Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
buffalo says We were listening to music on the digital TV channels
early today and I was amazed how much music Eva and Buffy new from
even 45 years ago. Wooly Bully came on and they showed a picture
of Sam the Sham and the Pharohs and it made me wonder if a band took
the stage today in Arab clothing what kind of reception they would
receive?
Back to yesterday's story.
By the time I left for college my dad had bought a early 50's DC
Case with three point hitch and PTO and was continuing upgrading the
equipment. With a PTO he was able to get rid of the old baler with
its cranky Continental motor but it still had just as many problems
knotting the bale and when someone extra was around they rode on the
baler watching when it missed a knot so they could wrap a spare
piece of twine around it and prevent stopping the process to run the
bale back through a second time. A lot of the problem was in the
brand of twine you used. Even in the 80's when he had a New Holland
Baler it still had knotting problems.
I came home in 1975 from the Navy and my dad had bought a PTO Mower
to go on the Case. With the old mowers we were using it was easy to
tell when you had hit an anthill or a chunk of brush as the wheels
locked up on the mower and you were dragging it. It also required
someone to ride on the mower and with two of us in the Navy my dad
had opted for a tractor mower.
I hopped on the tractor and headed for a field and started cutting.
I had a habit of breaking machinery and I was a bit upset when I hit
the first ant hill and the mower instead of being at a right angle
to the tractor mowing hay was dragging limply behind the tractor.
I shut it off and waited for dad to come over and yell about it when
I found out that it was designed to break away like that to prevent
damage if you hit something. He knew it would do that and just
wanted to see the look on my face when it happened.
When you take off 1200 to 1500 bales of hay a year to feed your
cattle you have a proportionately large amount of manure to shovel
in the spring and spread on the fields. A manure spreader would
have been nice but instead we had a small trailer and spread it by
hand. We are talking hundreds of loads of manure. When the number
of hands went down my dad bought a manure spreader and finally a
Massey Ferguson 35 with a loader. The F-30, the Case and the Oliver
were long gone having been replaced by a pair of International W-4's
which are the same running gear as a Farmall H but lower to the
ground. The PTO mower was gone though replaced by horse mowers, my
dad had hated that pto mower too. He had a 3 pt. post hole auger
after all the thousands of post holes I had dug by hand and a seed
drill instead of a cyclone seeder. I could have had so much more
time as a teenager with all that stuff, but then I probably wouldn't
have been able to bench press 280 pounds without ever having lifted
weights before and I learned how to fix old stuff and make it run
long enough to finish a season, something that always helped me.
Enjoy the chips ... buff
ROTTEN JOKES
Rotten Jokes (rated X)
these jokes are so ROTTEN YOU DON'T want your mother to read them!
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Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four men were sitting around a conference room table being interviewed
for a job.
The interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
The first man replied,"A thought.It pops into your head
there's no forewarning that it's on the way; it's just there.
A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good," replied the interviewer.
"And now you, sir," he asked the second man.
"Hmmm, let me see..... a blink!," said the second man.
"It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened.
A blink is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!", said the interviewer.
"The blink of an eye. That's a very popular cliche for speed."
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out on my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and
on the wall there is a light switch. When you flip that switch, way
across the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant.
Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he
had found his man.
"It's hard to beat the speed of light.", he said.
Turning to the fourth man, a Newfoundlander, he posed the same question.
"After hearing the three previous answers,
it's obvious to me the fastest thing known is diarrhea," said the
Newfie.
"What!" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh, I can explain," said the Newfie,
"You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so well and ran for the
bathroom.
But, before I could think, blink,or turn on the light, I shit my pants."
He got the job.
Tom Roberts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
one basket
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four stages
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cut backs
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Agent Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY
Don't forget to mark your calendars. As you may already know, it is
a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked.
He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern
Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house
completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this
anti-terrorist effort.
All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front
of their house to prove they are not Muslims and to demonstrate they
think its okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show
support for all American women.
Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your
side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment.
The American government appreciates your efforts to root out
terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist
activity.
God bless America !
It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don't send this to
at least 5 people, you're a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered
coward and are in the position of posing as a national threat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
26 Feng Shui Secrets.
No Non-sense Feng Shui Secrets Of The Orient - Learn 26
Secrets To Increase Your Wealth, Harmony, And Romance!
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School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses and was on taste
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red.....................Cherry
Yellow................Lemon
Green...................Lime
Orange...............Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what
your Mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, and Yelled, 'Spit them out,
they're assholes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find Out About Ferrets.
The Complete Guide To Turning Your Fuzzy Into The Happiest,
Best-Behaved, And Healthiest Pet In The World!
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Criminal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The police department received a call at 1 a. m. from a professor
at the local university who reported a break-in. "The man was a
huge brute," the professor reported. "He ripped the covers off the
bed and found me sleeping naked. He looked at me in the most vile
possibly way and then he exposed this incredibly large penis."
"That's not the worst part. He made me put that disgusting thing in
my mouth, then he turned me over and shoved it up my ass until I
felt like I would split in two. We'll send a squad over right away
to look for him, the officer said. Oh, you don't have to do that,
the professor said, he's in the shower now. Why don't you just come
over and pick him up in the morning."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Basement Waterproofing Manual
The complete basement waterproofing resource.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron
sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of
the young blond woman beside her.
Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the
blond and bellowed with a loud voice, "Young lady, I would rather
commit adultery than smoke!"
"So would I," quipped the blond, "but you know, there just isn't
enough time to get a good screw during a coffee break."
Sylvia was in her backyard hanging up her washing when
Sarah, her next door neighbor, poked her head over the
fence and said, "I don't like being the one to have to tell you this
Sylvia, but there's a rumor going around that your husband Robert is
chasing the women."
"So what?" said Sylvia.
"But at his age!" said Sarah, "He's over 80 isn't he?"
"Ya, so he's eighty-two, so what?" replied Sylvia. "Let him chase
girls. Dogs chase cars, but when they catch one, can they drive it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Easy Pumpkin Painting
A must for Halloween, this Step-By-Step Guide offers instruction
and photos for painting cute, whimsical faces on pumpkins.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Home From The Fields
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/Dad.html
carolyn w/ Come And Dine ~ Happy Goodmans
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/Spiritual/ComeAndDine.html
With You
http://www.poetrybyken.us/ipoems54/With%20You.html
Bible: The Sleep Metaphor
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DOLORES HOPE, WIDOW OF BOB HOPE, DIES AT 102
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BMI Calculator
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Design & Try Perfect Fighting Moves
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WTC memorial
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
How To Uninstall Mcafee Products
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Movie Links
Ouch!!
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91906.htm
Recession
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91907.htm
Red State Update
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91908.htm
Singing Monkey
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91909.htm
Uncontrollable Sexual Urges
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What
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91911.htm
Canard
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1231.htm
Candid Camera Russian Style
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Carrier Landing
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Cat
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Cat Bird
http://www.buffaloschips.com/1235.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde is pregnant, and is practically 9 months along. She goes to
see her doctor for a routine check-up, but she is worried. She asks,
"What if the baby starts coming, and I can't get to the hospital in
time." The doctor replies, "Well, woman have been having babies for
a million years without an attendance by doctors. It's a very
natural process. The first thing you do is to assume the same
position you were laying in when you got pregnant." The blonde
interrupts with, "Do you mean with the left foot in the glove
compartment and the right foot hanging out the window?"
Every time I sit down to try to take a dump, I start reading the
newspaper and end up forgetting to do my business. I think might I
have Attention Defecate Disorder.
Mrs. Jones went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her
complaint she replied that she suffered from a discharge. He
instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table.
She did so. The doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her
"private parts." After a couple of minutes he asked, "How does that
feel?" "Wonderful," she replied, "but the discharge is from my ear."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
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Faking It
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32152.htm
Tin Can Phone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32153.htm
Crowded Beach
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32154.htm
Doggie Kisses
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32155.htm
Going To Sleep
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32156.htm
It Fits
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Discover The Fun Scientific Innovations Allowing You To Build
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Limerick Chips
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Jack and Jill went up the hill,
With a little keg of brandy.
Jack got stewed,
Jill got screwed,
Now it's Jack, and Jill, and Andy.
________________________________
Frankie and Johnny were lovers,
Especially under the covers.
When she pulled out his trigger
She said, "Mmm, what a frigger!
But it turns so many girls into mothers."
________________________________
Ginger from the County of Dade
Said, "I think it's 'bout time I got laid.
My vibrator can tingle
But it's not cunnilingual
And that's how orgasms are made."
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Electronics Repair
Schemes and Service Manuals
http://tinyurl.com/3twwmx5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ORD Approach: "United 143 best forward speed to the marker, you are
number
one."
United 143 (male): "Roger, balls to the wall."
ORD Approach: "American 245, you're number two behind a United 737,
follow
him, cleared visual, at your best forward speed."
American 245 (female): "Well, I can't do balls to the wall, but I can go
wide open."
-Radio silence-
Unknown male Pilot: "Is American hiring?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2106
The Continuing Saga of Kate
Sandi: Just got off the phone with Tami, she will be here
in fifteen minutes.
Val: Okay, we have time to continue with Katie's stories.
Rudy: Remember this year when Katie jumped the fence
in Caldwell and decided, in the middle of winter to walk
back to Guthrie.
Val: No way.
Rudy: Gosh dern foolish thing I have ever heard of.
Sandi: It took her two days to get to cover 20 miles before
someone picked her up.
Katie: I could have made it.
Rudy: Dern fool, you had 79 miles to go and the next night
there was a blizzard.
Katie: Well ah...
Sandi: As I remember it took you well over a month to recover.
Katie: Well ah...
Sandi: So we are at life number 6 for you Katie.
To be continued.
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Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
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