Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was laying in bed Sat. morning when Buffy called and asked me to
get her up in 20 minutes. Just before I was supposed to call I heard
a beep from my UPS and my fan stopped. I called Buffy and asked
her if she had power and she said no and was wondering how she
would take a hot shower before work. I reminded her that her tank
was full of hot water and drove over and picked up her and Eva for
work. Everything was mellow downtown with owners sitting outside
their businesses waiting for lights and registers to come back on.
The paper said
Squirrelly situation
Edison Sault Electric Co. and the local squirrel population
continued their decade-long feud Saturday morning when one of the
bushy-tailed rodents tripped off the Magazine St. substation,
causing power to go out downtown for about an hour and a half.
ESEC bypassed the damaged section of the substation and power was
restored at around 10:30 a.m. It will make final repairs to the
substation this week.
Darn Squirrels
I was watching the women's 300 lb. Snatch Weightlifting contest last
night which has been the only Olympic event I have seen so far and
with the site of a 367 lb. Ukrainian woman crying because she failed
to lift 300 fresh in my mind I am almost afraid to watch any more of
the Olympics. Have a great day..... buffalo
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Shabbos."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sailor Chips
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"But this guy is tatooed in a very personal spot!"
"Oh yeah, what does it say?"
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The next day, the second nurse speaks to her colleague: "You know
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sailor in 418B? His tatoo doesn't say 'SOS,' it says 'SOUVENIR OF
THE
GALAPALOS' ! "
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Short Chips
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A guy sees his best friend on the street. The friend is wearing a
flamboyant outfit. Lime colored trousers, a puff sleeved, lavender
shirt, a puce ascot, etc. So he asks his friend, "what in the world
is wrong with you?" "Oh, my wife," the friend replies. "Your wife?"
queries the first guy. "Yea. I saw an ad in the paper for Cox's
Men's
Store. They were having a great sale on seersucker suits. So I told
her, go to Cox's and buy me one of those seersucker suits. So what
does she do? She goes to Sears to buy me a suit."
Paddy decides to go rabbit hunting, but when he gets to his favorite
field he sees the village priest is already there. Paddy watches
with
fascination as the priest holds his finger over a rabbit hole and
immediately a rabbit pops out. The priest grabs it and puts it into
a
sack. He repeats this unusual but very successful technique until
his
sack is full of rabbits. Paddy stops the priest and asks him how he
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and then hold it over a rabbit hole. They can't resist the smell, so
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finger as directed. Without looking up, Maureen giggles, "Holy
Moses,
Father! Rabbit hunting again?""
In the early 60s I was assigned to the 55th Air Rescue Squadron at
Prestwick, Scotland. In the interest of community relations, we had
a
gathering of Scottish people as guests in our club. I noticed an
older
lady with an empty glass and asked her if I could get her another
drink.
She said, "Yes, please, I'm drinking Gin and Sweet Vermouth. Please
ask
the barman not to put any ice in it, it's giving me heartburn."
~~~~~
I watched an ant climb a blade of grass this morning. When he
reached
the top, his weight bent the blade down to the ground. Then,
twisting
his thorax with insectile precision, he grabbed hold of the next
blade.
In this manner, he traveled across the lawn, covering as much
distance
vertically as he did horizontally, which amused and delighted me.
And
then, all at once, I had what is sometimes called an "epiphany", a
moment of heightened awareness in which everything becomes clear.
Yes,
hunched over that ant on my hands and knees, I suddenly knew what I
had
to do... Quit drinking before noon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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African Chips
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In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he
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couple of weeks before, his important birthday, a young lad went to
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He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why did the Brunette refuse the Chinaman's request to eat her?
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Driving my friend Steve and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed
a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer.
Steve's girlfriend glanced up at it and announced, "I suppose if I
drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her."
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Mary. That's easy. He's "the one" if you start taking off your bra
and panties at the restaurant!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got
ready to proceed, the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took
his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the
forceps, to give the patient's balls a vicious pinch.
The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open,
and the tooth was easily removed.
"Didn't hurt, did it?" asked the dentist.
"Not too much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the
root went that deep!"
My wife said " Honey, go get a dozen condoms, I'm horny! I said,
"Great Darling, I'll be right back.
When I got back, she said "Thanks" and walked out the door.
"Johnny," the teacher started, "do you know what 'paranoia' means?"
"It's not a word, teach, it's several words," Johnny replied.
"Whatever do you mean by that?"
"It's like when you go into a restaurant and a well endowed waitress
with a low cut uniform reaches in front of you and says, 'does my
pair annoy ya'?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady from Cue
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
"If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it too."
I once loved a woman named Gert,
Who climbed mountain peaks in a skirt,
She said, "It feels nice,
On the steep rocks and ice,
And it keeps those below more alert!"
- - - - - - - - - -
There was a young laundress named Springer,
Who went on to become a good singer...
She acquired her range,
In a manner most strange;
When she caught both her tits in the wringer!
- - - - - - - - - -
There once was a goddess named Venus,
Whose disarming was awful and heinous,
For her name didn't rhyme,
With sweet words such as "thyme,"
So Zeus punished her for writing "penis."
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The old Chief finally retired from the Navy and got that chicken
ranch he always wanted. He took with him his life long pet parrot.
First morning at
0430, the parrot squawked and said, "Off yer hocks and on yer socks.
Reveille" The old chief told the parrot, we're no longer in the
Navy. Go back to sleep. The next morning, the parrot did the same
thing. The old Chief told the parrot, look, if you keep this up, I
will put you out in the chicken pen. Again the parrot did it, and
true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen.
About 0630, the Chief was awakened by a massive ruckus in the
chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter. The parrot
had about
40 white chickens in formation and on the ground lay 3 bruised and
beaten brown ones. The parrot was saying, "By Golly, when I say
fall out in dress whites, I don't mean Khakis!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a pub and grabs a seat at the bar. It's
kinda' busy, so the bartender comes by and ask "What can I get for
you?"
The patron replies, "Whiskey!"
The bartender sets him up and keeps on working. He slams down the
shot and puts the glass down. The bartender comes back and says,
"That'll be $4.25."
"Oh NO!" replies the man. "You ask me what I wanted, I told you and
you GAVE it to me. You said nothing about cost!" The bartender steps
back in surprise and looks down the bar at the other customers.
"He's right," explains one gentleman. "I'm a lawyer and he's got
every
right to refuse to pay under those circumstances!
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"Oh no, it couldn't have been me."
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"Thanks," says the guy, "and give my lawyer friend one too!"
Gilbert
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1394
Cimarron Canyon
The next morning the crew continue to Cimarron Canyon located just
west of Cimarron, New Mexico. A beautiful canyon with a stream
beside
the small narrow highway deep inside the canyon that is heavily
forested
with Pondersa Pines, Douglas Firs, Willows, and Aspens, the view is
outstanding.
Diana: Why don't we pull over here and camp for the day? The view
is spectacular.
Rudy: A-roo! Look at all the trees!
Sandi: I could sleep in the meadow.
Katie: I could run up the mountainside.
BJ: Okay, I will cook some burgers.
Katie: I will not run up the mountain.
Sandi: I will not nap.
Rudy: I will quickly check out a few trees.
Diana: I just got a text message from the cats. The litter box is
fine, food
is good.
BJ: Great.
Later ... Everyone has ate. A gentle breeze is curling through the
trees.
The temperature is mild and the clouds are gently drifting by.
BJ: I think we should spread a blanket and nap.
Sandi: Dibs on next to daddy.
Rudy: Dibs on next to Toots.
Diana: Good grief! What a mess.
A few minutes later a chainsaw convention is making their noise from
the
campground. ZZZZZZZ!!!!
BJ: I can't sleep with all this noise.
Diana: Me either. Even Katie is snoring. You have to admit, it is
peaceful
here.
BJ: Yeah, a little peace of Heaven for sure.
Traveler: Am I interupting?
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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