Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
To everyone else that is suffering in the heat we are cold
up here. Last week has been in the seventies and touching
eighty but we had thunderstorms and a few hours of heavy
rain this morning and it is just getting dark and the temperature
is already in the low sixties and headed for mid-fifties tonight.
I hate this weather change because every joint in my body aches.
Out front the work is progressing on our street and they could
lay asphalt and sidewalks soon. They have already put the
new curbs in and either the street is lower than what it was
or the lawn has risen. This will make it hard to park in the yard
so I will have to keep the back lot clear which is difficult because
there is not a lot of room for snow or extra vehicles. I guess I
should roll the snow blower around and change the gear on the
starter and run a tank of fresh gas through it. The neighbors have
several young pit bulls that they turn loose to poop in neighbor's
yards and to tear up trash cans. If they do it this winter I will
blow
the poo on their windshields.
Our gas is still holding at 3.95 which it probably will do till Labor
Day. It's always that way during tourist season so fill up if you can
before you cross the bridge if you come this way. BTW Labor Day
is the annual Bridge Walk on the Mackinac Bridge.. If you have a
couple of hours and like a spectacular 5 mile walk, it might be a
good deal for you. Chippewa County Fair starts Monday with
Carnival, Demolition Derby, Races, Tractor and Horse Pulls, Mud Run
in addition to the normal exhibits and livestock sales.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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Married Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one
evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways
he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began
moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her
shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over
her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working
down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to
her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost
portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right
side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a
loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
To which he responded:.
'I found the remote.'
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Suicide Kit
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I'll Be Home Soon
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Euthanasia Show
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Speechless
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Adult Fun
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Exam
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt.
The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup. It makes men cocky and
women lay better.
The Vatican has decided that it is not a sin
to kiss a nun, just don't get into the habit.
Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
It kept falling out!
Our forefathers guaranteed us the right to the pursuit of happiness.
They should have given us a few clues as to where to look.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft ... Today, it's called golf.
Q: What do you call the space between the vagina and the asshole?
A: A Chin Rest!
Q. What do you get if you cross a pit bull with Lassie?
A. A dog that chews your leg off, then fetches the doctor.
My wife and I divorced over religious differences - She thought she
was
God and I didnt.
Two ancient occupants of a geriatric nursing home were discussing the
merits of this "newfangled" support pantyhose."Well, I don't like
them,"
said the first old dear, "because every time I fart, I blow my
slippers
off ... !"
"Don't worry if your job is small, and your rewards are few. Remember
that the mighty oak was once a nut like you!"
I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
Bumper sticker seen on the back of a car......
"I wish my wife was this dirty!"
Smoking a cigarette shortens your life by 14 minutes.....
having sex lengthens it by 12 minutes ...... So smokers ... Screw for
your lives!
Q. How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?
A. Stick two fingers in his honey.
A man and his wife are watching boxing on TV. The husband sighs and
says, "I'm disappointed! It was all over in four minutes." The wife
replies, "Good! now you know how I feel."
Q:What's the best way to catch Dolly Parton in the woods?
A: Use a booby trap!
What's the similarity between a man and an uppercase Q?
They're both big fat zeroes with little dicks hanging off them.
One question to ask please. . .
If Russia was to attack Turkey from the rear- would Greece help?
Archaeologists have finally come up with an explanation as to why man
eventually began walking upright. to free up their hands for
masturbation.
What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common
They both get loaded from the rear and go Woo-Whoo!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Aids Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Sir,
I have just received the Aids leaflet through my door and would
like to apply straight away for Aids. I have been on the dole for
the past 10 years and have been living on Supplementary Benefit
and every other State aid I could get.
It now seems I will be getting aid for sex. It's a pity this Aids has
come so late, as I already have 15 children, and wondered if you
will be paying back payments?
Your leaflet states that the more sex I have the more chance I have
of getting Aids. My only problems here is persuading the wife, who
is not too keen after 15 kids. Several years ago, I bought some sex
aids, but she showed little interest and they were hardly used.
Would there be any chance of a refund for the 17.28 paid out for
these gadgets?
Anyway I will now explain to her that the Government will be paying
us for all the sex we have, and I'm sure she'll agree that we cannot
let a chance like this slip by. You also state that I can pass on my
Aids, but as you will understand with a wife and 15 kids to feed,
there won't be much left to pass on. If, by any chance, there is a bit
left, though, I will pass it on to my poor old mother-in-law who only
has her pension.
I understand from your leaflet that I can get Aids through a blood
transfusion, and I intend to write to my local hospital straight away
to see when I can have one. Will the Aids I get from the hospital
be deducted from the Aids I get from you? Perhaps you will write
and let me know?
I am a firm believer in getting every Aid I can from the country,
and I'm sure you'll agree that by my past performance, I do qualify
for this one. Could you let me know how much I will get paid each
time, and will it be weekly or monthly payments?
Yours faithfully,
Seamus O'Toole
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why did the lesbian cut her trip to China short?
A: She missed her native tongue.
Q: What do you say to a lesbian with no arms or legs?
A: Nice tits. Bitch.
Q: What is the politically correct name for Lesbian?
A: Vagitarian.
"Daddy, Daddy, what's a transvestite?
"Shut up and unhook my bra!"
Judi was startled to see the nonchalant way John was taking the fact
that his lady love was seen with another man.
"You said you love her and yet you saw her with another man and you
didn't knock the guy down?"
"I'm waiting," John said.
"Waiting for what?" asked Judi.
"Waiting to catch her with a smaller, skinnier guy."
What's a practical nurse?
A nurse who marries a wealthy, terminally ill patient.
What did the blonde guy say to the large-breasted waitress after
reading her name tag? "What did you name the other one?"
How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? None! They
NEVER get the house!
Why do men take showers instead of baths?
Because peeing in the bath is disgusting!
How many lawyers does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
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Goat Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guy gets shipwrecked on an island. He finds that is it inhabited by
all males. After a couple of days, he asks what they do for fun, and
the men tell him, that once a month, they go to the back of the
island, take a rowboat, and go to the island across the bay that has
goats on it, and they have their way with them.
The guy is in disbelief, and says "I'll pass on that"
A few months go by, and the day of the trip across the island, he is
the first on the boat, and the first one out of the boat when they
get there, and runs up and starts making love to this goat. Well,
all the rest of the guys are laughing their head off.
He turns and asks what the hell are they laughing at, and the guys
say, "Well, you were the first to get out here, and you picked the
UGLIEST goat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Obscure Sexual Terms
Dictionary of Obscure Sexual Terms. Check out the hilarious
definitions to these commonly used techniques.
buffalo says after doing some of these you may want to never go to
sleep again and hde all knives and frying pans
Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack
the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up
she'll look like an angry dragon.
Arabian Goggles
A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her
eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may
be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new.
The Bait N' Tackle
The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go
off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it
completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and
fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and
your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!
Ballsacking
Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you're able to do it,
always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and
spread it out over her face like pizza dough.
Bear Claw
A synonym for extremely large pussy lips.
Beef Curtain
The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like
Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam.
Beer Dick
This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They
tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick.
Blumpy
You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves
having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
The Bronco
You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really
enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another
girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she
desperately tries to buck you off.
Brown Bagging It
Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow
but a face like a mangy dog. Don't let that body go to waste and let
her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the
smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck
away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.
Brown Necktie
You're about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead
of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and
proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the
funbags.
Brunski
When a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly
moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn
out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)
The Bullwinkle
The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling' some
chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with
palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by
shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice
tone.)
Butter Face
When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is
nasty.
The Canine Special
Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the
family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!
The Carpet Cleaner
While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back,
lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first
across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
The Chili Dog
When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to
titty fuck her.
Chocolate Pizza
Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown
eye.
Cleveland Steamer
The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman
while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Cock-Stuffing
Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves
using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms,
etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months,
continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-
items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of
fucking your urethra. Wow!
Cold Lunch
The act of vomiting directly onto some chick's head while she's
performing fellatio.
The Concoction
First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho
bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger
until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves
up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.
Cop's Delight
The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing
all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the
allusion of an over sized, quivering glazed donut.
The Corkscrew
Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back
and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice,
you'll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you'll
be able to bore through wood.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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Tumeric
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Movies
Romantic
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Scratch Lottery Tickets
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Sensitivity Training
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Serv 3 Chunk
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Sex In The Future
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Great Basketball Catch
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How They Made IT
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I Love You Dog
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Duties of a Mob Veterinarian
10> Be available for bullet removal from larger two-legged primates,
no questions asked or records kept.
9> Fix the records so it shows Fido was in your office for his
annual check-up when Jimmy Hoffa disappeared.
8> Collect stool pigeon samples.
7> Drug the ceremonial doves for rival families' weddings so they
crap all over the brides.
6> Teach Fido how to bury bones, and bury them good, capice?
5> Fix race horses.
4> Collect the monthly testicle protection money.
3> Track how many of his nine lives Mittens has left and remind
him what he needs to do if he wants to keep them.
2> Must give animals a big kiss before euthanizing them.
and the Number 1 Duty of a Mob Veterinarian.
1> Take the gun, leave the canary.
[ Copyright 2008 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.
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Toon Chips
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Last Erection
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Observed a young lady named Carr,
A phallus is like a cigar,
But to most common people,
A phallic church steeple,
Is stretching a good thing too far.
A young man from a lofty sierra
Found sex both a puzzle and terror.
But he met with a lass
In a similar pass
And they both learned--by trial and error.
A young wife without memorandum,
Made appointments completely at random
Since if two dates got mixed
It was easily fixed
By letting them screw her in tandem
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Mallee farmer got into his ute, drove to a neighbouring farm and
knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 9 opened the door.
"Is your Dad home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he isn't." the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the farmer, "Is your Mum here?"
"No sir, she isn't here neither. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"He went with Mum and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to
the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know
where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could
take a message for Dad?"
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to
your Dad. It's about your elder brother Howard getting my daughter
Kellie pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You'd have to talk to Dad about
that," he finally conceded. "If it's any help to you, I know that Dad
charges $150 for the bull and $75 for the boar, but I really don't
know
how much he gets for Howard."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What did the mouse say after he ate a Viagra pill?
HERE KITTY! HERE KITTY,KITTY!
I dropped a Viagra pill in a jar of small sweet pickles last night and
this morning had a jar full of big Kosher dills.
The difference between Niagra and Viagra......
Our local old aged hospital has been caught slipping Viagra into the
evening meals of single elderly men.The reason given was to stop them
from rolling out of bed..
What happens to an attorney when he takes Viagra?
He gets taller.
Doctors are not touting one major side effect of the impotency drug
Viagra. Men will be forced to make conversation for an hour before the
pill kicks in
A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription exclaimed
over
the price of $10 per pill. His wife,who was with him, had a different
opinion. Oh," she said, "$40 per year isn't too bad."
What's the difference between your first honeymoon and your second?
The
first: Niagara; the second: Viagra.
What do Viagra, Cedar Point, Disney World, Bush Gardens have in
common?
A three hour wait for a five minute ride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1400
Dueling Pets
The Sleepathon..
Rudy scratching his head...:Boy she sleeps hard. This is power
sleeping at
it's best.
BJ: Yeah it has been twenty two hours and five minutes. There is
only
her and one other dog left.
Diana: Look the other dog woke up. Sandi has won!
BJ: They will let her sleep and see how long she will go. The
record is
twenty three hours and one minute.
Rudy: Let's go watch Katie in the hurdles, she should do well as she
jumps
the fence all the time.
Announcer: On your mark get set...Go!
Diana: Whew! Look at her fly! She runs like a Gazelle.
BJ: Yes, I always love to watch her run, it is a thing of beauty.
This is no
contest, she is already far ahead of the second place runner.
Rudy: What is the next contest?
BJ: Sandi is entered in the high jump.
Diana: I cannot image her doing the high jump.
Back at the sleepathon..
Sandi: Yawn....!
Rudy: She is awake..
Sandi: What is my time?
BJ: Twenty-three hours and five minutes.
Sandi: Drat!
BJ: Why drat?
Sandi: I thought I could do better. I did twenty-four hours in
practice
before I came here.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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