Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The lists I am workig on right now I started on Sunday morning.
Sometime yesterday I went out to the store in light clothing even
with about 4 inches of fresh snow on the ground and a 25 mph
wind. When I got back I was shivering even when I turned
the heat up to 84 degrees and put anoher comforter on the bed.
It wasn't the weather, it was a fever from somewhere which seemed
to fit in with the sinus problems everybody has had lately. I spent
most of today in bed and still feel pretty bad but I am tired of
sleeping.
I was glad to see the price of a barrel of oil drop 2.00 today
after the Saudis cut back production because consumption has
dropped. I'd like to see it drop even more and watch the speculators
lose their shirts. It does go to show you don't need any big gas-out
to control the price of gas, just planning your trips so you make less
will do the same thing.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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We will open for business when we have at least 10 members.
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and
ROTTEN JOKES
Rotten Jokes (rated X)
these jokes are so ROTTEN YOU DON'T want your mother to read them!
rotten_jokes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!
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Name Chips
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What's in a name ? A lot more than you think. Here's your chance
to learn what his pet name for you really means. Don't say we
didn't warn you !!
Darling -- Depends on how he says it. If he stresses
the first syllable, then he's probably done something wrong or wants
money.
Dear -- Probably a leftover from his parents. Expect
him to wear woolly cardigans, smoke a pipe and prefer a mug of
ovaltine to lager.
Sweetheart -- If it's said patronisingly, it's not so sweet. But
when uttered in ernest, it may send your own sweet heart aflutter.
Babe -- Not to be confused with the film of the same name. Check for
flares or signs that he's a 70s throwback. He's a bit of a
medallion man. Chances are he's got his initials on his chunky
ring. Leave immediately if he tries to sell you a second-hand car.
Baby doll -- This type of man will probably require you
to wear transparent frilly nighties even in the dead of
winter. He doesn't want you to grow up, and obviously can't deal
with real women.
Princess -- Never trust a man who calls you princess.
You may think you're being treated like royalty, but beware of
Prince Charmings - they may be secretly plotting your overthrow.
Memsahib -- At least you're in no doubt as to who wears the trousers
in this relationship. Who said that colonisation was dead ?
Luv -- Expect him to be a builder, plumber, chippie, sparkie
or just an all round general geezer. Probably calls everyone else
this too, including his dear mum, the vicar and the pet dog.
Fatty -- No problem if you're thin. If you're not - kick him out -
unless he exceeds 40 stone himself.
Sexy -- Fine if you're sexy. If you're not, who cares? He probably
thinks you are anyway !!
Dog breath -- Charming !! He should be in the doghouse
if this is his pet name for you. Return the compliment -
serve him a dog food curry.
Farty pants -- He could be trying to tell you something about your
digestive system - otherwise he's just a big kid who prefers his
mates' humour to you.
Slapper -- Great as a jokey term of affection. But if he
means it perhaps you should be more careful who you bring home at
night
- es pecially if you live together !!
Stupid cow -- The only farmyard animal you should accept the
likeness to are duckie, lambikins and chickie. And you're not
stupid, so put him out to graze. ...And behind your back.
My girlfriend -- He's honest, open and probably glad to have you
around. The next thing you know he'll be using your name!!
The wife -- If you're married then he probably thinks he owns you.
If you're not, he probably thinks you act like his wife, in which
case, he thinks he owns you.
My other half -- You complete the set - he's only half a man without
you. But it may make you feel as though you are losing your identity
somewhere.
The missus -- See The Wife.
My partner -- He's right on. Probably likes eating tofu and hugging
trees.
My significant other -- He's even more right on.
Probably thinks it's cruel to eat tofu and that trees need their own
space.
'er indoors -- He probably thinks all you're good at is housework.
You should get out a bit more - with your real friends !!
She who must be obeyed -- He thinks you're a nag, but probably
doesn't lift a finger around the house.
Her nibs -- Affectionate term for an authoritarian. You insisted
that he called you that. Didn't you ?
If you are a bloke reading this, then think again when
you are just about to call her a pet name. If you are a girl
reading this, then don't take it too seriously, it's only a bit of
fun :o)
Just give him a slap, that normally does the trick, hehehe. Even
better, get that big wooden rolling pin out!!!
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I'll get it
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Navy Chips
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GO NAVY!!!!
Nothing like deductive reasoning!
A company was looking to hire someone for an important position so they
interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three
retired military people from different parts of the Country.
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the
same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best
answer would get the job.
The question was:
A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with
her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the
woman's back. What is the man's name?
After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their
answers.
The first from the Air Force, says, "My answer is, there is no answer."
The second, from the Marines, says, "My answer is, that there is no way
to determine the answer with the information we were given.
The third one, a Sailor says, "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it
narrowed down to two names. It's either: Willie Turner or Willie
Nailer."
The Sailor got the job !
You gotta love sailors. GO NAVY!!!!!
Sue
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FDA Links Topamax Migraine Medicine to Multiple Health Risks.
Have You Taken Topamax?
http://buffaloschips.com/topa
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Short Chips
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A young missionary on his first term in Africa was reading
his Bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside
him. As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of
the bush and laid down by his other side. Convinced that this was a
test of his faith, he returned to reading his Bible. As soon as he
did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him. Moral: Don't try
to read between the lions.
The family all got together recently, and were just hanging around
at Mom and Dad's. My sister was browsing through an almanac and
laughed at a little piece of trivia she had found in the book, which
she then read aloud; "Did you know that a woman's breasts increase
in size by 25% during sex?" My brother-in-law, a notorious joker,
shot back, "So, how come yours don't?" My father, from behind his
newspaper and without even a pause, replied, "You're not pumping
hard enough."
"Have you seen this commercial for Viagra? The guy comes home, he's
rushing around, he's cleaning the house, he's cooking dinner, he's
setting the table, he's putting flowers and candles out before his
wife gets home. Do you think women watching the commercial go,
'Never mind the sex. Where do I find a pill to get my husband to do
all of that?'" ---Jay Leno
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Little Johnny Chips
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Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was
born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the
hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before
they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if
he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or
even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life when
they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."
Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little
hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes."
" Can he see?" asked Little Johnny.
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he
will have
20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be shit outta luck if
he needed glasses."
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Trivia Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your
stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing
still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Face to Face
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp/Face.html
Rick w/ ~I Dreamed I Stood At Calvary~
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Major League Baseball The Official Site
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NOAA - National Weather Service
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MEDtropolis ® - Virtual Body via Dianne
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The Willis (Sears) Tower!
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Butchart Gardens
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Belarc Advisor
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Qwik & Easy HTML
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Searchable Lyrics Database - HotLyrics.net http://www.hotlyrics.net/
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Hi,
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Movie Links
2 Roosters
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36 Hour Cialis
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3 Condoms Please
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Pigeon
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Ping Pong
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Ping
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Piscina
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Rabbit VS Snake
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Rally Flip
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tax Chips
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A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs
to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few
questions."
He gets her name, address, social security number and then asks,"What's
your occupation?"
"I'm a prostitute," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, " Let's try to rephrase
that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken
farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a
prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is!"
Dennis
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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COWBOY POETRY - BUYING A BRA
I ain't much for shopping,
Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't too easily found.
But the day came when I had to go -
I left the kids with Ma.
But 'fore I left, she asked me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"
So without thinkin' I said, "Sure,"
How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her
An' said, "I'll be back by three."
Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing -
I worked me up a sweat
I walked into the ladies shop
My hat pulled over my eyes,
I didn't want to take a chance
On bein' recognized.
I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn't hem or haw -
I told that lady right straight out,
"I'm here to buy a bra."
From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
Every woman in that store
Was a'gawkin' right at me!
"What kind would you be looking for?"
Well, I just scratched my head.
I'd only seen one kind before,
"Thought bras was bras," I said.
She gave me a disgusted look,
"Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Follow me," I heard her say,
Like a dog, I tagged along.
She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.
They had all these different styles
That I'd never seen before
I thought I'd go plumb crazy
'fore I left that women's store.
They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.
They had bras that made you feel
Like you ain't wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small.
Well, I finally made my mind up -
Picked a black and lacy one -
I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
And figured I was done.
But then she asked me for the size
I didn't hesitate
I knew that measurement by heart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths."
"Six and seven eighths you say?
That really isn't right."
"Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive -
I measured them last night!"
I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.
"That's what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
This drew another stare.
By now a crowd had gathered
And they all was crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.
When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."
My wife had heard the story
'fore I ever made it home.
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who called her on the phone.
She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care.
Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For women's underwear.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Eskimo is fishing on the Polar ice pack. After 18 hours his ass is
numb, so he packs up his catch and heads back to the igloo. He hangs up
his sealskin coat, and sits down to his seal steak when his wife says:
"Ingit"
"What?", he says without changing his expression.
"I've got some news for you."
"What?", he says through clenched teeth.
"Your mother-in-law's slipped on the ice, and broken her hip."
Again his expression doesn't change, he picks up a frozen herring,
reaches across the table, and smacks his wife on the side of her head
with it.
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" she said, aghast, picking herself up off the
floor.
"I've told you before, don't make me laugh when I've got chapped lips!"
Randy
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2019
The Rings of Saturn and Other Rings
Ring ring ring!
BJ: Hello.
Sandi: Daddy, I have my favorite toys and pillow and
am part way back home. I have my stuff tied in a
handkerchief to the end of a pole and I am hitchiking
my way back to Guthrie. I miss you too much.
BJ: Were are you now?
Sandi: Let's see. The sign says Tucumcari.
BJ: Ah, Sandi, you are going West. You are in New Mexico.
Sandi: Oh dear. What do I do?
BJ: There is only one motel 6 in town, find it and
I will be there in six hours.
Sandi: Oh dear, oh dear.
BJ: Diana!
Diana: Yes.
BJ: I have to go rescue a lost dog, be back tomorrow.
Diana: What?
The herd
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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