THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you
get used to it, it's not so hot
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
So did you make any new years resolutions
this year? I have heard it said that historically,
the most popular new year resolution with Americans
was quitting smoking. These days, however, they
tell me that it has changed to "losing weight."
I've never been fond of new year resolutions myself.
Mostly that is probably becuz I am no good at keeping
them. In other words, I suck at discipline. I did not
do this at the beginning of the year, but I have given
it some though the last couple of days. I've decided a
new goal for me this year should be to lose about 40 lbs.
I know that is pretty tough for a guy like me who is
basically shut in the house all day. But my belly keeps
expanding and my diabetes tells me I need to make some
serious changes. I'm starting out the year at 220 pounds.
Once a week, I will give you a little update through the
year, or at least until I get tired of it:)
I also know that the amount of caffein
I'm consuming is not so good with my blood pressure issues.
So I am gonna address that problem this year too.
So. I do not consider them "resolutions" but I have made
a couple of goals to improve these aspects of my life.
How about you? what are you doing to make a better you
this year?
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
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THE COMICS
solving problems
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z531.html
women don't fart
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z532.html
eharmony
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z533.html
deer hunting
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z534.html
electronic devices
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z535.html
r u listening
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z536.html
the golden years
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z537.html
hey dad
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z538.html
first time flying
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z539.html
cutbacks
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z540.html
________________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
strippers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2732.html
golf
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2733.html
heartbreak
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2734.html
continental crack up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a2735.html
A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's
couch, telling him how frustrated she was.
"I tried to be an actress and failed," she complained.
"I tried to be a secretary and failed;
I tried being a writer and failed;
then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too."
The shrink thought for a moment and said...
"Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"
The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large,
beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says...
"Well go ahead, I'll give it a try!"
________________
* The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,
so I did. She's 25, and her name's Beverly.
* Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting
"pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
* My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class
give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year!
You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is
having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
* A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says,
"How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you
get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She
said she would like to come back as a cow. I said,
"You obviously haven't been listening."
___________________
A man called to testify at the Inland Revenue (IRS) asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice.
"Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice,
and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Priest.
"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night.
'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend,
she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."
The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!"
"Simple", replied the Priest...
"It doesn't matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!"
____________
FUN PAGES
Mexican Pizza
http://tinyurl.com/b4apdb9
Make A Backup Flood Format
http://tinyurl.com/az9pkyx
Beat Makers
http://tinyurl.com/bggohhe
Space Coast Machine Matrix
http://tinyurl.com/avtct4x
Mouse With Teddy Bear
http://tinyurl.com/bhhzjmb
THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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