Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I spent the afternoon with my sister Mary and her husband from
Wisconsin. Those from that far back may remember Mary's
ezines, One Bad Day and the original Bisonettes. Enjoyed the
visit immensely as even though we are not far apart, she leads
a busy life. That is the reason for the late start tonight.
If you are running without an updated anti-virus program and
spyware scanner you may find your compromised and almost
unusable. I have been attacked over the past few days by two
new exploits and they are clever and realistic to say the least.
The first which you may have seen is a request from Adobe to
update your Flash Player. This is coming out of Social Networking
like MySpace and Facebook or in the case of the one I received my
daughter's visit to Fubar. So far no one knows exactly what they are
doing to anyone's computer, mine showed no infection, but the
option is there to wreak havoc with your computer once you let
them in.
Then last night I was working on the lists and tried to paste a url
into
links and it wasn't the site I had visited. I pasted it into a
webpage
and a pop-up showed up for antivirus 2009 which is a variation
on antivirus 2009. If you click on yes or no on the pop-up you
download their malware program and a pop-up appears over
and over again requesting you to pay for the program till you
pay to get rid of it. I closed the page thwarting their plan and
rebooted and scanned my computer. I had dodged the bullet
again but these people are getting more convincing every day
so be careful. Enjoy the chips.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snow Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY....but aren't! (Snowfall Edition)
- I got over nine inches last night.
- Man, that white stuff is covering everything. I can barely see my
own
car!
- I love when it lands on my tongue.
- Go on. Lick that pole. I dare ya.
- I got so wet playing with it.
- Don't rub that in your sister's face!
- Dammit! You got it all over my new pants.
- It's even soaked through my shoes.
- This isn't the soft, fluffy kind. It's hard, wet and you can pack
it
down.
- Once it gets all dirty and mushy, I get sick just looking at it.
- Sometimes when I get hot, I rub some down my neck.
- My children love rolling in it, but I make them wear gloves so
they
don't catch anything.
- It's so deep now, you can tunnel through it.
- Don't yell too loudly. It'll all come down and cover you. We'll
have
to call in some dogs.
- Don't put your tongue on it or it'll get stuck. You want your Mom
to
see you like that?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Clownfart
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Carwash
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Worried
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
LIVING ROOM
http://www.lablaugh
<a href="http://www.lablaugh
</a>
ANT HILL.....
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<a href="http://www.lablaugh
</a>
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Camp Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Summer Camps for Everyone
10. Tommy Lee's-------
9. Lorena Bobbit's----
8. Tanya Harding's---
7. Kenneth Star's------
6. Louis Farakahn's--
5. O.J. Simpson's---
4. Michael Jackson's---
3. President Clinton's---
2. Ellen Degeneras's-
1. Monica Lewinsky's--
This Summer
Michael Vick-------- Camp Fightyerdoggee
Rosie O'Donnell---
Don Imus------ Camp Suedbyhonappee
Paris Hilton----- Camp Solitairee
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Phrase Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Truth Behind Men's Phrases
"Haven't I seen you before?"
"Nice ass."
"I'm a Romantic."
"I'm poor."
"I need you."
"My hand is tired."
"I am different from all the other guys."
"I am not circumcised.
"I want a commitment."
"I'm sick of masturbation.
"You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
"You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
"I really want to get to know you better."
"So I can tell my friends about it."
"It's just orange juice, try it."
"Three more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."
"She's kinda cute."
"I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head
might be
necessary."
"I don't know if I like her."
"She won't sleep with me."
"I miss you so much."
"I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look
good."
"Was it good for you?"
"I'm insecure about my manhood."
"How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
"Is my penis really that small?"
"I had a wonderful time last night."
"Who the hell are you?"
"Do you love me?"
"I've done something stupid and you might find out."
"Do you 'really' love me?"
"I've done something stupid and you're going to find out
sooner or
later."
"How much do you love me?"
"I've done something really stupid and someone's on their
way to tell
you by now."
"I have something to tell you."
"Get tested."
"I'll give you a call."
"I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see
you again."
"I've been thinking a lot."
"You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
"I think we should just be friends."
"You're ugly."
"I've learned a lot from you."
"Next!!!!"
"I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
"I gotta turn on my answering machine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Did you hear about the girl chasing the boy around the church?
A. She caught him by the organ!
Q:. Why are condoms transparent?
A. So the sperm can enjoy the scenery
Wendy Leibman was talking about how expensive medical care is in the
US. She said, "My doctor even charges me for a breast
self-examination. It is a flat fee."
There's a couple going at it for the first time. After a while
the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider. She
does and they continue.
A few minutes go by and he asks her again, "Open your legs a
little wider".
She does.
Again, he says, "A little wider, Honey."
The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.
When he once again asks, "Can you open them just a little
wider?"
She finally yells, "What are you trying to do, get your balls
in too?"
He says, "No. I'm trying to get them out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I. Body Aches For Three Days
a. Sex with wife impossible. Masturbation impossib ... ok, I
masturbated.
b. Time spent debating wife whether or not to see doctor.
c. "SCREW doctors" wins the day.
d. Sleep the days away.
II. Upper Respiratory Infection
a. Sex with wife impossible. Masturbation impossib ... ok, I
masturbated.
b. Hacking up some pretty scary stuff.
c. Time spent debating wife whether or not to see doctor.
d. screw doctors" wins the day.
e. Can't sleep. Watch reruns of Green Acres.
III. Ear Infections
a. Sex with wife impossible. Masturbation impossib ... ok, I
masturbated.
b. Left ear clogs, pressure mounts.
c. Time spent debating wife whether or not to see doctor.
d. screw doctors" wins the day.
e. Right ear clogs, now almost completely deaf.
f. Impersonation of Helen Keller nearly dead on.
"Ruh rim rey rood. Har, har, har."
g. Can't sleep. Watch reruns of Bonanza.
IV. Break Down and See Doctor
a. "Next time, don't wait. Here, take this, this and this."
b. Sex with wife impossible. Masturbation impossib ... ok, I
masturbated.
V. No Progress, Ears Ringing, See Specialist
a. "Maybe ringing will go away, maybe it won't.
Let's see which way it goes. $150 please."
b. Sex with wife impossible. Masturbation impossib ... ok, I
masturbated.
VI: Ears Clear Up, Chest Gets Worse, Ears Reinfect,
Chest Gets Better
a. Sex with wife impossible. Masturbation impossib ... ok, I
masturbated.
b. Go back to original doctor. "Here, take this, this, this, this
this
and this. Call me if you bleed out of your ass."
c. Still sick after five weeks.
d. The sound "Fuck doctors" replaces ringing in my ears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Porn Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn
During foreplay, he's always double-clicking your G-spot.
His new computer includes a DVD-ROM drive, a 56k modem, and a tissue
dispenser.
When she wants you to take off your pants, she says, "Scroll down."
C:\Downloads\
C:\Downloads\
C:\Downloads\
C:\Downloads\
Tells everyone he's a pioneer in "palm computing."
He's suing Playboy.com for repetitive stress injuries.
When he sees a hot babe, he wryly says, "Boy, I'd like to click on
her."
You look deep into his eyes and see a faint image of Asia Carrera
burned
into his corneas.
As you undress, he takes out his credit card and tells you his
birthday.
During sex, he shouts, "Refresh! Refresh!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
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A LITTLE BLONDE HUMOR
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Surfin Surfari
See What Fair Rides Are Safe
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Four Word Film Reviews
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Candle Making Techniques
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Ping Plotter
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
Video Phone
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Viera Clip
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Voted Best Beer Commercial of The Year
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Walk It Out Granny
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Water Park Prank
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Zapped
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They Don't Make Them Like This Anymore
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This Kid Deserves An Oscar
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Tolerant Cat
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Toll Booth
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Owl Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two doctors were jogging down a wood path, each arguing as to who
was the better doctor. The 1st claimed he was better, then the 2nd.
This went on for 30 minutes or so!
Finally the 1st doctor said to the 2nd, "If your so good - then
prove it". The 2nd doctor said "ok I will". The 2nd doctor looked
around, up and down and saw an owl sitting up in an old oak tree. He
said "see that owl", the 1st replied "yes", "I'll give that owl a
tonsillectomy in 10 minutes" said the 2nd doctor. The 1st doctor
encouraged him to try.
The clock started ticking, he reached up in the oak tree and grabbed
the owl. With a "clip", "snip", and "clip" - the 2nd doctor was
done. He proceeded to say, "9 minutes and 15 seconds later, I'm
through - beat that!".
The 1st doctor then stated that he could beat the 2nd doctor by
performing a vasectomy in 5 minutes. He asked the 2nd if he
successfully completed the vasectomy in 5 minutes would he be the
better of the two doctors. To that the doctored replied "yes".
The clock started ticking, he reached up in the oak tree and grabbed
the same owl. With a "clip", "snip", "cut", "bang", "stitch", and
"clip" - the 1st doctor was done. He completed his operation in a
record 3 minutes and 35 seconds. Both doctors went on jogging down
the path happy and content as to whom was the better of the two
doctors.
The next day the Mr. Owl and Mrs. Owl were flying along when Mrs.
Owl stated "I'm tired, lets land and rest a while!". Mr. Owl said
"ok!"
Mrs. Owl looked around and saw (with here keen vision) a wonderful
old oak tree to perch on, see stated, "lets land over there on the
old oak tree".
Mr. Owl looked around and saw the oak tree, only to proclaim, "I'M
NOT LANDING THERE".
Mrs. Owl said "why not", Mr. Owl again proclaimed "I'M NOT LANDING
THERE". This went on for some time!
Mrs. Owl said, "tell me why you don't want to land there or we're
going to!".
Mr. Owl said; "Well, ever since I landed in that old oak tree
yesterday, I can't hoot worth a fuck or fuck worth a hoot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tax Audit
http://www.buffalos
Freestyle Waterskiing Champion
http://www.buffalos
A Matter Of Taste
http://www.buffalos
Getting Married
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Back To Life
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Mouse Revenge!
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Big Nuts
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Biscuits
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Talented Secretary
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A singer named Ursula Greville
Had a lousy affair with the devil
Her bush was so thick
It obstructed his prick
So he sent for the Barber of Seville
There was a young lady named May,
Took a stroll in the park by the bay.
She met a young man,
Who screwed her and ran.
Now she goes to the park everyday.
A pretty young lady named Vogel
Once sat herself down on a molehill.
A curious mole
Nosed into her hole --
Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brother Jon is now in law school, and he writes:
Unlike the other students, when I see "respondeat
superior," I
look up the damn thing. Here's what happened in
class yesterday:
Professor: "Ms. Blongelli, please brief Gefunt v.
Rossi, Inc."
Ms. B: "Oh!! Uhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmm
[Scrambles through book.]
Professor: "Go on."
Ms. B: "It had to do with an accident?" [Rising
inflection.]
[Silence and stare from professor.]
Ms. B: "Um, Gefunt was, like, run over by this guy
who, like, worked, I mean, I think he, like, drove
a truck for someone? Is that right? Question
mark? Hello?"
Professor: "Continue."
Ms. B: "Well, he, like, sued and I think, I'm not
sure, but I think they, like, held something
reversed."
Professor: "The court reversed on appeal for
respondeat superior."
Ms. B: "Yeah. That's it!!" [Smiles. Closes book.
Receives applause and congratulations from other
students.]
Professor: "What does that mean?"
Ms. B:"Oh!! Uhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmm
Professor: "Mr. Umbridge?"
Mr. U: "Sumbich ran over that jogger while
speeding back to work in the company pick'em-up
truck after porking his girl friend on company
time, if you know what I mean. The jogger, that'd
be Mr. Gefunt, sued the sumbich's company fer
letting him drive that damn heap in the first
place. Them dumbasses in the downtown courthouse
turned Mr. Gefunt down flat. Then he appealed to
people with some sense in their haids, pleading
'respondeat superior,' or, in real language, 'let
that sumbich's boss pay for it,' 'cause he been
lettin' that sumbich get away with that shit for
years, all on company time. Court up in the
capital said, 'Hell, yeah! Ya'll cain't let that
sumbich drive around like that and pretend he's
not on company time. Them dumbasses downtown is
gonna take this pig back and dress it up right.'
Re-fukkin'-versed!
Professor: "Mmmmmm. Technically, that's correct.
But perhaps now would be a good time to discuss
certain issues involving legal writing and oral
presentations.
Mr. U: "Why?"
Third Student: "Wait. What does, like,
"affirmed," mean? You know, like, in case I,
like, have to answer the next one or something?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good Girls; Bad Girl's And Naughty Girls
Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons
Naughty girls unbutton your pants
Good girls wax their floors
Bad girls wax their bikini line
Naughty girls wax your nutsack
Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
Bad girls know they could do it better
Naughty girls do it with whips and chains
Good girls wear white cotton panties
Bad girls don't wear any
Naughty girls don't really give a shit
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of
pearls
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls
Naughty girls want a " pearl necklace "
Good girls pack their toothbrush
Bad girls pack their diaphragms
Naughty girls pack their dildos
Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it
Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it
Naughty girls own the entire Fantasia collection
Good girls wear high heels to work
Bad girls wear high heels to bed
Naughty girls make you wear high heels
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place
Naughty girls have sex all over the place
Good girls prefer the missionary position
Bad girls do too, but only for starters
Naughty girls add some new chapters in the Kama Sutra
Good girls say no
Bad girls say when?
Naughty girls don't say anything, they just moan and scream a lot.
Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed.
Bad girls go to the party, go to bed and then go home.
Naughty girls go to the party, hit on every guy there and then go
home
with two of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1386
Neighborhood Watch
Rudy: Did you hear about the robbery last night?
Sandi: No, what happened.
Katie: Two houses down got robbed.
Sandi: Whoa!
Rudy: I have been talking to the other dogs and we think we should
start patrolling our neighborhood.
Sandi: Sounds like a plan.
Katie: I can wear my Karate outfit.
Sandi: Just take your cell phone Katie. We meet tonight with the
other
dogs and will get a plan.
Later that night...
Sandi: Will the meeting come to order..
Katie: I will order a steak..
Sandi: Come on let's be serious. We have a problem and we have a
solution in this room. We need to patrol our neighborhood in two
hour
shifts and in pairs.
Katie: Pears?
Rudy: She means in groups of two.
Katie: Why didn't she say so?
Sandi: If we detect something unusual, you will call the main
hotline
number on your cell phone. Then we will dispatch help to your scene
and phone 911.
Katie: What is the rest of the phone number?
Rudy: That is the phone number.
Katie: Oh.
Sandi: Help will arrive shortly and soon after the police will
arrive.
Questions?
Katie: When do we have lunch breaks?
Sandi: No lunch breaks. This is only two hours.
We start tonight. Rudy and I will take the first shift from 8 pm
until 10 pm.
Katie and Pierre will go from 10 pm until Midnight.
Katie: Pee air? Who pees air?
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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__,_._,___
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