Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
A story from Ross who writes Training 2 Laugh newsletter which
is humor along with railroad pictures.
Training2Laugh-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
"The 1973 Ross-Burning."
by: Ross Bowen ©2011
My wife (then) and I had just split up. Rosalie told me to get
out --
taking with me nothing but the clothes on my back, plus of course,
toothbrush, hair stuff, and Rosalie wouldn't use Old Spice aftershave.
I got an apartment in a seedy part of a large city. Not very good,
but
at least "affordable."
When my next checks came in, I got furniture to supplement what
Uncles
George & Jack had given me to start off with. (Convertible couch,
armchair,
old tube color TV.) Among them was a 99 cent (vinyl or plastic)
dishpan.
You know how *most* men are when it comes to laundry... not so hot.
Is
like the man who asked his wife, "Honey? What cycle do I use for my
t-shirt?" The wife responded, "What does the shirt say?" to which the
husband responded, "University of Tennessee." But I digress...
- - - - - -
I'd over starched my shirts. As a result, when I dropped
something, I
bent over to pick it up -- the tail of my shirt stuck *under* the kettle
on
the stove and caught fire. Now normally, a person would take the shirt
off
and run water on it in the kitchen sink.
However, I did not think rationally. "I don't wanna burn my
brand-new
dishpan!" was my thought. So I took the shirt off, placed it on my
upper
arm, and brought my lower arm against it! OH, THE PAIN!
I called Aunt Gladys, explained what happened and asked what to do.
She told me, "Run cold water on it."
I did. Then I took a terry towel to my arm. BIIIG mistake! It
peeled
off half the skin on my arm! My back was also burning quite severely
from
the back of the shirt being on fire, as well. AGAIN I called Aunt
Gladys.
She said, "Ross, you weren't supposed to DRY it. You shoulda let
it
AIR dry!"
Thirty minutes later, the three of them -- Uncle George, Uncle Jack
and
Aunt Gladys knocked at the door. "We're here to take you to the
hospital."
- - - - - -
When I arrived at the hospital, I was rushed into the examining
room at
the ER, and admitted promptly!
The staff treated my back and arm four times daily, changing eight
4x4"
pads on my back. (Four across, two vertically). That is, for three
days.
The fourth day, the nurse came in and said, "We're taking you
upstairs
for a debridement." (pardon spelling if incorrect)
My right upper arm surgically had the third-degree burnt skin
removed,
the healthy skin on either side drawn together, sewn (seventeen
sutures),
and was placed in a 90º sling for the next five days or so.
DAILY, that arm had the bandage changed twice. This in addition to
changing the back gauze four times.
By the time my arm was sufficiently healed to remove the sling, I
was
down to six gauze pads on the back, as well.
- - - - -
LONG STORY SHORT:
I was hospitalized for SEVENTEEN DAYS! And, according to the
Nurse, if
Uncle Jack were not the official first-aid officer at Davidson Chemical,
agreed to put me up til I was "bandage-free," I would've been kept
longer.
But... I DID NOT BURN THAT NINETY-NINE-CENT DISHPAN!!
<end>
Yer NEW Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Buck Chips
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A dude moved out to Idaho from back east. After a couple weeks he
got so horny he honked. He asked me what he could do about his
condition.
I told him to go down to the Indian reservation and grab himself a
doe.
He asked how to recognize a doe.
I told him she would have a long braid down her back and be wrapped
in a blanket.
The next morning, a chilly day by the way, he dutifully proceeded to
the reservation. He spied an Indian sitting out in front of a
tepee. When he grabbed the Indian the Indian shouted, "Me buck, me
buck!"
The dude replied, "Go ahead and buck you sonofabitch. I can ride
anything with hair on it."
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Condom Chips
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A vet received a phone call very late one Saturday night. "Please
come quick," a very agitated voice on the other end said. "My dog
has swallowed a condom."
"Is he in distress?" the vet asked."
"You don't understand," the voice said. "My dog has swallowed a
condom."
"Yes, but unless the thing has lodged in his throat it will probably
pass through his system without harming the animal."
"Please come quick," the voice went on undeterred. "The dog has
swallowed a condom and my girlfriend is getting very distressed."
Eventually the vet gave in and promised that he would come round
right away. He was just putting his coat on when the phone rang
again. "About the dog that swallowed the condom," said the voice,
it was a lot calmer now. "Panic over, we've found another one in
the drawer
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Short Chips
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Sweating profusely in his new t-shirt and long pants, a tribesman in
a tropical jungle asks the missionary, "If I did not know about God,
the devil, and sin, like going around naked as our people have
always done, would I go to hell?"
The missionary answers, "No, not if you didn't know."
Upon which the tribesman demands, "Then why did you tell me!?"
Bert and Mabel were a week away from their wedding day. Bert was
beginning to get major stirrings so he decided to chance his arm.
"Er, Mabel, as it is only a week to the big day, how's about a quick
screw?" said Bert. Mabel's answer as expected was, "No Bert, it's
only 6 days to go, however you can have a look at your prize." The
next night Bert again pesters Mabel. Being an understanding sort,
Mabel gives in and says, "It is still 5 days to go and as you've
been a good fellow, I'll let you have a little feel of your prize."
It only makes matters worse for Bert and by the next night he can
hardly contain himself. Seeing his obvious predicament Mabel greets
Bert and whispers in his ear, "I can see what your problem is but
you've still got 4 days to go. I will however let you have a good
sniff of your prize." Not being bashful, Bert lifts Mabel's skirts
and sniffs. After a minute he comes up for air, "Mabel, do you
think it will keep 'til Saturday?!?"
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Condom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the Software industry had badly gone down, three software
giants. Sun, SCO(UNIX), and Microsoft started producing condoms and
named them Java-condom, CondomiX, and MS-Condoms Vista respectively.
A customer using Java-condom complained to Sun that the condom
didn't fit correctly.
Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard".
They boasted that it would fit any size irrespective of the
underlying structure. Well, the customer switched to CondomiX and
found that by the time he would finish reading the instructions
given along with it, his wife would fall asleep, and he himself
would forget why he was using CondomiX.
Finally, he switched to MS-Condoms Vista. To his surprise it was so
good.....and comfortable! He used it happily.
Six months later, he found that his wife was pregnant.
He got angry and complained to Microsoft. He got the following
reply from Microsoft:
A PATCH IS COMING SOON...!!!
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School Chips
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A first grade teacher had a small number of children
gathered around a table for a reading group.
After the story was read she gave the children
a worksheet to do.
She thought they may have some problems
so wanted them to work on it there.
She heard a little girl say very softly "damn!".
The teacher leaned over and said quietly,
"We don't say that in school."
The little girl looked at the teacher,
her eyes got very big and she said,
"Not even when things get all fucked up?!"
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Short Chips
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A sweet, beautiful young would-be starlet comes to Hollywood to seek
her fortune. At her first power cocktail party she goes to the host
and asks him: "Who's the most powerful man in the room?"
"That would be Bob, over there by the caviar," he says.
The young woman walks over to Bob and says, "Excuse me, Bob, would
you mind stepping back behind this column? I'd like to talk to you."
Bob and the girl step behind the column and she says, "Bob... I'm
gonna unzip your fly, take out your cock, and give you the best
blowjob you ever had...!"
Bob smiles slightly and says, "Well, okay. But.............. what's
in it for me?"
<><><><><><>
A snail was crossing the road and got run over by a turtle. The
snail's friends picked him up and dusted him off. They asked him what
happened. The snail replied, "I didn't see a thing, it all happened
so fast."
Bill and Hilary Clinton were the guests of honor at the World
Marching Girl and Drum Majorette Championships in New York.
Hilary noticed that Bill had a smile on his face, so she said, " Well
honey, what are you smiling at?"
Bill replied, "Honey, if I had another inch, I'd be pretty popular
amongst them Marching Girls."
A big smile came across Hilary's face. Bill said, "What are you smiling
about?"
Hilary replied, "Bill, if you had one inch less, you'd be out there
marching with them."
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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I had a dog named Lucky
Who was a horny fucky
One day he found
The neighbor's hound
And got his sausage stucky!
There once was an actor from Wales
His beauty was hard to detail
His talent was none
His career was soon done
When the papers said, "he's not a male!"
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Parting Chips
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My 7-year-old daughter came home from school one
day, held up her middle finger, and asked me what
it meant. I was so shocked that I could say only,
"Shame on you," followed by, "If anyone does that
to you, just say, "Shame on you" to that person.
Next week we were at the dinner table when my
husband let out a huge belch. I reprimanded him
by saying, "Shame on you."
Imagine my husband's shock when my daughter held
up her middle finger, showed it to him, and
exclaimed, "Mom, you forgot to give Daddy the
'shame on you' sign."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort
Vol 2093
More on Sandi and Rudy's Love
Rudy was the wild dog, a man who had his
life and in fact had a lady running with him.
But when he saw Sandi... something happened
with him and Jennie, the girl dog he ran with,
became not as important. Jennie also wanted
little to do with the bi-peds. She would barely
allow BJ to come close to her, but she would not
enter a bi-peds home nor consider to be domisticated.
Rudy had a choice to make...to give up his wandering
ways and Jennie and his freedom of the road and choose
Sandi and a life of a domesticated dog.
Sandi: So which do think he choose wisely Val?
Val: Of course, he and you raised me. He is actually
my primary parent, no offense to you ma.
Sandi: None taken.
The herd
Many is the time I have seen Sandi with her head on
Rudy's chest.
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Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
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