Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives
We live in Northern Michigan about 70 miles North of Mackinac Island
where only horses are allowed. In the sixties my dad bought a
carriage horse named Belle from the Island. A ferrier had trimmed
her hooves to short during reshoeing and one of the nails had
penetrated the quick causing a inflammation and infection. She had
recovered but it was felt that that hoof could never be shoed again
and the horses wear a special rubberized shoe to protect their feet
on the streets. The horse that was once half of a 5000 dollar
matched pair became a 300 dollar farm pet. I had dreams of me on
horseback herding the cattle and Belle had dream of totally ignoring
whoever was on her back. She would walk along and if you happened
to be going the same place that was fine but why anyone would want
her to chase cows, she didn't have a clue. Another problem was
height.
Although not as wide as a draft horse like a Clydesdale, Belle was
every bit as tall and unless you had a ladder handy getting on her
back was comical to say the least. Winter came and my dad had
visions of Belle pulling a sleigh loaded with firewood out of the
woods where we were cutting.
We had a nice trail packed in the snow and Belle would wait
patiently on the trail while we were loading wood into the sleigh
and then pull it up to the house. We would haul a load or two out
each day right after we got home from school and on Saturday we
started around noon and we had hauled about six loads out with
breaks and we decided to go back and get one more load with me
driving before dark. I don't know if five was her normal quitting
time or she belonged to a union or maybe there was something in the
woods she didn't like but she had hauled her last load and headed
for the barn. I stopped her and tried to turn her and the sled
towards the woods but she wasn't having none of it.
She would get tangled in her trace chains and I would unhitch her,
turn the sled around by hand and hook her up and she would take off
towards the house. I would go through the yard and head back
towards the woods and she would head for the barn. To make matters
worse she would turn her head and snort at me while I was
straightening out the sled like she was laughing at me. On the
third trip through the yard my dad came out wondering what was going
on. He just laughed when I explained and told me to put her in the
barn for the night. Belle was a good horse but my dad had bought
her for nostalgia I think and she went to another farm shortly after
I left for Michigan State. It was great to learn all about
harnesses and keeping the stuff in repair but keeping an animal that
eats several ton of hay for a pet is an expensive proposition.
On the other hand it was an experience that few today ever get to
have.
buffalo
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Muslim Chips
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MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR NEXT SATURDAY!
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Sun City Sal
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Quip Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you heard about this group called "Prayer at the Pump?" It's a
religious group that shows up at gas stations and they pray for
lower
prices. Otherwise known as the Bush energy policy.
~Jay Leno
Everybody going to the Olympics is concerned about the air quality
in
China. A lot of smog. Friends over there tell me that the air in
China looks like the air in Willie Nelson's tour bus.
~David Letterman
Barack Obama announced that next month he wants to spend a week on
vacation in Hawaii. After hearing about it, President Bush said, "I
can't believe he's taking another trip to a foreign country."
~Conan O'Brien
Hillary Clinton is trying to retire her campaign debt so she's
giving
everyone who donates money a chance to have dinner with her. No word
yet on what the winner gets.
~Conan O'Brien
In St. Louis, a church group is holding prayer services at gas
stations asking God to lower fuel prices. If it works, the church
will hold a prayer service at Starbucks.
~Conan O'Brien
There was a big earthquake today. It caused over $2 million in
improvements to Joan Rivers.
~Craig Ferguson
The aftershocks are still rippling through Kirstie Ally.
~Craig Ferguson
The former mayor of Newark, N.J., was found guilty of corruption
charges, and he is going to receive his sentence tomorrow.
Prosecutors say that the mayor could get 10 years in prison or 20
years in Newark.
~Conan O'Brien
Patricia
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young hooker reports for her first day at the brothel. The madam
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The hooker replies, " Yes, I was wondering how long penises should
be
sucked?"
The madam says," The same as the short ones".
Roy was extolling the virtues of his new girlfriend. In fact, she
was
so perfect in every way that he'd asked her to marry him, and she
accepted.
"I'm really happy for you, Roy," his best friend assured him. "And
what did you say this paragon's name is?"
"Betty Jo," replied Roy, a look of pure happiness coming over his
face at the mere mention of her name. "Betty Jo Bronowski."
"Not Betty Jo Bronowski!" yelled his buddy. "Roy, you can't be
serious about marrying her. She's slept with every man in
Poughkeepsie!
A frown passed over Roy's face as he reflected briefly. "Heck," he
responded, "Poughkeepsie'
Doug went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doc, I'm really worried about
my wife. Yesterday she posed for a nude picture."
The psychiatrist said, "Well I wouldn't worry about that. It's
probably just an expression of her interest in art. What was the
nude
picture for?"
Doug said, "Her driver's license."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Presidential Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought y'all would like this!
Ten Signs Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified
10. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.
9. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on
"The West Wing".
8. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy."
7. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the
fact that no one really cares.
6. Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers
with a chocolate donut.
5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC
thingie?"
4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna
wrestle?!?"
3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu
refugees once and for all.
2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then
shouts, "I win!"
and the NUMBER ONE Sign Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-
Qualified...
1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a
LIFELINE.
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Parrot Chips
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table.
As she is seated at the table a mimmicking voice behind her loudly
squawks, "Aawwk, Lady! How's your hole?"
Totally embarrassed, she turns to see a parrot on his perch behind
her. She says to the steward, "Will you "Please" get rid of that
foul mouthed beast?"
The steward replies, "I can't madam, that is the Captains parrot,
which he dearly loves."
As the meal progresses to its end the bird continues to harrass the
lady with his loud squawks, "Aawwk, Lady! How's your hole?"
The embarrassed woman finally retires to her cabin and goes into a
restless sleep.
In the middle of the night the ship sinks rather suddenly and the
lady finds herself floating in the ocean on a chest. As daylight
breaks the next morning the lady hears this loud squawk behind her,
"Aawwk, Lady! How's your Hole?"
The lady turns around to see the parrot floating on some debris and
she replies, "Aah, Shut Up!"
The parrot says, "Aawwk, Mine too! Must be the salt water!"
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Sheik Chips
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Accident Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bill and Tom are two Kiwis working at the local sawmill. One day
Bill slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.
Tom quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill to
the local hospital.
Next day, Tom goes to the hospital and asks after Bill. The nurse
says, 'Oh
he's out in Rehab exercising'. Tom couldn't believe it, but here's
Bill
out the back exercising his now reattached arm. The very next day
he's back at work in the saw mill.
Couple of days go by, and then Bill slips and severs his leg on
another bloody big saw thing. So Tom puts the limb in a plastic bag
and rushes it and Bill off to hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The
nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again exercising'. And sure
enough here's Bill out there doing some serious work on the
treadmill.
And Bill comes back to work. But, as usual, within a couple of days
he has another accident and severs his head. Wearily Tom puts the
head in a plastic bag and transports it and Bill to hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Bill is. The nurse breaks
down and cries and says, 'He's dead'
Tom is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose the saw finally did
him in'
'No,' says the nurse, 'Some dopey b*stard put his head in a plastic
bag and he suffocated '
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man named Keith,
Who liked to be fondled beneath,
When she'd start with her lips,
Mmmmm, he'd wiggle his hips...
But not when the bitch used her teeth!
-- -- -- -- -- -- --
There once was this dude named Matt,
Who was short, bald, ugly, and fat,
I'm willing to bet,
The only pussy he'd get,
Is when he goes home to his cat.
-- -- -- -- -- -- --
A remarkable bird is the Pelican,
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He can hold in his beak,
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was brought before the judge and charged with
necrophilia -- Having sex with a dead woman.......
The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never
heard such a disgusting, immoral thing.
Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up
and throw away the key!"
The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
#1, It's none of your damn business;
#2, She was my wife; and.....
#3, I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed...
Do you want to see something swell?
Hey babe....do you realize that my
mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Is that a double ended dilldo or are
you just glad to see me?
Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should
I apologize?
Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you?
She: Uh...no....
Irish: Well, do you want some?
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was
wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
Wanna fuck like bunnies?
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about
the
first thing that pops up?
I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said:"Smile
if
you want to sleep with me", then watch the victim try to hold back
her
smile...
Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us
You smell wet. Let's Party.
Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have
cum in your hair.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the
money?
Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?
Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
At the office copy machine: Reproducing eh? Can I help?
Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you
prefer Scotch and sofa?
Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and
say:
Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize? Hey, wanna see my R2-D2
impersonation? (Think about it...) Hey baby...infect me!
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? What's the matter, don't
like
pizza?
I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty
good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1380
Babies and Stuff
Rudy: Bi-peds babies are strange.
Sandi: Why do you say that?
Rudy: Look at Jess's baby, one day old and he cannot run,
play, doesn't have any fur. Pretty helpless if you ask me.
Katie: I did think the collar you got the baby was thoughtful
Sandi.
Sandi: Thanks. You guys got presents, so I had to get something.
Rudy: I thought the tag was a nice touch.
Sandi blushing: I hope it wasn't too much. I thought it was funny
when you were making fun of the baby yesterday.
Rudy: You mean when I was asking Jess if the baby was going to be
paper trained?
Katie: LOL! Yes, that was funny. You were changing the diaper and
wow, talk about a fountain!!!
Rudy: Yeah, and I was still talking... I will only change a diaper
when
wearing a face mask from now on. Those little critters have a high
pressure hose.
Sandi: At least we know the equipment works okay.
Katie: I am glad I got it on video.
Rudy: You what?
Katie: Yeah, it is on Youtube.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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1 comment:
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