Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
We were chatting the other day about TV dinners and recent
changes. They seem to have redesigned a lot of packaging
making it more colorful and even coming up with a few new
dishes like Quesadillas with a dipping sauce. The other meals
are pretty much the same varying between edible and tasty
but the contents are a lot smaller. Seriously it takes two of
these now to put a dent in ones appetite and that has nothing
to do with he fact I am bigger than I was when I used to
keep them in the freezer at work so I could have a hot meal
in the winter. The packages fool no one though or we
would all be losing weight right and left because it isn't just
TV dinners, it's everything from candy bars to cans of coffee
that have shrunk to give us the impression we are still getting the
same bang for our buck.
Tonight for supper we had a quick turkey dinner. One of those
turkey roasts with gravy, white meat, 3.00, a box of stovetop stuffing,
store brand for a dollar, kettle of potatoes for a dollar, and a can of
corn and cranberry sauce for about a 1.50 for both. It fed four
with enough turkey left over for 4 or 5 sandwiches and potatoes
for patties with a meal later. True it wasn't Thanksgiving but it
was better and cheaper than Banquet and it didn't take much
longer to prepare if you don't count peeling potatoes. I just mention
this because it is something that they don't cover on the Food Network.
Oh well sun is coming up and I have lost where I was going with this
story
so I am serving up a batch of chips... buffalo
Newsletters you may enjoy
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SERVER woman:
She's always busy when you need her.
WINDOWS woman:
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POWERPOINT woman:
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EXCEL woman:
They say she can do a lot of things, but you mostly use her for your
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WORD woman:
She always has a surprise reserved for you, but no one in the world
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DOS woman:
Everyone has had her at least once, but no one wants her anymore.
BACKUP woman:
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will
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SCREENSAVER woman:
She is not worth anything, but at least she's fun!
RAM woman:
She forgets everything you say when you disconnect her.
HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything.... FOREVER.
MULTIMEDIA woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
MICROSOFT woman:
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will
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she promises you that you will have everything you want if you will
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the
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PASSWORD woman:
You think you're the only one who knows her, but in reality all the
world does....
MP3 woman:
Everybody wants to take her...
USER woman:
She screws up everything she does, and she always asks for more
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CPU woman:
From outside, she looks like she has everything, but on the inside
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MONITOR woman:
She makes life look better and brighter.
CD-ROM woman:
She's always going faster and faster.
DATAWAREHOUSING woman:
She keeps you informed of everything, except what you really want to
know.
E-MAIL woman:
Out of every ten things she says, eight are bullshit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear that Tony Orlando and Dawn are getting back together?
Yes, because U. S. Senator Larry Craig (R) of Idaho has asked them to
change their smash hit from: "Knock three times on the ceiling if you
want me, twice on the pipe if your answer is no." To "Tap four times in
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blow."
The pretty coed nervously asked the doctor to perform an unusual
operation: the removal of a large chunk of green wax from her navel.
Looking up from the ticklish task, the physician asked, "How did
this
happen?" "Let me put it this way, doc," the girl began. "My
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A guy cuddled up to his wife and softly whispered into her ear:
"Could we make love, please dear?" She rolled over away from him.
"Not tonight, darling, I've got a splitting headache," she replied
rather tersely. Too horny to read the obvious signals the husband
pleaded. "Please, honey. I'll only stick it in for a minute" "What
do
you think I am," his wife retorted, "a fuckin microwave?"
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Short Chips
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Little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting
dressed. She points to his dick and says, "Daddy, what's that?" Not
wanting to explain to her yet, he says, "Uh, I can't tell you, it's a
secret." The little girl finds her mother and asks, "What is that long
thing between Daddy's legs?" Her mother also doesn't want to explain sex
yet, so she says, "I don't know, he won't tell me." A couple days later
the little girl says to her mother. "Mommy, I finally figured out what
that thing between Daddy's legs is. It's a
toothbrush!" "Why do you think that?" the amused mother asks. "Because,"
the little girl says, "this morning I saw the maid sliding it in and out
of her mouth and she had toothpaste dripping down her chin."
?
The 15-year-old daughter brought home a young Naval Aviator to meet
her parents. During dinner, the pilot happened to mention that he was
from Glen Burnie. The Mother said, "What a coincidence. My husband and I
lived there 17 years ago when we were first married." The pilot got a
strange look on his face and changed the topic of conversation. The
daughter fell strangely silent. After he left, the teen said, "Thanks a
lot, Mom. I told him I was 18. Now I'll have to tell him that I was
illegitimate."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bike Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Liana was a beautiful girl. As she was walking through the woods on
a hot summers day, the heat became too much for her and she decided
to go for a swim. She took off all her clothes, piled them neatly
on the side of the riverbank and dove in.
A couple of young boys came along and decided to steal her clothes.
Having gotten out of the water and discovered her clothes had been
stolen, Liana decided to go to the roadside and hitch a ride home.
Along came Steve, riding a bicycle. He stopped for Liana.
"Come," he said, "I'll ride you into town."
She jumped on his bicycle and rode side-saddle in front of him.
Steve said nothing, but after ten minutes Liana was so overwhelmed
at how calm he was that she said, "Tell me, haven't you noticed that
I'm completely naked?"
"Sure," said Steve. "Haven't you noticed that you're riding on a
girls bike?"
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Davie Chips
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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
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After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do
you think you're stupid, Little Davie?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
**************
Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream
on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing
the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?"
***************
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his
students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of
the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure
they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago,
that He grew up, etc. So he asked his cl ass, "Where is Jesus
today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Davie, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I
know! He's in our bathroom!"
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Davie how he knew
this Little Davie said, "Well.. every morning, my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still
in there?!"
****************
The math teacher saw that little Davie wasn't paying attention in
class. She called on him and said, "Davie! What are 2 and 4 and 28
and 44?"
Little Davie quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon
Network!"
***************
Little Davie's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of
the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a
picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to
capture him."
Little Davie asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his
picture?"
***************
Little Davie attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as
his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down
the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Davie asked,
"Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make
sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Davie, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy
Mom."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy's Laws On Sex
1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you,
the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's
offered take it,because it'll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes
the most amount of trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what
people think you've got.
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches
you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and
minds will follow.
12. Virginity can be cured.
13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she
usually stops listening to him.
14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a
man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
16. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
17. It is always the wrong time of month.
18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had
it, chances are you won't either.
21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on
Sunday pray for crop failure.
22. The younger the better.
23. The game of love is never called off on account
of darkness.
24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair
on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
27. Before you find your handsome prince, you've
got to kiss a lot of frogs.
28. There may be some things better than sex, and
some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
29. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
30. Love is a hole in the heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a woman named Nancy,
Who waltzed with a man they called Clancey.
Soon after the dance,
He pulled down her silk pants,
Proceeding to tickle her fancy.
A horny young woman named Kate,
Had hoped for a really hot date.
But despite lots of kissing,
His erection was missing;
So next time she'll just masturbate.
His dick is most surely a dilly,
A grand and marvelous Willie.
His gal loves to give head,
But most often instead;
He ends by just screwing her silly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her
students on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of
temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of
pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how
do you make it last an hour?"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2015
Chili Cook-Off
Diana, BJ, Tami, Rob and the Dogs are in Caldwell
for the annual Chili Cook-Off. Lots of tents are set up
and the mood is grand.
Rudy: Where is the Chili?
Diana: The first group of tents is for the mild chili,
the second group of tents is for the medium and
the third group of tents is for the hot.
Sandi: The forth group of tents?
Diana: They are the super hot chili-EPA-mega hot
chili.
Katie: The fifth tent?
BJ: Beer.
Val: I think I know where we can find Rudy today after
he eats the chili.
Katie: Tami, I bet you cannot eat the same chili I eat.
Tami: Hah! Bet is on.
Katie: Let's straight for the third tent, the hot stuff.
Tami: Fine I will show you.
Rob: You both might need some brewskis first.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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