THE POSTMAN'S CORNER A dream is a wish your heart makes When you're fast asleep,  FREE* LITTLE CAESARS PIZZA $100 Gift Card! When you're craving an Italian feast, there's no better place than LITTLE CAESARS. And now you can enjoy it with friends & family for FREE*! Get your LITTLE CAESARS $100 GIFT CARD and get a wide selection of tasty pizza toppings plus hands-down favorites like mouthwatering Crazy Bread, Caesar Wings & more. LITTLE CAESARS PIZZA - it's a history of fresh ingredients & freat flavor! http://www.thepostm  Congratulations! You have been selected to receive a Trek(R) Lime(TM) Lite Bike â€" a $560 value, yours FREE! The Trek(R) Lime(TM) Lite Bike is the perfect form of transportation! This automatic three-speed is equipped with puncture proof tires and a handy under-seat trunk for storage. Whether it is used for a quick commute to school, work or an easy ride to a friend’s house â€" you’ll save GAS and MONEY! Get the new Trek(R) Lime(TM) Lite Bike, a $560 value http://www.thepostm  The newest offering from Sprint, the Samsung Glyde(TM). Get your very own Smartphone today! A $200 value - Yours FREE The Samsung Glyde(TM) isn't your typical Smartphone. This ultra thin world phone packs all the latest features, 2MP camera, Sprint TV(SM) enabled, Full Touch Screen, Gliding QWERTY Keyboard, and Audible Navigation! Get your FREE Samsung Glyde(TM) today! A $200 Value http://www.thepostm  The Honda(R) Metropolitan( Whether it is used for a quick commute to school, work or an easy fun ride to a friends house, Save GAS and MONEY! So remember...While gas prices are rising you can be riding! Get your new scooter for FREE! I am looking forward to this weekend. Who has grand plans for the holiday? I remember a time when the last week before the labor day weekend was always a great travel week for vacation for many families. But now with higher gas prices, and school starts before the holiday too, those days are a by gone era. The "war department" had taken vacation time and has four days off starting tomorrow. We were planning to go take a little mini vacation ourselves, but that was before the advent of this pneumonia. So we will be sticking pretty close to home. But that is ok. I can spend the time with my mrs. This hospital stay has reminded me how lucky I am that I have "the war department." We plan to do a little work in the yard and the flowers. Actually she will probably be doing most of the work as I look on. With her spending all those days with me in the hospital, the yard needs a little attention. I used to dislike yard work. Now I look forward to it. Funny how a little sickness makes you change your outlook on things. And the best part of the whole deal? I have my follow up appointment with the doctor tomorrow. With a little luck I'll get rid of this oxygen and get official approval for a little ride on the cycle this weekend too. Life is good. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS  strong and silent http://www.thepostm dangerous jackass http://www.thepostm its a national holiday! http://www.thepostm I assure you http://www.thepostm a new anti depressant http://www.thepostm what will they think of next http://www.thepostm body by soloflex http://www.thepostm time served http://www.thepostm suicide http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES walks on water http://www.thepostm Ernest Borgninne http://www.thepostm women keep your virtue http://www.thepostm Bert and Ernie http://www.thepostm conference bike http://www.thepostm dogs http://www.thepostm POWER POINT DISPLAYS beautiful-power point display http://www.thepostm Gibralter-power point display http://www.thepostm something bothering you?-power point display http://www.thepostm a beautiful mosque-power point display http://www.thepostm the woman-power point display http://www.thepostm One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.' The Marine replied, 'Sir, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn't reside here.' The old man said, 'Okay,' and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.' The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn't reside here.' The man thanked him and again walked away . . The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying 'I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.' The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already several times that Mr. Obama is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?' The old man answered, 'Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!' The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow Sir." ____________ A redneck went to see the Louisiana doctor and he put in a complaint because his wife was having too many little babies! She was having at least one per year. He commented, "Doc, ya gotta help me, I cain't git enough Welfare or steal enough ta feeds 'em all!" The doctor got down his medical reference book and looked up the problem. He told his patient, "The book says if a man's bitch was having too many brats, the doctor should remove the man's right testicle." He then administered anesthesia with beer bottles, took out his pocket knife an' performed the surgery.Three years later the man was back at the doctor's office complaining the surgery had failed; she was still havin' at least one kid per year! The doctor took his book back down and studied the problem. The doctor said, "Well, the book says if your wife is having too many brats to remove your right testicle, we done that. If she still has too many brats, then we should remove the left testicle. Butcha won't be able to git no nookie!" Once again he got a beer bottle an' his pocket knife and performed surgery.Another three years later, the SAME man was back complaining that operation had once again failed! His wife had 2 kids and was about 7, 8 months along with his thirteenth! The doctor was quite perplexed and got his book back down.After several minutes of study he told his patient, "It says right here if a man's wife is having too many brats to remove his right testicle. If she continues to have too many brats, remove his left testicle. We done did all that. However, the next page says, "If the man's wife still has too many brats after you have removed both testicles, you done castrated the wrong man!" ____________ One day, a father and his son were walking in the woods on their way home when suddenly they came upon two dogs mating in the brush. "What are they doing, Dad?" asked the small child, staring intently at the scene before them. "They, um, they're making a puppy" said the boy's father, as he grabbed his coat and moved him along quickly. A few nights later, the little boy woke up and got up from his bed to go to the bathroom. As he walked by his parents' room, he heard strange noises coming from within. He opened the door and was surprised to see his father on top of his mother, moving in a strange way. His father looked up and saw his son - instantly,both mother and father froze. As the boy's mother grabbed for the sheets to cover herself up, the father got up and hustled his son out of the bedroom. "What were you doing to Mom, Dad?" asked the little boy, who still wasn't sure what he saw. "Your mother and I were, well, we were, ah, trying to make a baby - you know, maybe a brother or sister for you" said the boy's father, now confident that this would satisfy his son's curiosity. "Oh" said the little boy, thinking hard for a minute. "Y'know Dad, when you go back to bed with mom, turn her over, please - I'd rather have a puppy ____________ One day an old farmer fell asleep in the top level in a 2 level hay shed. When he woke up, he found his son having sex with his girlfriend on the bottom level of the hay shed. He decided he wouldn't disturb them, so he laid down and rested. After a while he heard his son say, "Father, father up above. Give me strength for one last shove." So the father, being smart, replied, "Son, son down below. Get off and give your father a go." ____________ Did you hear that Tony Orlando and Dawn are getting back together? Yes, because U.S. Senator Larry Craig (R) of Idaho has asked them to change their smash hit from: "Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me, twice on the pipe if your answer is no." To "Tap four times in the washroom for some sodomy, twice on my pipe if you're just gonna blow." ____________ After watching a rather hot love scene on cable, the husband looked over at his wife and said, "How come you never make love to me like that?" "Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how much they pay those people to do that?" ____________ Jill spotted John across a crowded room at a convention in Las Vegas. Easing up next to him, Jill asked John if he would like to join her for a drink. "I don't know," said John. "I've got a wife and two kids at home..." To which Jill replied, "I don't know you. You don't know me. They don't know us, and we don't know them." John thought about it for a second and then agreed. A few drinks later, Jill invited John up to her room for a nightcap. When John hesitated again, she said, "I don't know you. You don't know me. They don't know us, and we don't know them." And John agreed. After a few more drinks in Jill's room, the two of them were starting to get pretty friendly, and Jill asked if John would be interested in a little party. John, bewildered, exclaimed, "If I don't know you, you don't know me, they don't know us, and we don't know them, then who the hell are we going to invite?!" Buffalo Bill Doogie Style http://www.buffalos Do I Qualify http://www.buffalos THAT'S ALL FOLKS! have a nice day from: Martin aka the postman |
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