potatoes a religious
tenet.
Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic.
Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or
they'll go
blind.
Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them
marinating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Candle Chips
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Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin,
and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty.
"Hello," said the Father, "And how is Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't
I marry you two years ago?"
She replied "Aye, that you did, Father."
"And be there any little ones yet?"
"No, not yet, Father," said she.
"Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a
candle for you."
"Oh, thank you, Father." And away she went.
Some years later they met again.
"Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "How are you?"
"Oh, very well," said she.
"And tell me," he said, "Have you any little ones yet?"
"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four
singles - ten in all."
"Now isn't that wonderful," he said. "And how is your lovely
husband?"
"Oh," she said, "e's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin
candle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ted Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few years ago, Lazy Ted got lucky in this little bar in Mayfield.
She was a good-looking girl, too. He drove her around to this park,
the local lovers' lane, for a little privacy and they were getting
along just fine, when some local louts happened by.
Luckily, all the doors of the car were locked and the larrikins had
to content themselves with rocking it backwards and forwards. Lazy
Ted wasn't going to hang around for any nonsense. He stuck the car
into reverse and revved out of the car park. Bodies scattered in
his wake.
He ended up taking the girl to the safety of a nearby hotel.
Lazy Ted might have forgotten all about the incident but, the very
next day, as he was watching his wife, Betty, washing the car,
you'll never guess what he saw - a finger, just sitting there in the
grille in front of the motor.
Well, he shook his head and was about to tell Betty to put it in,
the rubbish, when she stopped him short. 'That finger must belong
to someone.
We'd better take it down the road to the Lost and Found. You'd be
surprised what they can do with microsurgery these days.' Lazy Ted
followed his missus down to the local cop shop where they were extra
helpful. While Betty was out of ear shot, he told them the full
story - exactly what happened, how, when, where and why.
Afterwards, Lazy Ted went home and forgot all about the whole
business until one day, this cop came to the door and presented him
with this little frozen container ... and in it -the finger.
'According to Section 4 of Article 8 of the Mislaid Articles Act of
1893,' the cop spouted off 'found goods, if unclaimed by the owner
and the loser of the aforementioned lost goods, after a period of
three months, should be returned to the finder, who will be
thereafter considered the owner and therefore the loser, in the
event of the goods ever being re-lost.' Lazy Ted didn't really know
what to do, but he took the finger and thanked the cop for his
trouble. He told Betty to put it in the freezer.
Soon afterwards, the phone calls started. A man, his voice deep,
husky and mean, would ring and say, 'You got my finger. You better
give it back ... or you'll get rubbed.' Night after night, the same
man rang with the same message. Then, during the day, the Health
Department started ringing and a man with a high, piping voice,
would tell Ted, 'Keeping a finger in your freezer contravenes
Section 1, Article 12, of the Body Parts in the Kitchen Act of
1923, and if you persist in infringing this regulation, we will be
forced to carry out immediate legal action.' The final straw was
when the surgeon started calling up daily, too.
'Listen, we get kids in here every day, with their fingers missing -
car accidents, gun accidents ... you name it. Some will never be
able to use their hands again. With that finger, you could at least
help one ...
just one of them.' Finally, it got too much for Betty. 'Listen Ted,
do something. Give that finger back to the gangster. Give it to
the Health Department.
Even give it to the hospital. Just get rid of it. It's no use to
US.
But it was all to no avail. Lazy Ted wouldn't hear of it. You know
what he's like. He'd never lift a finger to help himself or anyone
else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Friendship Bridge
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/M_GC/Br.htm
John w/ What A Beautiful Blue Planet
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Unspoken Love Via Carol
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World's Best Dad!
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Surfin Surfari
Drilling For Oil Via Kent
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Man Tested Recipes - Recipes and cooking tips for men
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1965 Ford Mustang Made From 5000 Beer Cans
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Liberty Air Show
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Military WWII Posters
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Graphics Ladies Hats
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Rodeo Gifs
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Movie Links
Office B
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Polaroid
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Porky Pig
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Redneck 911 Call
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Redneck Crab Removal
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Hot Dog
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How To Blow Away A Deer
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How to get jail time for a speeding ticket
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Hrbtno
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Ice fishing
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heaven Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St. Peter
at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful
blood-curdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's just someone
having the holes bored in their shoulder blades for the wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the
conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more blood-curdling screams.
"Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "now what's happening?"
"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "they are just having their head
drilled to fit the halo."
"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm off down to hell."
''You can't go there," says St. Peter, "you'll be raped and
sodomized."
"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes
for that!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a poor parson from Goring,
Who made a small hole in his flooring,
Fur-lined it all round,
Then laid on the ground,
And declared it was cheaper than whoring.
________________________________________
There was a old man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Great tuffs of grass
Shot out of his ass
And his cock was covered in weeds.
________________________________________
There was a young dolly named Molly
Who thought that to frig was folly.
Said she, "Your pee-pee
Means nothing to me,
But I'll do it just to be jolly."
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman in Illinois has pleaded guilty to assault after
attacking a male stripper who failed to meet expectations
at her daughter's bachelorette party.
Natalie Franks, was sentenced to 30 days of court super-
vision in Paris, Illinois and was ordered to pay $2,000 to
the victim.
The 23-year-old man suffered head injuries, bruises and
scratches when he was punched, kicked and hit over the
head with a beer bottle after his July 2010 performance at
a local motel.
Police said the women partygoers became angered be-
cause while performing allegedly a small potato fell out of
the male stripper's briefs on to the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Ball (cont)
BJ and Diana join the ball and soon everyone
is dancing. Rudy is sort of dancing with Sandi
while Gus and some of his clan are dancing as
is Horace and his clan.
Katie to Val: So what do you think of the
party Val?
Val: Not for me. I do not like wearing a dress.
I am not certain I like mom and dad wearing
those high flalootin outfits.
Katie: We must join society someday Val.
Val: If this is society then I say the heck with
them.
Just then Rudy and Sandi dance close by.
Rudy: I am with you Val.
Sandi: Me to, I would rather be eating a pizza
than these things on the plate they pass around.
Katie: They are called finger food.
Val: That is plain sick. I will not eat anyones fingers.
The herd
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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