THE POSTMAN'S CORNER! Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand FREE SAMPLE  NEW LISTERINE POCKETMIST dissolves instantly killing germs that cause bad breath and leaving you with a fresh just-brushed kind of feeling. Plus, LISTERINE POCKETMIST is so compact you can take it on the road, into a meeting, or along on a date. http://www.thepostm FREE SAMPLE  Get 24 Nestle Crunch Candy Bars, FREE*! NESTLE's put a fun, new, flavorful twist on the traditional Crunch Bar and it's making the masses say, 'YUM!'. What can be tastier than layers of crunchy wafers complimented by a chocolate cream coating and topped with crisped rice! http://www.thepostm FREE SAMPLE  Select your Favorite - GET 2 BOXES FREE*! Moons, stars, hearts, and clovers. Start your morning with a bowl of those magical marshmallow bits. Simply select your favorite flavor LUCKY CHARMS & get 2 FREE* BOXES delivered to your door! Now that's what we call lucky. http://www.thepostm BBQing for the weekend? GRILL HEALTHY WITH THESE FREE RECIPES Summer is a great time for backyard barbecues with family and friends. But before you fire up the grill this year, consider replacing some of the usual fatty cookout fare with these good-for-you grilling alternatives. For a leaner twist on the standard burger, whip up a batch of Zesty Turkey Burgers seasoned with fiery salsa, jalapeños, and red bell peppers. Our hickory-smoked BBQ Chicken is a guaranteed crowd-pleaser, while seafood enthusiasts are sure to love Spicy Grilled Shrimp with sun-dried tomatoes. Our low-cholesterol Portobello Burgers, made with pesto and provolone cheese, are perfect for vegetarians. Or prepare a meatless Grilled Vegetable Basket, which is also low in calories and sodium. For a sweet finale to your grilled feast, serve up a batch of scrumptious Grilled Pineapple Slices. Each of these recipes is not only deliciousâ€"it's packed with nutrients and contains less than 400 calories a serving, so you can indulge without the guilt. http://www.thepostm we do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS don't want to golf http://www.thepostm Calamity Jane http://www.thepostm the Lockhorns http://www.thepostm the wrecking ball http://www.thepostm my advice http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES out the window http://www.thepostm lucky to be an american http://www.thepostm a blond installs a cat flap http://www.thepostm these cops don't mess around http://www.thepostm redneck yacht club http://www.thepostm VW commerical-why terrorists hate volkswagon http://www.thepostm  COOL STUFF drunk driver http://www.thepostm worlds most impressive rock formations http://www.thepostm rags to riches http://www.thepostm girls of the olympics http://www.thepostm bowl a strike http://www.thepostm "I have to tell the truth," a young man said to his new girlfriend. "While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist. "Don't worry about it," the girl told her boyfriend. "I've been secretly seeing a lawyer and a car salesman." ____________ An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells: "Super Pussy!" The old man says: "I'll have the soup ____________ Top Ten Ways to Make the Democratic National Convention More Fun 10. Offer John McCain $1 million if he correctly guesses how many homes he owns 9. Every night, one lucky lady gets to go home with John Edwards 8. In honor of party mascot, serve assortment of delicious donkey and mule treats 7. Each delegate gets a kitty... superdelegates get a super kitty! 6. Special appearance by the exhumed remains of Lyndon Johnson 5. Call the Pepsi Center something crazy like the Bird's Nest or the Water Cube 4. Give John Kerry's crazy wife five minutes to say whatever she wants 3. Kick things off with a song from Dennis Kucinich 2. Five words: hot volleyball babes in bikinis 1. Try to squeeze Al Gore into the same suit he wore at the 2000 convention ____________ There was a young Scottish lad named Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. "I'm fine," Angus said, "But there are some really strange people living here in Australia. One woman cries all day long, another keeps banging on the ceiling, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time." "Well, ma wee laddie," says his mother, "I suggest you don't associate with people like that." "Oh," says Angus, "I don't, Ma'am, I don't. No, I just stay inside ma apartment all day and night, playing ma bagpipes." ____________ "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married." ____________ The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment? "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." "Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now. "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!" ____________ Edward took his date, a young blonde woman, to see a famous pianist. Halfway through the performance, she tapped on his shoulder. "What's he playing?" she asked. "Chopin's Polonaise in A-flat," Edward responded. "Oh," she sighed, "I could have sworn it was a piano." Buffalo Bill Got Lots Of Pussy http://www.buffalos Not What You Hope http://www.buffalos THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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